So, this mission is mentioned in unwanted Backtracking. Yeah.
"I'm freezing my balls off."
"Mate, there are some things you just don't say."
"Agreed."
"I didn' know Roach had balls!"
"You're such a prick!"
"Feeling's mutual buddy!"
"Can we not do this?"
"Time to get serious. We're not out of the woods just yet."
"Was that a pun MacTavish?"
"Ghost, slap him for me."
"I don't have a half a kilometer long arm mate, sorry."
"Want me to do it cap'n?"
"Go ahead Reaper."
"Don't. You. Fuckin'. Da-OW!"
"Thank you."
"You're welco-HOLY SHIT THAT'S COLD!"
"HAHAHAHA-OW! GHOST? WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"
"Over there."
"But you were so far away!"
"Can you muppets move any faster? The longer you take the closer Roach is to getting castrated."
"MACTAVISH?"
"You said it first Roach. I'm helping your case."
"That's fucked up."
"Alrigh', alrigh'! Let's get movin'!"
Ghost, Roach and Reaper trudged through a barren forest in Siberia, a recent snowstorm blanketing the entire area with well over three feet of snow. Even with the gratuitous amount of jackets, thermals, and pants worn without restricting too much movement, Roach had been complaining for the two past hours about how cold it was. Granted, it was -27 degrees Celsius, well below freezing. For comfort Roach and Reaper had worn plenty of scarves around their faces. Ghost's balaclava had been the only headgear he had worn besides his radio, the attire light.
"Ghost, seriously, how are you NOT cold?" Roach whined, speaking through his radio.
"Because Ghost knows when to shut the hell up." MacTavish responded. "I see you about to exit the tree line."
"Got it." Ghost replied, leading the small pack into the open. They spotted MacTavish crouched next to a few rocks on a nearby hill, binoculars and cigar in hand.
"You cozy up there?" Reaper joked, moving his scarf to reveal his grinning face.
"Most definitely. It's a nice view too." MacTavish replied, taking a drag of his cigar.
"I know you have the hots for me 'Tavish, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't show it off around your boyfriend Ghost." Roach grinned widely. Reaper cracked up laughing, Ghost slapping Roach upside the head as MacTavish sighed.
"At least my bed's warm at night." At this Reaper tripped over a rock, literally rolling from laughter as Roach and Ghost paused, Ghost poised to slap Roach again. MacTavish roared with laughter, Ghost slowly lowering his hand and crouching. Roach watched him form a snowball in his hand before lobbing it, hitting MacTavish in the face. Reaper couldn't breathe, Roach in hysterics as MacTavish wiped the snow off his face.
"Enjoy that John?" Ghost smirked.
"Aye, I deserved that. Let's get going, we still have a good hike to get to the secondary exfil." MacTavish replied as he joined the others, turning off his radio as he did so.
"Why are we even out here? The mission was bunk. Again." Roach grumbled, his voice muffled.
"Y-yea, what, are we jus' a buncha idiots for Shepherd to send out for no reason?" Reaper said as he stood up, brushing off the snow that clung to him.
"That's the General you're talking about." MacTavish frowned. "But this wasn't for nothi-"
"I agree with them 'Tavish. We've been out on seven missions this month alone out of ten that were complete bullshite. No signs of tangos, no signs of human life in well over a year. It's a wild goose chase every time we're out here in the middle of nowhere." Ghost said, a frown in his voice as they started walking.
"I know, I know. But that's not my shots to call." MacTavish frowned, frost on the beard he grew in preparation of the mission.
"But Shepherd said he had people scouting here and they got some activity! Why didn' they do anything about it? Like confirm it?" Reaper whined. Roach nodded in agreement.
"Because those patrols weren't in the books. And since our little group doesn't 'exist, Shepherd figured why the hell not." MacTavish countered. "Besides, good practice for you lot."
"I hardly think I'd need the practice 'Tavish." Ghost spoke firmly. MacTavish smirked.
"Aye, I know, I know."
"Why wouldn't Ghost need practice?" Roach asked curiously.
"None of your business…wait, the secondary exfil's on the other side of a frozen river." Ghost stopped.
"What, can't swim Ghost?" Reaper joked.
"I'm worried about you lot." Ghost replied.
"We'll be fiiiine you worry wart." Roach grinned widely. Ghost and MacTavish exchanged a glance before shrugging.
Ten minutes later they reached such river, MacTavish frowning.
"It's partially frozen…" he grumbled in annoyance as large chunks of ice drifted by, some well over a few meters long and as wide as the flowing water.
"So? We'll just hop on the ice like that one cartoon!" Roach grinned.
"What cartoon?" Reaper asked questioningly.
