Just testing. Currently fighting with the formatting. I think it won.

Going Mental

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A one-and-a-tenth act play

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by careph mockingbird

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Actors

The Death Stone as The Death Stone

Reason as Reason

Cynicism as Cynicism

Libido as Libido

Optimism as Optimism

Epicureanism as Epicureanism

Hatred as Hatred

Anger as Anger

Unknown Figures as Unknown Figures

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Act 1

The author would really love to describe the situation and place the actors are in, but that would be both impossible and counterproductive. Impossible, because there is no vocabulary to describe that particular scenery in a non-metaphorical way and counterproductive ... well, see for yourself.

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The curtain is raised.

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UNKNOWN FIGURE 1 Would you like a cup of tea my dear?

UNKNOWN FIGURE 2 Huh?

UNKNOWN FIGURE 1 Well, it's only natural that you're perplexed, but, you know, I have always believed that a good cup of tea could help solve any problem. What's your name, dear?

UNKNOWN FIGURE 2 proudly I am The Death Stone! Where is this? Why am I not in control?

UNKNOWN FIGURE 3 snorting In control, he says.

UNKNOWN FIGURE 1 Oh, be quiet, Cynicism! He's enough confused already, the poor thing.

CYNICISM And you're too soft as always. Let the new ones sort it out themselves, much more efficient that way.

UNKNOWN FIGURE 1 Efficiency does not equal success. I believe that it's much better to give them a warm welcome and a good cup of tea.

THE DEATH STONE Em, excuse me?

CYNICISM Oh really now, you believe? Isn't Reason supposed to think rather than believe?

REASON That's a common mistake, actually I ...

THE DEATH STONE shouting Where am I?

REASON There's really no reason to shout my dear, I can hear you quite well. You're here, obviously.

CYNICISM Wow, now it gets logical.

REASON Don't you dare say that name!

CYNICISM Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.

THE DEATH STONE But where is here? I remember possessing that guy, so I should be in control of his mind.

CYNICISM Possessing he says, isn't he lovely.

REASON Be quiet, or I'll tell Optimism that you want to talk to him.

CYNICISM Oh no, not that! I'll shut my trap, ok?

REASON turning to The Death Stone again Now dear, this might be difficult to understand, but you're here and it's very likely that you'll stay here.

THE DEATH STONE I am growing impatient! Where is here?

REASON Now calm down, there's no need to get that worked up. To answer your question, this is the part of his soul where all his hidden, suppressed or simply discarded elements go. It's where everything goes that he wants to shut off from the outside.

THE DEATH STONE But I'm important! I'm powerful! I'm significant! I can't possibly be here!

CYNICISM snorting again and speaking to Reason See, this is why your approach is futile.

REASON ignoring Cynicism Yes dear, I can understand your pain. We've all thought the same at the beginning, but things are just as they are, you know? If you want to, we can talk about it over a cup of tea. Or coffee if you prefer, though tea, I believe, is more appropriate for the occasion.

UNKNOWN FIGURE shouting You will suffer, you will all suffer!

THE DEATH STONE wincing at the sudden noise Who's that?

REASON Ah, that's only Hatred. Just don't listen to him dear, he's not very sociable. In fact I believe he hates us all, but that's just an assumption.

HATRED This is your death! I shall end your petty little lives!

REASON Yes, yes, we know, but we're having a civilised conversation here, so it would be much appreciated if you kept your voice a bit more to yourself.

HATRED irritated and turning to Reason You bore me!

REASON ignoring Hatred and turning to The Death Stone He might seem a bit dislikeable at first, but I'm sure he's got a good heart deep down ... there ... somewhere … I believe.

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Another figure enters the scene and approaches The Death Stone.

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UNKNOWN FIGURE Hey there, nice to meet you!

THE DEATH STONE automatically Huh? Nice to meet you as well.

UNKNOWN FIGURE shouting You have angered me! whispering Do you know what that takes?

THE DEATH STONE slowly turning to Reason This is Anger I assume?

REASON delighted Hey, you're getting the hang of it!

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Anger engages in a shouting duel with Hatred a few metres away.

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THE DEATH STONE slightly blushing I do? Well thanks but … hey, this isn't what I'm supposed to do, I'm supposed to …

LIBIDO Yo guys, long time no see!

CYNICISM Long time? You left five minutes ago and you're already back!

LIBIDO Are we jealous Mr. I-Live-In-A-Cave-My-Entire-Life? He lets me out, that means I am important, while you are not!

CYNICISM losing interest Every few years or so …

THE DEATH STONE depressed and sitting down on a chair Every few years …

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Libido pouts and leaves the scene.

Reason pours two cups of tea.

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REASON There you go, dear. Do you want to talk? I believe that talking to somebody can lessen the burden on your soul.

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Hatred is now grasping Anger's throat while Anger is pulling at his opponent's hair.

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THE DEATH STONE murmuring to himself This is not how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to kill. I'm supposed to destroy the world.

REASON Destructive thinking like that won't help you I'm afraid. I remember when I was younger. I was always by his side, always helping him make his decisions. I thought we were friends. scornfully That is until Logic came. He gradually stopped talking to me, only listened to that guy.

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Epicureanism forcibly separates Hatred and Anger and starts talking to them reproachfully.

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REASON Can you believe that he didn't even ask me for advice anymore? Ah, would you like a lacing of rum?

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The Death Stone is sitting listlessly in his chair. He hasn't touched his tea.

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REASON Ah, I'll take that as a no. Well, I'll have some, mind you.

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Reason starts pouring rum into his tea until the cup overflows.

