Chapter 2

The sound of rain brought me out of my comatose sleep. I'd stayed up all night thinking. I could feel the effects of my late night already weighing me down. I groaned and rolled over burying myself further into the covers building my own cacoon. I don't want to get up and face the day yet. Just as I started dozing off again I was rudely awakened by my alarm clock blaring loudly. The noise bounced of my walls and broke its way through my little sanctuary under the blankets.

I hate mornings.

Cursing to myself I felt around tiredly for an arm hole before successfully slamming my fist down on that torturing noise maker, hoping it felt my rathe. The noise stoped and my room was quite once again with the exception of the rain outside hitting the tin roof.

I sighed sending a breath of hot air back into my face. I lay there for a while longer, just listening as the world outside began to wake. The need for some fresh air broke my daze. Pulling the covers off my head, the cold air soothed my warm cheeks taking me more out of my stupor. I finally opened my eyes to let the morning's rays in. Light was peaking through my window, spotlighting some of the belongings on the floor.

I yawned loudly, my muscles moaning and bones creaking as I stretched. I rubbed my sleep filled eyes as I slowly stood up, my feet hitting the cold wooden floor and the blanket falling from my body. A fresh wave of goose bumps settled on my skin as the chilled air kissed my half naked body and adjusted to the temperature difference. I looked around my room wondering what to do next as I ran on auto Pilate. I put on a pair of trakies over my boxes before I walked out to get breakfast. Usually I would just wear my boxes but apparently it makes my mum's new 'boyfriend' Steve uncomfortable.

I walked into the kitchen past Steve sitting at the table and didn't bother saying anything whilst I go about making my cereal. I could see the guy staring at me over his newspaper. So what I don't have a shirt on this is my house, I'm not doing anymore favours for him. Letting him bang my mum should be enough. I glared right back at him and he wussed out and went back to his reading.

I don't know what mum see's in the idiot. He treats her like crap, maybe I should deck him one in the face? Then again it's too early for me to be starting family drama and I can just leave for school but mum will have to be with the guy all day. I'm not one to usually instigate violence but when it comes to the people I love I can't help but be protective. I've been known to get beaten and beat some of her ex's. I couldn't just stand back and let them do what they did to her. I might have been helpless as a kid but I'm not now, even if on those certain occasions where they came after me instead.

My thoughts turned dark for a moment before I quickly pushed them aside with the need for a shower. 5 minutes later I was clean and smelling like roses. I wrapped a towel around my waist as I started to head out the door but I was stopped by my reflection. I wiped the steam away with my hand. I looked tired, dark bags lingering under my eyes, my lip slightly bruised and swollen from Friday behind the bleachers when Nathan and his friends jumped me.

Quil's going to ask me about that.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

Quil, what can I say about him. Sometimes I just want to never see him again, get over these feelings I have for him which can't be returned. I couldn't even voice them for fear of his reaction. What happened if he hated me once he found out? The idea of him hating me hurt too much. He is my best friend, has been for as long as I can remember. The way he cares for me is so bittersweet. I know as soon as he see's my face his usual happy demeanour will turn into worry.

I prefer his beautiful smile and bright eyes.

He will either straight out ask me or wait for me to tell him whilst giving me concerned looks. In fact he usually does both I just don't know what the order will be. I can't help but long for him even more so in these moments.

It just makes it all that much harder to keep up my facade of personifying normality.

I continued my way out the steamy bathroom, into the cold air. The water still dripping of my body chills. Shuddering I high tail it to my room and just as I make my way around the corner, I collide with something. I grunt as my body smacks into the wall behind me. I look up to see none other than Steve staring at me. I pull myself away from the wall and straighten up my towel which was dangerously close to slipping off. That would have been awkward. He obviously catches my movement and takes in my half naked only-covered-in-a –towel -body. I scowl at him as I realise his eyes are lingering more then necessary and raise an eyebrow. He looks back at me with something that makes me uncomfortable. I unconsciously shifted the weight on my feet as he stared me down.

"What happened to your face?" He asked as he reached out and grabbed my chin to turn it side to side.

"Don't touch me." I growled as I slapped his hand away.

He was a lot closer now, looking down on me from his extra few inches of height. That usual sickly feeling I get when I don't know someone's intentions filled my insides. He looked at me curiously before smirking, his greasy hair falling into his eyes.

"You should probably put some clothes on its cold out" he spoke in a voice I'd rather not interpret.

I wasn't sure if my goose bumps were from the cold or from the way he was making me feel.

"And maybe you should watch were your fucking going!" I snapped at him shoving his shoulder with my own on the way past to my room.

I fucking hate mornings.

