The Life Of A Dark Master
VI
Kaiser Rolls

Piemon called an emergency war council that evening. Everyone had just arrived, Etemon being the last (as usual). None of his allies knew the reason, but Piemon seemed more than a little upset by whatever it was.

As Etemon, the last to arrive (as usual), sat down, Piemon stood up from his chair and addressed his fellow Viruses and one Data type. "Everyone, we are in trouble! A threat is upon us!"

"Y-You don't mean...Not the Chosen Children! They couldn't have arrived yet!" Devimon said in fear. "I-I'll begin preparations on File Island right away, Lord Piemon!"

"No, even worse! A threat to our hold on the Digital World!" Piemon announced. "Surely, you have all seen that...THING outside! The one that has completely RUINED my view of Server's Login Mountain!"

"...That big, black tower thing?" Etemon asked. "I was kinda wonderin' 'bout that... I figured you got some sorta giant lawn ornament or somethin'."

"Exactly, except I am opposed to lawn ornaments, aside from the gnomes that protect my herb garden from black magic. However, those are practical, not ornamental, so it shouldn't count!" Piemon said. "Anyway, to make matters worse, earlier today I received this message..." Piemon reached into his pocket for a pair of reading glasses, then into the drawer in the council table in front of him. He produced a letter.

Immediately, Vamdemon spoke, "Another blue print, Lord Piemon?"

"Excuse me?" Piemon asked.

"I caught a glimpse of that paper you're holding, it's written in crayon," Vamdemon said.

"That's...actually how it arrived," Piemon said. He set his reading glasses aside. "Perhaps...it would be best to just let you all read it." He passed the paper to Devimon.

"...I can't believe this...Brother, take a look. This has to be a prank from Pinocchimon or something," Devimon passed the letter to Vamdemon.

Vamdemon read the letter.

Deer Dark Masters,
You are all fools! You'r rain of terrer is at an end!
Soon you will feer the wrath of the Digimon Kaiser!
Mwa ha ha ha ha!

Vamdemon looked to Piemon, saying, "He actually wrote down his 'evil laugh?'"

"Keep reading," Piemon said.

I hav in my poseshon Evil Rings that
can controll all Digimon they inslave!
That incloods you, Dark Masters!

You should sarrender to me, soon!
OR ELSE!

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

Hate,
The Digimon Kaiser

Vamdemon passed the letter to Etemon. "...Pinocchimon, what are you aiming at this time?"

"This wasn't me!" Pinocchimon said.

Etemon laughed, "Yeesh, I ain't seen spelling this bad since-"

"-The last time you wrote me a letter?" Vamdemon finished.

"Up yours, Batsy." Etemon rolled his eyes, he passed the letter across the table to Pinocchimon.

"What's wrong with the spelling?" Pinocchimon asked, barely glancing over the letter before passing it to MetalSeadramon and Mugendramon.

"...Yeesh...And, why are we afraid of this idiot?" MetalSeadramon said, looking to Piemon.

"Well, for one, he managed to place that...THING that ruined my view of the mountains without me even noticing it or killing him for even attempting to destroy my view! That's an accomplishment, if you ask me! For two, these so-called 'evil rings' worry me. The ability to enslave Digimon..."

"Lord Piemon, Black Gears can do that, too," Devimon spoke up.

"Yes, and I trust you with them, I would not trust this so-called 'Digimon Kaiser' with them," Piemon said. "Ergo, I am a little concerned."

The doors to the meeting room burst open. LadyDevimon hurried inside. "Lord Piemon, um, someone claiming to be the 'Digimon Kaiser' has...arrived and requests a meeting."

"Send him in, I want to meet this foe," Piemon said.

"But, Lord Piemon, um...About this..."

"Did I stutter?" Piemon asked. "This new threat is one I wish to meet personally, are you trying to prevent that?"

"N-No, my lord, it's just...Um...Well..."

"LadyDevimon..." Piemon trailed off, warningly.

"...I'll go get him." LadyDevimon hurried off.