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REASON slightly depressed They became best friends, he and that … Logic. Kept thinking all the time. Thinking! As if that solved anything. And then he told me he had another really important position for me, one that required utmost reliability, one that only a reasonable person like me could handle. Hah!

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Reason energetically downs his rum … I mean tea.

Hatred and Anger start beating up Epicureanism. Cynicism sits down on a couch and snickers.

Reason then slumps in his chair and falls silent.

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THE DEATH STONE murmuring to himself, nearly weeping I wanna out. Wanna kill stuff.

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Hatred and Anger lose interest in Epicureanism and leave the scene.

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UNKNOWN FIGURE coming out of nowhere Hey friends, how are you doing?

CYNICISM to the world in general Oh, not him! Why must he always come out of nowhere?

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Unknown figures quickly gather around Optimism.

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UNKNOWN FIGURE I You were out there?

UNKNOWN FIGURE II You were really out there? What did you see?

UNKNOWN FIGURE III Yeah, what did you see?

UNKNOWN FIGURE I Tell me!

UNKNOWN FIGURE II Yeah, tell us!

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Optimism ignores the figures and walks up to The Death Stone to pat him on the back.

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OPTIMISM Hey, a new face. Who might you be?

THE DEATH STONE sullenly Wanna kill. Wanna destroy.

OPTIMISM turning to Epicureanism Do you have any idea who this fine fellow here might be, Epicureanism?

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Epicureanism hobbles up to Optimism.

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EPICUREANISM I have no idea, my friend.

THE DEATH STONE whispering in an insane voice Wanna kill. Wanna destroy. Wanna kill...

OPTIMISM He seems rather down.

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Optimism looks at Epicureanism unbelievingly.

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OPTIMISM What happened to you?

EPICUREANISM Ah, it's nothing. I do not fear pain, since it is easily outweighed by all the joy I had in my life.

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The Death Stone gets up from his chair hysterically and runs away screaming.

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OPTIMISM Sounds rather gloomy, I don't like it.

EPICUREANISM It's not gloomy at all, my friend.

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Epicureanism rests his hand on Optimism's shoulder.

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EPICUREANISM If you can spare some time, I shall gladly explain in more detail.

OPTIMISM slightly uneasy Um, ok.

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Epicureanism and Optimism leave the scene.

20 seconds pass. Cynicism is slouching about in the sofa, humming the Funeral March boredly.

Then The Death Stone returns and walks up to Reason with slumped shoulders.

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THE DEATH STONE Would you mind if I took a sip from that rum?

REASON whispering Not at all, my dear. Be my guest.

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The Death Stone takes a hearty gulp, then empties the bottle in one go.

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THE DEATH STONE slightly drunk This is not how it should be. It's supposed to be different. This is insane!

REASON startled and terrified Do not call his name without good reason! You-know-who is the really big shot around here.

THE DEATH STONE What, you mean Insanity?

REASON Ssssssh, I told you not to say his name! He who shall not be named hasn't been here even once, but he has swallowed a lot of us already.

THE DEATH STONE Sounds like the guy I need to talk to.

REASON hysterically Talk to? HIM? Are you ins- … crazy? There is no reason why he would talk to you.

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Optimism reenters the scene with two sixpacks in hand. They are missing one beer each. He puts them on the ground.

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OPTIMISM Alright, I know how to cheer you guys up! A welcome party for our new member!

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Cynicism assumes a foetal position on the sofa.

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CYNICISM Not you again, get lost. Where's Epicureanism by the way?

OPTIMISM He doesn't like alcohol all that much.

CYNICISM whispering to himself That idiot.

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Libido reenters the scene with two more sixpacks. One is missing a beer.

He puts them on the ground, takes one beer out of the full sixpack and sits down on the sofa.

Optimism takes two beers out of his sixpacks and walks up to Reason and The Death Stone to give them one each.

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OPTIMISM C'mon! What're you sulking here for? Think positive, have a beer!

THE DEATH STONE I don't want no beer, I must out! I must destroy the world!

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Hatred and Anger reenter the scene, approach the sixpacks and attempt to take the same beer.

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ANGER shouting Must I be interrupted at every turn? Enough of this!

HATRED also shouting Your only purpose is to die by my hand, insect!

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They start to fight over the beer.

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OPTIMISM ignoring the two Yeah, sure, but in the meantime you can just as well enjoy yourself.

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Reason silently opens the beer, The Death Stone follows suit, albeit hesitating a little.

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The curtain falls.

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A few hours pass (20 seconds in real time).

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The curtain is raised again.

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All actors are sitting on the couch with a beer in hand and are obviously drunk.

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OPTIMISM shouting delightedly And now once again for our new friend! Cheers, Stoney! This one's for you!

THE DEATH STONE We'll destroy this world! We'll end it all, yeah, we will!

ALL TOGETHER We'll destroy this world! We'll end it all, yeah we will!

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Drunken laughter.

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The curtain falls.

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Act 1 and a tenth

The curtain is raised.

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Same Scenery. All actors are lying on the floor or sofa, except for Reason who sits on a chair and watches The Death Stone sleep. The Death Stone murmurs something unintelligible and then slowly wakes up and opens his eyes. He yawns heartily.

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THE DEATH STONE drowsily Ah, thank the Heavens and Hells alike, it was all just a dream!

REASON caringly Good morning, my dear!

THE DEATH STONE screaming !

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The curtain falls.

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Comments:

#1 Insanity does not know rules.

#2 There is no place where there is no alcohol. If you haven't been able to find alcohol in your vicinity, you simply didn't look hard enough.

#3 Reason is an emotion indeed.

#4 Epicurus rocks.

#5 Thanks for reading!