I made sure to slam the door behind me for dramatic effect. Man he gives me the creeps. I walked over to my stereo and turned it on loud. Jimmy Eat World sang through my speakers his song 'The Middle' first on the play list. I threw on a pair of jeans with just a plain white undershirt and black hoodie. I sprayed myself with deodorant before rummaging through the crap on my floor for my bag. I found it under a pile of clothes near my bed next to my vans. I could see my guitar sticking out so I pushed it back out of sight and headed for the door.

I made it to school with only a few minutes to spare. The wheel on my bike decided to pop half way there so I had to push it the rest. I made my way across the school parking lot and over to the bike racks.

"Embry!" yelled Quil across the parking lot.

I looked up from under my drenched hood as I finished chaining up my bike. Quil was standing under the shelter, waving me over towards the entrance. I raced across the parking lot splashing puddles in my wake. I reached the school entrance and couldn't help but smile at the goofball in front of me. He sure looks hansom today in his jeans and white jumper.

"Sup" He said patting me roughly on the back.

"Sup" I said back with a stupid dimple grin smile of my own.

The things he does to me.

"Whoa bro, aren't you freezing, you're soaked" He asked concerned.

I never really noticed how cold It was till he pointed it out. A breeze blew past and I could feel a bit of a chill.

"Let's get inside." I said as I rubbed my water covered arms.

We both jogged up the dirty grey front steps and into the warn out building. I couldn't help but let out a sigh when the warm air graced my body. It was dark and moody outside but the La push High School walls were lit up bright and filled with colour, one of its only redeeming qualities as the outside looked more like the entrance to a haunted house. We both had English first so we started down the hall. I took a deep breath as the familiar musky smell of the place breached my senses and welcomed me to another day in 'paradise'.

"You've lived here your whole life, you think you would have learned by now to have something water proof at hand." Quil teased elbowing my side.

"Shut up! Wasn't it you who came in soaking last Monday in a T-shirt and shorts no less?" I shot back with a crooked grin. "I'm pretty sure I was the one who lent you my jumper and gym shorts for the day."

"Hey! I told you, all my clothes were dirty and my mum wouldn't let me have the day off. You know, the whole it's your fault so live with it crap. I mean come on, give me a break; I could have died from pneumonia or something, I'm not a freak like the steroid hall monitors, I feel." He complained.

I just snorted at him.

"Whatever you say man"

We kept up the normal banter until we reached the classroom. We made our way towards the back of the class to our usual seats. I sat down on my seat with a nice squish noise.

"Ahhrg this is so uncomfortable" It was my turn to whine.

"Well...I do have a spare set of clothes in my locker if you want to borrow them" Quil said casually.

I looked at him annoyed.

"You couldn't have mentioned this before we went to class. Now I have to sit through this whole lesson feeling like I pissed my pants." I complained.

He just smirked at me.

"I would have...but, I felt the need for you to suffer a little you know. I mean you come to school, bearing the war wounds of a fight and didn't think of mentioning it at all when we spoke on the phone on the weekend, or even on our way here. I'm cut dude, I'm cut." He said holding a hand to his heart.

I was wondering when he would notice. I guess it was wishful thinking that he wouldn't. I sighed running a hand through my hair. I didn't really want him getting involved. It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I don't want him getting hurt on my behalf. I know he is all buddy buddy with some of the guys that jumped me. Even if they are jerks, if they are nice to him, why would I want to take that away? He acts all tough in front of the guys but I know deep down this big idiot is a bit of a softy. Sure he is bad when he needs to be, but he is more of a class clown then the delinquent. Besides his consistent sticking up for me can sometimes make the matters worse. Not that he knows that.

How could I ever tell him that?

Nathan has come to the liking of pointing out my need for a body guard, how week I am and he even calls me a faggot. That hurts; I don't know what the guy has against me. His homophobia is another one of the many reasons I want to stay in the closet.

"Sorry." I mumbled looking down at my lap.

"That's ok, but how many times do I have to tell you I got your back." He said with his usual smile whilst messing up my hair causing me to blush lightly.

"Yeah I know thanks, but it's alright, I got this" I said to him with forced confidence trying to will away the blood in my cheeks.

He gave me a weary smile but didn't get to say anything as the teacher finally walked in. The lesson continued eventless. Quil and I sat there counting the minutes and doodling immature comics on each other's books. The bell rang signalling the end of class and I was more than keen to get out my wet clothes.

We made our way to our lockers and switched our books over.

"I got a pair of khaki army pants and a white undershirt. Sorry man no jumper."

"That's alright, better then what I got." I said taking them from his hands.

"Well I gotta go, can't be late to math Mr. Randall will have my ass." Quil laughed walking past me and clapping his hand down on my shoulder.