"Everyone, prepare yourselves. I don't expect someone as bold as this Digimon Kaiser to go down without a fight," Piemon said. "To think, he has the gall to challenge US, The Dark Masters! To demand our surrender! He is either very brave or very stupid! I suspect the former, though the latter would make sense. I mean, how many times have we had a servant who thought 'Oh, I can get away with stealing this one cookie' only to find out that no, no they cannot get away with stealing that one cookie. And, to be honest, I really would not have missed that one cookie but it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing! I mean, you let them take a cookie, they'll want milk, then...Well, you've all read the book, right? If You Give A Mouse A Cookie? Pinocchimon, I know YOU have, at least. Anyone who hasn't, I'll find my copy and let you borrow it. It's a favorite of mine from when I was a wee little Tsukaimon, I wanted to find a Chuumon and put the book's theory to the test. Of course, Chuumon always hang out with Sukamon and, well, Sukamon are simply disgusting. One of the few things that sickens more more than Numemon and the smell of fish. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. If you give a mouse a cookie! Well, I tell you that it's the same with servants! Give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile! So you have to punish them! Severely! Does the Mouse want a cookie? Too bad! HE GETS NOTHING AND LIKES IT! And if he tries to steal it, we string him up and use him as a pinata until we get that cookie back! ...Granted, no-one will want to EAT the cookie if they actually do manage to get it back. I mean, ew, that's...just disgusting. I don't even believe in the five second rule, to be honest. If my food touches the floor, THEN the servants can have it if they dare! They don't even have to ask, it is no longer something I am interested in eating! They can eat floor food to their hearts' content! ...I wouldn't. Even though I tell my servants I want the floors clean enough to eat off of, I would never actually TEST that! Ugh, disgusting, truly disgusting..." Piemon shuddered, again pulling off a successful war council rant. The others felt something had been missing until this point.

"I say, if it ain't dirty, you can eat it," Pinocchimon said.

"Remind me to get you some nice n' clean cyanide, then, ya little wooden nutjob," Etemon muttered.

LadyDevimon approached the double doors into the meeting room. "P-Presenting...The Digimon Kaiser!"

Piemon stood, eying the door and ready to defend himself against his foe! He had one hand close to his swords, with his other hand ready for a handshake. The old shake n' stab! Let's see how trusting this Digimon Kaiser is...

...Of course, Piemon dropped all that and instead buried his face in his hands in embarrassment as the Digimon Kaiser stepped into the room and ALL of Piemon's allies howled with laughter. Not even Vamdemon could control himself. Nor MUGENDRAMON, if you could believe it! He was playing a .WAV soundbite that resembled a sitcom's laugh track, but it was still laughter. And it was coming from Mugendramon.

The Digimon Kaiser was a human child - probably no more than six or seven years old. He wore a blue outfit with a matching cape and purple tinted glasses. He spoke in the most threatening voice a child his age could muster, which is to say not very threatening at all. "SURRENDER NOW!"

"...Digital Gods, kill me now..." Piemon muttered. "...Please, PLEASE tell me you're the Digimon Kaiser's son or little brother or SOMETHING!"

The Digimon Kaiser wiped away a tear at Piemon's mention of the word 'brother,' shouting, "NO! I am the Digimon Kaiser! You will all bow down to me!"

"...Dude, where's the camera? Seriously? Awesome joke, Piemon," MetalSeadramon laughed. "Had me goin', man! Had. Me. Goin'!"

"...Unfortunately, this...is not a joke...Just a lapse in judgment..." Piemon groaned. "...And if we don't surrender? ...Dare I ask?"

The Kaiser leapt back. "GO FORTH! EVIL RINGS!" He reached into his pocket, pulling out a handful of little black rings. He threw them at each of the Digimon present. ...They bounced off of them without any effect.

Vamdemon picked up one of said rings. "...This is plastic, it just has digi-code written on it in white crayon..." Another ring bounced off his shoulder. "I think these are napkin rings."

The evil Digimon began laughing harder as Piemon did his best to hide his embarrassment at the situation. He looked up at LadyDevimon.

"I tried to warn you, Lord Piemon..." LadyDevimon trailed off, trying to hold back any sign she was enjoying Piemon's embarrassment.

"...Tell me, Digimon Kaiser, what is the point of that...tower you erected?" Piemon asked, rolling his eyes as the Digimon Kaiser had a giggle at the word 'erected.' As did Pinocchimon and Etemon, but he was used to their sense of humor by now. This was...not the sort of enemy he was used to dealing with in any way, shape or form. It was, actually, like fighting Etemon or Pinocchimon, except less threatening. Much, much less threatening.

"With it, my Evil Rings will control all Digimon in the territory!" The Digimon Kaiser looked down at one of his plastic rings. "Um...I'm still working on the rings, though...I-I thought these would work...I-I have a back up! The Evil Disc!"

