My entry for the 'cursed panties Halloween contest' hope y'all enjoy :D loosely inspired by a book I read like a million years ago.

I hate disclaimers so I'm only gonna do this once: I OWN NOTHING! Except the old man...and the village...and yeah...but that doesn't count...

Find me on Twitter! Why? I haven't the foggiest: PDCandPSW is my user name or whatever if you're interested

-PD

Chapter 1 - Panty Fetish Man

Hirataimura. A village with dangerous, twisting, winding paths that just seemed to slip out from under you, leaving you in a completely different place than you were before. Shifting under your feet, rearranging itself to keep you forever trapped in its inescapable, labyrinthine streets. It was always laughing, mocking the poor souls that couldn't ever find their way, and would have to just turn around and begin anew.

But oddly enough, it seemed to do this little magic trick only for a very special person. The village seemed to be almost infatuated with this man, never wanting him to leave behind its cobblestone streets and quaint boutiques. It didn't have much to offer, but what it offered was the best that it could. The little village was so broken hearted when the man did not understand its feelings or what it was trying to convey, and just preceded to curse its efforts, not even acknowledging the town's one-sided love. No. Roronoa Zoro was not happy to be trapped by this village. He did not appreciate the ever-changing roads or the rearranging of houses and stores, nor the magical disappearing and reappearing forest. All he wanted was a decent eatery where he could sit himself down at a bar, eat some food, and drink a couple mugs of ale.

When Zoro finally happened upon his destination, he sighed a contented sigh. This made Hirataimura furious. How could this little store evoke such a cute, happy expression from this man when all it could do was infuriate the little swordsman. Deciding to get even with the man it loved, Hirataimura waited until Zoro had closed his eyes before working its magic, turning Zoro around, backwards, and upside down, placing him in front of a lingerie shop, practically the exact opposite from type of place Zoro had wanted to be at. The town snickered to itself before deciding to take a rest; it'd had enough fun torturing the man and would leave him alone. For now.

"Shit!" Zoro cursed to himself. "How the hell...? IT WAS RIGHT THERE!" Zoro stood outside the shop, glaring angrily when a delicious smell came wafting out through an open window. Zoro relaxed from his tensed 'angry pose' and looked at the shop with confusion. 'Why's the smell of fried rice coming from an underwear store...?' Zoro figured, through a muddled and tangled thought process, that maybe he could just get food here, as finding a new place to eat would've proven pointless when he had this right in front of him. He slowly pushed the heavy wood-framed glass door open, listening to the hinges creak and the bell jungle and tinkle as he entered. The man behind the counter, or desk really, was about to tuck into some lunch when Zoro had intruded. The short, squat, old man straightened himself up and pulled at his sweater vest and straightened his bowtie. He had a round face, but he was one of those cute old men. Not that Zoro thought so, but other people might have.

"C-Can I help you?" He warbled in that stereotypical old man voice.

"Sorry, I smelt food so I came in here thinking there was something to eat. Sorry to bother you." Zoro turned to head back when his stomach growled at an embarrassingly loud volume.

"Oh dear, I can't just let a hungry boy like you back out into the streets." The man shuffled back behind a curtain, leaving Zoro in the room alone.

'Boy?' Zoro thought irritably. Just cause he was a little bit shorter than the average pirate these days...he didn't think he looked that little...or maybe...he made a promise to himself that he'd check up on that later.

"Here you go young man. My daughter's brought by so much that I couldn't possibly eat it all." He came back out with a steaming plate and a glass of water.

"I can't accept this." Zoro said, declining the man with a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"Please do, it will only go bad." Zoro said nothing, but looked towards the door ever so slightly. "Well, if you really don't want it then I won't force you. You may leave whenever you wish." The sadness in his voice was obvious, making Zoro hesitate for a moment, but when the waft of steam carrying the smell of that delicious, heaping plate of fried rice tickled his nose, who was Zoro to refuse.

