Hey guys, have you missed me?! :D Okay, I know. I was awful. I made a horrible april fools joke on here and my Fallen Insert story then ended up disappearing for 6 months, then disappeared again for...how many years has it been now? _ anyways, I am now done with college, working a lovely job at a bookstore and (hopefully) going to be able to wrap up Wolves Clothing before too long. I have spend several long sessions over my absence working on this chapter for you all, and I do hope you enjoy!

Now, and important note is that this chapter is the reason why I put the story in the M rated section in the first place. There's a scene in here I had planned out waaaaaaay back at the beginning and I'm glad to have it done, but a little worried some of you will feel it's usually left-field and out of place. If this seems like I was adding something shocking and dramatic out of the blue after coming back for a long time I am sorry. This really is a chapter I had planned out way at the beginning as I had the start, the middle and the end of this fic all in mind when I began this all.

Anyways, here's 15 pages worth of content for you all to enjoy!

Bard had been kind enough to allow me a few moments to collect myself, since encountering the gunman has shaken me some. When he started to leave I saw my book had fallen to the ground during the excitement. Thankfully it had not landed in a puddle, so it was fine to take home. Solemnly I collected it, and held it against by breast again as we slowly made our way back to the main road.

"There you are!" Meyrin greet when she saw us, with both her and Finny running up when they saw Bard's injury. "What happened?"

"Waaaa! That looks painful! Are you going to be alright?" The gardener wailed.

Bardroy put on a tough face. "Heh, a scratch like this is nothing."

I instantly scolded Bard. "We still have to get you back to the manor and treat it! What if it gets infected?" It didn't take much urging to get everyone to head back, seeing as they all had finished their errands for the day. But for Bard to get shot, what a day off this was turning out to be.

When we arrived Sebastian and the Master were still out investigating, leaving us servants to our own devices. "I'm going to take him down to his room," I explained to Meyrin and Finnian. "You two go find Mr. Tanaka. He should know how to treat a wound like this. And grab some bandages too!" After receiving a set of nods I hauled Bard to the servants' quarters with him grumbling the whole way there.

"What's the big deal? I'll be fine."

"There is a good chunk of flesh missing from your arm, idiot!" I shot back as we got into his room. "Now lay down so I clean the wound." With that I left him to pull his shirt off while I got a bowl of hot water and a clean cloth. Upon returning I found Bardroy had done as he was told, and was now sitting shirtless on the bed.

My eyes were adverted from his well-defined torso and focused on his arm instead, which was not easy giving the grizzly sight it was. My hand shook a little as I brought the now soaked cloth to the wound, not wanting to touch it. But I had to! I needed to clean the wound for when Mr. Tanaka came!

"Hey." Bard turned and grabbed my hand, squeezing the cloth between our hands. "You all right?" His gaze was uncomfortably steady.

"Ummm…" He was leaning in quite close to my face. "Bard?" The hand of his injured arm came up and brushed its fingers through my hair, pulling it free of the ribbon that tied it back. I was pulled closer, but when our faces were next to each other I tried to push back.

Feeling the resistance Bard's eyes widened slightly, looking at me in confusion.

A shaky apology was offered as I fought the resistance in Bard's hand.

"What are ya sorry for?"

"I dunno…everything?" My face felt hot and my chest hurt. Being this close to him only reminded me of that little kiss that had happened in the kitchen last night.

"Don't be." His hand moved to my ear and began toying with it, leaving a hot trail in the wake of his fingers. The chef pulled me closer again, this time with our mouths lingering close enough for me to feel his breath. It smelt like cigarette smoke. His tongue probably tasted like it too.

"Bard." His name was squeaked out, fear echoing through it. "Wait."

Our lips met, gingerly kissing at first, but in a second Bard made it clear he wanted my mouth open. At that I shoved him back, hand flying to my mouth as I turned beat red and looked away. A stinging sensation came to my eyes – I was about to cry.

He was surprised and a little shocked. "What's wrong?" He sat up and placed a hand on my shoulder, again leaning in next to me.

"I'm sorry…I'm…I'm not ready for this…"

"What…?"

"I-" A knock was at the door followed by Mr. Tanaka asking to be let in.

"Yes." I called, trying to keep my emotions in check as I pulled the door open. "I'll leave him in your care." I said quickly before departing.

It wasn't that I didn't like him, I did. But back there I had realized something. Even though I was legally an adult, that did not mean I was ready to be an adult. Not when it came to relationships. Not when it came to Bardroy and me. Truthfully, I was scared to cross that boundary, just like any child would be. I'd have to explain things to him later, when I wasn't such a mess.

