I stared down at the goblet I held in my hands. This was probably the worst wine I'd ever tasted. Excluding the wine I had tried in Germany. But that wine had been licked off an Austrian girl, so maybe it was the girl that had tasted bad and not the wine…

"Are you seriously drinking the church's communion wine?"

I turned to find Alaric staring at me. He looked more amused than disapproving though. Pity. I could always use a good reprimand. "It's not the first time I've done it."

Alaric moved closer, looking as if he was going to wrestle the goblet from my hand. Quicker than he had time to blink, I drained the cup and set the goblet back down on the table. "I'm not drunk," I informed him.

Despite my assurances, Alaric continued to look concerned. "Please don't cause any trouble today Damon."

"The next person who tells me that," I said slowly, taking one menacing step toward him, "will have his brain forcibly yanked out through his nostrils."

"Ok, ok! Geez!" Alaric cried, throwing his hands up. "No need to get upset. Just some friendly advice."

I snorted. "Sure it was."

Alaric was silent, so I turned to look towards the alter of the church. White cloth was draped all around the pew, and lilies—her favorite—were set up in every corner.

The only way I could look at that alter without breaking a wall was refusing to think about what was going to happen here in two hours. So I didn't.

"Damon," I heard Alaric say quietly next to me. I turned my face slightly toward him. He wore a pained expression. "I heard you were leaving after the ceremony. I'm…I'm going to miss you."

I stared at him for a moment. "I might remember you for a couple of years," I finally answered.

"It's just," and now Alaric looked determined. "Why don't you leave now Damon? Don't force yourself through this. I know…I never believed it until now, but this is obviously hurting you…"

"It's not," I answered truthfully. Honestly, I couldn't feel a thing. No soul searing pain, no regret, no what-ifs…I was an empty shell.

Alaric shook his head. "Why are you still here Damon?"

Good question. Why was I doing this to myself? I could already feel my retreat—I had been losing feeling since they told me the happy news—and I already had lost the ability to give a fuck what anyone thought of me. So here was the million dollar question. Why was I here, in this church, waiting for something to happen, waiting for her to come down the aisle, looking breath taking, I'm sure, so beautiful that even angels would be jealous? Well the answer was simple really. I smiled bitterly towards the alter, seeing nothing. "Because she asked me to be."

Turns out there was an even greater stash of wine upstairs. Or I thought it was greater. Who knows, I couldn't taste it any more. I just needed something to do.

The bridesmaids had graciously invited me into their dressing room, and I was installed in a corner where I watched them change and giggle with a detachment I had never felt around half naked women before. I sat there watching them with hooded eyes, sipping from the bottle of wine I'd taken and trying to get into the swing of what promised to be a good time, if I wanted it to be. But when they began to fantasize about their own marriages and started talking about the happy couple, I left.

Now I was wandering down the halls of the church, usually reserved as classrooms for Sunday school. I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for, but I felt as if I was hoping for a glimpse of her while at the same time wishing I never had to lay eyes on her again. I made it to the end of the hall and pushed open the door, hoping it was someplace I could be alone. Maybe there'd be an 'I love Jesus' poster I could stare at. Anything but this…nothingness that was holding on to me.

"Oh great, you can help me with my—oh. Damon."

I took another slug from the bottle I held in my hands and raised my eyebrows. "Stefan. My, my, my, look at you. All dressed up with no place to go. Ready for your impending life of servitude, brother?"

Stefan turned from the mirror he had been straightening his bow tie in and grinned at me. "As long as it's Elena I'll be doing the serving to."

Well fuck him too then. I set down the wine bottle and walked further into the room. "You look like you died yesterday," I noted, staring at his suit. I hadn't seen one like it since my father's ballroom. It was obviously real, not at all like the costume bought imitations I saw every Founder's Day. I smiled slowly. "Are you pretending we're all a happy family in 1864 again? You, me, and Katherine. Oh, and you win the girl of course, the good guy always wins. Are you pretending she's Katherine, Stefan?" I moved closer, so I was only inches away from him. He was already starting to get angry, the skin around his eyes tightening. "I know that's not Katherine," I whispered. I took a step back and cocked my head. "I wonder if when Elena kisses you, she realizes it's not me?"

