After Your Heart Stops Beating Contest

Story Title: Fire and Ice

Penname: Kat3411

Summary: Bella finally knows who and what she wants. But when she tells Edward that it isn't him, will she be able to live with the consequences?

Word Count: 10,467

Bella sat in the window seat of her room at the Cullen house staring into the darkness remembering her last human days:

Jacob lay there in his small bed, his arm and leg in braces, an IV pumping fluids and morphine into his body. She cried when she saw him, knowing it was her fault that he was hurt. He had actually been hurt trying to save Leah from a newborn trying to squeeze the life out of her, but the whole war had been put into motion because of Victoria's vendetta against her.

She and Jacob had talked and she told him that she loved him. He answered with, "Do you know how much I wish it was enough?" She had nodded and asked if she could come back. He told her he needed some time, but he would be there for her.

"Until my heart stops beating, right?"

"Maybe even then . . ."

She had gone, giving him time to heal. But she couldn't stay away. Even though Carlisle assured her that Jacob was doing fine, she needed to see him. So against Edward's wishes, she went back to LaPush, and stayed with Jacob, helping him while his body healed.

Bella closed her eyes and remembered the conversation they had had sitting on the porch swing in Jacob's backyard one evening. Jake was sick of being cooped up in the house, and he told Bella he wanted to sit outside and watch the moon rise.

"Jake? Being with you is so . . . easy. I want you to know that I have been thinking about what we talked about the other night."

He glanced over at her and asked, "What was that?"

Bella stopped and turned to him. "How you said that you would be the natural path for me, if the world was the way it was supposed to be." He looked at her and held his breath. She looked up into his eyes and said, "I know that's true. I can see it. I can feel it. I laid awake last night thinking about it, and the differences in you and . . . Edward. You're right, Jake. Edward is my drug. I feel such a pull to him. I think in a way, it's like imprinting, you know . . . like Sam and Emily?"

Jake nodded, and Bella knew he was wondering where she was going with this..

"But . . . as much as I need Edward, I am starting to realize all of the things I will miss by being a . . . you know, by changing. I'm a lot more afraid of it than I let on the other night." She stopped and looked out at the trees then turned back to him and gazed into his eyes. Jacob could see all of the fear there in her eyes as she whispered, "I'm terrified, Jake."

He gathered her into his arms and held her close against his massive chest. She buried her head into his shoulder and let him hold her. He put his mouth to her ear and whispered back, "Bella, I'm terrified, too. I can't lose you."

They sat there, in the moonlight, each of them silently suffering. Finally, Bella pulled back to look up at Jacob. "Kiss me, Jake. Like that day on the mountain. Kiss me with everything you have."

Bella could see how shocked Jake was for a moment by her words! He wasn't expecting that request at all, but he certainly wasn't going to waste the opportunity. He took her face in his rough hands and covered her lips with his own. The kiss was gentle at first, then deepened when Jacob finally let go of all of the passion he had been harboring for her for so long.

Their tongues danced around each other and Jacob's hands left her face and ran down to rest on her hips. Bella sighed into his mouth as she felt her heart race. Never had Edward kissed her with so much passion! He was always holding back . . . afraid that he would hurt her. With Jacob, she didn't have to be gentle or hold back, and neither did he. It was so freeing for her to allow herself to let go and just feel instead of being so careful!

They broke apart to pull in some much needed air and Jacob smiled. "Wow. That was even better than the last time. Maybe we get better with practice," he added, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

She laughed at him. "Is that your way of saying you want to make out with me?"

"Well, maybe," he said sheepishly. Bella pulled his face back to hers and they kissed some more.

Bella smiled at that memory. She remembered feeling so alive and excited at Jacob's kisses. She wrapped her arms around her and let her mind wander to what happened when they left the swing to go inside.

He pulled away and whispered, "Come inside. Just for awhile?" She knew she should get home, but she found herself nodding. They walked into the dark house and Jacob pulled her toward his bedroom.

He closed the door then grabbed Bella and had her backed up against it in a flash. His lips were crushing down on hers as his hands traveled all over her. He pulled the hooded sweatshirt she was wearing off over her head as she pulled at his t-shirt and threw it on the floor. "Jake, you are so beautiful, "she murmured as she began putting kisses all over his chest. Jacob growled as he reached down and grabbed a hold and pulled her up so she straddled him. She wrapped her legs around him as their lips met again and they proceeded to devour each other. She could now feel how badly he wanted this as his hardness pressed into her.

"Jake, your dad?" Bella whispered between kisses.

"With his room at the opposite end of the house, he won't hear anything," he answered as he kissed his way down her neck. He quickly turned around and headed for the bed, where he laid her then looked down at her. Jacob eased down to her and kissed her again, and again. It's like they couldn't get enough of each other. He tugged at the hem of her t-shirt to pull it off. As he pulled it over her head and threw it on the floor, he heard, "Jake, wait."

Jacob stopped and watched in awe as she took Edward's engagement ring off of her left hand, and slipped it into her jeans pocket. Then she unzipped her jeans, and pulled them down, leaving just her underwear.

"Are you sure, Bella?" Jacob whispered. "Please tell me to stop if you . . ."

She pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around his neck to keep him there, kissing her. She wound her fingers into his hair and pulled. Keeping his lips on hers, Jacob reached around and tried to work the hooks on her bra. Damnit! He didn't have any experience in this and it was showing "Um, Bella?"

"Mmmmmm, yes Jake," she said with her lips on his.

"I hate to ask, but I need a little help."

She sat up, reached around to unhook it then she let the straps slide down her shoulders as she drew it away from her body. He gazed at her perfectly formed breasts and found himself slowly reach out to take one into his hand to lightly graze the tip with his thumb. She closed her eyes and rolled her head back to take in the feeling of arousal that ran through her.