I spent the rest of the day avoiding the chef and he kitchen, which was difficult since the town house was much smaller than the manor, but I managed. It was late that afternoon when the Master and Sebastian returned. They were, naturally, secretive as ever, until I was called to the Master's study.

I stood quietly, waiting for Ceil to speak first.

"Tonight I will need you to help Sebastian with his investigations."

"M-me?" How would I be of help? I wasn't going to be of much use in an investigation.

Sebastian looked a somewhat amused through, and since Ceil wasn't giving an answer, he explained that the investigation was to take place at a brothel, so Ceil couldn't go, and I was the only other person that could be trusted with this job. Seeing As Tanaka would tire out to easily, Meyrin was very obviously female, Finny was also too young and Bardroy would get…distracted.

"But why do we need two people?"

"It'll be suspicious if Sebastian goes alone." Ceil stated, now able to speak since he was done blushing. "He'll stand out too much, but if he had a friend along…"

"So I get to be his 'friend'?" I muttered to myself. "Wait, so I'm guessing I have to pretend to be a guy, right?"

"That is correct."

"Lovely…" This job was going to be nasty. I couldn't imagine what it'd be like in a Victorian era brothel, aside from filthy, loud and stifling. "Um…stupid question now. Why are we going to a brothel?"

"Our investigation has brought us to that area."

"…" I stared at the young master expectantly. "…and?"

The master and butler look at me with annoyance, lips pressed in firm line.

"And that's all I'll get." I muttered quietly, shrinking under their glares. I supposed this was official business from the Queen they were handling. A need to know basis, and if I was just a stage dressing for Sebastian then I didn't need to know all the little details of their job.

Ceil suddenly rose of his chair. "That is all." He announced, sounded quite bored with the conversation. Not that I blamed him, he and Sebastian were terrible conversationalists. I dare say Mr. Darcy* was more skilled than them.

The young master quit the room with Sebastian following behind like his shadow, leaving me alone to wildly imagine what fresh hell awaited me tonight during the outing to the brothel. The soft chime of a bell brought my mind out of its musings. There, next to the bookcase of the study was a small blue flame donning a slivery-black cloak.

"Where is it? I saw him bring it here."

I watched the flame move along the bookshelves, carefully examining the spines of each book while showing no chance of setting them ablaze.

"Are you…?"

"Oh!" It suddenly turned around. "It's been a while since we've met. You've grown considerably." Its voice was wispy and hollow and seemed to come from deep down in a throat that the creature visibly lacked. "My Lord has confessed your current state of mind worries him."

"…Your lord?" I knew this voice, but from where? It was familiar but I couldn't place a face to it.

"You know him well as the Councilman of Fate**."

The realization was as instant as being run over by a bus. I exhaled, seeing my breath on the air as the room went cold. "Lord Death."

I felt something brush behind me and the soft hiss of steal. My head rolled back to see a tall cloaked figure towering over me.

Slowly the mouth of the skeletal form parted to let out a rough, slow voice. "You've been caught up in an unfortunate series of events…You would do well to not end yourself here."

"Lord Death!" My arms were around him in a second without fear or trepidation. "Please! Take me away from here! I want to go home!" In my first trip to another world, caused by a fickle god, Death had been one to show me pity and offer aid where he could.

"If only I could…Unlike the Councilman of Time, I cannot transport a soul or body through time and space. I may only take you to the other side."

I knew that was his answer even before speaking my request, otherwise he'd have taken me out of that first journey as soon as trouble arose. But I was desperate to be out of here, to be back safe and sound in my time.

Disheartened, I turned back to the flame. "Then…you must be his right hand. You look different."

"You've grown. I've no need of that childish appearance I used back then."

Oh, so he took that form back then to not scare me. That's surprisingly nice of him. "So, what are you two here for?"

"Something was stolen…" Death explained. "We seek to return it."

The Flame moved along the bookcase again until he exclaimed, "I've found it!" A book was pulled out, seemingly by telekinesis, and Death brushed past me to see it. "Yes, this is the stolen book." His head twisted over his shoulder to speak to me. "You know this tale well, you have titled it 'Fallen'."

"Fallen?" I stepped closer to see the cover. It was my Cinematic Record. Ceil still had it and brought it along to London. I guess as reading material. "Yippie…the young master is a fan of my tale…" A groan escaped as I just felt more tired about all this nonsense. It was honestly surprising he had that still since the novelty of my being a Time Traveller wore off quickly for him.

The door to the room suddenly opened. Sebastian had returned.

"Oh…and just what do we have here?" His eyes glowed red as he took in the scene before him, and I knew I could be in serious danger.