"The one where there's those two siblings that live with a tribe in the arctic and they find some kid and flying monster in a block of ic-"
"Don't think that's a good idea Roach. Let's just keep going, maybe we'll find a bridge or something." Ghost pushed the sergeant after the captain and Reaper, who had already trekked out in search of said bridge.
The results were less than pleasing.
"Twenty minutes and we can't find a bloody bridge?" Ghost asked out loud.
"Looks like the river got wider too…." MacTavish frowned, stopping at a group of boulders.
"Seriously, just hop on the ice! It's big enough to hold our weight!" Roach suggested again.
"Nah Roach, I think it would be better if we jus'-hey!" Reaper gasped as Roach jumped onto the nearest block of ice, wobbling slightly before turning and grinning.
"See? Totally fine!" He laughed, hopping to the next one. The three on land exchanged glances before Ghost sighed, a hidden smirk under his balaclava.
"Water looks smooth enough to see your reflection, don't it bug?" he called. Roach paused, already on his fourth chunk. He looked down into the water, laughing when he looked back up.
"I gotta do it, I gotta do this." Roach giggled, rolling up his sleeves to his upper arm and flexing.
"You bloody narcissist." Ghost scoffed.
"This wouldn' happen to be another thing from that cartoon?" Reaper asked. Roach nodded, continuing his flexing.
"Alright Roach, come back to solid ground, we can't risk you falling in. The ice got jammed up ahead, you might get trapped." MacTavish warned. Roach sighed as the three started to continue their walk, hopping on the ice back to the shore.
"Hey, what's that?" Roach asked, pausing in his jumps and looking down into the water.
"Probably a rock Roach, get back here." Ghost said, not looking back. The loud yelp and splash had the three of them spin on their heels, Roach nowhere to be seen.
"Roach!" Reaper yelled, going to the edge of the water and scanning the surface.
"What was that numpty think he was doing?" MacTavish questioned angrily, following Ghost as he jumped onto the ice.
"No use, the current's too strong below the ice, he could be anywhere." Ghost said grimly.
"Well this bunk mission just got interesting." Reaper frowned, not amused as he jogged downstream. He spotted a hand grab at the ice long enough for Roach to pull his head up and be swept back under, a petrified look on his face. "He's down over there!"
Ghost took this opportunity to get back onto shore, running at a faster pace than MacTavish as he jumped on the ice. They followed the river as it bended to the left, reaching the ice jam MacTavish had cautioned about earlier.
"I'm going to kill Sanderson." Ghost said angrily. "It's been four minutes since he's fallen in and we haven't seen him yet!"
"Most likely been trapped under the ice." MacTavish grumbled in annoyance, moving any ice he could and peering into the water's depths before more ice moved to fill in the vacant spot.
"So wha-OH MY GOD!" Reaper screamed, falling back as he stared at the chunk of ice he was standing on. When MacTavish and Ghost reached it to investigate, they found Roach peering through the slightly clear ice, trying to break through.
"What-…he doesn't have the brains to go to the edge?" Ghost said incredulously. "I dunno 'Tavish, maybe we should let him drown."
"No can do Ghost." MacTavish said grimly as he pulled out his M1911. He motioned for Roach to move to the side, firing the entire clip into one spot until he made a sizeable hole. Ghost and Reaper made it slightly bigger before they reached in, pulling Roach by his arms as he took in a deep breath.
"You twat!" Ghost slapped him on the back of the head as Roach coughed out water, shivering.
"Y-y-you gu-guys s-s-s-s-suck!" Roach grumbled, his teeth chattering.
"Excuse me? Did you just say we suck? We're not the narcissist who dove in to see his own damned reflection!" Ghost said angrily.
"I-I-I-I th-th-thought I s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-saw s-s-s-s-something i-i-i-in the w-w-water! A-A-And I f-f-f-f-f-fell in!" Roach shivered violently.
"Take off your scarves and jackets before you catch hypothermia." MacTavish sighed, rubbing his temples tiredly. He grabbed his radio off his belt as Reaper took off one of his own jackets and gave it to Roach, who had just taken off his last shirt and accepted the warmth greatly.
"Are you really calling in an emergency evac?" Ghost asked.
"Well we still have eight klicks to go, the helo should be there anyway." MacTavish grumbled. "Big bird this is Bravo six, we need immediate exfil."
As they waited, Reaper kept staring at Roach curiously.
"W-w-what?" Roach grumbled in annoyance.
"I can' wait to hear what ta guys gotta say about this." Reaper cracked a wide grin.
"F-f-f-f-fuck off."
"Love ya too."
So, yeah. I dunno what I was doing but I felt like this would help with a writer's block...and it kinda did... Oh right, if you see a similar story from FirstNobody I 'em do it. Yeah. haha right.
Next time should, should be from the Rangers.
Hopefully.
Anyway yeah.
Anyway.
Have fun.