Legal Disclaimer: The is a piece of speculative fanfiction. It was not written for profit and no profit was made. All rights to the Twilight properties belong to Stephanie Meyer and Little Brown Publishing Company. I do not claim ownership to these rights nor any intellectual property of Stephanie Meyer.

Author's Note: This is a drabble collection of Halloween inspired prompts from MelWofgirl and MidnightStarr.

Sometimes You Need a Good Hose

Prompt: Candy Corn

Prompter: MelWolfgirl and Mignightstarr

Charlie Swan was a mellow man, he had to be. Ever since he had found out about the pack, through dating Sue Clearwater and seeing Jacob Black phase, ever since pretending that he had no idea that his daughter was a vampire, he had found a heretofore deeper level of calm. A calm that made his previous level of unflappability seem... spastic. So it was with a great deal of irony that the biggest threat to that mellowness would come in the form of candy corn. A seemingly harmless, ubiquitous, not great tasting Halloween treat.

The entire pack was over at the Clearwater's house and they were hungry. A situation that could make one's eyes twitch. However, Charlie handled it with grace. He merely shrugged and went to the grocery store for Sue. When he had filled almost the entire carriage with food, he headed down the season aisle, topping of the mountain of purchases with Halloween candy, what could it hurt? In the succeeding years, Charlie would never make such a foolish mistake again.

When he returned and put the food away for Sue as she fed the hungry pack; he noticed them all, even the ever serious Sam, staring at the treats with... was that actual wanton desire? It would seem that there were ten inner wolves who were not quite so closeted in their addictions for sugar and chocolate. Charlie merely nodded and placed the treats on the table. In the ensuing shark like feeding frenzy he almost lost a finger to Jared when he reached for a bag of Reese's Pieces... boy liked his candied peanut butter apparently. He then got growled at by Sam when he tried to eat a mini Hershey's Bar. After that he just watched some basketball on TV and drank a beer.

As Sue was finishing up an the grill outside, Charlie detected a lull in the frantic eating. He looked over and saw ten young werewolves experiencing an intense but hopefully short sugar rush. As they twitched and were more hyper than usual, Leah noted that they had finished all the treats and to Charlie it looked like her inner she-wolf wanted to cry. Charlie had a soft spot for Leah, one that the entire pack could see. So it was no surprise to them when he got up without a word and came back handing out an unopened bag of candy corn to her.

If Collin and Brady hadn't simultaneously lost their freaking marbles at that exact moment, everything would have been fine, but they did and it all went to shit very quickly. Apparently they both loved candy corn, loved it to such a degree that it short circuited the logic centers in their brains. Thus two large teenaged werewolves jumped a human man for a bag of candy. Leah would have defended him but she was so shocked that she just stood there as Charlie went down. The rest of the pack also so overcome with surprise that they ALL just stood with their jaws open as Collin and Brady fought each other for the candy corn, poor Charlie smashed in between them.

Eventually the snarling mess rolled into the Clearwater's front door and smashed right through it. The door frame cracking in half and the door itself exploding onto the front lawn. Charlie was carried through the now HOLE in his girlfriend's house. Thankfully at this point he was able to extricate himself from between the two imbeciles. Thankfully, because the rest of the pack was still staring at in useless surprise as Collin and Brady phased and the candy corn became brightly colored sugar projectiles in the air. Charlie had had enough. He strode over to the side of the house muttering swear words in three languages and got the hose. Turning back to the youngest pack members, he turned it on full force, drenching them till they separated and their fur was plastered to them and dripping.

"YOU TWO ARE THE BIGGEST IDIOTS I HAVE EVER SEEN! GET IN THE BACKYARD AND PHASE BACK TO HUMAN... NOW!" Charlie looked like a man possessed with a fine fury.

When the boys returned in human form to the front yard, the pack had recovered and was about to deal with them when the alpha, the beta and the third found themselves drenched by Charlie and his hose. Jake, Seth and Sam sputtered a bit as Charlie read them the riot act.

"Since you three decided to be about as useless as a paper bag in the rain, I will handle this! Am I clear?" Charlie shouted.

All three, usually dominant men, just nodded. Since none of them wanted to find out how many bullets were too many bullets for a shapshifter to handle, they let him do his thing.

For the next three weeks Sue had Collin and Brady at her beck and call. They bought her a new door and fixed the hole in her house. They ran all her errands for her and cooked her dinner every night. Who knew Collin was such a good cook? The best part for Charlie? For three weeks all he had to do while watching a game on TV was hold out his hand and a nice frosty, opened bottle of beer would appear in it.

For the rest of his life, whenever he would see a bag of candy corn, Charlie Swan would mutter: "Fucking candy corn!"

He never bought it for the pack again.