Death's cloak came around me, holding me against the intangible form inside, protectively against the demon. He smelled of ash, a mossy lake, and the soft scent of a white flower I'd only heard descriptions of.

This only brought about a smirk from Sebastian. "Is this a declaration that she is with the Reaper's association?"

"She is no Grim Reaper...and I prithee you to now speak of that farce of an organization in my presence. God of Death I may be, I had no hand with that lot." His arm was raised and the hem of his cloak was draped over my head. "This human has my pity…for now." Suddenly it felt like the air in the room was sucked out. I choked for a breath, and just quickly everything returned to normal. I could breathe again, but the flame and Death were gone and had taken the book with them.

"Hmm…so it does appear you have friends in low places." The butler remarked. "Ah, but it is a shame. The master won't like having his book stolen."

"Uh no." I cut in, now crossed. "That wasn't his to keep. It's not even mine." Shoving past him I left the room to go scrub a toilet or clean a hearth. Anything to take my mind off that exchange and what awaited me that night.

"Awwww…but she gets ta go!" Bardroy wined. "How 'bout I go instead of Sebastian?"

"This is official business, Bardroy, not a night out for drinks. On your next day off you can go to the tavern together if you like."

The chef made an impressive 'grump face' as he knew a day off wasn't going to be coming any time soon. Besides, his arm was still bandaged up and healing. I'd learned that Mr. Tanaka had to stitch the wound closed for him, though it wasn't as deep as I thought it had been. Honestly, I was scared by the thought of going out for drinks with Bard. I liked the guy and we usually had a great time palling around together, but I could barely make him see the line in the sand I had drawn while sober. He would be impossible to hold back when drunk.

Keeping my eyes to the floor I added, "I'm not going out to have a good time anyways. Honestly I'd rather get out of this." Turns out that little visit from Miss Hopkins was to make me clothes for the disguise I'd wear tonight. Dressed like a middle-class man, I was paired with Sebastian to act as drinking buddies, out on the prowl to let off some steam in a brothel. If only I could puke and play sick to stay back from this… My stomach was flip-flopping enough that I probably could puke on command.

"Tell me what you find." Ceil ordered his butler, receiving a nod. "And you…do your best to stay out of trouble." He gave me an impish smile with his order.

"Yes, sir. I'll do my best sir…" I don't wanna go…

Leaving the warm glow of the foyer behind, Sebastian and I climbed inside the cab we had called, and as it lurched forwards I tried to not let my stomach lurch. This was happening, whether I liked it or not, whether I puked or not, it was happening.

Thankfully as we were inside the city the carriage ride wasn't as painfully long as it normally was, but with Sebastian keeping all information on our mission under lock and key it made for a rather dull ride! I supposed he didn't want the driver overhearing us, but he could have engaged in some sort of conversation!

Scientifically it's been proven that the human sense have dulled over the years when compared to animal species. We no longer were a part of natural selection and more traits that would otherwise be selected against were now flourishing. Humans did not need a keen sense of when they were in danger because our daily lives were so devoid of it.

However…there are times when a human can tell they are facing the maws of death or some other catastrophe. Standing outside the brothel in question, in the seedy and lawless part of London had every hair on my arms and neck erect and I was overcome with the need to have my back braced against a wall to prevent a sneak attack.

Of course, Sebastian felt no such fear, being the most dangerous creature in the area. With him headed in, my body followed while my mind lagged behind, watching everything like it was a horror film and I was screaming to the protagonist to not run off into the woods! The killer was out there! No don't do it!

I was seated at a table with Sebastian before I registered I'd stopped walking or that I was no longer standing.

"Pull yourself together." Sebastian whispered harshly, seeing just how out of joint I was.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"And don't drink anything." He cautioned, eyes moving about the room with suspicion.

"Don't worry about that…" I whispered, keeping my head down. It was as loud and rowdy as I expected it to be, with the smell of beer, human waste and smoke filling the room. Utterly unpleasant. And hard to breathe in, too. The only saving grace was a small stage with a woman singing on it in a scant outfit. Honestly the whole thing reminded me of a scene from the Great Mouse Detective. Of course, I had no intention of pulling a Dawson and downing a drugged beer. Sheer stupidity there, but thankfully I could hardly manage a sip of beer, never mind a whole mug.

I didn't know what we were looking for, but Sebastian certainly did. He stayed perfectly vigilant underneath that pleasant, marry-making mask he donned for the night.

"Ooo, you're quite the 'andsome one." A wench came over to coo over the butler, no doubt to solicit his business upstairs. Looking around the room I couldn't say I blamed her. He was several cuts above the rest of the men in here. If you were going to get screwed it may as well be by a handsome face.

