House opened the door to his old apartment. He hadn't been here in months. He'd kept the place because... well, he didn't really know why. Ostensibly it was so if one of the two of them got sick, they could avoid giving it to Rachel. And it hadn't been the right time to sell the place to maximise the asking price. House knew these reasons were false - he'd kept it because it had been his, just his, and he hadn't been ready to surrender himself so entirely to Cuddy. As he looked around, he couldn't understand why he'd been so reticent.

The loneliness in the apartment was almost palpable. Everything looked like it was designed to keep people out. It was darker than the house he lived in now, even with the lights on. He moved through and as he looked around all he could see was everything that wasn't there. None of her clothes, her make up, her perfume. None of Rachel's toys to trip over. No photos of them together. In fact, there were no photos at all. He sighed. This was a sad place for a sad man. It made sense he'd ended up here now.

He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. All he wanted to do was go home. This wasn't his home anymore. He belonged there, with the two girls who made him happy. He was only now realising just how much he'd lose if Cuddy ended this for good. He'd lose the only family he cared about. He'd be alone for the rest of his life.

He lay back on his bed to play a video game. He needed something to distract him from the loss of the only thing he really cared about. As he started to play, he felt the heavy ache in his chest, of loss. He wondered if it would ever go away again.

House and Cuddy didn't speak for the rest of Sunday. He texted her briefly and she took Rachel to the park while he came and packed a bag. Cuddy said she didn't want Rachel to see him leave with a suitcase, she would get too upset.

On Monday morning he limped into PPTH, glowering at Dr Landon, who was back replacing Cuddy while she took her second leave of absence. It's not like he had anything specific against the woman (well, apart from the fact she wasn't as good at Dean-ing as Cuddy), she was just... wrong. She was the wrong person the be sitting behind that desk. He knew it, the whole hospital knew it, so now Landon knew it. It must have been tough for her, he admitted. To have a whole hospital resent your presence not because of who you are, but because of who you aren't.

He opened the door to his office and saw his team. Taub held up an ER file.

"Restrictive pericarditis," he offered.

"Boring."

"She's eight years old."

House tilted his head. "Less boring."

The differential began, everyone throwing around their ideas and working them through. House half listened, dipping in occasionally to insult a particularly bad idea. "Do an angiogram," he instructed in the middle of the squabbling. "And do a chest CT with contrast."

The team nodded, getting up and pairing off to perform the required tests. House moved to his desk from the outer office but he'd only been sat down a second when Wilson barged in. "I'm so sorry about the other night," he started. "I was thinking - "

"Save it," House interrupted. "She's kicked me out already."

Wilson paused, his mouth open. "Just... just for another night," he clarified hopefully.

"Nope!" House replied with false joviality. "I believe the word she used was 'separation.'"

Wilson sank down onto the chair opposite House. "I feel like this is my fault," he admitted.

"Partly," House nodded, enjoying the guilt that was now permeating Wilson's whole body. But then he felt bad for the guy. It wasn't really his fault and he didn't deserve the blame. House was shocked by his own acknowledgement of this - he guessed this whole ordeal had made him more compassionate after all. "Wilson," he said honestly, "this isn't about you. Actually, I don't really think this is about me. It's about her."

"Are you okay?"

House shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Are you? Wilson pressed.

House shrugged again. "What do you want me to say? Of course this isn't what I wanted. But there was nothing I could do - she'd made up her mind. Hopefully she'll un-make it and then I can go home."

"Do you think she'll be alright by herself?"

"She's in her forties," House answered incredulously. "She's the most competent and adult one of all three of us. Of course she'll be alright by herself."

"You know what I mean."

"We'll have to see," House sighed. "I'm sure she'll be fine. And if she's not - she'll do something about that."

"You seem very calm," Wilson mused.

"I always thought that, if she broke up with me, it would be because of something I did. And I thought that I would torture myself with those details for the rest of my life. But now... I think she's wrong. I actually don't think I did anything to warrant this - it was a decision she made because of what's going on in her head. So what more could I have done? Sure, she tried to rationalise it being about me being emotionally selfish but that's not fair anymore - at least, not entirely." House broke off. He picked up ball-y and started bouncing it against the wall. "Hopefully she'll realise her mistake."

Cuddy woke up on monday morning, alone in her bed. She'd slept badly, of course. She'd spent a good portion of the night sitting on the couch, watching the TV and keeping an eye on the door. She hadn't appreciated what House's presence did until he wasn't there anymore. But she'd gone back to bed around 4am and managed to sleep through until 6:30, when Rachel woke up and called for her.

