A/N: Fic not to be taken seriously.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto Shippuuden.

On Seduction and Indifference

Girls who had too much time on their hands were scary. Girls who decide to use that time to get together and have a few rounds in the village tavern were even scarier. And they get even scarier still when you get picked on a spin-the-bottle game when everyone had just started to get crazy drunk and make you do dares your own imagination couldn't even have conjured.

Haruno Sakura was living proof of this. And as she let her gaze linger on her wrists which were tightly handcuffed on the wooden poles of the bed (that was most definitely not hers), the events of that night started to come back to her in waves.

"Of course, it is my choice to be single," Sakura had said to Ino when the blonde started to question her non-dating status. "If I were to take this dating business seriously, I could seduce any guy I'd want in a heart-beat. With my hands tied."

Had she known Tenten, Hinata and Ino would take her seriously, she would not have bragged about her sexual capabilities. But alcohol made anyone do crazy things, and while she had been crazy enough to announce that she was a natural seductress, her friends were crazy enough to make her put her money where her mouth was.

"Anyone?" Hinata had asked, her wide lavender-white eyes on her too-red face twinkling in awe.

"Anyone," Sakura confirmed proudly as she grabbed one of the small cups of warm sake the waiter had deposited on their table. "Twice, really."

"And you meant it when you said anyone?" Tenten asked, her voice slurry as she leaned forward to examine Sakura's face.

"You can bet on it!"

And the last thing she could remember of being in the tavern was Ino and Tenten jumping her, Hinata letting out a small squeak, and everything turning black.

And the moment everything started to come back to her, she found herself lying on her back on someone's bed, both her wrists handcuffed on the headdress, wearing what looked like one of Ino's skimpier shirts and a very short skirt. This was turning out to be a very, very bad day.

She let her eyes wander around the semi-dark room. Light was already spilling in between the vertical blinds hanging on the tiny window right next to the bed, and Sakura had the hunch it was already morning. She couldn't believe those three actually left her in a stranger's house, on a stranger's bed, all night! And while she could have easily just crushed the headdress into tiny pieces and make her daring escape, she was not too keen on destroying property, since she knew she was already breaking and entering.

It was decided; she will have to kill Ino and Tenten for this. And maybe even Hinata for not stopping them from doing this to her.

She searched the bare room with curiosity as she saw a few easels leaning against the wall. Empty canvasses were neatly stacked on top of two huge cardboard boxes used as a sort of makeshift desk. Cluttered on the surface of what appeared to be a huge dining table were small bottles and jars of ink and an assortment of paints, some smeared with finger prints, some clean, as if new. A dirty rag was draped over the back of the only chair positioned in the middle of the room right next to a set easel facing yet another larger window with the curtains drawn.

It was decided. Sakura was going to kill her friends once she got out of there.

Now the only problem was, how.

"Got to find… blasted keys…" Sakura muttered to herself as she looked around her for anything remotely useful. The side table was bare except for a tissue box and a coffee cup with several paintbrushes sticking out of it. Sakura scowled at the paintbrushes as if they had just said something lewd to her, then sighed, closing her eyes. Maybe if she waited a bit more, those three would get tired of making her suffer and –

Sakura's eyes popped back open when she heard a weird noise inside the room. She raised her head, blinked and froze when the door adjacent to the bed opened noisily and a tall figure in black loomed in the doorframe.

Sakura tried to appear as small as possible, as quiet as possible, for the person – whoever it was – not to notice her… Though she doubted he hadn't already, with her heart pounding uncontrollably in her ribcage. Anyone within a fifty-mile radius could have heard her.

She watched as the figure, shoulders slumped as if tired, and a mop of untidy hair falling over an unseen face, closed the door and stumbled inside, knocking onto something Sakura couldn't see from where she lay.

"Ow," came the person's dull mutter, and Sakura's heart nearly stopped beating when she discovered that the newcomer was male. She watched in silent foreboding as the man took his time in depositing his luggage in a corner of the room, then fumbled for something on the wall.

Sakura winced when the room exploded with a blinding light, but made herself look up at the man, who, much to her horror was looking down at her, mouth hanging open and eyes wide.

"Sakura?" Sai asked after a while of staring. Sakura did not blame him. She was a hundred percent sure it was not everyday he got a girl chained to his bed, dressed like a freaking prostitute. The former Root agent, whose face seldom betrayed any signs of emotion, now looked like he was simultaneously confused and curious.

Sakura gave him a weak smile. "Sai. Hello. Uh…" She dug inside her head for something to say, because the boy was now examining her from head to toe, those eyes glassy and stoic. "Did you just get back from a mission?"

Sai nodded vaguely, his stare now lingering on her handcuffed wrists. "Recon mission. I… er… haven't slept for thirty-nine hours…"

Sakura blanched. He was insinuating that he wanted his bed back. She flushed even more. Somehow, Sai was missing the proper order of things to be said in this sort of predicament. But then again, this was Sai.

Of all the guys in Konoha, Ino, you choose Sai!

Sai was now scratching his left eyebrow with a thumb, and had the decency to lower his eyes. "Ah… how was your day?" he asked.

