Speak Now

By TwinkleWinker

Chapter One

Misu stood by the window, palms resting on the balustrade, enjoying the feeling of the cold sweep of the breeze against his face. His gaze was settled on Gii, who was dashing madly across the school ground. Gii ran like his life was depended on it, like he was looking for something that he cannot live without. He ran with a direction in mind, like he already knew where his treasure was.

Shingyouji stood behind him. He quietly took in the stoic and somehow conflict expression on Misu's face. A frown appeared between his brows unknowingly and all he could say was, "Arata-San..."

"He finally understands...," Misu said softly, more to himself than for his companion.

Shingyouji didn't know what to think.

At this moment, he felt entirely numbed.

So numb that he can only concentrate on his breathing to know that he hasn't crumble.

He didn't want to think about what he had realised when he saw the look on Misu's face or the sharp pain in his chest when he heard what Misu had admitted to Gii.

Too overwhelmed, he simply stood rooted to the ground, his body numbed like his mind already had.

It was until a soft tickle brushed his cheek he realised he cried.

He didn't make a sound. Not even a sniff or the heavy breathing that always followed after crying.

Silently... Like I always had...

Misu didn't move even when Gii was out of sight. He was also completely ignorant of Shingyouji's emotional turmoil.

Staring mindlessly at the spot where Gii disappeared, Misu was deep in thoughts.

You better not waste the chance given to you, Saki.

The Arata did not like Saki. Even though he did not have the capacity, nor plan to love, he wasn't selfish enough to stand by and watch two people who were obviously in love with other, torturing each other just because one was foolish enough to think that his actions was protecting his love but was in fact, hurting them both.

Foolish?

Was Saki also a fool for believing in love?

Misu barely ignore the urge to snort to himself. He denied Shingyouji's affection and brushed it off like it was nothing every single time.

Those affections that were so honest and true but he couldn't return the younger boy's feelings.

Because he can't love.

Love... He always had hesitation before he thought of that word or before saying it. That word had always sounded foreign to him no matter how many times he had heard it. He would always have a foreign and bitter taste in his mouth every time that word roll off his tongue.

In this world, this so called love never last. It will fade into nothing. Whether for practical reason or not, it is unwise to indulge in such feelings.

He refused to forsake his belief, not even for the likes for Shingyouji- the brat who somehow managed to worm his way into his life. It wasn't merely a belief, it was a fact in life.

Gii and Takumi may be so much in love with each other now, they may not in the future. Perhaps they would still be on fire for each other but obstacles and circumstances will no doubt pull them apart, especially when Gii was the sole heir of his family business. Under so much pressure, they would crack and even their love for each other would not save them because love is simply not enough.

Many times Misu wondered if Shingyouji was a blessing or a curse.

Every cruel word and every denial of what they had bruise Shingyouji but that was the intention, wasn't it? To wound him so bad that he would give up. Anyone in Shingyouji's place would be discouraged, too hurt to cling on and leave but not Shingyouji.

Why not Shingyouji?

In a relationship, no matter how dysfunctional it was, someone would chase and another would react.

Shingyouji always chased after him.

Shingyouji will never leave his side. Not before, not now and certainly not in the future.

Even if he was selfish by taking what Shingyouji gave so freely without wanting to return any.

This is how we function...

Shingyouji...

The only constant in his fast-changing life.

Perhaps he really was the foolish one.

It wasn't the roar of the thunder that kept Shingyouji awake, but it rumbled loud enough for him to turn to the window, changing his position first time in hours since he lay on his bed.

Usually, it would take half an hour for him to slip into slumber but it seemed like he wouldn't be getting a wink tonight.

Too much was on his mind, even more than usual yet he felt blank.

Every night, before he fall asleep, he would think about his interaction with Misu, replaying every moment they had and smiling at the the gentleness he was shown no matter how slight or vague it was. Then, his next thoughts would be how fortunate he was to met Misu, how things had changed for the better now because of him and how Misu was the anchor of him. He would then think of how thankful he was to be around Misu and falling asleep with hopes of getting closer to his anchor, wishing that he would have a place in his heart that seemed as cold as its owner.

Tonight, he did not go through these processes yet he could not fall asleep.

In fact, he was not thinking about anything at all yet a lot was in his mind.

How strange.

Why?

A thought dawned on him.

Maybe because it was time to let go.

Sometimes, love just isn't enough. No matter how persistent and hopeful it may be.

Especially an unrequited love.

It is decided from the very beginning that this love will end up nowhere.

It is like a flower that is not going to bloom but withers all the same.

It is decided from the very start that it will bring nothing but countless heartaches and misery.

So this is why, this need to stop.

And so, he chose to stop, chose cut off his love and the anchor of his being.

Letting out a resigned sigh, Shingyouji shut his eyes for the first time tonight but he didn't sleep.

Because tonight, Shingyouji couldn't feel the hope he always felt before he slip into a quiet rest.