"Hey Kyon," I heard Sasaki from behind me.

It was February and I was almost ready to claw at my cram session teachers, barely able to even keep up with anything they blabbed into my ear. Oh, they didn't seem to enjoy anything either so I copied them.

Sasakitook her usually seat beside me and stared up at me with her elbow on her desk.

What's with that look?

"Y-yo?" I stuttered, confused if I should remark on such an entrance. It was pretty odd. Today, Sasaki didn't come to the usual place at the station. I stood and waited for at least ten minutes for her to show up but she didn't. I had to walk alone in the evening sky wondering if Sasaki would be alright.

It turns out she was late. I mean, is that even possible?

"Well, it seems as if I was late today. Sorry to keep you up like that Kyon but I had business to attend to."

Hmm, and what business would that be?

Sasaki gave me her smile, a smile of dread (for me) and of amusement (for her).

"Why are you looking so hopeful. Are you expecting something? You know, if a person goes on living with such a hopeful mind, things would eventually turn against them."

"Who said I was hopeful? You were the one who showed up late."

Sasaki giggled softly and gazed out the window.

"Today's Sunday . . ."

"Well yeah. I always hate the end of the weekend."

Sasaki paused for a split second thinking over my words. I started wondering what interesting thing I could have said this time but she shook her head.

"Do you remember what you told me near the beginning of summer? You were rambling on about how much you wanted a meteor to hit Japan."

I looked at her over my shoulder with a confused frown.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I just find that statement really naive. Actually, it's what I hate most about this world."

"What?"

I rose my eyebrow at her as if she was talking to an old war fighter who had passed away two years ago and was now a ghost. Sasaki didn't budge from her affirmative position, she only continued on.

"I sort of wonder . . . why I spend my time with you then. If you are the definition of the mistakes of the world."

Whoa, whoa whoa. Wait. Did she just–? No, that wasn't an attack, right? Sasaki . . . are you alright in the head?

She looked at me straight in the eyes then blinked. She removed her hand from her chin then shrugged.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking to myself. How long have you believed in Santa Clause?"

Sasaki . . . people don't verbally attack each other and then ask each other pointless questions. Unless you're about to go on another one of your psychological rants again . . .

"What do you mean by 'how long have I believed in Santa Clause'? I mean, who even asks those types of questio—"

"Just answer."

". . ."

I glared into her docile eyes then swung them towards the front of the classroom.

"Class is starting, maybe later."

"I see . . ."

No, I don't see Sasaki. I don't see at all . . .

Cram school was created for either the knowledge hungry or depraved. Now, if you had heard of a homeless shelter that helped the homeless and the rich then the world would definitely be better in someone else's hands. Sasaki was the type of person to reach out to find more and even if the truth was terrible, she would take it like a medival torture tactic.

But, I realized that day that Sasaki was like any other human being in the world.

Alone.

"Well, it seems that today's session is over."

I sighed deeply as I stretched, barely listening to Sasaki state the clear obvious. I can't wait to hand my mother my mock exam grades. I'm sure she'll be thrilled. I picked up my stuff and slid on my jacket, ready to face the unbelievably freakishly cold weather. Oh no wait, I wasn't ready at all, never mind.

Sasaki followed behind me, passing a few onlookers who were staring at us as if they were expecting something. What, did we just kill someone or something? We walk past every single day and it wasn't like we were going to jump out suddenly and say "Eureka!". I mean, is Sasaki really "known" around here?

I grabbed my bike from the rack outside however Sasaki didn't even bother looking for her's.

"Where's your bike?"

"I took the train."

Exactly how late was she? If she was only ten minutes late, she would've beat me to cram school in no time flat. You know what, it doesn't even matter.

"You still haven't answered."

I stopped pushing my bike along to look Sasaki in the face.

"What? That weird question about Santa Clause?"

"Well, I've asked you weirder questions before."

True.

"Okay, so. 'When did I stop believing in Santa Clause?' Well his entire existence has seemed phony to begin with, in my opinion."