Sakura stared at him in disbelief, but seeing as she was the reason why he was being so uneasy – bless his little heart – she let out a high-pitched laugh. "Perfect. My day was perfect."

Her life was over.

Sai smiled his fake smile. "That's good to hear."

And they were silent again.

Sakura clenched her hands into fists, crossed her legs in the attempt to cover up what could be showing of her lingerie. Sai had begun to examine her again, and it was starting to make her self-conscious. She wondered what Ino and the rest were expecting of her to do, because she had no freaking idea what to think next.

And that was when her words rebounded in the recesses of her mind. Again.

"If I were to take this dating business seriously, I could seduce any guy I'd want in a heart-beat. With my hands tied."

She wanted to die then and there.

Sai opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it again then shook his head, changing his mind. Instead of speaking, he stalked to his closet and flung the doors open with a flourish.

Sakura half-expected to find Ino, Tenten and Hinata hiding inside it, but was relieved to see that the closet was empty except for Sai's wardrobe, which wasn't a lot.

"That's weird…" Sai muttered, almost to himself, as he stuck his head inside the small space as if looking for something.

Sakura frowned. "Eh?"

Sai looked over his shoulder to her, then resumed searching for something in his closet. "I can recall a setting that resembles this from Kakashi-sensei's Icha-Icha Tactics, where the very, very sexy woman with big breasts was tied to a bed wearing a nurse outfit that left little to the imagination, and then the leading man would walk in on her and they – "

"I don't want to hear it, you pervert!" Sakura suddenly screamed, feeling her face so hot she swore it could have melted off her head.

Sai gave her a very innocent look. "I'm not a pervert. In the book, there was another guy holding a video camera hiding in the closet, and he would be taping the leading man and the woman with big breasts when they have se – "

"Sai, just shut up and help me get out of here," Sakura cut him off, not at all interested in Kakashi-sensei's weird taste in literature. And why on earth has Sai been reading that book, anyway? She rattled the cuffs on her wrists. "I need the keys to these so that I can return your bed to you, and I can go my merry way, and we can pretend this never happened."

Sai took a step closer to her, as if approaching a wild animal. "How did you end up in my apartment, anyway?"

"I'd like to know that, too. But that's the least of our worries. I need the keys. Find me the keys."

Sai still looked unconvinced but nodded anyway. He took another step forward. "Uhm, well… excuse me, then." He sat on the bed slowly, and reached out with a tentative hand, as if to touch her chest.

Sakura bristled as she wriggled violently, hissing, "What do you think you're doing?"

Sai's hand froze in mid-air, his face still as blank as a sheet. "I'm getting your keys for you."

"What?"

Sai looked down at her chest. "I can see an imprint of a set of keys under your shirt," he explained, as if he had just announced to her that grass was green.

Sakura's eyes bulged as cold sweat popped on her forehead, making her stop squirming. "I-imprint? U-under my shirt…?"

Sai nodded wordlessly, almost innocently. Sakura wanted to scratch his eyes out. If Sai was able to see imprints of keys from under her shirt, most likely he was also able to see imprints of – other things – from under there, too. Just the thought of it made her want to scream bloody murder.

Sai fidgeted uncomfortably on the bed, making the mattress squeak. "They're right between your… uh…" He shrugged. "I can get it for you, but I'd have to – "

"Fine," Sakura snapped angrily, turning her head away. "Just get it over with. And make it quick, before I lose my nerve and just wreck your bed altogether. And I don't think you'd want that, and I – "

"Here you go."

Sakura stopped talking in an instant and turned to face him only to find a set of keys dangling in front of her face. "What? How – ?"

Sai didn't waste any time in unlocking the cuffs, and helping Sakura up while he smiled at her. "Your breasts are so small that extracting the keys was no problem. Now if it were that woman in Icha-Icha Tactics, stuffing my hand in her shirt would have proven to be a great discomfort for both of us but – Ungh!"

Sakura had rammed her fist onto Sai's unsuspecting face, sending him flying onto his neat pile of canvasses. Everything went crashing onto the floor in a not-so-very-neat pile. Sai catapulted into a sitting position, wiping at his cheek and looking up at Sakura who had clambered into a standing position and was not hovering over the fallen boy with a vengeance.

"What did I do?" Sai asked, absolutely clueless.

Sakura wanted to tear him limb from limb, had she not been too embarrassed to even glare at him evilly. She hurried to the door, paused before she left. "Whatever happened here, stays here, all right, Sai?"

Sai scratched the back of his head, yawned. "But… nothing happened," he pointed out.

Sakura grinned mirthlessly. "Exactly. Have a nice day." She stepped out and slammed the door in his face before he could say any more stupid things.

Now it was time to hunt down Ino and the others for payback…

When Sakura left, Sai did not even bother to clean up the mess the pink-haired girl had left. He immediately pulled out a notebook from his pocket and made a small note to never, ever try to talk to a girl about their breast size. Finishing, he put away the notebook and crashed onto the bed for a much deserved sleep. He will have to make sure to change the locks of his apartment later.

Fin