"May we...see the 'Evil Disc?'" Piemon asked, already feeling a headache coming on.

The Digimon Kaiser reached behind his cape, he pulled out a black frisbee with digi-code written on it in white marker. "Behold! My Evil Disc!"

Etemon fell forward in his seat and pounded his fist on the table, wiping a tear from his eyes. "O-Oh, man! This is GREAT! Piemon, c-can we...Can we keep him? Please? I mean, THIS IS GOLD!"

"...Mugendramon, do me a favor and blow him up!" Piemon groaned, looking to Mugendramon.

"I AM NOT THE SORT OF MONSTER TO ATTACK A CHILD WITH MY MUGEN CANNONS." Mugendramon replied. "I WILL NOT BLOW UP THE DIGIMON KAISER."

"...Could you try? Just...a little boom? Pretty please?"

"I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, DAVE."

"Awesome! I loved that movie!" MetalSeadramon laughed.

"WHAT MOVIE?" Mugendramon asked, turning to MetalSeadramon.

"...Never mind..." MetalSeadramon rolled his eyes. Mugendramon, for a supposed being of cold, calculating logic, was weird as hell sometimes. Piemon had once told him that he blamed software glitches, MetalSeadramon was inclined to agree.

Piemon sighed, he decided to humor this so-called "Digimon Kaiser." He sat back in his seat and said, "Well, let us have a meeting. Perhaps...we could... ...ally..."

Etemon tried to speak through his laughter, "Y-Yeah, we...We need someone to...hehehe...run Beginnings for us!"

"The Digimon Kaiser takes no allies or prisoners!" The Digimon Kaiser shouted. "I demand you all surrender! Now! NOW! NOW!"

"...Again, SOMEONE BLOW HIM UP!" Piemon looked to MetalSeadramon.

"Dude, he's a little kid," MetalSeadramon said.

"And may I point out our destined rivals are called the 'Chosen CHILDREN,'" Piemon said. "Do you expect them to be much older?"

"Yeah, but he ain't a Chosen Child, I ain't obligated to blow him up," MetalSeadramon said.

"I THINK IT IS BENEATH US." Mugendramon added. "I VIEW HIM AS AN ANNOYING NON-COMBATANT AS HE DOES NOT APPEAR TO BE A MAJOR THREAT."

"HEY!" The Kaiser frowned at Mugendramon. "Just for that, you're the first Dark Master I take down!"

"I AM NOT VERY CONCERNED."

"You should be..." The Digimon Kaiser frowned. Mugendramon responded with his sitcom laugh track soundbite. "STOP THAT!"

"NO."

"...Someone, do SOMETHING... And LadyDevimon, get me some aspirin. In fact, just...bring the whole bottle." Piemon groaned. "And a stiff drink. ...Or twelve!"

"Wanna play war?" Pinocchimon looked to the Kaiser with a grin.

"I warn you," Vamdemon looked to the Kaiser. "He does not mean the card game and intends to use live ammunition."

The Kaiser stepped back. "Um...I-I don't...wanna play war..." He shook his head.

"Oh, now look, Pinocchimon! You're scaring the poor kid!" Devimon shouted. "Stop it!"

"That's kinda what we do," Pinocchimon muttered.

"Elder Brother, what do you think?" Devimon looked to Vamdemon. Suddenly the Kaiser began wailing. "...C-Crap...Wh-What'd I do?" Devimon looked to the Kaiser. "Wh-What's wrong? Don't cry! Don't cry! Whatever I did, I'm sorry!"

"Devimon...Don't..." Piemon groaned.

"I-I don't like making little kids cry, Lord Piemon...I-It's...Well...There's evil, and then's there just...being a jerk," Devimon replied.

"Agreed," Vamdemon nodded. "Do not blame yourself, Devimon, I think there is some sort of 'issue' here with him, he teared up earlier when Piemon spoke. And I doubt it was fear." He turned to Piemon. "Not to imply you are incapable of striking fear into any other child, Lord Piemon. This one just has...a lot of 'chutzpah,' I believe is the term you would use."

"AGAIN! We are destined to fight the CHOSEN! CHILDREN! What the HELL do you people not get about that?" Piemon screamed.

Etemon covered his ears, muttering, "This is...the weirdest meeting we've ever had. And that's sayin' somethin'."

