A Life Worth Living

AN: The life of the Teen Titans told through various one-shot chapters all somehow meshing together to form a complete picture. I've wanted to do a future fic for some time. I wanted to put a lot of flashbacks into the fic and explain the back story some, up until present time. But I think by doing it this way, a full chapter dedicated to each situation that will shape the Titans' future, would be more beneficial to you, the reader, to understand completely. Not to mention it'll be fun as heck to write. And long. Did I mention long?

Summary: An AU story incorporating the Teen Titan's series and the comic verse, mixing them together with a giant dash of artistic creativity. Comic themes are tiwsted, turned and burned and smashed into a plot that will be told in one-shot format. The ultimate end result with be a story within a story, showing how the Titans have changed, how their lives how changed, and how they grow together through these changes. Enjoy!

**They will all vary in length and size, but each one shot chapter can stand alone. They're like a story within a story with the last few chapters (if we ever get there) becoming the present point of the Titans - in the future. Confusing but bare with me. You'll see.**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Titans, the story plot lines twisted from comics into this story, nor the actual comic universe. I merely write my own story based on these wonderful characters for enjoyment purposes only. You have been warned.

The cool air of the fall season surrounded Raven, distant scents of dried leaves and withering wheat greeting her. It was a new day, a new beginning, a new time in her life. The sun was rising above, the azure sky bright in its merriness and completely serene in the early morning light. Raven felt a strong purpose, a strong desire within in her.

She was free. Free from him; free from Trigon's influence and she was free to be herself. At last she was free.

She looked down at her newly cropped hair, the sleek violet strands cupping her high cheekbones in softness not yet familiar to her. Had her hair always been so soft? Had it always hung just right? Had she never noticed the simple, beautiful lights the sun danced upon her skull? Had she been too blind to notice her own beauty? The beauty in the world around her, that slept so peacefully below?

What had she been missing since worrying over her destiny? There were too many things for her rediscover; simple games of chess not marked for strategy but for sport. Simply reading books not for information but for enjoyment. How much had Trigon stolen from her during her years worrying over his presence in her mind? How long had she been at his mercy?

She was free. Free to be herself. Free to do, to think, to feel, to enjoy. She was free.

Two weeks ago the Titans had stopped Trigon. Two weeks ago Robin had saved her from a fate worse than death – complete dependence on Trigon, lost to memories and isolation in Hell. Two weeks ago she was given free reign of her body, control of her own mind without fear of what she could do. Two weeks ago she had become not just the portal, but a savior. A human with a life outside of destruction.

She was free.

Slowly she rose into a lotus position, her white cape billowing behind her. She almost didn't want to go back to her dark blue but she yearned for the darkness. For the familiarity of her ways. Two weeks in white, without the constant pressure of Trigon weighting on her was a different sense of being. She was not used to not having to mediate every waking moment of her spare time to keep the darkness away. She was almost fearful of being without him. It was strange to be sure, but she was coping, returning to a life she had experienced when she was four. Returning to a life not bent on control, but living life. And it felt like she was finally coming home.

But the white also reminded her that Trigon was purged from her mind, leaving her with her own thoughts and emotions. Emotions she could now feel, harbor, explore without the threat of the world ending. Without fear that Trigon might indulge on her weaknesses. The white was a reminder she had won; that she had finally defeated the demon who haunted her. She wished she didn't have to see it go but with so many changes she needed something stable and familiar. She needed the balance back.

Quietly she concentrated, the white bleeding away to dark blue, the cotton fabric melting away beneath her. It felt homey, but kind. She was back. She was changed. She was Raven; the daughter of a demon without his curse over her head. She was purged; she had won against her fate.

She was free.

Soon the sun rose high, a small smile on Raven's gray face. Two weeks ago she had hugged Robin and for the first time in years, smiled in thanks. It was the first time she had smiled without fear; all because of Robin. He had saved her. He had helped her. He had filled her full of his unwavering hope that had believed she was good and right and just. He had believed she was worth it in the end. He had hoped her life was worth saving.

She was finally free. And it was all because Robin had believed in her.

Silently, during the two weeks of transition a seed of infatuation had grown in Raven's heart and she clutched to it dearly. It was the first true, real emotion she had felt since her fourth birthday. She was infatuated with Robin; admired him for his skill, devotion to the team and its members. She admired the way he fought for what he believed right, when all facts pointed opposite. She admired him. But it was also her first true, real emotion and she was unprepared to understand the feeling. She second guessed her assumption of what it truly was. Maybe it was not infatuation but something else?

Raven did not understand emotions as easily as some would think. They were different forms, all distinguishable in her mind, but within her heart, she did not know love from admiration, anger from rage, or sadness from pity. She was uneducated in these matters and for the last two weeks had taken to studying the emotion at night. She watched it bloom, watched it grow deep within in her soul when Robin complimented her on training skills, or when he discussed with her about recent books.