"Isn't your friend a tad young to be 'ere?"

I offered a smirk and a hand, replying, "Terrible curse, my baby face is. All the ladies treat me as a child. But you can see past that, can't ya?" The one advantage to all the smoke in the air was how it strangled my voice and made it naturally drop a bit to give a more convincing male tone to me. Still not a deep voice, but a solid tenor was perfectly passable as male.

"Aww…poor thing." She slid off Sebastian and into my lap.

Not part of the plan. NOT PART OF THE PLAN! WHAT DO?!

Her fingers ran through my hair, stopping to play with my ponytail at the end. The bosom, pushed up from her tight corset and bare from her low-cut dress, pressed against my breasts as she leaned in. One hand moved to caress my cheek while the other worked at the back of my neck. I shifted under her weight, realizing I'd be outed for not having a throbbing erection right now! My eyes passed over her to Sebastian but he already had a swarm around him that he was handling masterfully. Did he plan to screw all of them to get whatever the hell it was we were out here looking for?!

"Must be so 'ard, 'aving such a cute face." My chin was lifted for a plump kiss on the lips as I gasped in shock. I couldn't handle this. I needed out. To push her away I lifted my hand, but it became embedded in the bouncy bosom of hers, and she took it as an advance. "My, my, so 'andsy. Just what am I to do with ya?" Her hand traced down my chest, down to my crotch. Quickly I grabbed for her hand before she noticed something was missing. "Oh-ho~" She giggled as my face grew redder, "so bold yet so shy. I wonder how you'll be later on?"

No. Not that. No no no no no.

I can feel my brain cooking as it overheats from thinking of a way out of this. I'm in a brothel, so there's no way to say I'm not here for sex, because you don't waltz into these places looking for just booze! As I wrack my brain for a solution, I don't notice her pop something into her mouth and take a gulp of beer before pulling me back in for a kiss, thus force feeding me the beer and whatever else was in her mouth.

Let me tell you something about me. I don't drink alcohol. Not out of some religious stance or anything special or morally related. I've had a sip of wine or so before, my parents we cool in letting us have that stuff if we wanted at home for special occasions, but I never took to the taste of it so I just never got into drinking. Let me underline that this was with wine, cider and other 'good tasting' alcoholic drinks (if such an oxymoron could exist) that my parents had. This was not with beer. When people say something tastes dry when it's a beverage, they mean it's a liquid that makes you wish you were drinking sand. Dry sand would taste infinitely better than beer! And I had a mouthful of the stuff, unaware there was a pill floating around in it, and with her lips pressed to mine I had to swallow.

"Stop." I begged, pulling back from the whore the best I could in my chair. She'd latched on to me though, probably deciding there'd be less competition over me than Sebastian WHO WAS STILL DOING JACK SHIT AS GIRLS FAWNED OVER HIM!

Again I tried to push the woman off, but I felt less power in my arms as I did so and she surely was part octopus with how tight a hold she had on me. The room felt like it was tilting and the last thing I remembered was how hot my body felt before my memory cut off.

Cold. So cold. I hunched over and hugged myself, rubbing my arms to warm up and tucked my legs in. Why was I cold? I had been so warm before. I reached down to grab something to cover up with when it dawned on me. My eyes snapped open to a dark room. It smelled just like the main room of the brothel but there was another scent I couldn't identify, but it was gross. But the smell wasn't what was on my mind. I was more focus on why the hell my clothes were missing!

Of course I was cold! I was in a dank, drafty room with no clothes, no blankets, laying on a bed that probably hadn't been cleaned once in its lifetime. What the hell had I been doing to end up here, I thought, head not feeling attached to my body at the moment. If someone told me it was at the bottom of the Thames I wouldn't have been surprised.

Crawling off the bed I felt something was off with my body. I was wet and sticky between my legs. My hand hovered in place as I decided if I wanted to determine exactly what I felt down there. Was it blood? My period was coming up, maybe it hit early? No, I hadn't felt any cramping. That always hit first.

Wailing and moaning from the next room made me jump. I need out. My body moved about the room as my mind floated into limbo.

Underwear, pants, shirt. My mind repeated over and over, blocking out the sounds of the room next door and the grossly human smells of the room. As I pulled my pants on I noticed I couldn't hear coins jingling in my pocket. I dug through them and came up empty. That bitch stole all my money! It wasn't much, thankfully, just enough for a night here to convince everyone I was a legit patron, but damnit! A hunk of emotion was chocked back as the rest of my clothing was pulled on.

This wasn't fair. Why me?! Why did I have to be the one to come out here? Sebastian didn't me around! This was just an excuse to torment me!

