"So, I'll Call You"

She wanted to take it slow. She said that they needed to get to know each other again. Maybe she was right, but that didn't make it any easier to know that there was nothing to keep them apart except her hesitation. But no amount of frustration was going to keep him from trying. So here he was at 11 PM getting ready to call a girl that he was not allowed to touch. "Syd? Hey, it's Michael. Vaughn."

"Hey. I know who you are," she answered sleepily setting her book aside.

"Yeah. If this is a bad time I-" suddenly feeling nervous.

"No, it's good. I'm just lying here," she encouraged as she slithered to sit further up against the headboard.

"Yeah? What are you wearing?" He attempted to keep things light.

"Shut up," she answered smiling.

"Worth a shot."

"Shot in the dark, you mean."

"You may be a better shot, but some of us don't consider it a hobby, you know. Some of us have real hobbies." There was still a hint of laughter in his voice as he goaded her.

"I have real hobbies," she said getting defensive.

"No kidding? Name one."

"I cook."

"You cook?"

"Of course I cook. I'm damn good at it too," she answered light-heartedly.

"You are. But cooking isn't really a hobby. Just something you do to survive."

"Okay. So cooking isn't a hobby—which I disagree with. Kickboxing."

"Work-related. Not a valid entry."

"So it can't be work-related or have anything to do with survival?"

"Nope."

"I read," she offered glancing at the hardback Anna Karenina on the night stand.

"That's... Okay. You can have that one," he conceded.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't get it, but you can have it."

"Yeah well, at least I don't slide around on ice and wave sticks around for fun."

"It's a shame. You do it pretty well."

"I could kick your ass if I tried," she baited.

"Not a chance."

"You don't think so?"

"No way. You don't have the commitment for it."

"You'd be begging me to quit, if I set my mind to it."

"I doubt it. Are we still talking about hockey?"

"Ass."

"Yeah, but you like me that way," he hoped aloud.

"Yeah, I do." For a moment neither of them knew where to direct the conversation. "Hey, we should play sometime. I miss that," she continued.

"Really?" Their nervous, uneasy banter gave way to a more relaxed tone of friendship. A tone that, for a moment, made them forget why the embarrassment had been present to begin with.

"It was fun. I don't know, like being away from everything in the world except what you take with you. I don't really have a place to hide. Of course, that's assuming you still play."

"Yeah, I do. Not as much since... since before." He failed to entirely mask his thinking and their brief moment of peace was broken.

"This is awkward," she stated in a drawn out melody calling attention to what they were both thinking.

"Yeah."

"I know it's been a long time, but it's like some things are still exactly the same. Yet some things are so different, ya know?"

"I know exactly what you mean."

"You know what my favorite thing used to be? I mean, what I really miss?"

"What?"

"I used to love going to the grocery store with you."

"God, you're a dork, Syd," he laughed.

"I know. I can't help it. It was so normal—so average." He could almost hear her smile, and found himself unable to restrain his own.

"Well, I still go to the grocery store. You should come with me sometime."

"What? Like a date?" Her face was swallowed up by her dimpled grin.

"I'm glad you're not writing my personal ad. 'Sparks will fly in produce. Just wait till we meet up in frozen foods.'" She was actually laughing. That, he decided, was what he missed the most.

"You know what else I loved?"

"What?"

"I loved buying your birthday present."

"You never bought me a birthday present."

"Yes I did."

"Well, I never got it."

"That's because I didn't give it to you."

"Why not?"

"Because it was just a few months ago, and I didn't think it would be appropriate." They were beginning to acquire the knack for disarming awkward silences filled with painful thoughts.

"Well, I can't see any harm in it now. And I like presents. So, what did you get me?"

"I can't tell you."

"Okay. When do I get it?"

"On your birthday."

"But, my birthday's over."

"You'll have another one."

"And if I don't?" His jest did not have the intended effect.

"Don't say that," she replied quietly.

"Syd, I was joking."

"I know. And if you were still just a French teacher, it would have been a funny joke. As it is, I'd rather not dwell on it."

"Sorry."

"Do you ever wonder why we do this? I mean, I know why we do it, but why did it ever seem like a good idea to begin with?"

"Why do you do it?"

"Because I want to do something that matters. I'd like to make sure that no kid ever has to grow up as messed up as I am. I mean, I certainly wouldn't want my own children to have the kind of life I've had."