He stroked and teased her until suddenly she whispered, "Jake, stop." He looked up as she said, "Maybe we are moving a little fast . . . I . . . um, have never done this before."

"You mean that you and . . . didn't . . . . you know . . . he's never touched you like this?" Jacob uttered in disbelief.

"No. We make out, but he never goes any further because he's always afraid he can't control himself, and . . . he'll hurt me," Bella said softly.

"That makes me very happy, Bells." Jake grinned. He leaned forward and kissed her. "Thank you for telling me that."

She smiled and put her hands on his chest. "When you kiss me, it makes me a little crazy. I'm finding it's too easy to get carried away with you."

Jacob grinned then laid back. It was tough trying to calm down. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's OK." Bella lay down and turned to face him. "The timing is a little off, that's all." She leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips.

Jacob pulled her into his arms. "I love you, Bella. I can wait," he whispered.

"I love you, too, Jacob," she whispered back. "More than I ever thought I could."

Bella opened her eyes, and let her head rest against the pane of glass. She pulled her knees up and locked her arms around them as she remembered with sadness what had happened the next day.

She had stayed the night, sleeping in Jacob's arms instead of on the cot that Billy had made them set up in Jake's room. They had just slept, nothing more, and in the morning, Bella had dressed in the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror and letting the guilt at what almost had happened last night sink in. She was still engaged to Edward, and she couldn't believe what she had almost done. But then she thought about all the times she had practically thrown herself at Edward. She had begged him to make love to her. He tried, but he always stopped. All of his reasons went parading through her mind: He didn't trust himself, he could hurt her, he wanted to wait until they got married, and on and on. He had never even kissed her the way that Jacob does. She felt like she was only getting a part of Edward. Never all of him.

She had walked back to Jake's room and said to him, "Jake, I took that ring off last night for a reason. I'm going to see him today. I'm going to give him his ring back and tell him that I can't marry him."

Jacob heard her say the words he had wanted so badly to hear, but couldn't quite believe it. "Bella? . . ." He couldn't get any other words out.

"I know this is hard for you to hear, but I still love him. A part of me will always love him." She gazed at Jacob quietly. He still didn't know what to say.

"Jake?" Bella said softly as she sat down beside him on the bed. "I want to apologize for all of the pain I caused you. I put you through a lot, and I am so sorry." Tears were streaming down her face. "I am sick of hurting both of you. Neither one of you deserve it."

"It's OK, Bells." Jacob reached up and put her hair behind her ear. "Maybe it all had to happen to bring us where we are."

"I'm not perfect, Jacob. You always act like no matter what I do, I'm never at fault. That's not true! I hurt you, Jake. I did! I am taking responsibility for that and apologizing!"

Jacob threw his hands up in front of him and cried, "OK, OK! I accept! Don't hurt me!"

"I need to go, Jake. I need to talk to Edward."

"I know. Will you come back?" She could hear the anxiety in his voice. She knew he was really asking, "Will you come back to me?"

She touched his cheek as she told him, "I love you, Jake. Don't doubt it." Then she leaned in and kissed him.

He pulled her close and said, "OK, then go. But call me tonight to let me know everything is alright."

"I will, I promise." And with that, she got up and walked out of Jacob's room.

And that was the last time she had seen Jake. Bella wanted to cry at that memory, but she had no tears. She hated what had happened next and wished with all her heart that she could go back in time and change it.

She had climbed into her truck and headed for home. She was shocked and amazed at how much her life had changed in the past couple of days. She had decided to stay human, and make a life with Jake. She smiled as she thought of him, until she noticed a car fall in behind her as soon as she was off of the reservation. A silver Volvo. Edward. She realized that he was probably going crazy wondering why she hadn't called him. Well, now was as good a time as any to talk. She decided to get it over with. Bella turned into the drive to the Cullen's house and pulled up outside the garage. She got out of the truck to wait for him. Edward pulled in behind her and opened the car door, got out, and walked to meet her.

"Two days, Bella? You have been gone for two days and not one phone call!" he shouted as he walked toward her. "What were you thinking? I understood when you wanted to go and see him to make sure that he was OK, even though you knew Carlisle was taking care of him and he would be fine. But two days?"

"Edward! I am so sorry. I should have called, I know," Bella started as she reached out to touch his arm. "Don't!" He jerked his arm away. He turned his back to her and stood there quiet for a second, like he was trying to gain control of his emotions. Finally Edward turned around to look at her. "Bella, I'm sorry. I was just so worried," he said more calmly. He put his arms around her then suddenly pulled back and gazed at her. She could see the questions there in his eyes.

Edward grabbed Bella's arm and walked her quickly inside the house, past Emmett, Jasper and Alice, who were sitting and talking in the living room, and up the stairs to his room. He calmly shut the door then turned to stare at her. This was not the face she was used to seeing. Edward's usually golden eyes were turning a darker shade of black. She could see all of the hurt and fear and anger looking back at her. "God, Bella, you smell awful!" He moved closer to her and leaned in close to her face. "I can smell him all over you." He stopped and stared straight into her eyes. "I can smell him ALL over you!" he growled angrily. She quickly realized she should have showered before she left.

His hand shot out and grabbed her left hand. "Where is your ring, Bella?"

She slowly reached into her jeans pocket and pulled it out. She kept her head down because she couldn't stand to see the pain that she knew would shoot through him. Edward snatched it out of her hand. He turned away from her and hung his head then slowly placed the ring on the bookshelf.

"Edward!" Bella started, "I am so sorry! I can explain! We didn't have sex. Please listen to me," she begged. She wanted him to hear all of the reasons for changing her mind. She moved toward him and again reached out to touch him. "Edward, it's not just Jacob, there are other reasons . . ."