Despite being fully dressed now I still felt exposed and vulnerable. Someone had touched me in places and did things to me, with me flat out unconscious. I felt like my body wasn't my own any more, that anyone could walk up and touch me anywhere they pleased whether I gave consent or not. My lower lip shook and my breathing was ragged for a moment. Was this rape? Did it count as rape? Certainly I was molested, but…

No, it didn't matter what it was or anything! This wasn't a time period where I'd get justice. Nothing would be done so I just had to deal with it.

Pushing out of the room I found Sebastian about to enter, taken aback.

"And just what happened to you?" He asked, confused by the look on my face. I surely was on the brink of tears, but that question had me spin on a dime. "Fuck off." I snapped, slamming my shoulder against him as I headed for the stairs. I didn't care if he still had work to do, or that I didn't have a cab, or know the way back to the town house, I was fucking out of here!

I heard Sebastian follow me down the stairs and when I got outside he took the lead out to the main street and hailed us a cab. Wedging myself into the corner of it I curled into a ball and looked out the window. London at nighttime is breath taking with the stars overhead and the city lights reflecting off the Thames, but my mind was miles from the city right now. Wishing I could just melt into a dew as Hamlet so wished he could, or just throw myself out the window and plunge into the river to drown just to be away from what happened.

"I take it—" Sebastian's voice made me jump "—it didn't go well?"

"What do you think?!" I snapped again, about as friendly as a mean old snapping turtle or a goose during nesting season. Tears pricked at my eyes again but with a deep breath they were pulled back down. I'd be damned if I cried in front of Sebastian like this!

Seeing that I was about ready to breathe fire and murder him, Sebastian looked out the opposite window and the two of us paid each other no mind for the rest of the ride.

I would be nice if I could just disappear, is what I thought. Seeing Tower Bridge being constructed off in the distance, peeking over the cityscape, the thought of jumping in the Thames crept in. No…it was too much effort. I needed to get out of the carriage and wander over there in the middle of the night. With Sebastian here getting the carriage door open would be an ordeal. Instead I hugged myself tightly and kept my head down until we got back to the townhouse.

When we pulled up I took off like a bat out of hell, running to the door and headed straight upstairs for the bathroom. Sebastian was left soundly in the dust. Ceil was at the top of the stairs when he came in.

"What happened?" He asked as the sound of me slamming a door echoed through the house.

"I'm afraid we were slightly off the mark tonight."

"And her?"

Sebastian ascended the stairs and whispered to the young man what he suspected to have transpired.

Social order and hierarchy be DAMNED, I needed a bath, and Ceil had one of the few baths with pluming and running water. If I wanted a bath in the servant's bathroom I'd have to call Meyrin or someone to heat up water in the kitchen and run it to the bathroom. With hot water pouring out of the facet I lowered myself, hissing at how it burned. I pushed through the potential nerve damage and stayed in, grabbing a washcloth to scrub myself down. I had no idea where I'd been touched, what had been done, if I contracted anything. This was my best bet at getting rid of what a prostitute could be carrying.

A knock came from the door. "Stacy? You in there?" It was Meyrin.

"No." I called back, voice already chocked as my emotions bubbled over.

"What's the matter? Did something happen?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I shouted over the sound of running water.

Meyrin was silent for a moment before awkwardly saying she'd check on me again later.

Alone again I wheezed and hiccupped as everything I'd used to hold my emotions crumbled apart. The sobs that came out were loud and pained and filled the small bathroom so easily. The bath water was hot, but the salty tears I cried burned more as they spilled over my cheeks and dripped into the bath.

This was my life now. Pretending to be a boy. Forced to work as a salve for people I didn't fully like. Having few rights of my own. And now I had been sexually assaulted by a prostitute and couldn't do anything about it! With no modern medicine or treatments to make sure I wasn't going to contract a STD or something awful! After sitting in the bath possibly long enough to cause nerve damage I climbed out and heard a knock at the door again.

"Stacy! It's me again!" Meyrin greeted cheerfully. "I brought you a towel and clean clothes, I did!"

Sighing, I unlocked the door and let her in.

I could be sure if it was my expression or my now bright pink skin but Meyrin's response to me was, "Oh dear, your face is a mess." Passing the towel and clothes to me she grabbed a washcloth and scrubbed my face. Having not looked into a mirror, I feared to ask what it was she was scrubbing off.

"Thanks Meyrin." I said morosely. "Did Sebastian tell you what happened?"

The maid shook her head, taking back the towel to help dry me off. "No, but you seemed to have an awful temper when you came in. I figured something happened. Oooh, how could Sebastian bring you to such a seedy place?" She fretted as she worked on my hair.