She heaved her heavy legs out of bed and padded to her daughter's room. Rachel was sitting up with her hair mussed around her eyes. "Is House back from working?" She asked sleepily, leaning into Cuddy. "I want him to make me pancakes."

Cuddy took a deep breath. "No sweetie, House isn't here. He might not be back... for a while."

Rachel sat up like a shot. "What?"

"He might be away for a bit," she explained. "He might not live here for the next few weeks."

Rachel's eyes filled with tears. "But... but... when will he be back?"

Cuddy stroked her hair. "I don't know, sweetie."

Rachel burst into tears. Wailing sobs that shook her entire body. Cuddy was shocked at her daughter's response. "Rachel," she tried to soothe. "It's okay, honey. It's fine. House will be back... probably, and this shouldn't be forever..." But nothing she said could calm the little girl. "Rachel. Rachel!" Cuddy was almost shouting and final Rachel paused her sobs enough to listen. "What's wrong?" Cuddy asked her. "You have to tell me."

Rachel whimpered. "I don't... I don't... I... I don't want this to happen again!" She started bawling, clutching at her mother like that was the only way she could survive.

Suddenly Cuddy understood. "Oh, Rach," she said softly, rubbing Rachel's back in an effort to calm her. "I'm sorry. House isn't gone like I was gone. He's just going to live somewhere for a bit but he's fine."

Rachel shook her head. "I don't believe you," she whispered and burst into fresh sobs.

Cuddy thought quickly. She whipped out her phone and called House. As her daughter cried for him she willed him to pick up, but the phone just kept ringing and ringing. "Damn it," she hissed. She regrouped. "Okay sweetie, get dressed and go into the kitchen. After breakfast, put your shoes on."

"What?" Rachel hiccuped, looking up at her mom.

"We're going to see House later," Cuddy decided. Rachel smiled and her tears started to dry up.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered.

Cuddy stroked her hair again. "Maybe a bath, then. Before we get dressed." She hoped the heat and steam would continue to relax her child. Rachel nodded, the promise of seeing House later having placated her briefly.

"Will you get in with me?" Rachel asked hopefully.

Cuddy nodded, wanting to be close to Rachel. "Of course honey. Maybe we should have bubbles too?"

Rachel's eyes lit up. "Yeah!" She took off toward the bath. Cuddy was glad she'd be able to calm down Rachel but was nervous at the prospect of following though with her promise. She'd thought she might get a little more a break before she faced him again.

House was surfing the internet absentmindedly when he heard the door to his office open. Before he could turn to look he heard a familiar voice. "House!" Rachel yelled gleefully, running across the room and throwing herself into his lap.

He hauled the little girl up onto his body where she clung to him. "Hey kid," he murmured, staring at Cuddy who was still in the door. God, she was beautiful. She was wearing soft blue dress that hugged her curves and flat shoes. She looked so different to her Dean of Medicine persona, all power suits and heels. This was the her only he was really allowed to see. It had only been a day but he'd missed her so much - he wanted to come home.

"What's going on?" He mouthed.

Cuddy sighed and came into the office. "She woke up and asked when you were coming back. I said not for a little while and she misinterpreted that as you being... gone, like I was. She wouldn't stop crying until I told her we would come and visit so she could see for herself."

House nodded. "See Rach, I'm fine."

She looked at him, her hands stroking the stubble on his face. She laid her head down on his shoulder and looked at Cuddy. "I want House to be at home tonight," she whined.

Cuddy faltered. She didn't know how to explain separation to a five year old. Fortunately, she didn't have to. "Maybe mommy could give Marina the afternoon off," House suggested. "And then I could come and play with you until mommy gets home from seeing her... friend." He was referring to her therapist.

"I like that idea," Rachel agreed. "Mommy?"

Cuddy nodded. "Okay," she smiled at him. "Does 4 o'clock work?"

House arrived at 4, as they'd agreed. Cuddy was ready to go, her coat already on. He knew it was so she could spend as little time with him as possible. "Thank you for this," she said. "It means a lot to Rachel."

"And you?"

She smiled weakly. "It means a lot to me too."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He knew he shouldn't have, given that they were supposed to be separated, but he couldn't help it. He missed being close to her. He was pleasantly surprised when she leaned into his lips. "I should go," she said softly into his neck.

He nodded, stroking her hand briefly. "Rachel's in her bedroom," Cuddy explained, and then she was gone.

