Saiyan Jabs

Author: Edward Tudor

Rating: K+ to M

Warnings: Yaoi, homosexuality, m-preg, smut, fluff, smuff, etc, etc; you HAVE been warned

Summary: Quick one-shot stories randomly written prompted by one word. Goku/Vegeta only (seme/uke)

Magazine

K+

Vegeta decided that waiting for the doctor was boring and should be illegal. Doctors were meant to serve the public, weren't they? Surely because of all the people with ailments waiting for them in their waiting room they should speed up instead of dodder around aimlessly as though they had something better to do other than their jobs.

Yet, it was a silent complaint that was merely brushed away with a sigh as he reminded himself he wouldn't be waiting for anything if his foolish mate weren't so insistent about going to have his once-every-six-months check up. In fact, if he wanted he could leave and go wait outside. But he knew the consequences of doing so were not worth it. Puppy-dog eyes from Goku was embarrassing enough seeing as he was Earth's strongest man. The fact that Vegeta knew he'd feel guilty was worse!

So he resigned himself to waiting in the doctor's waiting room, putting up with the stuffy heat, snuffling adults and screaming, annoying children. The chairs were uncomfortable and the lack of fresh air gave an understanding as to why most people came out looking worse than when they went in.

Giving a final internal sigh, he allowed his eyes to wander over the glass coffee table in the middle of the room. Initially, he thought of grabbing a magazine to look at as Goku suggested, but after seeing an elderly man cough quite wetly into his hand and then pick up a House and Home made him change his mind quite quickly. He resigned himself to gaze in supreme boredom at the bland coloured walls and ironically happy paintings on the wall, but that was beginning to become a bit much.

Scanning over the piles of magazines with his onyx black eyes, he searched in hope of finding a magazine that wasn't as worn as the others. Least worn meant least read. His hopes were raised when he spotted a bright red and white magazine and made a quick grab before any of the snot-dribbled children could rub their germs on it. The word Cosmopolitan meant nothing to him. As far as he was concerned, it was just a name someone gave to the magazine to make it sound fancy and kitsch. On reading the cover titles, however, he was quite tempted to put it back. 10 things about your man that he doesn't want you to know, Cosmo's top twenty toys, Botox: the dangers you won't show? Vegeta felt slightly nauseous to have picked up a woman's magazine. A woman's magazine filled with stupid, woman gibberish and nonsense! Then again, as the frowned melted from his handsome face, women were known to be cleaner than both men and children. If it had been read before, it would certainly have fewer germs than any of the other books. He couldn't see the phloemy grandfather wanting to read Springs Sarong Special.

Shrugging, he flipped open the magazine and started reading.

Most of the things he hadn't the slightest interest in. He didn't care how to have a good golden shimmer over his eyes, nor did he care whether or not Her Beast was the best erotic read of the month. Admittedly, though, he was slightly interested in how to create your own spa. And he couldn't help but stare at the few pages that had comically drawn penis's to depict what some men's looked like (Goku's was #15…a very big #15 at that…).

He was about to deem the magazine amusing, rather than stupid-woman-drivelly-nonsense, when a title in bold and neon red caught his eye. Woman Inside: the things your man wants you to do in bed but he would never ask of you.

Vegeta didn't know what compelled him to read on, but he did. At first, he did nothing but snort in derision. Were humans really this simple-minded? Did those who made this magazine simply sucking random bullshit out of their thumbs or where human men so cowardly they couldn't tell their loved one they wanted sex in a Jacuzzi whilst watching a porno without fear of retribution? Then again, if Goku asked him such a thing, Vegeta knew he'd beat him black and blue and avoid any physical contact until he felt he had suffered enough.

He paused in his thoughts. Truthfully, he didn't believe Goku would secretly want any of the things the magazine had decreed human men desired. But it did make him wonder if there was something that he did want that he didn't want to ask of Vegeta.