"Agreed," Vamdemon nodded.

"Pinocchimon, don't you have some candy or something on you to make him shut up? Give him a toy!" Piemon shouted.

"HELL NO!" Pinocchimon crossed his arms, looking away with an annoyed expression. Piemon had forgotten that sharing was against Pinocchimon's code of honor.

"Do it OR ELSE!"

"Or else what?"

"...I'll tell Apocalymon who stole those cards of his," Piemon said with a smirk, even though Apocalymon actually knew who stole his cards...Pinocchimon did not know that detail.

Pinocchimon, Etemon and Vamdemon's eyes went wide.

"Y-You...know about that?" Etemon and Pinocchimon said in almost perfect unison, exchanging worried glances.

"Those...are...Apocalymon's...?" Vamdemon asked. "I-I-I...C-Cards... Er... E-Etemon, you may have them back! They rightfully belong to you!"

"I don't want 'em!" Etemon shouted.

"I INSIST! Go to Earth! Go to that rock concert! A dozen, even!"

"N-No, you deserve 'em! I hurt your feelings!"

"Think nothing of it! Twilight's Vampires aren't all...that...b-bad..." Vamdemon cringed. "...Excuse me, I need to bite my tongue now..." He let out quiet shudder before doing so. "Ouch."

"ENOUGH!" Piemon shouted, drawing out a sword. That was enough to silence everyone except the Kaiser. "...What is that kid crying about?"

Devimon shrugged. "I asked Vamdemon's opinion and the Kaiser, well, started crying."

"Hm, what was the exact phrase you used?" Piemon asked.

"I believe I said, 'Elder Brother-'" Devimon was cut off as the Kaiser's crying got worse. "...I think we found the sore spot. Some sort of fraternal issues."

"Wha?" Pinocchimon and Etemon gave Devimon a confused look.

"Something about HIS... ...that-word-that-makes-him-cry." Devimon said. "Starts with a B, ryhmes with...'other.'"

"...I see..." Piemon sighed, he couldn't believe he was about to do this... He went over to the Kaiser. "Look! A clown! Whee!" He did a few magic tricks to try to cheer up the young boy. This actually seemed to work after he pulled a yen coin out from behind his ear. After a couple quick tricks, the Kaiser stopped crying. "Feel better?"

The Kaiser nodded, wiping his eyes.

"Now...Um...Tell me, what is your...er, 'goal' as the Digimon Kaiser?" Piemon asked.

"I want to conquer the Digital World," the Kaiser replied.

"Get in line," Etemon said.

"And enslave all Digimon!"

"Whaddya think we're doin'?" MetalSeadramon rolled his eyes. He looked to Piemon. "Seriously, this is sort of...sucking the fun out of what we do."

"Will you surrender?" The Digimon Kaiser asked, again trying to appear threatening.

"...Oh, what the hell?" Piemon raised a handkerchief. "I surrender. You win." He waved the handkerchief about, halfheartedly. "You are the victor, I bow down before you." He then thought, "The day Satan opens up a snow cone stand, that is."

"YES! This is the Digimon Kaiser's first step in in conquering The Digital World!"

"...Yes, yes it is," Piemon sighed. "Now, run along and play, O Great Kaiser. We shall conquer more lands in your name!"

"Thank you, you are a good servant! You'll be greatly rewarded once we control the entire Digital World!" The Kaiser smiled.

"Oh, thank you, O Great Ruler...But, if I may make a suggestion?" Piemon began.

"What is it?"

"Get that tower out there and...I don't know, put it... ...somewhere else! Anywhere, but...Where it is now is bad. Very bad."

"...Um...Why?"

"...It's...bad for Feng Shui. It's in the, um, North-Eastern section and...conflicts with the chi flow and you need...water there or...something! ...It's just a bad location! Remember the first rule of evil empires, O Great Kaiser! Location, location, location!"

The Kaiser nodded. "I'll do so at once! Continue your conquest in my name!"

"We shall, we shall," Piemon rolled his eyes.

With that, the mighty Digimon Kaiser left his lowly subordinates.

Once they were all sure he had left, Vamdemon spoke, "I assume you were lying through your teeth about that surrender."

"Of course. If he comes back, we'll humor him. Because someone," he eyed Mugendramon and MetalSeadramon. "Or rather a pair of someones refuse to harm a child!"