I sighed again and thanked her for worrying about me.

"It's nothing, dear. We're all here for each other. You should talk to the others and let them know you're all right, they'll be in a tizzy if you say nothing."

All right… I can't ever be 'all right' again… "I'll be sure to."

"Need a hand getting dressed?"

"Oh no." I waved off her offer. "I can manage, but thank you." Satisfied with that, Meyrin left me alone. She'd brought me warm, woolly pants, a clean shirt, a sweater and some clean undies, all a step up from a butler uniform for me that this point. Once snug in the fresh clothes I slipped out of the bathroom and mulled over whether I was going to talk to the others or just hide in my room. I didn't know how long I'd been in the bath for, or even how long Sebastian and I had been at the brothel, but it was late. Dragging one foot after the other—tump…tump…tump…tump— I headed down the main stair case and then finally into the basement. I still wasn't used to navigating the basement here, and since it was night there are no light to go by. I did see a light down the hall and followed it, finding the kitchen.

"Stacy!" Finnian popped up from his seat and scurried over to me. "Are you okay? Mayrin said you weren't feeling well." He whimpered as he spoke, visibly more upset than I was at the moment.

"I'll…I'll be okay." I gently pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tighter than he was squeezing me. "I just had a bad night, but I'll live."

I'll live…would I really live? Did I really want to stick around for all of this?

Before I could let go Meyrin ran over to join the group hug with Bardroy rolling his eyes before deciding to jump in too. For one second, one little second that would vanish in an instant, I felt warm and loved. What had happened to me was a lifetime away. These were all people who cared about me and would keep me safe if anything happened. I didn't want to hurt them by killing myself, but that may be what happened in the end… for now, we could act as a family and support each other. I could stay in their warmth all night.

But then everyone let go and pulled away.

The thud of a full teapot being set on the table broke the spell. "Here." Mr. Tanaka smiled. "I made some tea that will help you sleep." It was in an old Japanese teapot, likely the one he always used for himself.

"Thank you." I whispered and took a seat and watched him elegantly pour me a cup into a matching teacup. I closed my hands around it and let the heat sink in.

"Do you guys know why Japanese teacups don't have handles on them?" I asked, looking into the herbal tea mixture before me.

"Because they're too stupid to add some?" Bard guess. I couldn't blame him for that answer. In this time period the 'Oriental' races were exotic and while they made beautiful things they weren't highly regarded, seen as savage or practitioners of black magic or even just stupid, unenlightened people for not worshiping Christ. The whole "oh we have visitors from Japan, everyone be nice" thing that the Black Butler stage play pulled was utter BS.

"It's so that you can feel the warmth of the tea." I explained, rubbing my finger along the side of it.

"Ooooh…how'd you know that?" Finny asked, clearly impressed.

My heart skipped a few beats. "Oh, you know, traders and stuff through the port always had stories and weird facts to share." I laughed it off and quickly gulped down my tea. "Oh, hot! Water!" Yes, I burnt my tongue. I am about as stalwart as the princess from The Princess and the Pea. You may laugh.

After getting me a glass we all settled back down, talking about nothing until we were too tired to go on. I finally checked the time and saw it was well past midnight. They all had stayed up so late to comfort me. All of them were really nice people…

Meyrin had showed me back to my room and I was already changed into my pajamas when someone knocked.

"Can I come in?"

It was Bardroy.

I sighed.

My nerves had settled now, yet the feeling of something having come in when I didn't want it to hung over me. It was that dark shadow that stayed just behind you when trying to walk home quickly late at night, praying under your breath that it was nothing corporeal giving chase.

It wasn't that I distrusted Bardroy. He wasn't like the lady from the brothel, but still…would he understand 'no'? This was the Victorian era where women had no rights, especially not in the bedroom. The chef had made it clear he was ready for far more than I was when it came to this courting business while I was a virgin still foundering with the feelings of falling in love. The gap was just too wide at this point, yet still…

"Come in." I called, holding the collar of my nightshirt closed.

Bardroy was dressed down when he came in, just in an undershirt and underwear, letting his body hair be easily seen in the light of the lantern he brought. The bandage on his arm from the bullet wound was another painful reminder/ I turned my head away. I can't stand this. Just go away.

"Ya sure you're all right?"

I nodded, still not looking at him.

"Don't believe you." He said, taking a seat beside me on the bed. The tilt of the mattress had me hunching over further. All my vitals and privates were guarded by my legs and arms. No one would touch me there. The memory of the heated kiss he tried for today clashed and mixed with what happened at the brothel.

I can't do this.

