Understanding

A Gundam SEED Fanfic

By: Allora Gale

It wasn't his fault, she told herself again. None of it had been his fault. It hadn't been either of their faults. This war, with all the chaos and murder that accompanied it hadn't been his fault. Or her fault. Or any single person's fault. They'd all just been dragged into it – swept up into it's relentless current and carried out into a seemingly endless ocean of hate and despair and violence.

Of the will to kill. To destroy all enemies.

It was this that had claimed Tolle's life. Not Athrun Zala (no matter how quickly Dearka had been to point the blame that way). Not ZAFT in general. Not war.

No, it had been humanity's inherent imperfection that was at fault. It didn't matter if they were Coordinators or Naturals, they all still possessed that same inherent flaw. They all thought that they knew best. That their way was the right way – the only way. Humans were arrogant like that. And that was why wars started and people felt the need to pick up arms and defend themselves. And to attack those who saw the world differently.

It was just . . . something they couldn't really help. They were imperfect beings and were easily swayed to one side or the other by just a few charismatic people. All it really took was a couple inspiring words that really reached out and touched people, and they would be hooked.

So after all the fighting had stopped, when he'd apologized for everything . . . she'd slapped him. Because she was human and they held differing ideals. And because he'd deserved it – she'd felt he'd deserved it – for trying to go against humanity. For trying to be more than simply human.

"What the hell was that for?" Dearka cried, hand flying to his cheek to cover the red mark she had left there. Her palm still tingled from the contact.

"For being such an idiot!" Miriallia replied hotly. "For trying to take this all on yourself. I don't care if you're a Coordinator. I don't care if your super smart and super strong – that doesn't make you responsible for this. You're still human – and I don't care if you think you're a separate species or not. You're human and you can't blame yourself for a war and you can't try to make yourself responsible for all of the things that happened in it and you especially can't apologize to me about what happened to Tolle!

"You lost friends in the war too, but I wont apologize to you for them and try to take the blame myself. It's what happens in a war. Because humans aren't perfect – and no amount of altering our genes will make us perfect. Conflict is a part of human nature. Haven't you learned this by now?"

"So, because I'm a Coordinator, you -" He began angrily.

"You idiot! You're not even listening to me!" She cut him off. She knew she was rambling and that her argument may not have been the most coherent and well thought out – she hadn't slept in going on thirty hours, after all - but it made sense to her. It made sense right down to the very core of her being and somehow she had to translate that to him. To make him understand that she didn't blame him for anything – that he was sinless in her eyes – because she didn't have the right to lay blame on anyone. Because she too was only human. "If I cared that much that you were a Coordinator, you wouldn't matter to me." She cried frustratedly. "That's not even . . ."

She stopped when she saw the shell-shocked expression on his face. "Miriallia . . ." He whispered, pushing off the opposite wall of the corridor they were in to catch her by the front of her uniform and drag her into his arms.

He pressed his lips softly, but deliberately against her own and for a moment she forgot that she was still grieving. For a moment she was able to forget that she had loved Tolle and that they had used to talk about a vague and hazy future when they would get married and become top scientists in their fields and be happy together. That had been their happily ever after – but it was gone now. And in it's place there was Dearka, who may not have been as sweet and who may not have understood her as well as Tolle had, but who still made the effort. And still cared. And still . . . wanted to make her world alright again, even it if meant taking it all onto his shoulders.

"You're not supposed to cry when I do that." He said softly as he pulled away, lifting a finger to brush away a tear that had gotten caught in her eyelash. The little orb of liquid floated away in the zero gravity environment and out of sight.

"I'm sorry," She cried, burying her face in his chest. She understood now, what he had been trying to do.

"Now don't you start apologizing to me. I'd hate to have to slap you." He smiled slightly and pulled away so he could see her face – puffy red eyes and all – before pressing his lips against her forehead. "You matter to me too, Miriallia. It's not that I want to be responsible for all of the bad things that have happened. But I do want to be the one responsible for making you feel better. So I thought that if - "

"I know." She interrupted before pressing her lips to his. She kissed him like she'd used to kiss Tolle – a comfortable sign of affection towards a man she explicitly trusted. She trusted Dearka as much as she had ever trusted Tolle. And she wasn't surprised that the kiss was returned or that it felt right or that she'd stopped crying.

Because things were going to be okay. From now on, things were going to be alright. And when she got back to Orb and she was officially dismissed from military service, then she would begin to think about what came next and how she was going to proceed.

But right now, she didn't need to think about anything else but him.

AN: So this was just a One-shot I thought up because I loved this pairing and I wanted to see more of it. I only recently finished watching Gundam SEED and haven't started watching the sequel yet. Anyway, I think he Dearka/Miriallia pairing is the most engaging in the entire series because they are in fact enemies according to their governing bodies. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review.

Also, all those waiting for the next chapter of Dauntless, it will be out soon. I've already sent a copy out to be read over.

Thanks,

Allora