Notes: A silly little oneshot. Enjoy!

First Rule of Bite Club

...

"Don't," Elena said without looking up.

Damon smiled innocently, but her eyes never left the book in her lap to see the carefully crafted expression on his face.

It was homework, something she had to read for school, and that was fine, except that she was doing it while sitting in the middle of his bed in her underwear. They really needed to have a conversation about sending mixed signals, he decided.

But later.

Right now he was busy determining, through a series of practical experiments, exactly how many times he could grab the book, throw it across the room, and jump on her, before she stopped finding it cute and started giving him that special 'now I'm annoyed' look she reserved just for him.

Past inquiries of this nature put the magic number at somewhere more than one, but definitely less than seven.

Seven, it turned out, resulted in yelling, storming out, and numerous discussions over the following days about respecting boundaries before she would let him see her naked again.

Right now he was working on three, so he was still good. His hand inched towards her across the mattress again - he could have gone for vampire speed but it was more challenging, and more fun, to let her get so caught up in her fascinating text book that she didn't see it when he -

"Wait." She held up one hand, the other turning a page. As he watched, her eyes travelled furiously over the lines, reaching the bottom of the page and starting at the top of the next. Two paragraphs later - "Done."

She closed the book with a satisfied sigh. Then she threw the book across the room and was in his lap within seconds.

"That took forever. You're kind of a slow reader."

"You're a five-year-old," she countered.

He doubted she went around kissing five-year-old boys like that - was what he would have said if she hadn't been busy licking her way past his teeth.

She laughed a little then, almost as if she'd heard it, and started pressing a line of kisses across his jaw while her hands toyed with the hem of his t-shirt.

He brushed her hair out of the way to reveal the smooth line of her neck.

It was time, he decided.

"So it's cool if I bite you, right?"

Her hands, now under his shirt and moving up his stomach, stilled. "What?"

"You heard me." His lips moved along her shoulder, then his teeth nipped lightly at the muscle. "Just like that. Well, maybe a little harder."

She moved back in order to frown at him. "You want to bite me?"

"Really, Elena? I'm a vampire, it's what I do. I've been holding off so far and it's kind of a downer."

She moved back further, and her arms crossed over her chest. This was not the response he'd been hoping for. "I thought you were fine not feeding directly off people," she said.

"I'm not talking about feeding. This is alllll about the sex." Her furrowed brow deepened and he rolled his eyes. "Jeez, I know Stefan was the worst intro to vampire seduction possible, but you must have figured out that for us, sex and blood kind of go together. Look," he ploughed ahead when her face took on that exact annoyed-Elena expression he'd been anticipating previously, "Remember the other day, when I wanted to try that thing, you know the one I'm talking about, and you were all 'Damon I really don't think I'm into that' and what did I say? I said, 'don't knock it till you try it'. And were you into it? Hm, let me try and remember how that little experiment turned out..."

"This is a little different. And shut up."

His hands grasped her waist, attempting to bring her back into his arms. "Trust me it's not that different. You'll love it."

She wasn't having it, twisting from his grasp entirely to lean back against the headboard a clear foot away. "You mean you'll love it."

"Again: vampire."

"Well that's just the thing. Isn't that whole ooh, sexy blood-letting, bite me harder thing kind of a bad movie cliché?"

His jaw dropped. "I am beyond offended by that."

She smirked. "I'm so sorry."

"Can I help it if popular culture has a long, shameful history of misrepresenting and exploiting my people in the most tawdry, degrading ways? It's actually a beautiful, meaningful -"

"Nope, not buying it. I've been bitten several times - kind of painful. So not sexy."

"It is the way I do it. Come on, Elena. You're sitting there all warm-blooded and alive, and you're just, you're totally suck-blocking me. It's lame." He paused, touching her face and locking eyes with her. "Don't you trust me? We've grown so close, it's important to me that I share every part of myself with you."

"Ugh." Disgusted, she swivelled away, turning her back on him.

Okay, so emotional blackmail? Apparently not the way to go.

He slid closer, hovering against her back. He trailed a finger lightly down her arm, his voice suddenly low and seductive in her ear. "What if... I let you do whatever you want to me in return?"

That got her attention. "Anything?"

"Anything."

She appeared to consider that for a moment, then shifted back around facing him. "Can I tie you up?"

"Yep."

"Can I make you call me Mistress Elena?"

"A, hot, B, please tell me this scenario involves you in tight black leather."

"Can I make you dress up?"

"Well in case you couldn't tell, the black leather look is something I, personally, do very well."

"Actually I had something else in mind. Like... you be Harry Potter, and I'll be Hermione. I think you'd look sexy in glasses and wizard robes."

He gave her the odd look that deserved. "Doesn't Hermione end up with the other one? Ron?"

Her eyebrows lifted right back at him. "...I was joking. But I like that the only problem you had with that scenario was that it didn't accurately follow the plot of the books. You've read Harry Potter?"

"No. Can we - let's get back to the part where I bite you. Then rip that pesky necklace off you and compel you to forget this conversation ever took place."

She was looking way too amused.

In a split second he had her pinned flat to the bed, fangs bared at her throat. She gasped as he let her feel the razor tips just barely grazing her delicate skin.

"You know when you're aroused, you get flushed, right here." His face nuzzled under her chin, lips sliding along her collar bone, dangerously skirting the vervain pendant that nestled in the hollow of her throat. "All that blood rushing up to the surface, it may as well be a welcome sign in neon lighting up just for me."

Her breath was coming faster, knees parting for him as he settled between her thighs.

"Elena?"

"Hmm?" She was practically purring, fingers scratching through his hair as she drew him closer.

"So what will it take? I'll beg if you want. Want me to beg, is that it? Pretty please, Mistress Elena," he crooned mockingly, "You know you want it. Oops, that was terrible begging. Sorry."

"And you're usually so humble, strange," she retorted, though her voice was all breathy so it lost some of the zing.

"Guess I'll just have to work on you some more," he murmured.

His hips shifted, rubbing achingly slow against her. He bit at her throat again, more firmly this time. He felt it under his teeth as she swallowed hard.

"Uh," she licked her lips, "Okay, well, I guess it can't be much worse than that giant hickey you gave me last week."

He pulled his mouth away from where her pulse thrummed tantalisingly beneath the as-yet unmarred skin long enough to declare: "Best. Girlfriend. Ever."

"Wait." Her hands fisted tightly in his hair and she held his face up level with hers. "Not my neck. The weather is too warm to be wearing scarves all day."

His eyes narrowed in displeasure. "It's just that the neck is kind of traditional." He wasn't whining. He was simply making a valid point. Plus there was the convenience factor - when he had his fangs buried in her neck, other body parts lined up just nicely.

Her palms cupped his cheeks. "Aren't you lucky I'm not much of a traditional girl?"

The smile that broke over his face then would have been classed as sappy on another man. On him it was obviously something much less embarrassing. "Very lucky," he said. "I guess I'll just have to get creative."

"Guess you will."

He hesitated, looking at her eagerly. "So, now?"

"Go for it." Her fingers slid back into his hair as his mouth began marking a trail down her chest with renewed focus. "We can talk about the black leather later."