He shoved her away from him with such force that Bella flew back onto the bed and hit her head hard onto the headboard. "Ow! Edward!" she cried as she reached up and rubbed the back of her head. This was not the Edward she knew and loved. Fear paralyzed her as she saw the anger in his eyes.

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" he snarled at her. Suddenly, Edward was on top of Bella, smashing his hard lips onto hers, grinding them against her teeth. His hands were tangled in her hair, pulling hard. "Edward"! she screamed against his lips. "You're hurting me!"

"Isn't this what you want, Bella? Isn't this what you have been begging me to do for months? Every time I said that I was afraid to hurt you, you still wanted to try. I should have done this a long time ago." She heard fabric tear as he ripped her shirt and bra from her. His cold hands then reached for her breasts and she winced at the pain he cause as he squeezed. There was nothing loving about this. This was an attack . . . an attempt to mark his territory. Bella had been begging him to make love to her for weeks. She had always wanted Edward, but not like this.

"If all you want is sex, Bella, I can give you that! Or do you prefer it 'doggie style?' " His hands had found the zipper on her jeans. She quickly reached down and grabbed his hand.

"Edward, stop, please!" she yelled. "Not like this! I know you. You don't want to do this! Please, Edward, listen to me!"

Bella was crying, begging him to stop. He finally let go of the zipper, and took a long, ragged breath.

Too calmly, he said, "I should have changed you when you first asked me to instead of waiting. What a fool I was! He's better at this game than I thought." Edward looked down into her eyes and whispered, "I want you, Bella. And I'm not waiting any longer to make you mine." Before she realized what was happening, Edward bent toward her and . . . Bella felt his teeth sink into her neck. "Edward, stop!" she screamed. "No! Stop!" She felt the poison heat through her veins just like when James bit her. The searing pain hit and Bella screamed over and over.

Just then the door splintered as Emmett came plowing through, followed by Alice and Jasper. "Edward! Stop it! She's changed her mind! Edward!" Alice pleaded with him. "Emmett, Jasper, GET HIM OFF OF HER!"

With one on each side of him, they tugged and tugged and finally pulled him away from her. Bella looked frantically at Alice. "Get him out of here!" she yelled at them as she ran to the door and screamed, "Carlisle, help!" Emmett and Jasper dragged Edward from the room. Alice noticed Bella was bare on top so she covered her with a blanket and then tried to hold her down as she writhed in pain. Bella let out another scream as Carlisle ran into the room.

Alice quickly told him what had happened. "Is it too late to suck the venom out? It took so long to get him off of her."

"Bella? Bella! Stay with me!" Carlisle shouted as he quickly checked her vitals. Bella was still writhing and screaming as Alice tried to hold her down for Carlisle to work on her. She could see in his eyes it was too late.

Bella closed her eyes and realized she didn't remember much of the following weeks except the horrible searing pain, the burning . . . and then the all consuming thirst. Carlisle had given her morphine at first to help her through the initial change then Emmett and Jasper had taken her out to teach her to hunt. She was amazed at the physical change in her body. Her signature clumsiness was gone and she ran with such grace and speed!

Alice had made Bella look into the mirror and she was amazed at her own reflection. Her freckles were gone, and her hair had a new luster and shine. Her pale alabaster skin was actually beautiful and flawless. But the eyes . . . they were blood red and a constant reminder of what she was and what she thirsted for.

The weeks went by. Jacob had called everyday those first weeks and had come over and demanded to see her. So did Charlie. Carlisle told them both that Bella was suffering from a very rare blood disease (a half truth?) and her immunities were so low that she could not be around other people at all. That even a cold might kill her. He tried to assure them that he was treating her and doing everything he could for her and they would be allowed to visit as soon as it was safe.

She went through the motions, and did what they told her to do. But when they allowed her to be in this room alone, she mourned, just like she was doing now. She mourned losing her life, her parents . . . and Jacob. After all this time, thinking she wanted Edward and to be changed to live eternity with him . . . she now hated that she had waited too long to realize it was Jacob she really wanted. She had wanted to stay human and live her life with Jake and Charlie and Renee, and have babies and grow old. Now it was gone. All gone.

Just like Edward. Carlisle sent him away to Denali. Bella had never seen Carlisle angry before, and it wasn't pretty. He was devastated that Edward had behaved as he had, so selfishly taking Bella after she had changed her mind. It was against everything he had been taught. It was such a shock to all of the Cullens. No one was sure if he could ever come back again. She wasn't sure if she wanted Edward to come back. She had been so in love with him, but now her anger at him ate away at her. She hated him for taking her life, and taking her away from Jacob.

Bella moved from window seat to curl up against all of the pillows on the bed. It was ridiculous to have such a huge bed when she never needed sleep. Her thoughts again turned to Jacob . . . she missed him so much. She thought about calling him at least a hundred times a day. But she couldn't do that to him. She had to stay away from him. They were mortal enemies now. She couldn't trust herself to be around him. What if she attacked him and he couldn't stop her? Same with Charlie. She couldn't trust herself not to kill her own father. She hated being such a monster.

"Can I come in?" Bella heard from the doorway. She turned to see Rosalie standing there. Rose had never hidden the fact that she didn't like Bella. So she was surprised to see her standing in her door.

"Yes," Bella answered.

Rosalie walked over and perched on the side of the bed. "I suppose you're wondering why I'm here." Bella nodded. "I know I've never been very kind to you. It's because I always thought you were making the wrong choice. I would never have chosen this life, Bella, and I didn't want you to give up all of the wonderful things that life has to offer to live this way - frozen forever. Now I guess you can see where I was coming from."