"Stacy?" He called, seeing I wasn't responding. I felt him lean around to look at my face, my scrunched up, blotchy-red face that showed my every intention to cry. His hand rested on my back and began rubbing the length of it slowly. My muscles stiffened further under his touch. Oh, to be like a porcupine and bare my barbs now. Every creak of the bed conjured what has happened while I was unconscious in my mind's eye. I wanted it gone! And if not the event then I wanted myself gone!

"You're not saying anything." Bardroy whispered in concern. His face was beside mine now with his whiskers tickling my cheek. For one second I was a child again nuzzling my dad's scruffy face before he shaved for the day. Then Bard's other arm wrapped across me and my happy moment was gone.

"…Let go." I forced my mouth to say, hearing only a pitiful squeak instead of a voice.

His arm stayed.

"I don't want to be touched." I begged, squeezing my eyes shut tighter.

His grip tightened as his other arm curled around me.

"Please! I don't want to be touched!" The voice that came out with pitiful, worse than a mouse, worse than any terrified animal struggling to escape. Could I just hide from existence? Pretend I wasn't there? Lay down in a coffin and make believe I died?

"You were fine with it earlier…" He sounded hurt, but I couldn't look at him. Surely my eyelids had fused shut by now.

"I just—I don't want to be touched now." I insisted, squirming to break free but his hold was steady. Why couldn't he understand? Why wasn't he listening to me?!

His face leaned against mine more, his breath in my ear. "If you open your eyes. Trust me. It's worse with them closed." With no choice left I pried my lids open. A warm light filled the room from Bardroy's lantern that sat on my writing table. "See? You're back here now, not in that dark place." His body curled around mine while he pressed his cheek to mine. "Wanna talk 'bout it?"

Morosely I said, "You said you'd let go."

"I'm not leavin' you alone ta your thoughts. They're dark I'm sure."

How? How could he ask like he knew? Like he understood what this all felt like? How?! "I don't really know…what happened…" Slowly I pieced together what I remembered and my thoughts on what happened after blacking out. I tried to describe how I felt. "Nothing gives me comfort now. It's like…like…" I couldn't. Nothing had the same impact as this or carried the same sick feeling.

"It's like when an enemy sneaks int'a yer base camp." Bardroy abruptly filled in for me, softening his touch. "You know he's there, but'cha can't find 'im. Nowhere feels safe. The more you search for 'im the more you rip apart your own camp." His arms tightened around me and I wondered if Bardroy lived through that. Just what did his military life look like? He had PTSD from it, but I never gave mind to what caused it. "Don't rip yourself apart."

At last I leaned into him. "I won't. But I might need help."

In a heartbeat he answered, "I'll help ya," and pulled me into his lap and hugged me tight. "I'll help 'owever I can."

"Thanks." I whispered and wrapped my arms around his neck. His smell was more than just cigarettes I noticed. He smelled like sweat and dust and wood fire too. Bard's hand returned to rubbing my back. "Bardroy?"

"Hm?"

"Would you be mad if I wanted things between us to slow down?" The kiss from earlier today and returned, untainted, but I still needed to address it.

"What do ya mean?"

"I'm still…" I turned my head away and brought a hand to my mouth, "I'm not used to kissing and it'll be a while before I'm comfortable with…with…bedroom matters." Hell, I couldn't even say 'sex' in front of the guy.

The chef shifted his position and held my face so our eyes would meet. "If ya need me to, I'll wait."

"What if it's a long wait?"

"I don't mind."

"Even if it's a really long wait."

"Even then I'll wait." His eyes were honest as he answered.

He'd wait. This big doofus who was always setting himself on fire and too antsy to sit in a quiet room just said he'd wait for me. Me, a whiney child that didn't even have the nerve to endure a loving kiss. I rested my head on his chest and whispered "thank you" as I hugged his neck. A kiss was pressed to my head, then my cheek and finally neck where Bard became fixated.

"Mmh!" I squeaked, wrenching my eyes shut and leaning away from his mouth, but he followed after. The kisses moved up my neck until he captured my mouth. One hand had its fingers woven in my hair and the other wrapped round my waist. I braced against his shoulders but those powerful arms were a strong coil. What happened to waiting? We'd done this before already! I'd pushed him off earlier today! So—why was he so persistent? My lips were shut tightly, leaving little for his to touch, but this time it was without his tongue trying to demand entry.

In a second Bard unexpectedly stopped. There was a sigh. "Ya weren't kiddin', were ya…"

Slowly I looked at him again, taking in that disappointed expression Bard wore. The chef dropped his hands away and he leaned back while I slid off his lap. "I'm sorry." I said my usual phrase, head down in shame. I had gotten raped and now was dealing with a disappointed man, and yet I was still the one apologizing. How messed up was this?