House limped through to find the little girl constructing an elaborate hotel filled with all her dolls and soft toys. She didn't leap up as he entered, merely smiled invitingly and said, "can you help me put the top floor on?"

The hotel was built from a set of wooden tables Cuddy had where each one increased in size. By stacking them, it did look almost like a skyscraper. "Careful," House warned, but he did lift the third and final table to the top. He then helped her arranged two Bratz dolls (ill-advised gifts from House himself) and a small golden labrador on the top floor.

"This is the best room," Rachel explained. "You get the best view of Rachel-land."

House found himself - to his surprise - not totally bored as the afternoon progressed. They played hotels for a while and then moved to the living room where House tried to teach her to play chess. It was successful for about 5 minutes before Rachel declared the game stupid and preceded to invent a new game that was (unbeknownst to her) a mix of Risk, checkers, chess and monopoly with M&Ms used as currency. Around 6, when Cuddy should have been back, House got a text saying she was stuck running an errand and could he possibly pop her in the bath?

40 tense minutes later - bath time was rarely stress free in their household - Rachel and House were sitting on the couch together, Rachel tucked under his arm with a cup of hot milk and Scooby-Doo playing on the TV. Rachel sighed contentedly. "Will you be here in the morning?" She asked hopefully.

Without even thinking about it, House kissed the top of her head to soften the blow. "Sorry Rach. I'm going to go and sleep in my apartment."

"But this is where you live," Rachel stated. "You're supposed to sleep here."

"Not always. Sometimes grown ups need to sleep in different places for a bit."

Rachel bit her lip and snuggled closer to him. "Will you come back tomorrow?"

"Not... tomorrow," he replied carefully. "But soon."

"When?" Rachel demanded.

House thought for a second. Cuddy had therapy on mondays and thursday - no reason why he couldn't watch Rachel both times. Although he knew he'd become vastly fonder of Rachel since Cuddy's abduction he hadn't realised just how much he'd come to care for her until this moment. He actually wanted to see her on thursday and he knew he miss her in the in-between days.

"How about thursday?" He suggested. Rachel sighed.

"I guess. But that's ages away."

"It'll be here before you know it," he promised.

They both went back to the cartoon, but soon Rachel turned to him again. "House," she said slowly, her tiny lip quivering. "Please please please don't go away. Don't do what mommy did."

"Oh come on Rach," he groaned, "you're breaking my heart here." He kept it light to mask his true feelings.

"Please," she whimpered.

He nodded. "I promise Rach. I won't go away." He didn't know how Cuddy would feel about how he'd answered, but it was the only thing he could say. More than that, it was the only thing he wanted to say.

Cuddy arrived at Olivia's office in good time for once. She hung her coat up and sat in the chair opposite her therapist, a steaming cup of mint tea already on the table beside her. "Thank you," Cuddy said gratefully, taking a sip.

Olivia smiled. "How's this week been for you?"

Cuddy took a deep breath. "Stressful."

"How so?"

And then Cuddy preceded to tell her all about the fights she'd had with House, him staying away and abandoning her, her asking him leave. Olivia listened patiently, though her eyebrows did raise slightly when Cuddy said she and House had separated for the time being.

"Last week you said that there was no way you would try separating from House. What's changed between then and now?"

Cuddy twisted her hands in her lap, clearly agitated. "I'm a bit all over the place," she mumbled. "I realised that I felt like being with House was holding my recovery back. I couldn't cope with both of our feelings and wanted some time to just focus on me. I don't think that's too unreasonable," she added defensively.

"Neither do I - I think it's healthy that you want to try a more independent recovery. But, if you do want to get back together in the future - which you don't have to, of course - I want to make sure you have that option and that House understands why you need to spend this time without him. How did he react when you told him?"

"He looked very upset," she said, looking ashamed. "He didn't say much but I know that's because he didn't want to look desperate for me to change my mind. I mean a lot to him." Before Olivia could speak, she continued, "Of course he means a huge amount to me too, but for him... I was the first person in a long time to remind him that he was worth loving. I'm more than just his partner, I'm a - the - living reminder that he deserves more than a lonely apartment, pay-per-view porn and a misanthropic view of the world."

"Did you feel bad walking away, even temporarily?"

"Oh of course I did," she scoffed. "But I am just as important as him in this relationship. Usually his feelings take precedent but it couldn't be like that now."

"What do you hope to accomplish while you two are apart?"