Bella nodded and whispered, "Yes, I can. If only I had listened to you."

Rosalie looked at her sympathetically and said, "I want you to know that I feel what you're going through right now. I left behind a family that loved me, and I wanted to get married and have children . . . and that was all taken from me. I love Carlisle and I know he thought he was doing the right thing, but there were so many times in the beginning that I wished he would have let me die." Rosalie smiled a small smile. "But things got better when I found Emmett." She turned to look at Bella. "I know sometimes he's just a big, goofy kid, but he loves me with everything he has, and . . . well, I love him and I would be lost without him." Bella smiled at that. She had noticed that the only time Rosalie smiled was when she was around Emmett. "You need that now more than ever, Bella. Is there any chance that you still love Edward? Maybe this wouldn't be so bad for you if . . ."

Bella shook her head. "No. He took that when he took my life," she said angrily.

"So, it's the mutt you're pining for."

Bella glared at her. "Yes, it's Jacob. I was such a fool not to see that he's always been the one for me. I waited too long and now . . . I'll have to live with that mistake . . . forever."

"Maybe not. Who knows? I've never heard of a wolf and a vampire making it work, but you could be the first."

Bella huffed at that. "Yeah, if the pack didn't kill me first. There's no way they would allow me on the reservation, let alone be with Jacob."

"Well, fine, then. Spend eternity wallowing in your self-pity." Rosalie got up and moved toward the door. She turned and added, "Or, you could get off your puny ass and call him. See if there is any chance he might still love you. I have to tell you, Bella, he sure has made himself the fool over you time and time again. I'd say you have a pretty good shot." She smiled and walked out the door.

Bella sat up and thought about what she had just suggested. Is there a chance that Jacob could look past what she was now? Would he still want her?

Jacob was despondent after his last visit to the coven house. He knew that Bella didn't really have some rare blood disease. He felt in his gut that she had gone ahead with the change for some reason, and Carlisle didn't have the guts to tell him.

No matter what anyone said to him, he wouldn't leave his room. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep. Billy had given up. Yelling at him didn't work, talking to him didn't work. He even called Sam over to Alpha order his ass out of bed, but after Sam saw him, he just couldn't do it. "Give him more time, Billy. Then if he doesn't get up, I'll order him up."

Jacob laid there thinking over and over again, If only I had kept her here. I should never let her go alone. I could have protected her!

"Son, enough. I won't stand for it any longer," Billy said as he wheeled himself into Jake's room. "I know you want to die, but I won't let you be that selfish."

Jacob rolled over to look at his father. He could see the worry and fear on his father's face and he felt a pang of remorse for being the one to put it there. His father had had enough sorrow in his life. Jacob knew he shouldn't add to it. He pushed himself up to lean against wall.

"What happened is horrible, I'll give you that. Watching you and Charlie suffer is killing me, too. At least you know what really happened. All Charlie knows is the lies they are telling him. A rare blood disease? That's the best they could come up with? I hate going along with that lie."

Jacob nodded. He did feel for Charlie. And yet, maybe it was better not knowing. At least Charlie had hope that she would get better and come back to him. Jacob knew Bella couldn't be cured.

"I'm sorry, Dad," he whispered.

Billy put his hand on Jacob's arm. "I know, son. But you have to go on. You have responsibilities to the pack and to this tribe. I'm sorry to be tough on you, but enough is enough. Get up, go shower and meet me in the kitchen. You are going to eat if I have to shove it down your throat!"

Jacob had to smile at that. His dad was still a tough old guy. He believed he meant what he said. "Alright, old man. You don't have to threaten me. I'll get up."

Billy smiled and he wheeled himself toward the kitchen.

Jacob slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He was shocked at his reflection in the mirror. He had a shadow of a beard on his face and his hair was standing up in all directions. But it was his eyes that looked the worst. They were empty. Which is exactly how he felt. Without Bella, he had nothing.

As he stood in the shower and let the water fall over him, he wondered about going to see her. Could he handle it? Could she? Was it possible for him to see past what she was now, and just see Bella? They were now mortal enemies. But they were still Jake and Bella. If there was a way, he knew he would have to try.

After he shaved, brushed his teeth and dressed, he ate the scrambled eggs, bacon and toast that his dad had made for him. When he was finished, he put his plate in the sink and said, "I need to get out. Go for a run. I'll be back later, OK?"

Billy smiled. "Yes, go! Stay out as long as you like."

Jacob stopped and kneeled in front of his dad. "I'm sorry for what I put you through. It's just . . . she was everything to me. Before she left, she told me she loved me, and she went there to give him back his ring. She had decided not to marry him, Dad. She chose me." He closed his eyes. "She chose me." He opened them again to say, "That's why I can't understand why she went ahead and . . . " then it hit him. Unless . . . maybe she didn't change on purpose. It didn't fit. She was going to wait until later so Charlie would think she was away at college. Why now?

"What is it, Jake?"

"I have to see her, Dad. I have to talk to her. Now." And with that, he turned and ran outside, letting the screen door slam behind him. He phased quickly and ran toward the border.

Emmett met him just over the border. "Hey, mutt. What are you doing here?" Jacob just growled at him and Emmett laughed. "Aw, come on, Lassie. Did Timmy fall down the well? Do you need help, boy?"

Jake growled and barked out at him as he took off running toward the house. Emmett followed him and went on to the house as Jake stopped to phase and pull on his shorts. "I suppose you think you're going to see Bella," Emmett said evenly.

"Yes, I am. And I won't let you or anyone else stop me. So don't even try," Jacob said angrily.

Emmett blocked the door from him and tried to decide what to do. Just then, Carlisle came to the door. "Hello, Jacob. It's good to see you again," he offered with a smile.