Stefan's hands were clenched into fists and he was breathing heavily. I felt a surge of satisfaction. Ah, pushing my little brother off the edge. Something I could do.

But Stefan already seemed to be calming himself down, having noticed the bottle I'd left by the door. "You're drunk," he said, as if that was any excuse. Pansy. I was being a dick, why wouldn't he fight me?

"Perpetually," I answered cheerfully. "Maybe I'll go bring Elena a pre-wedding drink, you know, to settle those nerves. I can ask her about that kissing thing."

I turned towards the door again to find Stefan already standing in front of me. A smirk was already fixed on my face. I knew that would get him. "Ah ah ah brother, can't follow me. You know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding."

Stefan's eyes were searching my face, looking for something he probably wouldn't find. Guilt, remorse, a friendly smile. No. These had all become strangers to me once again. "You wouldn't Damon."

A hundred and forty eight years old and still as naïve as the day he was turned. "Oh I assure you, I would."

"Damon, I understand how upsetting this is for you. You've never been a gracious loser—your pride doesn't allow you to be. But that doesn't mean you have to go back to the way you were. It's not like this is the first time this has ever happened to y—"

He stopped talking, mostly due to the fact that I had him around the throat and up against the mirror. "Don't," I said, emphasizing the word by smashing into the glass. There was a crack and then I smelled the satisfying scent of his blood as the shards of glass dug into his back. "Ever compare this to what happened with Katherine. This is nothing like it," I breathed. "Not even close."

Stefan pushed me off, catching me by surprise since he used more strength then I thought he possessed. "You've been drinking from her," I accused.

"She's been letting me."

I stared at him. Who was Stefan Salvatore? Why should he be allowed to drink from Elena while I had to satisfy myself from blood in a bag, friendship and the occasional smiles she sent my way?

I remembered, with a pain I quickly tamped down, when she came to tell me the news. She seemed glowing, and happy, deliciously happy, and it was all I could do to keep from grabbing her and locking her in the basement with me until she realized what she was doing was wrong. But Elena is a stubborn thing, and even all the love I held wouldn't have been able to convince her.

I killed again for the first time in two years that night.

"It's not real," Stefan said softly. "You're fooling yourself again Damon, because you want it so badly. But one day you'll know real love."

"Of course. Maybe in another hundred years I'll find a girl I tolerate who decides she can't live without you."

"But I'll have Elena."

I snorted. "Elena will be cold in the ground by then, unless the little witch has made you some magic elixir you haven't told me about."

Stefan stared disbelievingly at me. "I thought you would have realized….Damon, I'm turning her. Tonight."

"No."

He couldn't turn her. My entire being screamed out in protest at the thought. MY blood should be the blood that became a part of her, the blood that gave her forever with me. She belonged to me, she was mine. I wouldn't allow anyone else to touch her.

Stefan must have been able to read some of what I was thinking on my face, because he hastened to add, "Damon, I'm sorry."

He may have thought he was, but I didn't believe he really meant it. I couldn't blame him. A hypocrite was one thing I was not and if our roles were reversed, I wouldn't have even bothered apologizing.

I slammed out of the room and moved blindly down the hall, not sure what I was doing anymore, what I was going to do with myself. Katherine had been a hard loss, but there had always been the hope of her coming back, and when she did, it turned out I hadn't really loved her anyway.

But Elena—I had a horrible feeling I'd never fully get over Elena. She was as good as gone forever. Which is why I was slowly becoming unfeeling again. So the pain couldn't touch me.

Only one feeling was allowed in anymore. And that feeling was anger, the basic instinct of a predator, to hunt, to kill, to feel no remorse. Whenever I felt the hurt creeping in, threatening to overwhelm and cripple me, I slammed down on it with a vampire's natural instinct and pushed it back with anger.

When I had first done this, a hundred years ago, it was easy as flipping a switch. For some reason, this time it was harder to make the pain go away.

Suddenly, Jeremy and Tyler appeared in front of me, already dressed in their suits. "Well, if it isn't the hunter and his pup," I snarled. "Move."

They exchanged a glance. "Alaric warned us we'd find you like this," Jeremy told me.

"Like what? I'm having fun. It's great being here at your sister's wedding. Go tell Alaric to fuck off, he wouldn't know fun if it took the stick out of his ass and used it to limbo with him."

