Just some random weird one-shot...

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.

Four figures stood on the roof overlooking a seemingly deserted alleyway. Leo had tracked a suspicious looking gang and they were about to walk down the street. Mikey yawned and felt his eyes go fuzzy again. He wasn't going to admit it, but he had the feeling his eyes were going funny from the video game he'd played all day. It was probably just from focusing on one spot and then having to look long distances, but there was no way he was going to say it – he did not want glasses. It was really distracting him and Leo had already lectured him twice that night. One more lecture and he'd feel the almighty wrath that was his eldest brother on full Lecture-Mikey-Mode.

The gang rounded the corner and Raph shifted impatiently. Don pointed silently downwards. A woman with platinum blonde hair had just stepped out of the building and was heading towards the gang. She fixed her handbag and straightened her skirt.

"Hey, Donny, I'd give her a ten, bro!" Mikey nudged his immediate older brother who rolled his eyes in return. Raph elbowed Mikey in the side, ceasing all laughter. He shared a small high-three with Leo, making sure the younger two didn't see. What? He and Leo had their games too. Usually gang up on Mikey games. Leo still had his eyes focused on the gang. The woman had spotted them and her walk slowed down before speeding up. She strutted past them which just drew more attention. The gang walked past but as one they turned and watched her from behind before looking at each other and following her.

"Next alley," Leo whispered. They raced across to the next roof just in time to see the gang crowding the woman. They blocked her way and she was forced to back up into the alley. Leo rolled his eyes. Classic tactics. Oh well, made it easier for him to use the same ones every time. At least everyone already knew the drill. Raph took out a sai and started spinning it in his hand with a smirk on his face. He was ready for the signal. Donny and Mikey were in their attack stances, ready to jump down into the alley. Leo shifted into position too and waited until the woman was completely backed up and away from prying eyes.

He gave the signal. For about seven minutes the alleyway was alive with the sound of fighting and all hell had broken loose. The conscious members of the gang finally backed off and ran away. Raph chased after them for a moment just to scare them some more.

"C'mon, Raph, you're getting too close," Leo cautioned.

"Yeah, yeah, just let me have my fun, Leo," Raph laughed. There was just one more thing to take care of and Mikey's imagination was running on overload – his brothers could tell. When the youngest was thinking he tended to freeze in his position and get a slightly dazed look in his eyes.

"Earth to Mikey!" Donny laughed and slapped him upside the head. Mikey snapped out of it.

"Hey, no fair, Donny! You're supposed to defend me against red and blue not join in!" he cried out indignantly. Donny shrugged and smiled innocently. "So, anyway, I was thinking-"

"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good..." Leo fought to keep his face straight as the words left his mouth. Mikey stood there feeling completely abused.

"Well it is good. I've had the best idea ever," Mikey grinned. Raph faked a small heart attack and clutched his heart. Donny rushed over and checked his pulse. "Aw, c'mon guys! I have ideas too!"

"Yeah, and they usually get us into trouble, Mikey," Donny smiled. Mikey rolled his eyes.

"Well I don't see how this one could," he grumped, folding his arms.

"Let's have it then," Leo smiled, kindly. The poor woman was still trembling in the corner. Mikey stepped towards her, knowing that she wouldn't be able to see anything – it was too dark.

"Well, you know April?"

"Um... no... doesn't ring a bell," Donny scratched his head. Mikey ignored him and continued.

"Well, we like rescued her from all those weird mouser robot thingies and she's never told on us, and it's been a few months now, and well, I'm getting kinda bored of only have two friends. Sure, Casey and April are awesome but one more couldn't help, besides Casey and April have been flirting like all last week so we're gonna need a backup plan in case they decide to settle down and forget all about us... So I suggest we keep her." Mikey motioned to the corner with a smug grin.

"Mikey..." Leo sighed. He could write a full novel of reasons why that was a bad idea.