"I need to see her." Jacob stated. "I know she doesn't have some rare blood disease. Unless that's what you're calling being turned into a bloodsucker these days."

Carlisle nodded. "I knew you wouldn't believe that." He smiled. "I had to try."

"Yeah, I get that, but I want to see her. I need to see her. Now," Jake stated again.

Carlisle hesitated. He had no idea if Bella was far enough along to be able to control herself around Jacob's human scent. On the other hand, Jacob didn't smell like a human. The wet dog smell might distract her. While he was quickly debating what to do, Bella appeared behind him and said quietly, "It's alright, Carlisle."

Carlisle turned around and asked, "Are you sure, Bella?" She nodded then stepped out so that Jacob could see her. She wasn't prepared for what she saw. She could see the devastation in him at what she had become. His eyes were dark like he hadn't slept in days . . . or weeks.

She slowly made her way down the steps toward him. "Jacob?" she asked tentatively. He slowly shook his head as his eyes never left her face. She stopped in front of him and said softly, "I'm sorry. I 'm so, so, sorry."

Then she saw anger flare in his eyes. "That fucking bastard. I will hunt him down and kill him!"

"Jacob! Stop!" Bella shouted. Emmett moved closer to Jacob in case he needed to stop him from doing something stupid. Like phasing and trying to rip them all apart.

"He did this because you wanted to be with me, didn't he? Didn't he, Bella? He lost it and sunk his teeth into you!" Jacob's body was shaking violently and he was trying so hard to hold back from phasing. He knew he was close and he didn't think he could stop himself from killing them, all of them. But they weren't at fault here. The one person that deserved it was a fucking coward, hiding himself away from what he had done. "Where is he? Tell him to come out here and show himself, the fucking coward," he yelled.

"Jacob, he's gone. Carlisle sent him away to Denali. Please calm down. I can't take this right now," Bella pleaded.

Jacob closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. He willed his breathing to slow as he said, "OK, OK, I'm alright. Back off, alright?" he threw at Emmett. Emmett held his hands up and backed away a few steps.

Carlisle was standing close to Bella, observing how she was handling being so close to Jacob. She seemed to be fine. He didn't see any signs of bloodlust, so he said, "Bella? Would you like to talk to Jacob alone? Do you think you can handle that?"

She looked at him and nodded. "Yes, thank you."

"Alright," he returned. "We'll be close by if you need us." He looked to Jacob and said, "Just take it easy. The last few weeks have been hard on her."

Jacob nodded, but kept his eyes on Bella. Carlisle and Emmett retreated to the house, leaving them alone. Bella nodded toward the path to the woods. "Can we walk?" She turned toward the path and began walking and Jacob fell into step beside her.

They walked for a ways in silence, both of them lost in their thoughts. Jacob was still dealing with the shock of seeing her like this. She was beautiful! He always had found her so, but now, she was . . . dazzling. But she wasn't his Bella. Her freckles were gone, and her chocolate brown eyes that he could stare at for days . . . they were replaced by blood red ones that reminded him of what she was. A bloodsucker.

Bella glanced at him and tried to read him. She knew he was struggling. He hated what she was, she knew that. But she hoped that somewhere, deep inside, he could find a way to see that she was still Bella. She still had the same thoughts and feelings. She had to make him see that.

"Jake? Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."

He stopped and looked at her. He tried to find the words, but they wouldn't come. Finally, he sighed deeply and said, "Tell me what happened. The truth, Bella."

Bella looked at the ground. She wanted to spare him from this, but she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't give up. She walked over to a fallen tree and sat down. Jacob followed and sat beside her. "When I left you that day, I was so full of emotion. I remember just letting the tears run down my face. What almost happened between us . . . it was so wonderful and exciting and . . . I was determined to see Edward and tell him that I couldn't marry him. I knew I wanted to be with you." She looked up into Jacob's eyes and smiled. "I wish I hadn't waited so long to realize it. I'll always regret that we . . . stopped when we did." Jacob nodded.

"Anyway, as soon as I left the reservation, Edward pulled out and followed me. He had been waiting there for me. I drove here and when he got out of the car, he was angry. I had been gone for two days and I hadn't called him and he was worried about me. He hugged me and . . . he smelled you . . . all over me. It inflamed him."

Jacob's hands now curled into fists and his breathing picked up. Bella put her icy cold hand out and touched his arm. His skin felt like fire to her! "Jake, please. Just listen." He nodded and tried to stay calm. "He walked me up to his room and closed the door then took my hand. He wanted to know where the ring was. I pulled it from my pocket and he snatched it away and laid it on the shelf. I tried to talk to him. I begged him to listen to me, but . . . his anger turned him into a different person. He wasn't my Edward." She closed her eyes as the memories washed over her. Edward's eyes so black and menacing . . . his hard lips demanding a response from her, ripping her shirt . . .

She opened her eyes and said, "I don't want to tell you all of the details, but . . . he was very angry and he told me that he shouldn't have waited to change me. He told me he wanted me and then . . ." She pulled her hair back and showed him the bite mark. She heard the hiss of air as he inhaled and then he raised his hand and gently ran a finger over the mark. She turned to look at him and when she saw the tears on his face, she felt what was left of her heart break. "I'm so sorry, Jake."

Then he exploded! Jacob jumped up as he shouted, "Stop saying you're sorry! This is NOT your fault. You went to him in good faith that he would understand. That night we spent in the tent, I asked him if you chose me, would he try to kill me. He told me that he wouldn't because he couldn't hurt you like that. He TOLD me that he would walk away! What a fucking liar!" He was pacing back and forth as he ranted. He stopped and looked at her. "You did nothing to deserve this, Bella. This was ALL him. And he deserves to die for what he's done. He broke the treaty, Bella. We have every right to hunt him down and kill him. We should kill all of them!"