"No, I'm sorry, I'll accept it. Itadakimasu." Zoro sat down across from the old man who beamed happily.

"This is nice." He said, "it's been a long time since I've eaten with someone."

Zoro could feel a little bit of empathy tugging at his heartstrings, but he wouldn't let it get to him. He ate his lunch in a slightly more refined manor out of courtesy and properly thanked him when he finished. "Thanks, old man. It was good."

"Oh, you're welcome. It was very nice of you to stay." The old man was practically glowing with simple happiness.

Zoro couldn't resist the little smile that was tugging at the corner of his mouth. When the old man smiled, it vaguely reminded Zoro of his sensei, though the old man was quite a bit shorter, and was happy he could lift his day. But then, Zoro's keen sense of hearing picked up the sounds of a kerfuffle outside. "Old man, get back! Go behind the curtain!"

Startled by Zoro's sudden attitude change, the man hesitated slightly, just giving Zoro a look and taking a single step backwards.

"GO! There's gonna be trouble!"

The old man grabbed the plates and cups and slowly trotted back behind the curtain. The fabric was still fluttering when a gang burst into the shop. The leader was a woman, about 6 and a half feet tall, a bit taller than Robin, and guns with smoking barrels were in each of her hands. She looked down at Zoro. "Hey, shorty!"

'Second time within the hour! What the hell? Am I really THAT small?'

"Show me the so-called magic panties!"

Zoro just stared at her with a 'what the fuck' expression domination his features.

"DON'T QUESTION, JUST GET THEM, YOU FUCKIN FAIRY!" Anger really brought out the ugly in a woman, and this woman had been relatively pretty upon first glance; not so much now.

"I'm not gay, you bitch!" Zoro yelled back at her. She fired her gun; it ricocheted off a wall and hit the floor an inch from Zoro's foot.

"Watch your mouth, you homo midget! The next one won't miss!"

"That's right, that's right!" One of her followers enthused. Zoro always hated the 'yes man' type; nothing was more pathetic. "Our captain Ricochet Riko-sama never misses!" The others concurred with pleased grunts and nods

Zoro immediately thought of Usopp. He bet that this bitch couldn't beat him in a sharp shooting contest, not by a long shot. Oh dear, a pun.

"Che." Zoro scoffed at the pathetic group. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but if it's a fight you're after then lets take it outside. I'm not going to ruin this shop."

"See," she was clearly getting ready to show off in front of her lackeys with some sort of witty banter, "he is a homo. Protecting fancy underwear as if it were his first born butt baby." She got a collection of raucous laughter in response and she sneered down at him condescendingly. That is, until something else grabbed her attention. "Oh my gosh!" Her hands flew up to her face and she smiled girlishly, bringing a bit of the beauty back to her features. "There they are!" She ran past Zoro and pulled a pair of underpants off of a lavish display. "These are the panties I was looking for!" She looked like she was about to cry. Zoro didn't think that he would ever be able understand girls. The lackeys followed faithfully to where she was.

"Psst!"

Zoro looked at the old man who was peeping out from behind the curtain. He looked back at the baka-onna just to make sure she was properly preoccupied before asking a quiet 'what is it.'

"Please don't let her steal those! They are very important, and she can't have the power those panties hold!"

Zoro tried hard not to roll his eyes at the ridiculousness, but because the old man had been kind enough to feed him, he decided it would be dishonorable to decline his request. Zoro walked up to the woman who absolutely towered over him. "You can't take those."

"Oh? And the homo's gonna stop me?" She quickly drew her gun, but Zoro was faster, slicing the barrel into little discs as if it was nothing more than slicing up a carrot. Riko released the panties in surprise, but because she did so the panties got in the way of Zoro's move ever so slightly. "You-You freak!"

"Get out." Zoro growled.

Riko teared up before running out of the store, crying like a spoilt child who'd been declined something she'd wanted. The lackeys glared at him before running after their captain.

"You'll regret this, homo!"

"Panty fetish man!"

"Green-haired pervert!"

