"Where the hell am I?"

"I don't think that's the right question right now."

"Argh! Who's that?"

"Calm yourself Kurt, it's just me."

"Rachel?"

"Yeah."

"How come there's three of you?"

"There's not. You drank too much last night."

"Argh! Something's touching me!"

"That would be Mercedes. I would imagine she would be a smart choice for a pillow under the circumstances."

"Oh. How come you're so…perky?"

"Someone had to keep sober."

"Right. Got any-oh thanks."

"Feel better?"

"Why is it coffee always clears up a hangover?"

"Not for me it doesn't. Memory?"

"As fuzzy as the pink cover on your toilet seat."

"What do you remember?"

"Uh…hang on…where are my pants?"

"Ah, I was wondering how long it would take you to notice that."

"So?"

"Last I checked, Finn had them."

"What would Finn be doing with them?"

"Beats me. I found him naked except for his boxers, asleep in the bathtub cuddling your pants."

"Dare I ask if you remember how he got in that situation?"

"I haven't the foggiest. Which is a pity because I think it would make an interesting story."

"Yeah, probably. How many times did Puck whip out his John Thomas last night?"

"Er, I lost count after a dozen."

"Where is he anyway?"

"In the tub with Finn."

"Let's hope one of them remembers something about last night."

"I highly doubt it. They both drank more than you."

"Yeah, well, I'm a lightweight, what's their excuse? Stop laughing, girl."

"Sorry. You're not jealous are you?"

"Why? Should I be?"

"Well, he and Finn were cuddling."

"I'd love to see the look on Finn's face when he wakes up."

"So would I."

"Noah will probably remember what happened, he can hold his drink better than any of us."

"True. But the amount he drank last night would have floored a rhinoceros. He was certainly amorous."

"Why am I not surprised by that? I take it everyone knows now then?"

"Honey, it was the worst kept secret in the club."

"Oh sweet Martina. At least its official. Damage control?"

"You might want to apologise to Artie."

"What for?"

"You puked in his chair while he and Tina were off in one of the bedrooms fooling around."

"Do I want to know how I did that with him out of it?"

"…not really no."

"Good, I won't ask then."

"Sensible."

"Why are Matt and Mike cuddled up like that?"

"Let me just put it this way. Vodka is like truth serum."

"Ah. I'm influencing them all then?"

"Well after last night only Artie is straight. The rest are at least bi."

"Good, more choice for me."

"You're dating Noah."

"Yes but he wants to branch out a bit. We may include Finn if you don't mind?"

"Of course not. If he's up for it of course."

"Why are you wearing Quinn's top? I know it's hers because she was wearing that at the party, her shirt is missing, and it's a maternity top."

"Ah, well, since you boys were occupado, Santana felt that it wouldn't do to be beaten by you. At some point Artie gave Mercedes the camera and there are some photos."

"But you said you didn't drink anything."

"I didn't."

"Oh, so it looks like mine wasn't the only secret affair."

"It's been going on for a while."

"So, how badly do I have to kill my boyfriend?"

"There may be pictures of you getting a blowjob from him in the middle of the living room."

"Oh dear."

"You certainly enjoyed yourself. And Noah is clearly very good at getting you off, if that's the reaction you have to all of his blowjobs. There's no need to blush."

"Yes the damn well is!"

"Don't swear."

"You'll be swearing too once those photos make their way onto facebook."

"They won't."

"Come on, this is Artie, he'd die before he posts those."

"Bugger!"