Blue eyes fluttered open before squeezing shut at the bright light that stung his corneas. He whimpered, rolling over only to feel his head pounding. The fuck! He curled up on himself, head throbbing painfully and his whole body feeling sick. He had never felt so shitty in his life.

He felt fingers brush through his hair comfortingly and his eyes blinked open to stare into violet ones. He wasn't thinking straight and merely stared at the glass of water offered to him along with pills.

"Take the aspirin. It is good for hangovers." A familiar voice ordered and Alfred weakly obeyed, sitting up painfully and grasping the glass. He place the two pills in his mouth before gulping down the water. He coughed slightly, pressing his hands to his forehead. What did he drink last night? Better question, how much did he drink last night?

"Thanks" He murmured weakly, returning the glass into what he identified to be Ivan's hands. Why was he here anyway? Oh who the fuck cares. His head was fucking killing him and why couldn't the sun just fucking turn off for a just a few fucking moments?

"It is the least I could do for my new wife." Ivan answered easily, taking the glass and putting it down on the table. Alfred nodded absentmindedly before his whole body stiffened. Wait...what? The world came crashing down on him and he whirled around to face Ivan who was smiling that damn fucking creepy smile. Brief flashes of a wedding dress and a couple 'I dos' flashed in his mind. His heartbeat quickened and he started hyperventilating when he glanced at Ivan's hand, a golden band wrapped around his ring finger. He looked down at his own to find its twin.

Then, Alfred started to scream.

And scream, and scream and scream.

This couldn't be happening. This could NOT be happening. He could not be married. Especially not to IVAN of all people. This was all a joke. An evil, stupid joke.

"Alfred, calm down. You will wake everyone in the building." Ivan hushed, calmly from his side.

Alfred whipped around to him, ignoring how his head protested as it continued to pulse. "This is a joke. This is a fucking joke."

"Joke? Of course not, hunny. We were married yesterday! You do not remember?" Ivan answered sweetly with that teasing creepy smile.

Alfred's eye twitched. "You're lying. You're lying."

"Why would I ever lie to my wife? Sometimes you are so very cruel..." Ivan pouted, trying to hold in a giggle. Bothering Alfred was just so much fun! "But if you really don't remember I have wonderful photos of our wedding." He said, pulling out a few pictures he had paid a photographer there to take.

Alfred quickly snatched them out of his hand, looking at them in a panic. "Oh my God. This is actually happening. Why am I in a fucking dress!" He cried out.

"Because you looked so cute, my little housewife." Ivan cooed, hugging him close and nuzzling into his cheek. Alfred stiffened, heartbeat erratic as he tried to process all of this. Still holding him to his chest, Ivan took Alfred's hand in his own, rubbing the golden band. "And now we are one! Forever mine, my little American wife."

And Alfred started screaming all over again.

And, because of this, someone started pounding at their door.

"Shut the bloody fuck up in there, Alfred! Some people have bloody fucking hangovers they're trying to deal with it!" Arthur shouted through the door, his British accent thicker from drowsiness.

Alfred quieted, thrashing in the Russian's grip until he was freed. He ran for the door, almost tearing it open.

Arthur looked horrible. His eyes were red with bags underneath, his hair was messy and sticking up all over the place, his clothes were mussed and he had a plethora of hickeys extremely apparent on his neck. Still, Alfred grabbed him.

"Shit! The fuck are you doing!" Arthur snapped, holding his pounding head as Alfred lurched him forward into the room.

"Artie! You gotta help me! I'm married!" Alfred begged, eyes wide and teary. His brother had to fix it! He always fixed his problems.

"What?"

"Ivan and I are married through some horrible mistake and you gotta fix it!" Alfred pleaded, shaking the other for good measure. That didn't help the extremely hung over man.

"I'm gonna be sick." Arthur murmured, covering his mouth and pulling away. He quickly ran out of the room.

"No! Don't leave me!" Alfred shouted back desperately as arms encircled him to pull him back in another suffocating hug.

"He knows we are married, he signed the document." Ivan reminded nonchalantly, nuzzling into those golden locks.

"What!"

Arthur sat at the table in his room, sipping at his tea while rubbing his temples. God, his head hurt like hell. He was never drinking again. If it were up to him he'd still be in bed, hiding under the covers.

But it wasn't up to him.

Alfred sat before him, looking angry and scared all at the same time as he ranted about this marriage license. Frankly, Arthur could not recall anything from the previous evening.

"Alfred." He cut the younger short from his rant and blue eyes settled on him. "We were drunk. These things happen. Just go get a divorce." Arthur shrugged. He needed some aspirin. His lower back was killing him, no thanks to the frog. Who was still sleeping soundly in their bed.

"But I can't!" Alfred moaned, burying his face in his hands.

Arthur blinked, green eyes narrowing in confusion, "And why not?"

