Authors Note- Take the title however you want, cocaine, ass, whatever, this is just to test the waters so to speak. So please enjoy.

Disclaimer- I own nothing but the storyline, if you can call it a storyline

Has anyone ever just sat and watched the sun rise as you drank a hot cup of coffee with nothing on your mind but the day ahead?

One such person was Bruce Wayne after his return from the 'dead'. All he did for the past week was sit on his veranda watching the sun. Morning newspaper in one hand coffee in the other, as the sky was lit with orange and reds. The only people he had interacted with on a daily basis was Alfred, Damian, Dick, and Tim. These conversations were about his 'nightly activities' since his return, about how they were effecting everyone in the house.

Alfred disapproved, Damian was too traumatized to notice much anymore, Dick just chalked it up to a sort of 'resurrection disease' and had taken steps to try and quarantine Bruce. Tim hasn't been seen for days, rumor has it that Stephanie Brown had kidnapped him. These of course were just rumors, no one believed the evidence, such as screams that echoed across the night as Tim disappeared.

"OH GOD, STOP…PLEASE DON'T DO THIS…HELP!" This of course, like all things in Gotham that had to do with screams for help, was ignored by the regular populace. Vigilantes were quoted as 'having nothing to do with the issues between Batgirl and Red Robin' unquote. But I'm getting off track, back to Bruce.

As he sipped from his coffee and read the paper, Alfred, backed up by a catatonic Damian being dragged by Dick in a Hazmat suit, walked up behind him holding a Burlap Sack Trademark, commonly used by criminals.

"Burlap Sack Trademark, the number one trusted item for the everyday common and uncommon criminal alike to get the job done. One such customer was asked on his opinion of the Burlap Sack Trademark." Bane standing in front of a green back drop held the Burlap Sack Trademark, with a resigned sigh he spoke with a monotone voice.

"The Burlap Sack Trademark is the best tool a criminal can have, why I myself use the Burlap Sack Trademark when robbing a bank or jewelry store. Trust me, does this look like face of a liar." Using his hand he pointed to his featureless Luchadore mask. Damn it I got to stop drifting off, from now on I'm going to use a Shock Collar Trademark to punish me whenever I get off topic.

Now as I was saying-

"Wait, that's it, I drove through six am LA traffic to film a simple commercial plug, and all I did was lie about how I liked a Burlap Sack." Bane was about to break into a rant before he was interrupted by a Stagehand.

"Actually its Burlap Sack Trademark, you have to say the Trademark." Bane roared in outrage before grabbing the Stagehand in both hands and breaking his back. He went on a rampage and knocked over a camera as screams of pain and terror echoed on the sound stage. A technical difficulties placard came up as a soothing orchestra piece started playing, in the background the screams continued.

Arggh I did it again, oh man this is going to hurt, *BZORK* GOD DAMMIT, I SINGED MY NOSE HAIRS. JUST GO BACK TO BRUCE WAYNE.

Hem-hem, as I was saying Bruce continued reading unknowing of the lurking danger behind him. With a speed belying his age Alfred quickly brought the sack down over the head and torso of Bruce who yelped in surprise, and with Dicks help they quickly sealed the Burlap Sack Trademark. By quickly I of course mean over a period of an hour as Bruce struggled, kicked, punched, and kneed in the acorns both Alfred and Dick. Damian just drooled in his governorship of the state of Catatonia, as an Austrian voice started yelling 'GET TO THE CHOPPA!" in his ear. With Bruce in his sack the two men, and borderline coma patient relaxed.

This was their second mistake, the first being putting the former Batman in a simple Burlap Sack Trademark. Bruce escaped from his Burlap Sack Trademark prison with a yell, before laying the smack down to both Alfred and Dick, while King Damien of South Catatonia dreamed a little dream of a tea party with Stephanie wearing nothing but an apron and Tim tied to a lit rocket. Within the span of another five hours they had caught Bruce once again in a Burlap Sack Trademark, after a merry chase across Gotham with a Boxer Clad Bruce imitating Braveheart complete with blue face paint and mooning the British. Wait cut that last part, there was no British involved in any manner.

Android 25 would like to take this time to apologize to anyone from the U.K. for any offensive comments that he has made or would likely make during the making of this fic. Thank you and pip-pip cheerio, meat and tube edge, Big Ben and all that rubbish.