Cuddy thought for a few moments. "I want to be able to sleep through the night alone. Not every night, but sometimes. I want to be alone in the house and not feel scared. I just... want to feel like I'm independently stronger, rather than it being fake because House is my crutch."

"That's brave," Olivia told her honestly. Cuddy smiled. "You're very brave, Lisa," Olivia continued. Cuddy kept smiling, but she blushed a little.

There was a long silence while Olivia's last statement hung in the air between them. Then Cuddy spoke softly.

"I was brave for as long as possible. I fought back so hard in the beginning. But... it quickly became clear that there was nothing I could do. And given how little I'd been eating I didn't have the physical strength anymore. It was... disgusting," she snarled. "Being trapped beneath him, feeling his sweat on me. That's one thing I especially hated. How after he'd leave, I'd still be able to smell him on me. It made me feel... marked. Or... or owned. It was so humiliating."

Olivia said nothing. This was the most Lisa has shared with her about the time she'd spent in the basement. Usually they talked about her recovery - House, Rachel, her mother, the hospital. But never yet had they talked about the thing she was recovering from. Olivia was thrilled to hear Cuddy share - it was so important.

"That feeling of being worthless... disposable... inhuman - I'd never felt that before. I'd never had someone look at me like I was a carcass of a person. When he would... rape me he'd just tell me over and over how this was all I was good for, all he wanted me for. I was just a body for him to control, for him to fuck. At the expense of my sanity. I was the replacement for some woman he hated who he wanted to hurt. And he hurt me relentlessly." She put her head in her hands and wiped the tears from her eyes. "The whole thing is so sickening."

"What would you say if you saw him now?"

"I wouldn't say anything to him. There would be nothing I could say that would really capture how I feel about him. Honestly, I think I'd just want to go up to him and scream." She laughed lightly to herself, imagining that scene. "I know I have to work past all this resentment I have for him. I know there will never be anything that happens to him that would make him feel like he made me feel so I unless I move past resenting him I will just be angry for the rest of life. I don't want to be angry for the rest of my life."

"Do you have any idea how you can let go of your anger?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

Olivia paused. "Can you think of any positives that have come from this awful situation? Any silver linings?"

"House and Rachel are closer. So much closer," Cuddy answered immediately. "He's watching her now, actually. When she found out that he was moving out for a while she misunderstood and thought that meant he was going away like I went away - she was so upset. The solution was that she got to see House and understand that he was fine."

"Do you think finding positives could help you ultimately forgive him?"

"Forgive? Who said anything about forgiveness?" Cuddy's vulnerability was gone and her guard was back up. "I'm going to work toward not actively resenting him all day every day but I could never forgive him. How can I - how can anyone - forgive something like that?" Her wide eyes filled with tears. "He would have me lie down on the floor before he raped me, where there were shards of glass and screws and debris. I have scars all over my back. He beat me so hard that for a while I couldn't see because my face was so swollen. He broke my ribs with an old pipe. He - he…" She broke off, sobbing. "No, no, I have to stop. I can't."

Olivia moved over to her knelt down by the chair. "Can I hug you?" She asked quietly.

Cuddy nodded and then Olivia enveloped her in a safe embrace, rocking her gently as a mother would her infant child. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Cuddy's cries slowed. She may have been a grown woman but right now she felt like little girl. She wanted to be cared for. House.

That only made her cries louder again as she realised that it wasn't his job to comfort her anymore, she'd made sure of that. She'd thought that she could do this alone but could she? Could she really self soothe such horrible nightmares? Would she really feel protected when it was just her in the house, given he'd had no trouble getting her the first time?

Stop this, a voice in her head said. You're better than this. You can do this by yourself. You have to.

Slowly, she stopped herself crying. Olivia let go as she felt her calm down. "I know that was tough, but you made amazing progress today. You've never been able to talk about it before."

Cuddy did congratulate herself a little on that.

Passing her some tissues and a glass of water, Olivia said, "I think that probably enough for today."

Cuddy gulped down the water, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She composed herself. "Thank you," she said to Olivia as she shakily did up her coat.

"Will you be alright to drive?" Olivia checked, concerned.

"I'll be fine," Cuddy said determinedly. However, she did feel shaky when she got back into the car. She didn't just feel shaky, her hands were actually shaking before her. She remembered a Snickers bar House had left in the glove compartment and ate it gratefully, feeling herself stabilise a little as the sugar entered her bloodstream.