"Really?" Sasaki asked.

". . . What? Did that seem too unbelievable to you or something?"

"No . . . I just thought that a person like you would have admitted to believing in a childhood dream."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

". . ."

We remained silent as we went down the road. Everything was so freezing; I wished that spring would make it's appearance soon. Or maybe, I didn't want spring to appear.

Middle School would end, then.

And Sasaki . . .

I remembered earlier on when we chose our high schools her disappointed face.

"I mean, you're not going to even try? I thought you were smarter then that, Kyon."

"Well, this is where we part."

The train station. How did we get here so fast?

"I'll see you tomorrow at school. I'll make sure that you're alive after those mock exams are shown to your mom."

"Wait."

Sasaki raised her eyebrow and looked at me suspiciously.

"What, Kyon?"

I . . . forgot about something. Something about today. What was it? For some reason, when Sasaki was blabbing on about how she hated whatever I believed and wondered about why she stuck around me and then Santa Clause . . .

I had forgotten about something. I just . . . can't . . .

"Is everything okay, Kyon?"

I must have been looking at her weirdly because she was giving me mock concern. I opened my mouth once and then again, trying to find the words to say to her.

"W-what's today's date?" I asked.

Sasaki smiled slightly, almost laughing at my forgetfulness.

"You really forgot the date? I mean, I know these mock exams really—"

"Sasaki. Just tell me the date."

Sasaki's smile fell and her eyes landed onto mine.

"February 14th."

February 14th. Valentines day.

We remained quiet for a while and Sasaki's eyebrows were beyond the sky.

"What, were you expecting something?"

She had already said that today, hadn't she?

"I already told you, Kyon. Love is only an instinct Humans created that wishful ideal that a person was different then other organic life forms in the universe. I already explained this to you, remember? Valentines day is only a dream — an imaginary image that we wished love was. You need to realize that Valentines day has a Santa Clause too, Kyon."

So that's why. That's why she was going on and on about Santa Clause. But . . . why was I so hopeful?

And why was Sasaki denying me when I hadn't even said anything?

"You are like every man on the earth, Kyon. And I – although weird – am like any woman on the earth. The only difference is that I don't want to be like any woman on the earth. So . . ."

Sasaki walked over to the other end of the street. Most cars were scarce, I realized, and it was very quiet. Too quiet.

"No matter what. I will never, ever fall in love."

". . ."

I saw her roll her bike over from the side of the building that said "no bikes" and stopped at the curb.

"Good night, Kyon."

"Wait."

She paused as she began walking away to look at me.

"What?"

I realized that my hand was outstretched, almost as if to freeze her in time and space. I don't think it was working. . .

". . . Nothing, sorry."

"You understand then."

She smiled and then walked off into the darkness.

The snow drifted down gently onto my shoulders. Sasaki . . . is it right to live that way? I mean, to not believe in anything, in the unknown, probably aliens, or even love. I began walking home as the little snow blizzard picked up almost blowing me away.

Or maybe . . . she's right.

I've been ignoring whatever she had been saying for the past year but maybe . . . I had been listening.

"Have you been reading too many sci-fi books, Kyon?"

"What do you mean, 'probability'? It is possibility, only. And that possibility is so small, wouldn't it be better to just call it impossible?"

"Love is an instinct."

"Why would you want to be a writer? To write about the unreal only makes a person more of a wishful psychologist then anything."

"How long have you believed in Santa Clause?"

"No matter what. I will never, ever fall in love."

"Then you understand."

. . . I had been listening. She said the same things over and over again everyday for the past year, so how could I not have been listening?

And she's right.

All I've done during middle school was run away. I would run towards anything, books, T.V shows, aliens, time travelers, I even pretended to mind read once. What was I running from? What was this evil living creature I had been running away from for most of my life?

— Reality.

— What?

— Stop playing these stupid games.

— What games?

— You know . . . stop pretending.

— Pretending what — ?

— That you were actually someone special.

Sasaki was always right.

Everyone is a speck of dust.

Everyone.

Even me.