Jeremy looked reproving, but Tyler laughed, a short sharp laugh that sounded a lot like a bark. "That was a good one, man," he managed to say, before Jeremy elbowed him in the stomach.

"Look man," Jeremy explained. "You've helped all of us out, whether you wanted to or not, and we figured we might be able to do the same for you."

"I don't need your help," I replied shortly. All these people today were starting to piss me off. I wanted to see the wedding. And then I never wanted to see any of them again, or anything that reminded me of her. Was that too much to ask?

"Yeah you do," Tyler said." Look man, I know what it's like to lose someone you care about. Matt and Bonnie…I miss them. And I even know what it's like to lose someone you care about to someone else, since Caroline ran off with that vampire a year back. But sometimes good can come out of it, you know?"

I knew exactly what he was referring to, but I didn't need to see the secret smile he and Jeremy shared. Gag me. Lovey-dovey moments were not a good thing to flaunt in front of me right now.

But then again, it did seem to be "Show Damon How Much We Care" day.

I started to move away, trying to get around them, but Jeremy made a fatal mistake. He grabbed my arm.

"I know you care about—"

Within ten seconds I had him around the neck. "Listen to me Jeremy, because I will only say this once," I growled. "I don't care. I don't care about a fucking thing in this world besides me, myself and I. So how about you shut the fuck up about what you don't understand before me rips out your throat while myself and I work on removing your internal organs."

I let go abruptly and Jeremy stumbled backwards, wheezing and rubbing his neck. Tyler caught him but stayed silent. Good dog.

Despite his lack of air, Jeremy managed to smirk at me. "You can't…kill me," he managed. "You forgot…"

I chucked his ring at his forehead, and he managed to catch it with a small puzzled frown on his face. "Oh."

"Go downstairs," I said quietly, and then I turned to walk away.

"Don't do this Damon—don't close yourself off again!" He was trying to get me to engage in conversation with him, but I wasn't listening. I could already feel my mind narrowing, everything but the basic need of a vampire becoming fuzzy and distorted.

"You're only doing this because you love her!"

I stopped abruptly, keeping my back to him. "Love? What is love Jeremy? Love is the blind leading the blind, a stupid word created by some long ago poet to make us believe there's actually a purpose in life, a purpose to opening yourself to other people and giving your whole being to one person. It's a label, just like I'm a dick and you're damaged goods. It's a four letter word that is too small to mean anything, to possibly describe the depth of feeling I have for Elena. No Jeremy, I don't love her. I was put here for her, just as the earth was put here to rotate around the sun. Love," I snorted in disgust. "Love is dirty. It's cheap. It's something easily thrown away and forgotten, stomped on and killed. I loved Katherine. But your sister?" I turned around to see him and Tyler watching me closely, hanging on to every word. "I live in her."

There. I had poured my emotions out to a high school senior and his dog. And now I could completely shut myself off.

"Take you own advice Damon," Jeremy said finally. "You told me a long time ago, it's either kill or be killed."

My eyebrows rose with surprise. "Are you suggesting I kill Stefan?"

"No," Jeremy shook his head quickly. "I mean, all your life you've killed, rather than be killed, haven't you? Don't kill this thing you have for her Damon, don't do it. I think it's finally time for you to be killed."

I pursed my lips. He was right. All my life I had killed before I could be. But this was too risky—I couldn't let myself take the chance of being killed, of my feelings being rejected. Feelings that frightened even me.

I couldn't die. I was going to keep shutting off my feelings.

I had to kill this thing I had for Elena before it consumed me and became the death of me.

But I still figured it would be easier to just kill Stefan.

Tyler and Jeremy left, giving up on me I guess. Not that I wasn't used to people giving up on me. Usually because I forced them to.

I figured now would be a good time to go talk to Elena.

Within seconds I was standing in front of the door at the opposite end of the hall from Stefan's. I needed to say whatever it was I wanted to say now. I couldn't stay for the reception. But I couldn't just leave without talking to her either.

I could do this. I could put on a happy face and pretend that her becoming my sister-in-law was the greatest thing ever. I could look into her brown eyes, innocent and fiery, as opposed to Katherine's cool gleam of malice, and I could tell her I was leaving, that I was never going to see her again.

I could feel the armor around my heart strengthening with each of these thoughts and I tucked the last of my emotions away before I swung open the door.