The bell gave a last frantic jingle before all went silent. The old man stepped out from his hiding spot, shaking in his loafers. "My, that was quite exciting! I feared that my heart would stop any moment." He sighed, relieved that the trouble had gone.

"Hey, old man, what's so special about these things anyway?" Zoro picked up the underwear and looked at them. They weren't particularly fancy, they were just a pair of seamless, light blue underwear of the simplest kind. Perhaps they were valued for their comfort? They were soft as hell, and when he pulled in them gently they stretched easily. Even for a man these panties would be really rather—

"Ahh!" The old man cried. He ran to Zoro's side and saw that the tag had been cut off. "My boy, what've you done?"

"Wha—me?" Zoro was confused, was he not supposed to stretch the panties?

The old man peered at the panties. "You've gone and cut the tag off! And you've touched them no less! Oh deary me...you're unleashed the power of the panties! They'll be useless to anyone else. You may as well take them..." the old man looked like he had more to say, but he just dropped it all together.

Zoro looked at the light blue underpants. They looked comfy and durable. Nothing more. There were no fancy designs; there didn't even seem any stitch work. "Are you sure these are magic old man? They don't look special to me..."

"Thank you for an interesting afternoon, young man. But I really do think you should be going now...but make sure not to look anyone in the eye!" The old man gave his final warning before escaping to the back room, not intending to reappear anytime soon.

Zoro was left in the shop horribly confused about what the old man had said. And he still wasn't quite sure what had made this meeting go sour so he just left, panties in hand.

o()o()o

Zoro realized that it'd look odd to see a grown man walking the streets with a pair of mildly effeminate looking panties dangling from his fingertips. He ducked into the nearest bathroom and dropped his pants. Turning to look at himself in the mirror, he noticed that they looked really...rather...

"Gay..." the panties fit him perfectly, a bit too much so. They framed his ass and gave it a little lift to boost the perkiness of his ample, muscular buttocks, and they fit smoothly over his package, keeping it all wrapped up in one nice little package. Though he had to admit, they were easy to move in and they felt heavenly against his skin. This must have been their magic: a superb fit and great comfort. Zoro slipped his pants back on and sauntered out of the bathroom, eyes closed.

"Oi! Kora! These bathrooms are for paying customers only!"

Zoro turned to face the man, opening his eyes and locking them with the owner of the flower shop he'd waltzed into. "Hrm?"

The man shrunk back a bit. "Uhm th-that is..." The man ducked down and Zoro could hear shuffling. Zoro slid kitetsu out of its scabbard ever so slightly, preparing for a bullet or something similar to come whizzing his way. He did not, however, expect a bouquet of flowers to be thrust into his arms. The florist, an inch or two taller than Zoro and actually quite attractive when viewed up close, gazed at him fondly. "I knew they're be perfect. They match you so well." He blushed as he smiled down at the green-haired cutie, watching as he looked at the flowers with total bewilderment, red seeping out from beneath his collar. "I-I know I just met you...but one look into your beautiful eyes and..I know this sounds silly but...I think that I...that I'm in lo—"

Zoro whacked the man over the head. He was afraid that if this weirdo said one more word the heat of embarrassment would creep out from under his collar and give the guy the wrong impression, and who knew what this pervert would do if Zoro had sent the wrong message. Dropping the flowers, Zoro hurried out of the shop, not taking his eyes off the ground as he hurried back to the Sunny.

Author's Note

Well, I may not have made it in time for the contest, and it may not be complete, but I tried! And even if it's not on time, I'll still continue with it, cause its so fun to write. :3

No, the town isn't really alive, and no it doesn't have a crush on Zoro. It was just funny to think about, cause the degree to which Zoro gets lost is so ridiculous it's like there's something purposefully keeping him from finding his way. Anywho, that's all for now. Really short author's note (for me anyway ^^;)

And did I ever tell you that I hate the word panties? HATE IT!

Thanks for reading!

-PD

...and in the end I never submitted it ^^;