"Aw, c'mon dude, she's totally hot!" Mikey exclaimed. Dead silence.

"What?" Raph asked, an eye ridge rose. Mikey repeated himself only to be met by complete silence once more. The three brothers looked around Mikey to look at the woman in the corner.

They scanned her and not one of them could keep a straight face. They had definitely not misunderstood her appearance. There was no doubt of what she was. Once again they looked at each other with amusement shining in their eyes and back at the woman. They took in her slightly too broad shoulders, her hairline tilting off strangely where the wig had slipped, her overdone makeup and her Adam's apple.

"Mikey, she's a-" Leo began.

"Leo! I know! She's a human! I have eyes, y'know!" Mikey exclaimed in exasperation.

"I'm beginning to doubt that," Leo smiled. Mikey looked utterly confused. "Why don't you take another look at your damsel in distress, Mikey, then you can ask us if you can keep her again."

"Fine. I will." Mikey turned around dramatically, got as close up as he could without her seeing him and froze. That's when no one could take it anymore. Donny leaned on his bo staff trying to control his snickering. Raph and Leo leaned on each other for support as they laughed to the extreme. Mikey turned back to them slowly. His cheeks were darker green than they had been before.

"Heh, I knew she was a man all along, guys, I was just messing with you," Mikey's smile faltered when his brothers didn't stop laughing.

"Yeah! Right!" Donny managed to squeeze out. Mikey crossed his arms over his plastron and pouted.

"Y'know, you'd make a great partner for her, you look like a girl when you do that," Raph added as he sobered up. Mikey frowned and stopped pouting.

"Come to think of it, he always dresses up as the girl in missions..." Leo grinned.

"And I have the perfect research to prove all of this," Donny grinned evilly.

"Guys! I've been playing that new video game all day! My eyes have gone square! It's totally not my fault!" Mikey whined.

Suddenly, the red and blue flashing lights turned up and all four brothers leaped down into the sewers. The woman in the corner put away her cell phone and rushed towards the cars. The turtles were long gone, they were almost back to their home as they did their cooling down exercise – a sprint back to the lair.

**Later that night**

His brothers had finally calmed down and Mikey was reading a comic on the sofa while watching something on TV and eating some chips. Peace and quiet at last. That's when the snickering began. It started off quietly and slowly started to get louder and louder. Mikey winced as Leo and Raph came out of the dojo to investigate. Donny walked out of the lab and wiped his eyes. He was hysterical.

"What is it Donny?" Leo asked.

"You know how before I said I had the perfect research to back up Mikey's little secret?" Donny laughed again.

"Yeah?" Raph grinned. Mikey jumped up from the sofa and started to protest. Raph grabbed his youngest brother in a headlock and wrapped a hand round his mouth. Mikey knew biting wouldn't solve this – he'd tried it before. It was like Raph had the highest pain threshold of all time, or something. He struggled anyway but he didn't make it in time to push Donny over before he delved straight into his research.

"I found it again. The fraternal birth order effect is the strongest known predictor of sexual orientation. Basically if a guy has loads of older brothers he's more likely to have attractions to men."

Raph and Leo broke down and Mikey struggled loose. He watched his brothers rolling around hysterically before stomping to his room and slamming the door.

Of course, this only caused the oldest turtles to laugh harder and harder.

"My sons, what is the meaning of this?" Splinter asked as he turned over the channel to watch his soaps.

"Mikey's gay!" Raph choked out.

Splinter dropped the TV remote and the batteries flew out and bounced across the floor.

I kid you not. The fraternal birth order effect thing is real. I found it the other day – I was trying to research birth orders and how they affect personalities. Apparently, it effects more than that. I saw it and I just thought it was so random and the TMNT popped into my head... I don't know why! My brain is weird, okay? I also used 'She was beautiful... I swear' by Kevin Sage on YouTube to inspire me. If you haven't already seen that video, you should watch it. It's hilarious!