Dammit. Why did she have to be dressed in only her shift?

"Some people might claim you're underdressed, but I think it's perfect," I drawled. "Don't ever change Elena."

"Damon!" she whipped around and grabbed immediately for her robe, her brown eyes open wide in surprise.

"Oh, don't cover up on my account," I said, leaning lazily against the door frame. "I always thought I'd be an 1800's man at heart, but I can't say I hate the new under things they keep coming out with."

Elena was now giving me her favorite look, a glare I liked to think was reserved especially for me. "What are you doing in here Damon?"

I shrugged. "Bored. I was with the bridesmaids. Tasty things you have down the hall there, Elena. But I couldn't take the wedding talk. So I went exploring. Luckily the room I picked holds some delectable things." I let my eyes run appreciatively up and down her curves, still clearly visible through her silk robe.

She shifted uncomfortably and pulled the robe tighter around her. "It's kind of hard to avoid wedding talk at a wedding, Damon."

"True," I sighed and pushed off the door. "But it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it."

"I guess it's a good thing you're not getting married then."

I laughed. "Can you imagine? Fealty? Spending the rest of our lives together?" I picked up a crystal vase that was set on the sideboard and watched her closely.

"It would be horrible," she agreed. "We fight so much."

"Exactly." I tossed the vase up in the air and caught it. "It would be…" I tossed the vase again and this time let it drop to the ground, where it shattered. "Well, it would be a bit like that."

"Damon!" she cried. "That doesn't belong to me!"

"Whoops." I grinned. "Sorry. Slipped." I flopped down on a small couch that sat in the corner and watched as she picked up all the crystal.

"So why are you really in here?" she asked, finally turning around.

"The simple enjoyment of your presence, Elena."

"You've never enjoyed my presence. You think I'm boring."

I sighed dramatically. "You are. If only you got a tattoo on your thigh or a piercing or something. That'd be hot. I want fun Elena to come back."

"If you're bored by me, there's no reason for you to be in here," she said triumphantly.

I grinned and sat up. "Oh no. You see, you definitely have the potential to be fun, Elena." I waggled my eyebrows at her. "I'm just waiting for you to…explode."

She stared at me a second, as if trying to decide if I was serious or not. I don't know what conclusion she came to though, since her next words were, "I have to get dressed. Couldn't you bother Stefan now?"

"Been there. Done 150 years of that. I'd much rather been in here with you. Besides," I said with disgust. "Stefan is radiant. It depresses me."

"It depresses you?" Elena asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. Another man bites the dust. I suppose weddings are nice if you get off on Lifetime movies and shit like that, but really, what's so great about shackling yourself to another person?"

"I've heard love is always a reason," she said.

I gasped. "Was that sarcasm Elena? I must be rubbing off on you. Thank God, you lose a bit of your personality every time you're around Saint Stefan."

"Seriously Damon, are you just in here to make fun of me and my marriage? Because I really should be getting dressed."

The humor instantly drained out of me as I realized it was time to get serious. "Actually," I said, standing up from the couch. "I came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" Elena asked, looking confused. "As in, for now? Won't I see you at the reception?"

"No," I shook my head. "Goodbye, as in, forever. I'm leaving Mystic Falls after the ceremony."

"But…but why?"

"Town is getting old," I said. "Predictable. Pretty soon I'll be yelling at small children to get the hell off my lawn. I need adventure Elena. New places, new experiences, new…" my lips curled up into a grin, "people."

Elena frowned. "I didn't realize you were bored of Mystic Falls already Damon. I was hoping you'd stay here."

"And live with what promises to be the most obnoxious married couple in town? No thank you."

"You can't leave though!"

"There's nothing keeping me here," I moved closer. "Is there Elena?"

"No. No," she replied, quickly moving away. "Here, if you're not staying for the reception, I have something for you."

I watched her move behind the mirror, waiting for the familiar crash of disappointment at her rejection. But it never came. I was almost gone again.

She came back, holding out a perfect, blood red rose out to me like it was the last flower left on earth. "Here."

"A flower? For me?" I asked, taking it. "Why thank you Elena. I'll feed it to one of Stefan's bunnies when I go outside. Beef it up a bit."