I relished in the miniscule second of contact before his warmth left, leaving me with butterflies. I slammed my locker shut annoyed at myself and my inability to keep my emotions under control. Making sure I grabbed the right books I started towards Music. I pit stoped into the locker rooms not far from class to get changed. I checked the room to make sure no one was here, declaring the place vacant I made my way over to the bench near Quil's locker. I didn't get one because I wasn't on the team so I figured I'd just use his.

I dropped all my things onto the bench and started to undress. My jumper stuck to my body uncomfortably as I lifted it off, my t-shirt sticking to it and coming off too. I dropped them to the floor with splat and started at my jeans when I heard a squeak. I snapped my head in the direction of the noise and stoped to listen. I didn't hear anything so I continued taking of my pants. They were harder to get off, I had to bend down and balance myself to pull them off. I glanced down at the dry clothes and my wet boxers. I could either go commando in Quil's pants or walk around with a massive wet patch. I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly and couldn't help but blush.

Going commando it is.

I wonder if Quil has ever gone commando in these pants. I bit my lip at the thought. That turned me on more than I would like to admit. I leaned back against the cool metal hoping it extinguished my hot and inappropriate thoughts. There is no way I want to go walking around with a hard on all day. I heard shuffling and froze immediately to listen but all I got was silence.

I glanced around quickly not wanting someone to walk in and see my junk. That would be humiliating. No one was there so I pulled them off and pulled on the pants in record time. The dry material felt so nice compared to the wet clothes I was just in. I zipped and buttoned the pants leaving the lace material to hang down. The fit pretty well maybe even a bit long considering Quil is slightly taller than me even though I've been growing a lot lately. I opened Quil's locker to see his towel hanging there. I dried my hair and chest real quick before putting it back and hanging my wet clothes up making sure to hide my boxers behind them. The second bell rang signalling the start of class.

"Shit!" I grumbled grabbing the shirt and sticking it over my head. I grabbed my bag and started running to class. By the time I made it through the door I had managed to get the shirt on and pulled it down to its correct length without dropping anything.

"You're late." Frowned Miss K, she never really liked me much.

"Sorry." I mumbled making my way towards my seat in the middle row next to Kim.

"Don't let it happen again." She stated before continuing class.

She was talking about music history of the middle ages or something. I wasn't too sure considering my heart was still pounding from running through school half naked.

"Where were you?"Whispered Kim.

I turned my head towards her. I consider Kim as my female best friend. We don't hang out much but we have lots of classes together and get on well. She's a pretty girl, simple but in all the right ways with a natural glow about her. She just recently started dating Jared Tinsel, her secret crush for god knows how long now. I can't help but feel envious of her. The fact she was dating Jared made it hard for her to have other friends though, considering he was part of the weird gang in La Push.

"I had to get changed, my clothes were soaked." I whispered back.

She smiled at me.

"There not your clothes are they?"She asked.

"Their Quils."

She gave me a devilish smile.

"I think they suit you better." She said slyly like I was missing something.

"Your also late Nathan, maybe I should start handing out detentions" Said Miss K loudly interrupting our conversation.

I glanced up at the door and Nathan was staring at me. I felt naked for some reason, which was weird because I'm pretty sure I just put clothes on and no one has mentioned my lack there off. I ducked my head at the scrutiny of his gaze not wanting to cause trouble and in the little hope he was staring at someone else.

"Sorry Miss, I was with Coach" He said confidently most likely lying through his teeth.

"Why was he looking over here?"Asked Kim quietly as Nathan made his way to the seat two rows behind.

"I don't know, checking out the handy work of my face?" I questioned quietly.

"What!" Kim gasped. "Asshole! When did that happen? Give me a look." She said turning my face in a much familiar action like Steve did this morning but more delicate.

"It's nothing don't worry about it." I said with a shrug. "Make sure you keep it quiet okay."

Kim nodded her head at me but I didn't miss the concern in her eyes…I really hated making people worry.

"Besides I'm sure Bennett's eye isn't looking to dandy either." I said with a smirk.

Kim smiled at me triumphantly. Bennett's was one of Nathans little buddies that I punched right in the face before they got me. I don't care the odds, I may not like violence but if it's unavoidable I'm not going out without giving some collateral damage of my own.

"You did good young one." She said in an all wise voice making me chuckle.

"QUIET!" Yelled Miss K slamming a ruler down on our desk.

"Shit!" I cursed jumping slightly and I swear Kim let out a squeal.

"Don't you curse in my classroom you little devil." She said fiercely.

I didn't mean to I swear, but I kind of snorted holding a laugh at what she said. I mean who says that these days besides old people when you're on their lawn. The most hilarious image of Miss K in granny pants and a knitted sweater popped into my head. She had a cane and was walking like she had a stick up her ass, I wonder why? I tried to slyly put a hand on my mouth to make sure I didn't let slip a laugh. Why is it when you're not allowed to laugh everything is so much funnier…

"Something funny Mr." She asked, pointing the ruler at my face.