The thought did not sit well with him. He hated secrets, especially where he was concerned. To even think that Goku felt he couldn't tell him anything made him feel very uneasy.

Vegeta had no doubts that their relationship was anything but a bed of roses. For Kami's sakes; he knew he wasn't the most ideal person to be with. If it didn't make him sound vain, he knew he was good looking enough to be instantly desired but his personality was lacking a bit. Okay, a lot! Vegeta knew he had a high maintenance personality and he got cross more often than not. Even if someone was initially attracted by his good looks, they'd most certainly turn tail and run within five minutes of speaking to him!

Why Goku chose him to be his mate was beyond him, and scared him a little. He didn't think he wanted him to change or anything, but maybe he had thoughts like he wished he wouldn't shout so much, or get angry so easily. It hurt Vegeta to think he may be thinking like that, but Goku was raised by humans. As far as his experience with human's went, they never said anything they felt would get them into trouble. So maybe he didn't want shaving sex (whatever the hell that was), but maybe he wanted Vegeta to be a bit…nicer.

He sighed and his haughty demeanor deflated slightly. Goku was the first person he had ever truly cared about. He was the first person who claimed to love Vegeta for who he was and all that he was. Vegeta loved him, too, for all that he was; naïve fool and failure-cook extraordinaire. But he wasn't blind enough to believe they would be forever happy.

So, fine, maybe the things written in the magazine weren't what he didn't want to tell him; the article still rang true to Vegeta's thoughts. He didn't want to lose him simply because he had anger issues, or didn't know when to stop declaring that as the prince of Saiyans he was much better than him. It hurt to think that he could lose him so easily because of such carelessness.

"Hey, 'Geta," he jumped at the voice. "I'm all done! The doctor says I'm looking even better than the last time I was here. Said I looked more relaxed and…Vegeta? What are you reading?"

"I was bored," he sniffed. "And I wasn't about to touch any of the other germ laced books." A child wiping its snotty nose on one hand and grabbing onto the table to help himself up gave example.

"Okay, I get it, but why a Cosmopolitan?"

"Is there something wrong with it?"

"Well," he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's a woman's book. And…I kinda think it's full of rubbish."

At this, Vegeta arced a brow.

"How so?"

"Well, maybe it's just my experience, but whenever Chichi used to buy it and try some of the things out, it just made me confused," he explained. "Like she'd complain that we're breaking apart because I'm never home enough, or start going on about how I have no taste even though she bought me the clothes I wear…she kinda took everything the book said to heart and it confused me a lot."

"So…you don't think anything written in here is useful?"

"Nope!" he said brightly. "Especially the relationship stuff," he said, quite pointedly eyeing the page Vegeta was on. He turned bright red and snapped the magazine shut. "Hey," he said soothingly. "Don't believe a word these magazines say, okay? They're human magazines. They've got nothing on us Saiyan."

"But you were raised by humans," he mumbled. He was quite ashamed of the words that came tumbling out his mouth and even more so when he could see Goku had heard them.

"Yeah, but I never fit in," he said with complete and utter conviction. "And then you came along. Trust me, Vegeta, no matter what you may think; I'll always be your Saiyan before being an earth raised Saiyan."

Vegeta really wanted to ask what he meant by that and whether or not he could really believe him. But he knew now was not the time or place, so those additional questions could wait 'til later. But while he was still skeptical; still paranoid that he may be lying to him, he couldn't help but believe him.

"Fine," he said, tossing the magazine back down onto the coffee table. "But if I find out that you really want your toes sucked and you didn't tell me…"

Goku laughed loudly, giving Vegeta a hug and a sloppy kiss.

"Believe me, Vegeta," he said. "If there was anything I wanted, you'd smell it before I knew it! That's just one of the reasons I love you. You know me."

Heart thumping happily, he allowed Goku to lead him out onto the streets of the city; magazine left behind and article long forgotten.

AN: terribly boring and full of nonsense, but I am hoping that they will improve over time.