"What do you expect me to do?" Eli asked as we sat on the steps in front of his house. I couldn't think of a word to say. What were we supposed to do in a situation like this? I wasn't even aware something like this could happen. But I guess that's what I get for living my life with my eyes closed. Now that I was sure I was so close to death, I could see how I had never truly appreciated my life. I always breezed through, doing whatever I wanted without realizing other peoples feelings. Like Clare… such a beautiful, pure girl, and I had hurt her so badly. Why was I such an idiot? Why didn't I realize a good thing when I had it.

"I don't know," I sighed, lowering my head. I could feel my heart rate lowering each second and I was beginning to feel even more like crap.

"I don't know if there's actually anything we can do KC." Before either of us could say another word, we were interrupted by the sound of sniffing and we both looked up simultaneously to see Clare.

"Who are you talking to?" She asked as she wiped her cheek.

"Er.. I…" Eli stood up and succeeded in changing the subject, "Clare what's wrong?"

I could see clearly now that she was crying, and I watched in agony as she fell into Goldsworthy's arms, crying into his shoulder, "It's my parents, they're fighting again. And it's worse this time. They expect me to go on acting like nothing's happening, like they're actually happy, but I can't!"

I looked up to see Eli's eyes looking at me in an apologetic way, but I could tell he was trying to get me to though Clare couldn't see me, and I know Eli didn't care, I felt like I was intruding on an intimate moment. I felt almost embarrassed to be seeing such a moment shared between two people, but a jealous rage began to burn in my stomach. If I wasn't so stupid, I could be the person helping Clare out through her hard times. I could be the one holding her close, caressing her and telling her that everything was going to be okay.I tried to hide my glare as I got up and began to walk. I closed my eyes against the jealousy and clenched my jaw. Was my life even worth saving? Was I honestly a person who deserved to be alive? I couldn't help but feel like it would be better if I just let my body wear itself out, and die. Almost exactly as I thought the words, I opened my eyes and I was standing in a room. It was a familiar room, a place I'd spent many of my days. It used to be a happy place, but right now all I could feel was scared. I heard a sound, and turned to the direction it was coming from. It was crying. A girl crying, and a girl whose voice was also familiar to me. I continued to walk out of the room and down the hallway in the direction that the sound was coming from. My heart was calm, but it felt as if it should have been pounding a million miles an hour. My throat began to close as I approached a cracked door. It was a room, that usually was used for storing things, random things with no place elsewhere in the house. I'd never been in it besides once when I was being showed around. But now, it was different completely. The smell of fresh paint filled my head and I looked around at the freshly painted pale yellow walls. Instead of piles of stored things, it was emptied of those completely and refilled with a babies crib, a changing table, and in the corner was a single rocking chair that was being occupied by a crying blonde . I knew from the moment I'd opened my eyes to this house that I'd be forced to see something like this, and with everything in me I hadn't wanted was pushing herself in the chair, rocking slowly back and forth, with her hands cradled on her obviously protruding stomach. She was crying as she looked down at it, rubbing it softly with her fingers.

"It's okay baby," she whispered softly to her stomach, "I'm okay, just a little upset. Not with you though, you could never upset me. I love you."

I couldn't stand to watch. To know that I had been the cause for her crying, to know that I had left her alone to face something so hard on her own. I watched as tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped down, decorating her shirt over the baby bump that she held. I hated that my body didn't react how it should. If things were normal and I had seen this sight I was sure my heart would have dropped in my stomach but just like it had previously it stayed in a slow rhythm, if not slower than it was before.

I hated this. I hated the thought that she was sitting here crying because of me. I wasn't worth it. She shouldn't had to have shed any tears for me. She was better off without me. So why was she crying? I didn't want to be a dad. I didn't want to have that responsibility. It had been her fault. She was the one who didn't listen to her body, she'd gone months without even knowing that our baby was growing inside of baby. Months old and from the looks of it, ready to pop out at any given moment. A baby that we'd both created together. Suddenly I felt a tug pulling me towards her and I stepped closer, holding my hands out. I didn't touch her as I kneeled down and held my hands up to her stomach, wishing more than anything that I could place my palms against it and feel it kick or move. I'd really fucked things up and the worst part was that my chances of changing them ticked away like the steady pulsing of my decelerating heart beat.

"I'm gonna fix this." I whispered to myself, somehow wishing that she could hear me as I pulled my hands away, "I'm going to live, and I'm going to be a good dad. I'm going to be there for this baby... and for you."

I looked up at her face, the tears were glistening on her cheeks and she licked her lips as she closed her eyes. I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach as I studied her beauty. Jenna was truly a beautiful girl. I may have had feelings for Clare but I still loved her. I loved her smile, and the way she fought for the things she loved. She was such a strong girl and when it came down to it, I didn't deserve her. But the baby that resided inside of her deserved a dad. That was the moment that I decided my life was worth living. If not for myself, but for my future child.

Surprise! I'm going to start working on this story again. I'm really excited about it and I hope you guys are too. This is basically just a short filler chapter to try and get back into the swing of things but hopefully this will to write this will last :)