Well I've been reading more and more of them lately and so I kind of figured it's my turn now. Or Leo's turn, anyway. Yeah, I'm mainstream. After all, I breathe, so I'm mainstream anyway, right?
Step by Step
It is early in the morning when Hamato Leonardo enters the Lair.
Everything is quiet, except for the soft dripping of water in the tunnels outside. The elevator hisses as the doors close and it moves back upstairs, and for a moment the blue-clad turtle stops and listens, but the domed living room shows no sign of anyone else being awake. There are leftover popcorn bags and an empty pizza box from Michelangelo's latest movie night on the couch table. With a sigh, Leo strips off his twin katana and stores them in the dojo. Then he cleans up the sofa area.
His two-toed feet make no noise as he moves upstairs to reach his room. He only stops twice to look into the rooms of Michelangelo and Donatello. To his surprise, even the genius of the family is fast asleep and not in his lab. Sensei must have told him to, Leonardo muses and carefully opens the door to his own room. He doesn't bother to check on Raphael. When he is honest, he doesn't even want to know whether his hot-headed brother is home or not.
The wooden door creaks in its hinges, and Leonardo flinches. He couldn't find the time yet to fix that. Ever since he came back from his two-year training, things had been turbulent, to say the least. One new problem followed the next. It almost seemed to him that his brothers hadn't gotten anything done in his absence, and he doesn't know whether he should feel annoyed or worried by it.
With another sigh, he falls down onto his mattress. It still feels impossibly soft after two years of living on trees, and in caves. But even though nothing can be heard except for the soft snoring of his youngest brother, and the sheets are just too welcoming, sleep won't come tonight.
Leonardo sits up in bed and puts his head in his palms. Something is not right in this family lately. The atmosphere totally changed. After the task with the stone generals, during which he barely escaped death, things had settled down for a while. But lately, the old issues came flaring up like angry flames, burning everything good and peaceful to cinders.
And Leonardo, supposed to be the leader of the clan, finds himself in the middle of a heap of shards. And he can't find the right glue for them.
He is supposed to have trained, to have learned, and to be ready to lead them without difficulties. But how can he do that when he feels he doesn't understand his brothers anymore?
The blue-banded turtle realizes with a start that he won't find sleep tonight. He doesn't know what to do about that, either. He doesn't dare to train or cook tea and risk to wake anyone up. They are tired enough since he re-started training with them. Still, Leonardo stands up and leaves his room. His steps lead him downstairs, and once he is there, he choses to use the computer and get in touch with the real world for a change.
Even though it's been the longest time since he last used it, the machine comes to life with a satisfyingly silent humming. The screen glows blue and white in the darkness of the Lair. Without further thoughts, the leader opens Firefox and calls up Google. Then he just sits there and thinks about what to search for.
Call it sleep deprived madness, but he soon finds himself searching for his own name. Surprisingly many websites pop up, and Leo realizes that Donatello must've updated the system lately. He klicks at random links, until a blue-and-white site pops up. It shows a list of cartoon shows, books and games. Leonardo's eyes turn to slits when he reads the name of the webpage. F-a-n-f-i-c-t-i-o-n? Why not, could be fun.
He types his name into the search engine and waits.
Then he starts reading, and suddenly he doesn't think it's funny anymore.
~* t ~* m ~* n ~* t ~*
He had no idea.
Leonardo sits on the sofa, but he doesn't watch TV. He just sits there, his head on the back of the furniture, and stares at the ceiling. Through the domed skylight, sun streams onto his face, but he doesn't even bother to blink. He barely sees the golden beams.
This was what they felt all along?
His stomach twists, but he knows it's not because of hunger. Leonardo's body feels heavy and used all of a sudden. Spent. As if every drip of life had been sucked out and all that's left is an empty corpse. Only his mind works on full speed, and the ever same thoughts chase themselves around and around in his head.
Didn't they know why he had left in the first place?
It had all been because- No. Leonardo shakes his head in sudden confusion. He can't tell them. Maybe in the beginning, before or right after he left, he could have done that. But now it was too late. Even if he told them, it wouldn't change anything. They would still feel betrayed, would be fed up with the excuses and the meaningless words. With a start, the clan leader realizes that he had not really apologized even once. Not one time has he called them together, without a fight and harsh words, and just said 'I am sorry'.
Deeply ashamed, his shoulders slump and he sinks back into the cushions.
He had been hoping to become a better leader for them. He had thought that he had disappointed them, failed them, and wanted to make up for it. Only now, far, far too late he realizes that the only person he had disappointed was himself. And by breaking the dams, by giving in to his selfish feelings and leaving, he had almost destroyed their whole family.
How did that happen?
But whatever the cause, it will end now. Here and today, Leonardo will fix this. He knows all too well that it will take much more than one day to repair the damage. And he only hopes that what he did is not permanent. But he has to start somewhere, and he has the feeling he will need all the courage he has for it. And suddenly he is glad that the years in the djungle teached him to stay strong.
The smell of cinnamon and eggs reaches him as if from the distance. He didn't even realize the others were already awake. Shaking his head in disbelief, he stands up and walks into the kitchen. His legs are sour from what he now realizes where hours of sitting in silence, but he nonetheless helps to prepare the table. Donatello and Raphael come in eventually, driven by the need for Michelangelo's delicious cooking. Leonardo smiles absently. Raph, Donnie, and Mikey. My brothers. My family.
He raises his voice.
"Hey, everyone? I, uh, I need to tell you something..."
Today he would finally make the first step back home.