But Raven was not if anything cautious. She didn't know emotions. She didn't know their quirks or how to control them. Mediation had kept the personifications at bay, but now that Trigon no longer resided in her mind, she was lost. She was just another human, without the years of knowing on her side. So she took to nurturing the emotion until she could find a way of deciphering it. She didn't want to be wrong in her understanding of said emotion. She didn't want to be wrong about her feelings for her leader.

How would it look for the resident empath to have a crush on her leader, only to find out it was mistaken for another emotion? Her credit would be mocked and she would not be able to trust herself. The team would not be able to trust her and she couldn't have that. Not when they had fought her father to help Robin rescue her. She wouldn't risk falling out of favor with them.

So instead of pondering, wishing she understood emotions – which she had less of a handle on them than Beast Boy did with a mop and bucket – she took off to the one person who would know. She had decided this would be the only way of knowing for sure. The only way of being completely open with herself, with another person who wished to be a part of her opening process. The one person in the Tower who understood emotions, could decipher them and help her understand what her heart was telling her.

She teleported to Starfire's room then, mind made up.

"I do not understand," Star said voice slow and still heavy in sleep. Raven hadn't meant to wake her. If anything by the time she had resurfaced into Starfire's room, Raven was almost positive Star would be awake, brushing her long flaming locks out. Even now Raven could not understand the need for long hair. Maybe she never would. "You wish to know what you are feeling?"

"Correct," Raven said, voice gruff in the early morning light. Try as hard as she could, her voice still retained her normal deadpan. Maybe that was just her voice? "I feel something, and I don't know what it is."

She felt desperate, depressed that someone as smart as she could not understand what her heart was telling her. She only prayed Star could help.

Kindly, Star took Raven's elegant fingers in her long calloused ones. They were marred in battles won over the years with the Titans, most notably the one with Trigon, whereas Raven's fingers were not scarred. It was a stark contrast. "Then I shall help you. What does it feel like?"

Now Raven sighed, rolling her eyes. Explaining emotions were as futile as explaining water. Pointless and hard.

Carefully Raven concentrated on the feeling that bloomed in her heart, the swell of happiness and the brief flutter in her belly. Was that normal? Was she sick? "I feel as if my heart is racing to keep along with a battle I have not fought and my stomach feels queasy as if I've eaten one of Beast boy's veggie burgers."

Star pouted, hands clutching Raven tighter. It didn't hurt, but warmed her cool digits. Raven could sense her compassion and it made her smile slightly.

Star returned the smile. She was not so dense to see the results of Trigon's passing in Raven's demeanor. She seemed lighter, more calm and much more happier in her last two weeks. It was a welcomed change.

But she could also still see Raven's reverence for privacy and her control. It would be hard to ever break the control she had developed over herself and her emotions. Only time and concentration would ever totally free her from those bonds and Starfire's heart went out to her. She could never understand life locked behind thick glass windows, watching life but not enjoying the simple things that would inflect emotions upon one's self. It was wrong and unfair in Star's eyes.

"Do you get butterflies in your lower abdomen?" Star questioned, hand going to Raven's stomach. The touch was hot and Raven yanked back uncomfortably. She still wasn't too open with physical touching no matter how she felt about another person.

"More like bees."

"And you feel like you have exerted yourself as if you had in battle. Do you sweat, as if you had recently fought?"

Raven shrugged. "Sometimes."

Star nodded, lime green eyes blinding in the sunlight. She looked comfortable in her night pajamas and tousled bed hair. She would always look gorgeous. "Does it happen around something or someone?"

Raven didn't have to blink before answering. "Robin. It happens around Robin." Now her brow furrowed and Star bit her lip in thought. "Do you believe I'm sick? Or it could be leftover emotions from the battle with Trigon?" Then an even scarier thought came to her. "Do you think we never really destroyed him?" She almost spoke in a frightened whisper, but Raven wouldn't be too brash to do something like that.

She might have had free reign of emotions and control, but Raven was still Raven. And her control and pride were still intact. She would not admit her fear so easily to Starfire, even within the confides of secrecy.

Star shook her head, red strands falling over her shoulder. "No, friend Raven, I do see a change in your person. Trigon has left you. Could it be emotions left behind from your prison in hell, I would say it is possible." Then she shrugged, smiling sweetly. "But I highly do doubt it. I believe when Robin rescued you from hell as a child, and then you grew in front of us, all forms of hurt from your hiding in hell were erased. It would be unlikely for it to appear now, two weeks after your holding."

No one could fight that logic. Then what did Raven feel? Could she be right in assuming she felt infatuation for her leader? Impossible! Raven didn't do infatuation. "Then what is happening to me?"

"You might becoming sick, as you have had a trying few weeks within in the Tower." And she didn't jest. Robin hadn't let Raven out on patrols or fights since the battle, making sure she was fully recovered from Trigon's influence. It almost drove Raven mad with wanting to get out into the world as a new hero. Almost.

Now with strange emotions appearing, maybe Robin knew something she didn't.