She knew she should go home and relieve House of his babysitting duties but she couldn't yet. She wasn't ready to face House and to seamlessly assume the role of mommy. She needed a minute to breathe. She sent a quick text to House and then drove to her favourite park where she liked to go running and started to walk. She walked until she found the perfect spot, public enough that she couldn't be snatched without people noticing, private enough that she felt like she was actually alone.

She lay down on the grass, looked up at the clouds and performed deep breathing exercises from her yoga. She let herself relax and cool down from her intense therapy, happy knowing that she had made progress today and that her child was safe at home.

Cuddy let herself in quietly. The TV was blaring Scooby-Doo and she could see House's head over the top of the couch. She assumed Rachel was curled up next to him given it wasn't quite her bedtime yet. Her assumption was confirmed when Rachel's head popped up. "Mom!"

She clambered over the back of the couch and hung around her mother's legs. "I want to come up," she instructed and Cuddy obliged, cuddling her close. House turned around and smiled at the two of them. It killed him that he had to leave now, rather than go to bed. He pushed down the feelings of anger and entitlement that reminded him that this was his house too and he shouldn't have to leave.

"Did you have a nice time?" Cuddy asked, kissing Rachel's cheek.

"It was great," Rachel beamed. "Can House put me to bed with you?"

Before Cuddy had to make an awkward decision, House stepped in. "Sorry kid, gotta bounce. But I'll see you thursday, okay?"

Cuddy frowned, but let it pass. She understood that Rachel couldn't remember a time when House wasn't around and that any kind of removal of him from her life, even temporarily, would be hard. House knew she had therapy on both monday and thursday; he must have offered to watch Rachel again. Cuddy was happy with anything that made this difficult period easier on her daughter.

Rachel nodded at House's words and let Cuddy walk her to her bedroom. Cuddy snuggled up bed beside her and read her a story, something after Sammy the slithery snake and his secret birthday party. Rachel was clearly exhausted, her eyes closing before the book was even finished. Cuddy kissed her. "I love you honey," she whispered.

"Love you mama," Rachel murmured back and then fell asleep. Cuddy was pleased to see how calm Rachel's evening with House had made her.

Given what he'd said to Rachel, Cuddy expected House to be gone. But when she returned to the living room he was still there, twirling his cane in his hands. "Hey," she said softly. "Thank you for this. She was out like a light."

House nodded. "I'm sure you've worked out by now that I told Rachel I'd be here again when you're at therapy on thursday. I hope that's okay."

"That's fine, of course it is." Cuddy paused and then sat down beside him. "She really loves you, you know."

"She's five." He scoffed.

"She knows how she feels about me - given it's much the same feeling I'm sure she can tell."

House's mouth twitched up in a small smile. He then turned his attention to Cuddy. "You okay?" She looked exhausted and her eyes were a little puffy, like she'd been crying. But, then again, that wasn't unusual after she saw Olivia.

Cuddy's eyes drooped as she said, "I'm fine."

"Have you eaten?"

"House..."

"Do you want me to make you something?" Cuddy had never been an accomplished chef nor a big eater and after all this most days she'd barely eat enough to sustain her. When House was around he always made sure she ate - now that he wouldn't be around much he couldn't be sure she was taking care of herself. But she was adult and he didn't want to push it so he left it when she said, "no thanks."

Before he could say anything else, Cuddy turned to him. "I really hope you don't resent me for this. I know I'm putting you through a lot. The other night I tried to... blame you, but that wasn't fair. I made this choice because I think I need to really stand on my own two feet for a bit. Alone. And I hope more than anything that you'll be here when I'm done with this."

House wanted to tell her that he did resent her, just a little. That he didn't want to leave his home just because she decided he should. But he knew that this was more important for her than sleeping at home was for him. "Cuddy, I get it. Well, I don't, but I trust you. Of course I don't want to leave here and be alone - believe or not I no longer think being alone all the time is a necessary or healthy part of my life - but I respect your choices. I know what's going on for you now is not about me. And I'm okay with that."

"Thank you."

House knew the silence that followed was his cue to leave. But it wasn't an awkward silence this time, more of a calm, accepting one. He pushed himself off the couch, kissed her cheek, and left. "See you thursday," was his goodbye.

Cuddy lay back and let her eyes drift shut. She was alone in the house and she felt good about that - she only hoped it would last the night. Her chest ached with missing House, but she put that feeling to the back of her mind as she tried to calm herself. This separation was ultimately about them being able to have their relationship back to normal and if she was going to put him through it she was damn well going to commit to getting better.