"I didn't see YOU chopping him up with one of your swords, Pie-face," MetalSeadramon said.

"...Touche." Piemon sighed. "...We'll need to work on that if we are to defeat the Chosen Children." Suddenly the concept of 'Chosen Children' made sense, he had always wondered about that choice in the prophecy. Why not Chosen Commandos or Chosen Kung Fu Masters or even Chosen Owners-Of-A-License-To-Conceal-And-Carry instead of Chosen Children? As it turns out, even the most evil of Digimon are no match for a child's innocence...Who'da thunk?

...After all that, Piemon needed a drink, an aspirin and the Digimon Kaiser tied to about twenty sticks of dynamite. Or just the last one. Just that last one would do quite nicely, actually. Especially if he could get it on tape so he could stick it in the VCR whenever he felt a little blue.

The meeting was concluded shortly after, Piemon went straight to bed after a couple glasses of brandy in hopes of forgetting that meeting. At least now The Digimon Kaiser was out of his hair...

...Or so he thought.

Piemon yawned as he strolled down the halls of his palace, he wanted to work on some more blueprints for Spiral Mountain in his war room. As soon as he entered, he was stunned by what he saw...

...The Digimon Kaiser...

...Sitting down...

...IN PIEMON'S CHAIR!

"...What are you doing?" Piemon asked, frowning. He'd killed for less...MUCH LESS!

"Plotting my conquest," The Kaiser replied.

"You're in my chair."

"You work for The Digimon Kaiser, so it's my chair," The Digimon Kaiser replied. ...Piemon suddenly had the urge to run this little pipsqueak through or turn him into a keychain and melt him with a magnifying glass...The latter actually sounded more fun, he would do that the next time an Evilmon forgot its place. Oh, even better! Stick the keychain the microwave!

"K-Ken-chan, please, don't...upset Piemon..." A little voice spoke. Piemon stepped to one side of the table and saw a little green worm sitting in one of the seats. Also in the seat next to him was a stuffed turtle in a top hat. The worm saw Piemon staring at him and immediately cowered, letting out a terrified whimper. The turtle did nothing.

"...Ken?" Piemon looked to the Kaiser.

"Digimon Kaiser," the Digimon Kaiser corrected Piemon, which was a very dangerous thing to do. "I am the Digimon Kaiser!"

"But you...have a name, correct?"

"...Ken Ichijouji. But you are to call me The Digimon Kaiser!" The Kaiser said, he then went back to his project, which was being done in crayon.

That name sounded familiar to Piemon, he just couldn't put his finger on it... He strolled over to Ken to see exactly what he was doing...

...The Almighty Digimon Kaiser was drawing a picture of himself riding an Airdramon with a big smiley face. Below the Airdramon was more than a dozen dark towers, like the one that had appeared. Also the Dark Masters were on a cliff near the flying little dictator, bowing low. The caption was 'My Empire.'

...Piemon was not amused. He reached for a sword. "...Oh, Digimon Kaiser~!" He said in a sing-song voice.

Just then, as Piemon drawn out no more than an inch of his sword, LadyDevimon burst into the room. "L-Lord Piemon! A-A-Apocalymon has sent a message... ...He demands to see you. Immediately."

"...Well this day is off to a lovely start now, isn't it?" Piemon groaned, sheathing his sword. He walked out of his war room and down the hall. He looked to LadyDevimon as they neared the main doors. "How the hell did he get back in here, anyway?"

"He...never left," LadyDevimon said. "Once you 'surrendered' he took one of the guest rooms and went to sleep."

"...Really?"

LadyDevimon nodded. "He was SO adorable when I checked on him, he was sucking his thumb and had that stuffed turtle in his arms!"

"Oh, how cute!" Piemon clasped his hands together, smiling. He then frowned, shouting, "I WANT HIM DEAD!"

"Um..."

"...Not you, too," Piemon groaned. "We are to fight Chosen CHILDREN, why is it so hard? You would think fighting Chosen Children would be like shooting fish in a barrel with a cruise missile! I mean, surely you can take candy from a baby, can't you?"

"Yes, but...I wouldn't want to HURT the baby in the process..." LadyDevimon trailed off. "Would...you?"

"Depends on what kind of candy we're talking about," Piemon replied, going out through the front doors. "I'll...go meet with Apocalymon...Try to do SOMETHING about that little pest!"

"Will do," LadyDevimon nodded.

Piemon went off to the usual meeting place.