The Staff of the Android 25 Insanity Cure Fund,

Thank You

Great here we go-*BZORK* ARRGH WHAT THE HECK DOES BZORK MEAN AND WHY DO I TASTE BLUE!

To make sure Bruce wouldn't escape from the Burlap Sack Trademark, they used five extra, tied it with chains and lined the outermost Burlap Sack Trademark with Batonite, Batman's only weakness.

We apologize the former writer of this fic was sacked and chucked in the Thames, the rest of this fic will continue with a clone of the former writer.

Bruce Wayne was trapped like a Moose stuck between an ugly female Moose during mating season and an Apple Pie.

We apologize again, the clone has been shot by an execution squad along with the people responsible for sacking the former writer, and chucked into the Thames altogether. This fic will continue with the former writer who was rescued before he could sink to the bottom.

*BZORK* PLEASE STOP, I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE, I'M STARTING TO HEAR AUSTRIAN VOICES ASKING ME 'WHAT ARE YOU WATING FOR?'

Now we return to the programming that is already in progress.

"It was Old Man Jenkins all along, trying to drive us away from the cove to collect the gold doubloons left there long ago by Blackbeard." Said Fred as he unmasked the Blackbeard Pirate Ghost. On the other side of the Street an irate Alfred and Dick carried a Burlap Sack Trademark as they pulled Damien along with a leash. During the struggle Bruce had torn a hole in Dicks Hazmat suit so as a precaution Dick had covered the entire suit in Duct Tape, earning him the coveted Paranoid Overreaction Gold Medal. So people who saw him assumed he was some bargain basement villain and they were stopped thirteen times by police cruisers.

*WHOOP-WHOOP*

Fourteen times, Dick who was as mad as hell and can't take anymore just used magic fourth wall pixie dust to change the scene to an interrogation room with a bright light shining on Bruce, who was pouting, with Dick and Alfred watching from the other side of a two way mirror. They placed Damien in the corner after he started humming 'I love you, you love me'. Alfred turned to Dick and started speaking.

"Master Bruce must be stopped but I just don't have the presence that-"

"Nose goes!" Dick interrupted while touching his nose quickly. Alfred quickly touched his own nose, but was beaten to the punch by Damien who had the presence of mind to start picking his nose, yes, try getting that image out of your head. If you do, think about Granny Goodness in a thong, and try to get that image out of your head without vomiting and stabbing your own eyes out with the nearest sharp object.

"Fuck!" With a curse and a roar, Alfred stormed from the room. After gathering his wits and calm, Alfred entered the darkened interrogation room. Bruce had started counting dust particles in the air as he scratched his nuts…mixed nuts in a party bowl, man you guys are sick. Alfred sighed. "Master Bruce, we know what you've been doing at night." Bruce quickly spit up his legumes of delight, as his face shifted from fear to passiveness. "It's just not right what your doing to criminals, your own son even got caught in the crossfire, Dick has become incredibly paranoid, and no one knows where Tim went." At this time I would like to point out everyone knows where he is, Stephanie's place, they just don't care. "None of the criminals will ever recover, and some didn't even survive after twenty-four hours. For god sakes the Joker has stopped smiling and laughing all he ever does is cry and drool!" Bruce crossed his arms before petulantly replying.

"I have no idea what your talking about." Alfred almost tore his hair out in frustration. Reaching behind his back he removed a folder from nowhere and threw it on the desk. Whereupon it exploded open and pictures were scattered across the surface.

Android 25 would like to apologize and forewarn the readers, of the graphic material ahead. Those of you with heart conditions and gag reflexes, please turn away, close your browser and rock back and forth in your seat. Those of you in perfect health prepare to catch Cancer, HIV/Aids, Influenza, the Bird Flu, and Polio all at once.

The Staff of the Android 25 Insanity, Cancer, HIV/Aids, Influenza, Bird Flu, and Polio Cure Fund,

Thank You

Each picture showed Bruce Wayne dressed as Frank-N-Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show going to see said move along with Pricilla, Queen of the Desert at a Double Feature Showing, except he was wearing the cowl of the Batman.

The End

Now I hope that image causes you to Bleach your brain and/or flame me. Because I need the flames to fuel my Fire of Destruction…Trademark. Good Night. Oh and I would also like to point out that I have nothing against these movies, hell I love Rocky Horror Picture Show, this was sort of a shout out to the movie. Besides this is all in good fun, nothing in this thing was serious. Except for maybe the moose, moose are always serious.