Bella stood up and said quickly, "Jacob, no. Just let it go. I don't want this to start a war. Edward acted alone. The others have done everything they can to make this easier for me. I've never seen Carlisle so angry at Edward. He was furious and he was the one that sent him away. His family is devastated that he did this. They don't deserve your anger."

Jake ran a hand through his hair and tried again to calm down. He looked up at her and tried to see her . . . really see her, his Bella. "How are you? Really?"

She gave him a small smile. "Better now. I'm getting better at hunting, and the thirst is at least tolerable now. I just hate . . . " she stopped and turned away from him.

"What?" Jake prompted. He automatically reached out and put his hand on her arm before even thinking. He had to will his hand to stay there on her icy skin. "Bella, talk to me."

She turned slowly and said, "Don't you hate me for what I am? We're . . . mortal enemies now. You should hate me, Jake."

He smiled that "Jacob" smile that she loved so much. "I should, I know. But I can't. I could never hate you. Although you do stink."

She had to laugh at that. All this time he had complained about the way the Cullens smelled, and she just didn't get it. Now she did. "At least I don't smell like a wet dog! God, Jake, you reek!"

He laughed and was happy that he had made her smile again. "I think I could hold my breath long enough to give you a hug. Would that be alright?"

"Yes, please," she sighed as he pulled her next to his warm body. He wasn't wearing a shirt, as usual, and his skin felt so hot on her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his waist and relaxed for the first time in weeks. "I was afraid that you would be so . . . repulsed by me, you would never want to see me again, let alone touch me."

"Well, you are pretty ugly. I mean, no freckles, no hair hanging in your face . . . "

She pulled back and smacked him lightly on the chest. "Yeah, right. I'm gorgeous and you know it. I might even be a little sexy."

He smiled as he thought about that. A vampire? Sexy? Maybe, but only because she was Bella, not because she was a vampire. "Maybe, a little," he admitted.

"Jake?" she asked seriously. "Do you think that there's any way . . . you know, that you might still . . . "

"Love you?" he finished for her. She nodded. How could he not? She was still Bella. He hated what she was, and how she needed blood to survive. But he knew that he would still love her as long as his heart was still beating. "Bella, I don't how to stop loving you."

She melted into him again and he dropped a kiss on her head. "All couples have their obstacles to get over, you know. I guess this will be ours," he told her.

"This is a very big obstacle," Bella pointed out.

Jacob grinned. "I guess it is, but I'm willing. I would do anything for you. You should know that."

She stepped back to look up at him. She could see the love and determination in his eyes. "I do. But, what about Sam? The pack? Your dad? When they find out what I am . . . "

"Dad already knows, Bella. And he knows how I feel about you. And as for the pack, they'll just have to deal," he said with a shrug.

"I wish I could tell Charlie. I miss him so much," she confided.

Jake put his hand under her chin to make her look at him. "What's that saying? 'Where there's a will, there's a way.' Once you get past your newborn stage, who knows? Maybe you can find a way to be around him. Of course, you may have to tell him you had some plastic surgery or something to explain how gorgeous you are. And the eyes. They are kind of gross. Maybe contacts?"

She smiled at his optimism. "Maybe." She took a few steps away to think about what he had said. Could this really happen? Could she find a way to have her dad and Jake back in her life?

Jacob walked up behind her and asked in a strained voice, "Do you still love him, Bella? I mean, is there a chance that you might . . . "

Bella whipped around to face him. "No! No. He acted selfishly and took everything away from me. I hate him for what he did."

"I can't say I feel bad about that," Jake said with a smile. "I actually kind of like hearing that. It's something we can now have in common - hating Edward."

"I'm glad you find my pain humorous," Bella retorted.

"Aw, come on. I didn't mean to upset you." Jake pulled her to him again and embraced her. "So does this mean that you still love me?"

She pulled back and said, "Uh, yeah. I thought you already knew that."

"Well, maybe I need to hear it."

She smiled. "I love you, Jacob. With all my heart."

"Well then, we'll find a way to be together. I promise." And he meant that. He couldn't live without her, he knew that. Bella was like air for him. As much as he hated her being what she was, he knew that he would find a way to deal with it. He had to.

Bella was so amazed at how Jacob was dealing with this! Never had she dared to dream he would accept her for what she was. But reality was hitting her again as the ever present thirst was rising and making her throat burn.

"I need to go, Jake. I need to hunt."

He nodded. "OK. But I want to see you again, soon. Can I?"

"Yes. Definitely, yes. I will call you."

He pulled her to him for a quick hug and then she was gone. He stood there alone for a moment and tried not to think about her hunting down an animal and sucking it dry. He shut his eyes and willed that mental picture from his mind. He stripped and tied his shorts to his ankle and phased to make his way home.

When Jacob got home, the first thing he did was go to his dad. He told him about seeing Bella and how he still wanted to be with her in some way. "I know it won't be easy, but soon her thirst won't be so intense. I've been around the Cullens enough to see that they really can stick to their vegetarian diets. Bella is learning and I think . . . "

"Are you serious, son?" Billy asked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You still want to be with her, even now? How can that be? You are a wolf, the rightful Alpha of this pack. Someday you will need to step up and take that responsibility. How can you do that with a . . . cold one by your side?"

"I know I promised that I would step up someday, but if I have to choose between Bella and the pack, the pack will lose. I love her, and I won't live without her. Period." Jake's eyes shone with his determination.

Jacob could see the disappointment show on Billy's face. He hated to do that to him. Jacob was the only son, the rightful heir. He knew that his dad would never understand him choosing a vampire over his tribe, his family.