"Because the fuckin' creep who is now my fucking husband refuses to get divorced!" Alfred snapped, voice raising from hysteria. This just couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. Why couldn't Arthur fix it already? He was suppose to make the bad things go away like when he was little! And this was a very very bad thing.

"What? Why?" Arthur asked starting to get angry. He had never liked the Russian fellow who followed Alfred about. He was very odd, very creepy and gave off a threatening aura. He certainly didn't want the two wed, especially if it was against his little brother's will.

"I don't know! He wants to see me suffer! Please Artie, I need your help!" Alfred lamented.

"Alright. Lets remain calm and talk to him. I'm sure this all just a strange misunderstanding." Arthur responded calmly.

"Nyet, it is not a misunderstanding. Alfred and I are happily married." Ivan smiled creepily, wrapping an arm around the American who thrashed in the possessive grip. Arthur narrowed his eyes.

"Ivan. We were all drunk last night. This wasn't suppose to happen." Arthur reasoned, glaring at how the Russian was manhandling his brother. Oh he did not like this at all.

"Nyet, I was not drunk." Ivan shrugged. If only he could have come to Vegas with only Alfred and none of the annoyances. Things would have been so much easier.

Green eyes widened, "You got married on purpose?"

"Da." Ivan grinned, nuzzling into blond, struggling hair.

"Let me go! I don't want to marry you! Get away from me!" Alfred screamed, struggling, squirming and thrashing in a desperate attempt to free himself.

"I won't stand for this Ivan! You can't force people to marry you!" Arthur growled, his protective nature appearing in his harsh tone. No way in hell would he allow his little brother to be forced into a marriage.

"Well, I do not believe the government should force people to leave their home either." Ivan snapped bitterly, tightening his grip on the American.

"..What are you talking about? And let him go!" Alfred relaxed slightly as he heard the statement, confused.

Ivan sighed, releasing the blond and watched him scurry away. He comically stood behind Arthur for protection, even though he was a good head taller than his elder brother.

"My visa expired without my knowledge because it was held up in the mail. They are sending me back to Russia. Unless, that is, I find a reason to stay in the country. Such as, marrying an all American boy."

Alfred's blue eyes widened in understanding, suddenly feeling sorry for the big lug. Ivan didn't have many friends, and he was horrible at social interactions... This was probably a desperate attempt Then he realized the implications. "This is illegal! I could go to jail! I could lose my job! No, find someone else for your creepy plot!"

Ivan gave his best pout, "That isn't very heroic of you Alfred, to allow a friend to be forced back into a, how you say it, 'god forsaken hell hole of a country'.

Alfred bit his lip. He was right. How could he boast about being a hero and turn down a friend-frenemy-? He obviously needed help if he had succumb to such desperate efforts as marrying him. And it wasn't fair to deport him all the way to that ice cube of a country... Maybe he should hel-

"No. Alfred you were right before. This is wrong and illegal. You can't do this." Arhtur snapped, reading his brother like an open book. Alfred could not be this stupid. He couldn't go along with this.

"This doesn't concern you Arthur." Ivan snapped, looking into the blue eyes, making his wife squirm uncomfortably.

"I.." Alfred hesitated, looking between the two.

"A hero would help."

"Alfred, don't listen to him!"

Alfred let out a long sigh, his heroic side winning. He couldn't help it. He couldn't just let them take away a friend of his and not help. "Ok fine. We're married. But after you get to stay in the country we're getting divorced, do you hear me?"

Ivan clapped his hands joyfully, giving him a grin. He hugged his bride tightly as the other pushed at him to get off. less angrily though.

"Alfred! I can't let you do this! You'll get arrested!" Arthur snapped sternly, worry showing in his emerald eyes. "This will ruin your life."

"But Artie, I can't do nothing! You know I can be an awesome actor! It'll work out and then we'll get divorced easy peasy." Alfred dismissed, his plan already formulated in his mind. Stay married, act lovey dovey, get the green card then get divorce. Simple.

"Alfred, it's not that simple." Arthur read his mind yet again. Was he really that open with his thoughts and moods? He should probably work on that if this was suppose to work. "Do you have any idea how complicated this entire process will be?"

"Nope. But you can totally be our lawyer! Won't you Artie?" Alfred said, eyes bright and grin growing. "Unless you want us to get caught and thrown into jail." He murmured, his tone suddenly sadder.

"I-" Arthur faltered.

Alfred gave him his infamous puppy dog eyes.

"Fuck." Arthur sighed, rubbing his temples as he himself was wrapped in a tight hug. "You're lucky we're related." He snapped.

"Aww, I love you to Artie!"

Arthur rolled his eyes.

Francis stretched, letting out a tired yawn and rolled over. He let out a quiet whine at the absence of warmth that should have been there. He blinked his blue eyes open to stare at the empty space beside him. He pouted, even though there was no one there to pity him. He sat up with a sigh and looked about the room.