Just as LadyDevimon turned to go back into the palace, Wormmon approached. "...Yes?"

Wormmon bowed, trembling, "Th-The Digimon Kaiser...requests chocolate chip cookies. And milk, please." LadyDevimon had a feeling the Kaiser's 'request' was not as polite as Wormmon had worded it.

LadyDevimon shrugged. "Why not? Fresh baked cookies sounds good."

"M-Many thanks," Wormmon bowed again.

"...So, you are aware Piemon wasn't really surrendering last night, right?" LadyDevimon asked.

"V-Very aware...A-And I've...prepared a will...Just in case." Wormmon said, swallowing. "I-I also wrote one up for Ken-chan."

"Good thinking," LadyDevimon said with a nod.

Again, Piemon found himself on his hands and knees before Apocalymon. And, again, he was sure it was about his cards...

"Lord Apocalymon, you summoned me...?" Piemon said, bowing low.

"Where are they, Piemon?" Apocalymon loomed over Piemon, floating above the lava pit.

"Th-The Christmas season makes Pinocchimon less than cooperati-"

"LIAR! Christmas is over! Even I know this!"

"...Y-You...H-How do you know, Lord Apocalymon?" Piemon asked, eyes wide. He was sure he could have stretched out that excuse for at least three months!

Apocalymon thrust a claw forward, Piemon ducked in fear and prepared for a blow or to be grabbed...After almost a minute of no pain or sensations of being grabbed and lifted into the air, he opened his eyes...Apocalymon's claw held a copy of 'Chicken Soup For The Soul.' "...What is this...?"

"I had a chimney installed, Santa Claus gave it to me for Christmas. I very much appreciate it."

"...Y-You...had a chimney installed in...your dimension?" Piemon asked. Apocalymon lived in an endless void, similar to the vacuum of outer space! ...Which, now, had a chimney floating about in it. Of course, this also raised an even more important question - How the hell did Apocalymon manage to get on the nice list?

"Yes, so I know Christmas is over..."

"Yes, but Pinocchimon is...still in the spirit, you see," Piemon explained. "A-And, we have...another issue! A new threat! Bigger than the Chosen Children!" This...was crazy enough to work. He hoped.

"...Bigger than the Chosen Children? What sort of threat is this?"

"The Digimon Kaiser, Lord Apocalymon!" Piemon explained, silently praying the Digimon Kaiser wasn't stupid enough to try his antics on Apocalymon before him. "He has the power to...CONTROL DIGIMON!"

"...So does Devimon."

"Yes, but Devimon is on our side," Piemon said, quickly. "The Digimon Kaiser attacked us in the middle of our war council last night! He even placed one of his 'Dark Towers' near Login Mountain! He made MetalSeadramon and Mugendramon powerless against him, they couldn't raise a finger to stop him!"

"That...sounds like quite a foe. And what exactly does this Digimon Kaiser mean to accomplish?"

"Complete and utter control of the Digital World, what else?" Piemon shrugged. "We're pooling every resource we have against him, but...My Lord, he's still at my palace! We feigned surrender to trick him, you see, but he's a crafty one. He won't be fooled for long..."

"...In that case, deal with this threat," Apocalymon said. "Let me know when he is dealt with. ...But don't forget - I. Want. My. Cards."

"O-Of course, I will retreive them for you once The Kaiser is dealt with!" Piemon said, quickly. "We're...quite at a loss, Lord Apocalymon, I have never dealt with such a foe before in my entire life!" That was actually true, but not in the way Apocalymon took that detail.

Apocalymon withdrew his claw and took his book before going inside of his 'geometrical mode of transport' and returning to his realm.

Piemon let out a sigh of relief, suddenly THANKFUL for Ken's existence. He returned to his home, thinking, "If I can put up with that little brat, then I suppose his ability to keep Apocalymon from screaming about those stupid cards will be worth it..."

Once he returned to his palace, however...

"...LadyDevimon, what are you doing?" Piemon asked, LadyDevimon was leaning forward against a wall near the entrance.

"The Digimon Kaiser wants to place hide and seek...Well, actually, Kame-chan does-"

"Kame-chan?"

"His stuffed turtle."

"...The stuffed turtle...wants to play hide and seek?" Piemon asked.

LadyDevimon turned, visibly embarrassed. "W-Well, the Kaiser speaks FOR Kame-chan, obviously, but... ...He's so adorable, Lord Piemon! I couldn't say no!"