"I don't want to choose, Dad. I don't want to walk away from my family. Please, help me to find a way to have both," Jacob pleaded.

Billy shook his head in disbelief. "Do you have some crazy ass idea that you can marry her and bring her here to live on the reservation? SHE IS A VAMPIRE, JACOB! Get through your thick head! You are important to this tribe. It is up to you to have children and carry on the tradition of our people. How can you do that with her? She can't have babies! Wake up, son, before it's too late."

Jacob hated what he was about to do, but he could no other way. "Then I quit. I quit the pack and I quit this family!" Jake shouted. He ran his hand through his hair and said softly, "Dad, you don't understand. I can't live without her, no matter what she is. She is still Bella . . . the same Bella you have known since she was a baby! She changed her mind, and she didn't want this. HE did this to her to keep her with him. Are you really going to punish her and me for something that HE did?"

Billy stared at Jake in shock. He couldn't believe that his son would choose a vampire over his own family. He had no words. He sat there silently trying to comprehend what was happening.

"Fine. I'll take that as your answer. Goodbye. Have a nice life." And with that, he slammed the door behind him in anger and disgust. Billy sat there in the kitchen, quietly mourning the loss of his only son.

Jacob had driven over to the Cullen house this time. He parked the old VW Rabbit and slowly walked up to the front door. He wasn't sure how to tell Bella that he had just run away from home. He felt like a 6-year old throwing a fit over not getting his way and running away to make his parents feel bad. Only this was much more serious. He was leaving everyone he loved and running to a house full of vampires. He was suddenly questioning his decision-making skills right now.

He finally got the nerve to ring the bell and Esme answered. "Jacob, hello," she said kindly. "I suppose you're here to see Bella?"

"Yes," he answered quietly. She smiled and nodded and motioned for him to enter the house. He took a deep breath of fresh air and followed her into the massive living room and noticed Emmett and Jasper sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Who let the dogs in?" Emmett called out. Jasper grinned.

"Very funny," Jacob sneered.

"Bella is in her room. Follow me," Esme said. Jacob nodded and followed her up the huge staircase and down a hall and around a corner . . . he wondered if he could find his way back out without a guide! Finally she stopped in front of a door and knocked lightly. "Bella? Jacob is here to see you."

Jake heard movement inside the room then the door opened. "Hey, you're back," she said with a dazzling white smile.

"Yeah. Can we talk?" he asked.

"Let me know if you need anything. I'd be glad to make you some dinner, Jacob, if you're hungry," Esme offered.

"I'm good. Thanks."

Esme nodded and turned back down the hall. Bella held out her hand and pulled Jacob into her room then closed the door. Jacob looked around and couldn't believe what he saw! "Man, this is like three times the size of your old room! I think my whole house could fit in here."

Bella smiled and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. It's weird that it's so huge, and yet, I still feel like I'm trapped in a cage or something." She walked over and sat down on the bed. "I have this huge bed and I don't even sleep. It's bizarre."

Jacob sat down on the bed next to her and said, "I left home." Bella looked at him quizzically. "I told my dad that I had seen you and I thought that we could still find a way to be together and . . . he freaked. He made me choose. He made me choose between you and them." Bella looked at him with wide eyes. "I chose you."

"Oh, Jake. No. You can't do that."

"Yes, I can!" he said angrily. "I mean, I shouldn't have to choose. I can't believe he made me. But I'm not a little kid anymore, Bella. I'm 17 and old enough to know what I want. And I want you."

Jacob gazed at Bella's lips and lowered his head towards her. She waited in anticipation as he drew closer. Finally, their lips touched and she was surprised at the emotion she felt as he kissed her. She was so afraid that she would feel dead inside, but as Jacob's lips moved over hers, she felt alive again. She clung to him and kissed him back with all of the passion she was feeling.

Jacob was amazed at how her icy cold lips could still feel so soft. He slowly explored her mouth with his tongue and the words "fire and ice" came to mind. She kissed back and he felt the passion and excitement rise in him. He pulled back and looked at her. "Wow."

She smiled. "Yeah, wow. I didn't think it could ever be like that again, between us."

"I'm very glad it is," Jake grinned. He laid her back on the bed and kissed her again, only more aggressively this time. He broke away for a minute and said, "Bella? Can you handle this? I mean, vampire venom is poisonous to me. If you . . . "

"I know. I can handle it. And if I can't, I'll stop. I promise." He smiled and captured her lips once again. Her tongue drove in and out of his mouth and he loved the ice feeling. His hand crept under her shirt to run over the smooth, taunt skin of her stomach. She arched her back a little to encourage him to move higher. He did and was excited to find she wasn't wearing a bra. He ran his palm over her nipple and it rose with her arousal.

She was consumed with the feel of his skin, the heat of his body. When they were together before, when she was still human, she had been hesitant. Now she felt almost predatory . . . she had to have him.

Bella rolled Jake onto his back and ripped his t-shirt from his body. She then bent down to kiss his chest and run her tongue around his nipple. She could see he was taken aback at her aggressiveness, but he didn't seem to mind it either. In fact, she could tell by his erection how much he was enjoying it.

She kissed his mouth and rubbed against him until she was practically in a frenzy. She could feel her wetness soak her panties, so she whipped off her sweat pants and underwear and then removed Jake's shorts. She rubbed her wetness along Jake's leg and smiled. He reached for her and flipped her over and looked down at her. "Now, Jake. I need to feel you inside of me, now!"

He was aching to be inside her, but he was hesitant. She maybe a vampire, but she was still a virgin. So was he! He thought he should go easy her first time. But as her nails dug into his shoulder as she tried desperately to pull him inside, he decided he couldn't wait either. He drove into her and heard her hiss. "I'm sorry, baby. Are you OK?" he whispered.

