Written for the KH kink meme over on LJ. Prompt was Zack/Aqua, in which she keeps calling him Terra. I still kind of want to hate myself for writing this, because it was so bloody depressing, but .. -shrug-

.. When was the last time I put a disclaimer up on this shit? Uh, I own nothing.

-o-

When she found herself back at the Coliseum, it wasn't with the initial intent of taking Zack up on his offer of a date. Terra was .. gone, or so everyone thought. Missing in action, she liked to think, because it didn't seem as hopeless as him just being gone. He'd come back.

But he wasn't there, and she felt empty. This aching thing in the middle of her chest that felt too much like a hole where her heart was supposed to have been - and there was Zack, all wide smiles and glittering blue eyes. It was those eyes that brought the first threads of connection, just half a shade lighter than Terra's were .. and from then, it was almost a little too easy to closer her eyes and pretend.

His hands were almost the same. Calloused and rough, but with that gentle touch that bled through with every motion, tracing over the line of her spine as she stretched out beside him beneath the shade of a large tree. No one would find them there, she thought .. though she didn't really expect anyone to come looking for her in the first place. Not when there were no real pressing issues, at least that she had been made aware of. With Ven as he was .. and in Terra's absence .. she had nothing else to take care of, aside from herself. She needed something to distract her.

The press of his lips to her throat had her eyes fluttering closed, the beat of her pulse picking up just enough that she knew he could feel it. His kisses were soft, almost shy, and that was just one more thing that made it easier to to substitute one for the other - even if the weight of his body above her, pressing her down into surprisingly soft grass didn't feel exactly the same. (Zack was smaller. Leaner in build where Terra was broad and so strong ..)

He stripped away her clothing with every bit of finesse as he swung his blade, and the way she opened up for him - legs wrapped tightly around his waist, fingers threaded through dark spikes that had her thinking you're parting your hair differently before she caught herself - it was almost perfect, almost made her feel like nothing had changed -

".. Terra .."

She felt him flinch. Just once, giving slight pause and swallowing around the tension that rose in the back of his throat. It wasn't the first time. Not when she'd slipped when he'd first kissed her, hearing the name slide off the tip of her tongue as easily as it ever had, and while she knew she was making a mistake .. she couldn't bring herself to be sorry for it, to take it back, to feel anything other than that sinking emptiness that crept back into the middle of her chest. Her own personal brand of darkness that curled in tendrils through her veins, wrapped around her heart and squeezed.

It wasn't right to do this to him. He'd done nothing to deserve it, had been nothing but kind to her, and she knew, knew she should feel some kind of remorse. Some kind of shame.

But when she closed her eyes, she saw his face. Those bright blue eyes frame in dark lashes, and a smile that had never failed to bring one of her own to the surface when he offered it. When she closed her eyes, she heard his voice, whispering the things that neither of them let anyone else hear, just a handful of secrets between the two of them, lost in a tangle of limbs and sheets.

He isn't you.

He isn't you, will never be you.

And I wish he was.