"Don't apologize." He waved it off. "Was expectin' you ta be more like a lamb and be led along, instead'a clamin' up like a turtle." There was a smirk as he said this, showing he meant it all playfully. It disappeared when he saw I wasn't smiling back. Bard scratched the back of his head before standing up to hug me gently. "I'm sorry…I know yer hurtin', and I dunno how to help you. I don't got that knowhow for women."

Oh…that's what those kisses were. Not carnal, but to comfort. My body rested on him and my arms slid around his waist. "Just be…gentle with me? Honestly, I don't even know how to comfort myself right now."

Bard's eyes darted up in thought, putting his few good brain cells to work before making an offer. "How's 'bout I stay with ya for the night? I won't try nothin' and maybe you'll get some peace of mind."

Could I handle having someone in my bed after today? Could I trust someone while I was in a defenceless state? The option to say 'no' was there, and Bardroy was trying to be kind and considerate, in his dumb way. "We can try, but I still might get anxious."

"I know." His hand moved to the top of my head and petted it. Bardroy's persistence was paying off, at the very least I was able to feel comfortable in his arms now. Bard wasn't going to hurt me, the worst he'd done attempt passionate kisses. Those were survivable. "I just can't bring myself ta leave ya all alone." He gave me a squeeze then pulled me over to the bed and pinned me down. My shoulders came up to my ears as a wide-eyed look overcame my face. Bardroy knelt over me, holding my hands in his as the bed creaked.

"I can't help wantin' you like this." His voice was full of yearning and desire, and a pinch of shame. "But yer so scared." A hand let go of mine and cupped my cheek.

With a hand free I rolled to my side, out of his hand's touch. "I can't."

Finally getting just how hard it was for me to suffer any contact Bard laid down next to me though kept his fingers woven with mine. His previously free arm wrapped my waist. "'m sorry. Dunno what to do for ya." I felt a heavy breath on my hair and neck. Bard was trying all he could think of for me, and it just wasn't what I needed.

"We can—" The shaky sound of my voice startled me "—We can just stay like this." Having him at my back made me feel protected at least.

"You don't mind?"

I shook my head and scooted back to be against him more. "Just keep me safe tonight."

"Alright, I promise." With that assurance his hand was brought to my back, slowing stroking it to lull me to sleep. In no time my eyes were heavy, exhaustion from my emotional distress setting in, and I could feel my mind drifting away. "Thank you." I murmured, too tired to care if Bard heard me or not. His hands were big and his arms powerful. If he'd been with us at the brothel he'd have fought everyone there to keep me safe, I'm sure. He might act like an idiot, and now know how to handle delicate feelings, but he was genuine, tactical and brave. What more could you ask for in a man?

As she slept in his arms, Bardroy couldn't believe how frail she felt. This woman who faced Sebastian without fear and overcame everything thrown at her had such a small frame. Her shoulders sloped like gentle hills and her waist was so tiny without even a corset. Her hands didn't even measure half of his while her wrists were barely bigger than sticks. And how was her hair so soft? A long, deep breath was taken to full his lungs with her smell, a smell he constantly changed his mind on. A first it was soapy, then she smelled like hard work and sweat, then at times it was sweet. Right now it was that sweet smell again.

As they laid together he had to spoon her closely as they barely fit on the bed together, but this is what he wanted. Just to be with her, and alone and enjoying each other's company. Sure, she'd fallen asleep but he loved every second with her. This strange woman who knew unusual things and dressed like a man; This woman who shouldn't have caught his eye at all had fully captured his heart. He meant when he said he'd wait. As much as he wanted to take her now the thought of hurting this delicate princess in his arms was too much. When she permit him to, he'd shower her in all the love she could as for.

*Main antagonist(?) of Pride and Prejudice because he literally says the worst possible thing to Elizabeth right off the bat and thus ruins his reputation with her. He spends the rest of the book trying to undo that bad impression right up until the end of the book.

**Death is a character set to appear in my main fanfic Fallen Insert, while he has yet to properly appear his role is set and will offer assistance to poor Stacy in that story. Hence why they know each other here.

Thank you all for reading to the end! I hope you could enjoy it despite the dark themes explore here! And as a reminder, as I had already posted a fake chapter 18 and 19 as part of my stupid april fools joke, those who left comments on those chapters back then won't be allowed to leave comments on this one, unless its as a guest read. I do apologise for that stupidity of mine _ Have a wonderful week and I'll see you all next time!

Oh, and thank you all to those who've been leaving comments lately. I've seen them and they certainly encourage me to get back to this fic as soon as possible! ^_^