"No don't!" she cried, looking horrified. Huh, I guess this rose was too good even for her precious Stefan's bunnies. "Bonnie put a spell on it—it's supposed to live forever. You know, So you can remember."

"Forever is an awfully long time," I said softly, studying the rose. It really was perfect, each petal lined up completely with the next, each shade the perfect hue of blood red. Finally I handed it back to her.

"You don't like it?" she asked, looking hurt. Good, let her feel some of the pain.

"I don't want it. I'd rather not remember you or this day. I prefer to start over fresh in each town, none of those pesky emotions to weigh me down."

"Oh."

"Just tell Stefan I hope he appreciates me backing down," I told her.

"Backing down from what?"

"From you."

"You didn't back down from me," she said.

I grinned. She was cute when she was being clueless. "Dear Elena. I could have had you anytime I wanted." She only stared at me, not saying anything. Either at loss for words or silently fuming over the fact that I slighted her perfect Stefan. "Have a happily ever after Elena."

I turned towards the door and was immediately stopped by her cry of "wait!"

"What?"

She bit her lip. "Damon. I'm going to miss you. Can't I have…well…can I hug you?"

I laughed sharply. "Come on now, Elena. I don't do hugs."

She gazed at me imploringly. "Not even for me?"

I stared at her. Didn't she understand? One touch. One touch was all it would take for her to break through the walls I'd carefully constructed around my heart. One hug and I'd be doing something stupid and Stefan-like, such as getting down on my knees and begging her to run away with me. And my pride wouldn't be able to take that blow.

"No Elena. Especially not for you."

I watched the wedding from the back of the church. I hadn't been invited into the wedding party, the prestigious title of Best Man instead going to Jeremy. Elena's Maid of Honor was Jenna, since Bonnie refused to be in a wedding involving a vampire.

The beginning of the wedding was all right, with the flower girl and the bridesmaids floating down the aisle in their light blue dresses. It was when the wedding march began to play that my heart gave a sickening lurch.

Elena arrived, in a pure white dress that trailed in a train behind her and showed off her creamy white shoulders. The white veil was set in a tiara on her head, and it contrasted perfectly with her dark rich brown hair.

Elena was going to marry my brother in that dress, promise forever and all eternity to him. As vampires, this wasn't an oath to take lightly. Forever really was forever.

And I imagined later tonight, when the dress would come off, and Stefan would get to explore the white shift underneath that I only caught a glimpse of. And he would explore, until finally, Elena was ready, and then her warm, sweet blood would trickle down her throat, and contrast sharply with the angelic white she wore.

And then she really would be gone forever.

It was time to leave now.

I moved towards the back of the church and the doors, keeping quiet and moving quickly, hoping nobody would notice me leaving or if they did, that they just wouldn't care.

I almost made it to the door when Alaric intercepted me. "Damon?" he frowned. "Are you leaving already?"

"I'm hungry," I bit out. He must have see from the veins appearing around my eyes that I was, indeed, hungry, and he immediately moved out of the way. Smart man.

I burst out onto the street and was on Main Street within seconds, heading towards home, where I could get some blood.

Cold, sterilized, hospital blood in a bag. The very thought was revolting to me when I could sense warm blood gushing just beneath the surface of every person that walked by me. Why should I waste my time getting disgusting blood when I could have the real thing right now?

I remembered, vaguely in the back of my head, that there had been a reason for me drinking blood from the bag. But that reason no longer existed.

A pretty young lady stopped to examine a bookstore window just ahead of me, her arms full of shopping bags and one of her fingers absentmindedly twirling a strand of her hair. She was perfect.

I strolled along the sidewalk, smoothly stepping into her right as she turned away from the window, so that her bags went flying.

"So, sorry," I bent down, scooping up the items and handing them to her with a smile. She smiled back, tentatively, her eyes searching my face. "Thank you."

"I'm Damon," I offered.

"Lex."

"Mmmm," I breathed, the scent of her blood already giving me some idea of how delicious it would taste. I leaned closer, staring straight into her eyes. "How about we go somewhere more private?'

"More…private?"

"That's right," I encouraged. "Just back here…"

I led her into an ally between the bookstore and the clothing store next door, hoping I could feed on her here without any interruptions. Just staring at her neck was making my head dizzy, my fangs elongating with every passing second. I wasn't going to be gentle and I didn't care.