"Yes! Don't stop. Keep going . . . faster . . . " she got out.

He did just as she asked and drove into her over and over as she kept pace with him on every stroke. He loved not only how tight she was, but how cold she felt around him. Just when he thought he couldn't take anymore, he felt her contract around him and cry out, "Oh yes, Jake!" and then he emptied himself inside her.

"Oh God. Bella, that was . . . fucking awesome," he panted.

She laughed and kissed him. "Yes, it was. Your heat . . . it felt fantastic!"

He rolled off of her and laid on his back beside her with a smile on his face. Now he knew, more than ever, he could never walk away from her. He reached down and grabbed a thin blanket at the end of the bed and pulled it up to cover them. He put his arm out and pulled Bella close to snuggle against him.

"Do you suppose I could crash here with you tonight?" he mumbled into her hair.

"Mmmm, you can stay as long as you like."

Bella smiled as she watched Jake sleep. All those nights Edward spent watching her sleep and she used to wonder why he never got bored. Now, as she lay here naked, watching Jacob sleep, she understood. His face was relaxed, and every now and then he would smile in his sleep. She wondered what he was dreaming about.

He woke up in the middle of the night and was eager to have her again. She felt like she would never get enough of him. This time, she climbed on top of him and rode him until she exploded and shook with her climax. Jake smiled and said, "That was so beautiful. To watch you like that." She leaned down and kissed him and then let him sleep again.

In the morning, she got up and showered and dressed then woke Jacob up with a kiss. "Hey, your stomach has been growling loudly for the last two hours. Get up and let me fix you some breakfast."

He rolled over and put the pillow over his head. She smacked him on the ass and he said, "OK, OK, I'll get up." He rolled off the bed and went in to use the bathroom. He showered quickly and put on his shorts. He saw the remnants of his t-shirt on the floor and decided he would go topless today.

Bella laughed as she led him through the maze to get downstairs to the kitchen. "It took me awhile to learn my way around, too."

She led Jacob into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Esme always kept food in here for me before . . . well, you know. I'm sure I can find you something to eat." Jacob snuck up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist. As he nibbled on her neck he said, "I'm sure I can find something to eat, too."

She turned and crushed her lips onto his and ran her hands up his back.

"What the hell is going on here?" Jacob heard Edward say behind him.

Jake whirled around and automatically pushed Bella behind him to protect her, which was ridiculous now considering her newborn strength. She could probably kick his ass easily!

Edward stepped into the kitchen. "I can't believe it. I came back here to apologize and tell you how much I still love you and want you and I find you in his arms? How is that possible?"

Jacob felt the rage build inside toward Edward. He wanted nothing more than to phase and rip him to shreds. But Bella was holding onto him with a vice grip that he knew would not be easy to break. "Jacob, please. Don't," she whispered.

"What? Afraid the pup could actually hurt me? Oh Bella, you do still care," Edward said snidely.

Bella stepped out in front of Jacob and said angrily, "No. I just don't want him to fight my battles for me. Maybe I want to kick your ass all by myself."

Jacob could see the surprise on Edward's face matched his own. Bella wanted to kick his ass? This could be good.

Edward just smiled. "Bella, you really are beautiful. Especially now that you're angry. I have to admit it's quite a turn-on."

"Oh, so now you're turned on? All those nights I threw myself at you and begged you and you shied away like the coward you are. This is what does it for you? A pissed-off vampire who wants to fucking kill you?"

Jacob grinned. Go, baby, go!

Bella blurred in front of him as she went for Edward. Jacob wondered anxiously if he would fight back. Edward caught her and flipped her so she landed on her back. "Please Bella. Don't embarrass yourself," he said over her. Jacob growled, but held back. He knew she wanted to do this by herself.

She threw out her leg and knocked him to the floor. Bella was up and waiting for him as he quickly returned to his feet. "Don't worry. I won't," she said flippantly. "Emmett has shown me a thing or two while you were gone."

She attacked again and struck at him but he again flipped her and she landed on her back. He leaned over her with an evil smile. "I guess he didn't show you everything."

She blurred then and had him in a death grip before he knew what hit him. She was squeezing him with all of her newborn strength. She could easily snap his neck at any time. "I hate you, Edward, for what you did to me. You selfishly took away everything I wanted," she hissed. "I want to kill you for what you did, but that would be too good for you." She dropped him to the floor and put her foot on his throat. "I want you to suffer. I want you to see me with Jacob and know every day for the rest of your miserable existence that I still chose him over you."

She walked back to Jacob and he put his arm around her shoulders and grinned. Edward quickly stood up and looked at them. Disgust filled him as he spat out, "Fine, Bella. Sleep with the dog. But you can't take my family from me."

"I think we should leave that up to them. I don't know that you will find them very welcoming. You hurt them by hurting me."

"You broke the treaty, leech. You need to run or die. Your choice," Jacob threw at Edward. "But if you run, don't come back. I won't hesitate to kill you myself."

Edward stared them down then turned and walked to the back door. They heard it slam behind him. "Fucking coward," Jacob said under his breath. Then he grinned at Bella and kissed her passionately. "Man, Bella, you kick ass! Edward was right about one thing. That was a turn-on."

She grinned and kissed him back. "You aren't disgusted by being turned on by a vampire?"

"Do I look disgusted?" he asked.

"No, you look hot and sexy to me," she said with a smile.

Jake looked at her seriously. "If Edward stays here, where are we going to go?"

"I don't know. Wherever we want, I guess," she answered. "I love you, Jacob Black. I want to be wherever you are."

"I love you, Bella. I won't ever let you go again." As their lips met, she knew he really meant that. And she was glad.