"But you do want kids?" he asked trying to steer the conversation to positive place.

"Maybe. If the timing is right. Someday. Not that I have to have kids, but it might be nice. I could take them to the grocery store with me," she finished with enthusiasm.

"Oh, well, that settles it then."

"What about you?"

"I haven't really thought about it."

"Liar."

"I haven't. Seems a little premature at the moment since I don't even have a girlfriend."

"You don't?"

"Do I?"

"Do you want one?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So do I? Have a girlfriend?"

"I think so. I hope so. Yes?" It was a question she wanted him to answer. She needed to be sure.

"Yes."

"Good. 'cause I don't think that grocery store ad was going to get many responses."

"I think it was intentionally sabotaged."

"Maybe. You're a good secret to keep. Then again, maybe it's just occupationally induced paranoia on your part," she offered while smiling like a fool.

"You know, not everything we did was average," he offered suggestively. "One thing in particular was always amazing."

"Vaughn," despite being alone, she blushed.

"Yes?"

"Nothing."

"I'm just saying, you're amazing." She smiled a little. She had missed his direct, sweet compliments. Sometimes cheesy, but always sincere.

"So are you." She smiled in the silence that had lost it's awkwardness. "So that's all you miss?"

"No. But it's definitely in the top ten."

"What else?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not? I told you," she argued.

"You only told me one thing, and you're going to think it's creepy."

"I told you three, and maybe I won't think it's creepy."

"You will, Syd."

"Please, Vaughn?"

"Okay. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

"What I miss is," he hesitated briefly, "anything that involves you in water."

"What? That's so weird."

"I know. It's just... It's my thing, I guess."

"Water?"

"Mm-hmm. The time we decided to be late to the debrief and went swimming in the middle of some lake in the middle of nowhere. Amazing."

"Really..."

"Yes. And your ridiculous two hour baths."

"It's not ridiculous, it's relaxing."

"You had to refill the tub twice. And all those times we were late to work and had to shower together."

"Ok, those were fun. And you refilled the tub for me."

"Yeah, they were, and yes, I did. You know what else?"

"What?"

"I miss spending the night with you."

"You already said that."

"No, I mean, I miss spending the evenings with you. Before the night part. You're so easy to be with." She was at a loss. Maybe it was too soon for this conversation. "Syd, you were my best friend. It's cliché, I know, but it's true. People have always had some expectations of me. What I should do, what I should or shouldn't say, what I should believe. I never got that from you. I was just me. I never felt like I needed to hide who I was from you. I miss that." Silence ensued from both of them. There was no denying from either of them that he was the "strong, silent type." That had always been one of the things that drew her to him. She didn't like sissies. Vaughn talking about his feelings was almost a foreign experience.

"Vaughn, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to. I just wanted you to know."

"You know I was never completely honest with anyone until you. Do you know what it's like to live your whole life hiding things from everyone, and then finally someone comes along who knows everything even if you do try to hide it?" Her voice was starting to waver. "And then to lose that person... It's awful. I'd rather never have known what it was like. I mean all that junk about 'better to have loved and lost...' It's crap, that's all it is. It's not better! It sucks! It just sucks!" She was almost yelling by the end of her remark, until with conscious effort she subdued her tone. "I'm Sorry. I just... I miss you."

"I know. I miss you too. But we'll be okay. It's just time, that's all."

"I wish you were here now."

"Syd, I-"

"I know." There was no point in apologizing again. It wouldn't change anything. "Will you... Will you come over for breakfast tomorrow? I'll make those banana things you like."

"The pancakes? I'm totally there."

"Good. I think I'm gonna go take a bath though, so I should probably hang up."

"Bath? No way, take me with you." She smiled sincerely.

"You're right, it is a little creepy."

"Told you."

"But you can still come to breakfast. I'll even let you do the dishes with me."

"Wow. That's hot. You have no idea."

"You're sick. And you're lucky I'm not writing your personal ad. The water thing would definitely go in there somewhere."

"It's not water in general. Only you. Just you and water."

"Oh, so you're specifically creepy. I guess that's something anyway."

"Okay well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. What time?"

"Seven?"

"Perfect. I'll see you then."

"Yeah, I'll see you."

"Night."

"Night."