I grabbed her by the shoulders and brushed her hair back from her neck, preparing to sink my teeth into the rich vein hidden just below the surface…

"Damon!"

I glanced up, my mind still fogged in the red haze of hunger. Elena stood in the entry of the ally, her veil askew and dirt brushed along the bottom of her hem. She looked like she had run here.

"Damon," she said, stepping closer and breathing heavily. "You're not going to bite her, are you?"

I rolled my eyes. "No Elena, I was asking her to the sock hop."

She shook her head, looking bewildered. "I don't understand. You don't do this anymore; you haven't for a long time…"

I laughed bitterly. "You can go," I told Lex, and I watched as she nodded dumbly, picked up her discarded shopping bags and walked away. I turned back to Elena. "There's a lot of things you don't understand."

"That's not true," she told me firmly, taking still another step closer. "I understand you Damon. Not even Stefan can do that."

"Then how ironic for me that the only thing you don't understand is the most important."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know the last time I killed Elena? And I'm not talking about protecting you, or Stefan, or this town. Just straight, cold-blooded murder."

"Not since you came here," she said firmly.

"ERRRRR. Wrong on the first try Elena. Do me a favor and don't ever get onto Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, you'll only embarrass us all."

"All right," she glared, crossing her arms. "Then when's the last time you killed, Damon?"

"Two months ago," I answered promptly. "The night you told me you were engaged."

Her mouth opened, as if she couldn't believe what she heard. But she didn't say anything. So I gulped and said it for her. "I was upset…because I loved you."

"Elena? Where did you go? You just ran out of the church!"

"Aw, Stefan," I grimaced as my brother entered the ally. "Come to join our little powwow, have you?"

"Stefan," Elena said hesitantly, looking between me and him. "Maybe you should go back to the church."

But Stefan didn't listen, as usual. "Are you hurt?" he asked, frowning and studying Elena. "Did he force you to come here?" He turned to glare at me.

I shrugged. "Must be my charm and boyish good looks."

"Shut up," Elena bit out. "I'm trying to think!"

I fell silent, studying my fingernails. I still felt the need for blood gnawing at my stomach.

"Stefan," Elena finally whispered. "I can't marry you."

"What?" Stefan asked, shooting me a glance. "Did Damon say something to you, Elena? Whatever it was, he didn't mean it, he just can't stand to see me happy—"

"I told her I loved her," I said lowly, a soft threat punctuating my words.

"I haven't…" Elena, struggling to get her words out, seemed ready to burst into tears. "I mean, this isn't sudden. I've suspected for a while, that I—that I…"

"That you what?"

"That I loved him too."

I watched the scene before me with interest, not really registering the words that were spoken, for fear that she didn't mean them. At the moment I was just a bystander, along for the ride.

"But, Elena," Stefan said. "What about me? I love you."

"I know," Elena told him, "and I'll always love you Stefan. My love for you is precious, like a flower given me by a close friend. But what I feel for Damon…it's like a fire, it's so consuming and big and it's there all the time, in my heart."

"Fires usually burn everything in their path," I supplied helpfully.

Elena shot me a "you're not helping look" but then she turned back to Stefan. "I can't help it. I love him."

Stefan stared at the both of us, at me and then at Elena. And then finally he sighed, and his whole body seemed to droop. "Love is blind," he said softly, almost to himself. "Elena—all that matters is your happiness."

He walked up to her, and he kissed her on both cheeks. And then he turned to me. "Don't hurt her," he told me.

I looked at my brother, two years younger than me, and wondered what he had seen that I hadn't, what he could have done that I would never dream of doing. And then I put his mind at ease with three simple words. "I would never."

He smiled fleetingly, and was gone.

"What now?" Elena asked after a while. "Do we live happily ever after?"

"I'm a vampire Elena. I don't do happily ever afters. I'm usually the death of them."

"But, if you wanted me dead, I'd be dead."

A smile began to grow on my face. "Yes."

"But I'm not dead."

"Yet." The smile was fully grown now as Elena moved closer, until she was standing right in front of me.

"Are you going to kill me Damon?"

I gazed down at her face, at every curve and sweep I had memorized long ago, her big brown eyes and soft cheeks and sharp chin. "Of course I am love," I told her, bending down to kiss her. "But just remember—you killed me first."