"Sickness does make sense," Raven shrugged, twirling her fingers into her long cape. Star had noticed the blue back and she was delighted. She was Raven still, and too much change would not be heathy. It was good to see the original color back. "It would explain the feeling in my stomach."

"But not the sweating around Robin."

Again, she had a point. Raven decided she had nothing left to try. She just hoped she didn't sound as ridiculous as it sounded in her mind. "Do you think I might have a crush on Robin?"

She had closed her eyes while saying it. Star remained silent.

Finally commanding courage, Raven looked at her best friend. Her green eyes were clouded in something Raven had never been cursed with seeing, but her lips were pouted. She was thinking, a finger to her chin in deep thought.

"It is not unlikely for you to develop a crush on friend Robin." She sighed, voice turning wistful. "I myself have these feelings." Raven rolled her eyes discreetly; there was a shocker. "But what I believe you feel and I, are two different things. I do have the butterflies in my stomachs, the sweating whenever I am near him, but I feel happy when he is near. I feel delighted when he speaks to me and shows me attention in a large crowd. How would that make you feel, Raven?"

"Sick." Raven felt her stomach kick in revulsion. "I don't do crowds."

Star smiled. "Then it is not a crush, but merely gratitude for his help of rescuing you, and his compassion for your safety?"

Raven paused, weighting the options. It would make sense. She was grateful for Robin's help, and admired her leader for his unending support. Maybe Starfire was right. Maybe Raven didn't have a crush but was mixing up her forms of gratitude and expressing them to those that deserved it best.

She nodded. Yes, Star was right. Smiling, Raven looked at her friend, gently squeezing her orange hand within her own dark one. She felt confident in Star's reasoning, and her heart didn't feel as panicked before. It now felt controlled, understood. She had been right to choose Star to understand these strange feelings and decipher them.

"I believe you are right Starfire," Raven commented. "I am still getting used to these emotions. Please do not hold it against me as I walk my way through the transition."

Laughing, Star shook her head. "Raven, it is nothing." Her smile was bright with cheeriness. "I am only glad you came to me to help you with this. And one day you will have control and complete understanding of your emotions. It is not your fault you did not have the lessons of life until now to understand your body. In time, you will."

Rising into the air, her heart light and body singing with renewed purpose, Raven nodded her thanks. "You are a wise woman Kori. Thank you for your help." and she teleported into the kitchen area.

The sounds of the television were off, the lights dull or dimming as the sun finally cast its' brilliant rays on to the main living area. Raven took a deep breath, arms releasing tension. Her stomach no longer felt sick, her heart was not longer racing. She felt calm and in control. Starfire had been indeed right.

"Hey Rae," Robin said from her right. Turning briefly, Raven felt a pang hit her gut that traveled up to her heart then throat. Robin leaned against the counter, his bright and colorful costume matching the sporadic designs of the Tower. Two steaming mugs sat before him, newspaper under his arm as if he were about to leave to read it.

"I made you some tea. I'll be up on the roof enjoying the last few days of fall if you need me." He grinned, sending shivers breaking out over Raven's spine as he left. A white mug sat before her, chamomile tea swirling with one yellow lemon wedge in the center. He had even left a spoon beside it to swirl within the contents.

Sitting at the counter, staring at the mug with more emotions rocketing through her, she muttered her mantra quietly. Star had been right. Raven didn't have a crush on her leader. In fact, he had only been doing a nice thing for her as he knew how she took her tea, and knew her routine of sleep then mediation. It shouldn't have mattered to her as much as it did. Honestly she shouldn't have felt excited to see him, or nervous to speak to him.

She shouldn't have cared if she didn't have a crush on him. It had to be something else. Star had been right; Raven didn't have feelings for Robin. She was just misunderstanding a simple feeling gratitude around her leader, and that was all. And soon she would need to get it together if she ever hoped to fight with the team again and be normal around Robin. She would have to work through her misunderstandings and figure out her emotions. Soon.

Sipping the hot beverage, she sighed. Her stomach was in knots, her heart was beating erratically and her hands were trembling. But it wasn't a crush. It wasn't a crush but a mere mix up. Star had said it wasn't. And who would Raven believe; Starfire's unflappable knowledge of emotions or Raven's own heart?

AN: Chapter 1 begins the new series. I'm very excited for this one! I get to play with like thirty years of comic information and television cartoons. It'll be a fun ride.

Also, the pairings of this story will change. It will fluctuate, it will mesh, there will be confusion and drama to boot. Just know this is mostly a dramatic, romantic angst story sprinkled with fine humor and familiar ties. Now that you know this, read it for the stories and plots, and if you stumble upon the pairing you do not like, you are more than welcome to leave. Don't flame for something so insubstantial to the overall enjoyment of the story itself.

Next: A scene after Tokyo where Raven's emotions hit her when Star and Robin consecrate their relationship and Cy is the only one she can turn to for guidance. Very touching.

Thanks!

Peace