Stupid

"You know, Mels, there aren't many chances where I get to tell you that…"

Mello braced himself.

"…you're being stupid."

Damn. False alarm.

Matt continued, "Because in this case, you're thinking too much and that's making you stupid."

Mello was confused. "Thinking too much makes me stupid?"

"Oh, the stupidest of the stupidest."

"Matt, spell stupidest."

"S-T-U-P-I-D-I-S-T." Matt let out an exasperated sigh. "There. Would you let me finish?"

Mello suppressed a smile. "Yeah. Sorry."

"When you start thinking too much, you start second-guessing everything anyone says or does. Then you have all these doubts and things get super messed up."

"Are things super messed up?"

"No," Matt said. "That's the problem. You think they are."

Mello lowered his gaze.

"Mello." Matt took Mello's chin gently and forced the other man to look into his eyes. "How long is it going to take you to realize that I'm in this thing until the end?"

"Listen to this closely, second greatest detective in the world," Matt started, a sly smile playing on his lips. "You and me…we're gonna get old together. You're going to loose all your hair" – Matt laughed when a protective hand shot into Mello's hair – "and I'm going to loose all my teeth. We're still going to be living in this shithole apartment even when we're like 87 years old" – he gestured to the room around them – "And we'll have to bug the landlord to install ramps for our wheel chairs. Everyday we'll watch shit like The Price is Right, People's Court, and Days of Our Lives" – Mello's eyes widened in horror – "You'll have lost your hearing and me my eyesight. So we'll be parked in front of the damn 4D television, senile and drooling all over ourselves. You'll be yelling at me to turn the damn volume up and I'll be yelling at you that I can't read the damn LCD screen on the remote and you'll be yelling at me" – Matt impersonated a senile Mello – "'remember when it had one button for one function, instead of screens that redirect you to other screens?' And I'll be yelling at you that you're talking too much during the damn show that I'm trying to watch."

Mello's expression softened. "You picture us old and crotchety?"

"Of course I do. And we're going to grow old and crotchety together as long as you stop being so stupid…"

Mello brandished a couch pillow. "There you go, calling me stupid again…"

"Hey!" Matt laughed, trying to fend off Mello's assault. "And everyone thinks you're the smart one!"

Mello hit him with the pillow a few more times. "Says the one who can't spell stupidest!"

"Wait, what?" Matt paused. "I spelled that wrong?"

Mello laughed. "You spelled it with an i at the end instead of an e."

"What do you think they have spell check for?" Matt retorted, holding Mello off long enough to grab a pillow of his own to whack Mello with. "And besides, spelling doesn't make you smart!"

"You're right," Mello took a whack in the face. "It makes you literate."

Somehow amidst their pillow fight, Mello found himself tangled up with Matt on the couch. Matt lay underneath him and Mello had gotten his knees on either side of Matt's rib cage, pining him to the spot so he was an easier target. Matt braced Mello's arms from coming down again with another fell swoop of pillow. As Matt got another pillow to the head, he squirmed a little and used his forearms as shields for his face. "Not the face!" Matt exclaimed. "We both like it too much!"

Mello made a move to hit him again. "It'll just have to be a casualty of war!"

"Noooo!" Matt dodged another pillow aimed at his face.

"Sacrifices have to be made, Matt."

"Never!" Matt retaliated with a blow to Mello's shoulder.

It was after a few close calls with forbidden face-shots that Mello realized this was a perfect time to ask Matt something he'd been wondering for a little while now.

"Matt," Mello dropped his pillow. Matt, in turn, relinquished his weapon. A cocky smiled adorned his face when he realized the sensual position they were in. "I have something very serious to ask you."

The whole pillow fight forgotten, Matt locked his arms around Mello's neck. "Yes, Mello?"

"Would you still love me if…"

Matt looked up at him expectantly.

"If I had no hair and hearing and slobbered all over myself?"

"Yes. Of course I would." Matt laughed. "And what about you? Could you bring yourself to look at me after I've lost all my teeth and have squinty eyes?"

"You've already got squinty eyes from playing too many video games in the dark." Mello smirked. "Somehow I manage."

"Bastard," Matt laughed.

"You really want to grow old with me?" Mello asked. "Stupidity and all?"

Matt looked at him like he was utterly devoid of intelligence. "Duh."

A/N- Aha. The thought of Mello and Matt as crotchety old men makes me laugh C:

Also I wanted to the excuse to say 'crotchety.' MULTIPLE times.