I couldn't help but smile, for some reason I just wanted to piss myself laughing. She is wearing floral with socks and sandals for Christ sake. Kim noticed me scrutinising her out fit and looked like she was gonna laugh to. She looked me in the eye and I just gave her the Its-shit-funny-don't-deny-it look. Offcourse this just made her worse and she let out a light snort then elbowed me under the table causing the teachers scrutiny to fall on her.

"Nothing at all." I said to her in a very forced voice while she stared me down taking the attention away from Kim. I felt a little out of sorts as I could normally contain myself and my emotions quite easily, but today just had me off guard for some reason.

I realised something was attached to her sandals and I couldn't help but let slip something that sounded halfway between a laugh and a squeal. I was thankful I still had my hand to muffle the noise. I pulled myself short and rained in my weird mood as I could feel everyone's attention on me. Kim and a few other students followed my line of vision and couldn't contain themselves letting out chuckles of their own. Suffice to say no one liked Miss K and we all have senses of humour like 5 year olds when put together.

Miss K looked around the room with a scowl on her face as she tried to understand why it was all so funny. She managed to follow the student's line of sight and found the muddied up bundle of toilet paper trailing on her show

"THAT'S IT! DETENTION" She yelled at me her face bright red.

"I think she is going to hulk out." I whispered to Kim between silent laughs as I held my stomach.

Probably not my smartest move considering the teacher was in front of me but I didn't think and Kim seemed to think it was hilarious hiding her face in her hands trying to hold it in.

"GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM RIGHT NOW! I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HULK IS, BUT I AM NOT, HULKING OUT. DO YOU HEAR ME YOUNG MAN!"She practically spat on me.

Offcourse this made people laugh more understanding my reference.

I stood up trying to contain myself, pushing my chair in ready to leave. Miss K was still huffing and puffing so I decided not to poke the lion and turned to go, everyone in class watching me. A few of the guys mouthed nice and gave me the head nod, while some girls smiled at me, which just made me feel awkward. This being the only time I've received acknowledgment from most. I could see Nathan out the corner of my eye, but wasn't paying attention to the meaning of his stares.

"No wonder your father left you and your god dam mother behind." She grumbled.

I froze. Literally my body just stopped. The whole class fell silent. The shit eating grin slipped right of my face.

"Get back to work." She said turning around.

I stayed still just glaring daggers at the back wall, grinding my teeth. I felt myself begin to shake. It was a strange feeling almost like I was really cold but at the same time really hot. The shakes continued to vibrate my body all the way to my very toes, all the way to my very being...

I heard her sit down and turned to tell her where exactly she could shove that opinion.

"What are you still doing here, I said GET OUT!" Yelled Miss Bitch Tits.

I don't care if I humiliated her in front of the class that was not cool. Usually I would walk away and take it on the chin, these kind of comments weren't uncommon on the rez but I was mad. In fact I was beyond mad. That was such a touchy subject. She has no idea what it's like for a young boy to grow up without a dad. She has no idea how tough it was for me. What I had to go through, what I went without.

I felt Kim yank on my arm. I just glared at her and pulled away.

"Let it go" she whispered with worried eyes as she held her phone in a fierce grip at her side.

I locked eyes with Bitch Tits one more time before giving her my biggest shit eating grin.

"You talk a lot of smack for a 40 year old single slag." I said so casually and matter-of-factly she just stared back mouth wide in shock.

I took one more glance at Kim giving her a half arsed smile and walked my arse right out the classroom and continued walking until I found myself in the boys locker rooms again. I paced the empty room surely wearing the floor and let my whirlwind of emotions fight each other.

I hate school.

I hate Miss Bitch Tits.

I hate my 'dad' whoever the fucker is.

I hate god dam La Push and its god dam population!

I hate that they hate me!

I hate they make me feel like shit!

I hate that they make my mum feel like I'm a disgrace and most of all…. Most of all I hate my fucking self for believing them!

The last thought sent my fist on a collision course with the nearest locker. I felt the cold of the blue metal before the sting of pain in my fist, but it was all second when the pain in my heart was the heaviest. I took deep calming breaths as my eyes closed and I rested my head against the now bent metal. My shaking subsided and I was just left with the heavy feeling of self-loathing and anger that wasn't too uncommon. I felt a warm tear run down my cheek before I roughly wiped it away. I pulled myself together again and stood up tall. I was still alone in the locker room and the empty space still felt too crowded. I sighed as rubbed my now sore hand whilst inspecting it.

Today was going to be a long one.

I quickly checked myself in a mirror on the wall before taking a deep breath and walking back out into the halls.