He couldn't help the satisfied grin that appeared on his face as he saw the state of his room. Clothes strewn everywhere, a chair knocked over and questionable stains all over the bed. Oh, he had ravaged his little blond many many times the previous night.

And he had been hoping for a few more rounds in the morning. But apparently he wasn't in luck since his cute little Brit had decided to run off. Most likely to scavenge for some tea. How annoying.

Or had he? Because not a moment later did the door slam open to reveal his missing Englishman.

"Arthur! Come back to bed."

"Sod off, Frog! Get dressed. Alfred got married to the fucking creep and instead of divorcing him like a sane man would, he's playing hero. So now we need to do some research to defend their case or else my bumbling brother's off to jail."

"Wait...What?" The Frenchman asked, tilting his head sightly as he sat up. He hadn't understood a word his lover had said.

"Damn it, Francis. Don't you ever listen? Just hurry up and get dressed!" Arthur snapped, throwing clothes at him as he started going through his suitcase for his laptop.

"What a perfectly good morning, wasted once more." Francis mumbled melodramatically.

"What did I just agree to?" Alfred sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Oh, do not be so sad, Alfred. It will be fun to be my wife, yes?" Ivan teased lightly.

"Oh cut the crap." Alfred snapped, "You can be lovey dovey when they interrogate us."

"But should we not practice?" Ivan egged on, wrapping an arm around the other.

"No." He pushed the other away, trying to think. "Shit, this means we need to live together..."

"Da, I will move in."

"And I'm gonna have to support both of us. Shit, what if I can't make enough?" Alfred worried at his lip, "And you say I'm the fucking wife! I'm the one whose gonna have to bring home the bacon and all that shit. Damn it!"

Ivan only giggled happily. "Until death do us part, my little sunflower of light." Holding him close once more.

"Don't say that!" Alfred groaned, pushing away at him again.

"Get off him this instant." Arthur snapped, barging into the room and dragging his fellow lawyer behind him. Alfred breathed a sigh of relief, escaping from the others suffocating grasp. Ivan pouted but refrained from attaching himself to the other once more.

"I still do not understand what is going on." Francis whined, tilting his head at the pair's once affectionate behavior.

"Meet the new happy couple." Arthur growled sarcastically, succeeding in making Alfred flush a brilliant red.

"What? You two got married!" Francis' eyes widened as he spotted the rings the younger two were wearing, "And I wasn't invited!"

"Shut up! Its not what you think!" Alfred quickly defended,

"No it isn't." Arthur agreed grimly, putting on his lawyer face. "This Vegas trip is over. We're leaving in a few hours. Or at least us four, if the rest want to stay who cares."

"But-" Alfred began to protest. He'd barely gambled!

"Shut up, Alfred. Also, as far as everyone else, this relationship of yours is real. Well, perhaps Matthew can know the truth but that is all. The less people know of this the easier."

"Why must he know." Ivan asked, looking at the Frenchman with distrust.

"I'm a lawyer too! What is the problem here again?" He asked, glancing at his lover for some sort of clarification.

"This is a green card marriage, Francis. Now we have to keep my idiot of a brother out of jail." He explained easily, watching the dark blues eyes widen at the knowledge.

Alfred puffed out his cheeks indignantly, crossing his arms. Ivan thought it was cute.

"Now then, the minute we get home I need you two to fill in a questionnaire. But first, Ivan you need to move all your stuff into Alfred's apartment." Arthur continued briskly in a matter of fact tone.

"Fine." The newly weds answered.

"And, why, again, is he needed?" Ivan asked once more, sending Francis a look.

"All you two do is fight. Hardly convincing. As much as I hate to admit it, Francis is an expert at romance." The Brit sighed, making it seem like the confession was physically painful.

"Oh you flatter me, cher." Francis teased, attempting to thread his fingers in the others hand. Arthur smacked it away.

"You two need to act like a real couple or we're all fucking screwed. That means no more public fighting. Do you hear me?" He continued, leveling the pair a stern glare.

"Yeah, yeah." Alfred muttered, keeping his arms crossed.

"Don't 'yeah yeah' me Alfred. This isn't a game. Francis and I could lose our licenses to practice the law, you could go to jail." Arthur reminded grimly, sternly.

Alfred swallowed. What had he gotten himself into?

And the plot finally moves along. So, Alfred and Ivan Braginsky are married! But difficulties lie ahead.
This is such a cracky fic... lol, its so much fun to right.

Btw, I got a tumblr (don't ask) and I'm gonna try and post previews and updates for this story and Clinging. If you're interested, go check it out.
http:/ xxfuyukainabakaxx . tumblr . com /
(without the spaces of course)

Until next time my sweets, and remember, Review!