"...LadyDevimon, promise me-And I don't care if you lie right now, I just want to hear it-PROMISE ME that when the actual Chosen Children arrive YOU WILL SLAUGHTER THEM LIKE PIGS WITHOUT RESTRAINT NO MATTER HOW 'ADORABLE' YOU THINK THEY ARE!"

"...I promise," LadyDevimon said. "...Are you going to slaughter Ken now?" She pouted.

"...Actually, no, I have a use for the little brat after all...But... ...Keep him out of my hair and out of my seat in the war room!" Piemon demanded.

"I-I'll do what I can, he's...about as controllable as Pinocchimon, but..."

"...Adorable, right?" Piemon said, flatly and rolling his eyes. "I swear, this is...such an embarrassment..."

"LADYDEVIMON! WE'RE READY!" The Kaiser's voice rang through the halls.

LadyDevimon looked to Piemon. "Um..."

"...Go on," Piemon sighed. "I'll be...trying to drink away any memory of the past twenty-four hours..." He groaned, walking off.

"Thank you, Lord Piemon," LadyDevimon bowed, then hurried down the hall. "Come out! Come out! Wherever you are!" She called.

"...Again, he keeps...Apocalymon at bay...That's...so much more important..." Piemon muttered, making a quick stop at his bathroom for as much aspirin as he could find...

...At least this "feigned surrender" wouldn't do much to his reputation. I mean, who would actually believe Piemon would actually surrender to a human child...?

Years later...

The Digimon Kaiser stood on a hill with Wormmon beside him, staring down his rivals... "Ah, you are the original Chosen Children, are you not?" He pointed his whip to the older Chosen Children standing behind the new generation.

Taichi nodded. "Yeah, do we know you...?"

"You may have defeated my servants years ago, but I won't go down so easily!" The Kaiser shouted. "You won't win again!"

Wormmon let out a quiet groan, "Ken-chan... ...Really? After all these years...?"

"...Your...servants...?" Koushiro asked.

"YEARS ago?" Sora added.

"What...servants of yours...did we fight?" Jyou asked, scratching his head.

"The Dark Masters, of course!" The Kaiser shouted. "They conquered this world once in my name, and I shall see to it I have it again! To think my most powerful minions could lose to the likes of you...I was very disappointed in Piemon."

The original Chosen Children gave The Kaiser a blank stare.

"...You're kidding, right?" Takeru asked. He looked to Wormmon, who shook his head with a pained 'I know, I know' sort of look.

"I'm not joking!" Ken snapped with a frown at Takeru. "Piemon himself surrendered to me upon our first meeting! THAT is what sort of opponent you are up against now!" The Kaiser boasted with a smirk. "I'd suggest you do the same if you value your lives..." He let out a dark chuckle.

Taichi and Yamato exchanged glances. "...This kid's...got a few screws loose, I think," Taichi whispered.

"Totally..." Yamato nodded. "Piemon would NEVER put up with that guy for more than two minutes."

"Not without chopping him in half..." Koushiro added.

"I mean, who the hell would believe that?" Yamato chuckled.

"So you're the evil mastermind behind the Dark Masters!" Daisuke shouted, pointing a finger at The Kaiser. "We'll NEVER surrender to the likes of you!"

The original Chosen Children let out annoyed groans, as did the new generation. The Kaiser just let out an evil chuckle...

Ori's Notes:
The Kaiser had to get his start somewhere, didn't he?

I just thought it'd be fun to throw a young Digimon Kaiser into the mix. And it's always fun to annoy Piemon with the most ridiculous things possible. And what could be more ridiculous than a megalomaniacal six year old Ken Ichijouji?

There's going to be a handful of people on FFN that will find Mugendramon's refusal to blow up the Kaiser much, much funnier than most of the other people reading this chapter (Taiki's one of them, I know that much). If you are one of those people, please let us know - I kinda wanna know how many people really do remember Mugen E.

Hope you enjoyed! And, since it's still that time of year, Merry Christmas!

Taiki's Notes:

The Kaiser? You actually included The Digimon Kaiser? YES! THANK YOU! And, like he said, I am definitely one of that handful of people who would find Mugendramon's refusal to blow him up to be especially hysterical.

I'm starting to wonder if this fic is a "replacement" of sorts for Mugen E, now.

-Taiki Matsuki