Hello everyone. I've been very busy and very ADD about what I've been writing lately, but this is the first thing I finished, so here you go! It's a prequel to my one-shot "We Have a Problem" and it is also a one-shot. There may, eventually, be a sequel, but no promises.

Set in Season 2, spoils up through "Duets", rated M for language and sex. Top!Kurt, warning I guess, because JJ is a baby about it...

A Problematic Prequel

Burt Hummel hated being in the hospital. They wouldn't let him eat unless it was a certain time, because of all the medicines and crap they were pumping into him, his TV didn't have the Discovery Channel, which meant he was missing a marathon of the Deadliest Catch and had to watch infomercials instead, and he couldn't get up and pee by himself, or everyone would think he'd died when he disconnected himself from the heart monitors. And to top all that off, the medicines they gave him made him too sleepy to keep his eyes open for more than a half-hour or so at a time.

The first time Burt had dropped off, Kurt was talking to him about school or some such, which Burt actually didn't mind hearing about. Any noise that reminded Burt that Kurt was there next to him and had survived being without his dad for a whole week, was welcome. Burt hated the thought of leaving Kurt, but now that this had happened, he knew he had to be more pragmatic about what could and couldn't happen in his son's life. Losing one parent didn't make Kurt immune to losing another one, though Burt thought it should.

When he came to again a few minutes later, Kurt was staring at him with wide eyes, his hand on Burt's chest as if to reassure himself that his dad was still alive. His kid shouldn't have been going through this, but he was doing it so well that Burt shook off the sleepiness and pulled his son into a hug, whispering, "I'm okay, kid. Just nodded off."

"Oh," Kurt replied, sniffling a little and wiping away a tear as he pulled back. "Right. The doctor said this might happen, didn't she?"

Burt nodded, letting his son go, even though he didn't want to.

The next time he woke up, he listened to the voices in his room, speaking quietly so they would disturb him.

"...doing here?" Kurt asked the other person.

"Dunno." It sounded like another boy, and briefly Burt wondered if this guy was just a friend or something more.

After a long, silent pause, Kurt scoffed and said, "Versace only knows why I'm not kicking you out, but I have homework to catch up on. If you're going to stay, do it quietly."

"Sure," the other boy agreed, scornfully. "Whatever."

As curious as Burt was about the other kid, he couldn't open his eyes and then his brain started to get fuzzy again.

Later on, Burt wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, the stranger said, "Hey, Hummel?"

"What, Puckerman?" Kurt sighed, the big thud of a textbook snapping shut filling the room.

"Why don't blind people skydive?"

"What?" Kurt asked. "What does tha-"

The Puckerman kid cut him off by saying, "Because it scares the shit out of the dog..."

Burt wanted to laugh, but his drugged-out body wouldn't respond. As it was, the room stayed silent for far too long before someone snorted. "Seriously?" Kurt asked.

"What?" Puckerman replied. "It's funny."

"How could you possibly think this was an appropriate setting for jokes?"

"Dunno," the boy replied sullenly. Burt felt himself really starting to wake up as the meds wore off, but he kept his eyes closed. He wanted to hear how Kurt's peers were helping him through this, because Kurt really needed friends, much more than he would ever admit.

"If you're gonna say something, do it," Kurt ordered. "You look like a fish, gaping like that."

Puckerman huffed and growled a little before confessing, "That's what my mom did, alright? Whenever I got pissed or bummed or whatever about my dad leaving, she'd read me jokes out of this book she had. It helped."

"Well," Kurt breathed. "That's actually very human of you, Puck. Thanks."

"But you didn't laugh," the boy pointed out, sounding disappointed.

In a small voice, Kurt replied, "Didn't feel like it," in a way that tore Burt's heart to pieces. Hopefully this feeling wasn't another heart attack.

The next time anyone spoke, Puckerman said, "Hey, Hummel?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't roosters wear pants?"

"Because they're tasty farm animals and have about as much appreciation for fashion as you do?" Kurt snapped back and Burt wondered whether he should make some noise to let the boys know he was awake and prevent what could turn into a nasty fight, if that tone in Kurt's voice was any indication.

"No..." the other boy said, amused by Kurt's snippy mood, rather than put off by it.

After a long silence, Kurt sighed and asked, "Why don't roosters wear pants?"

"'Cause their peckers are on their heads."

Just two breaths later, Kurt laughed. It wasn't a rolling belly-laugh, but it wasn't forced either. Burt smiled and let himself drift off again, thinking that Puckerman kid was alright, even if he had a bit of a mouth.

The second time Puck went to visit Kurt in the hospital, Mr. Hummel's room was full of doctors and everyone was talking except Kurt. So, Puck stood outside the large window, waiting for Kurt and no one else to notice him. It took a few minutes, but eventually Kurt did look over and Puck turned around quickly, pressing the top few inches of his bare butt to the window for a few seconds. Turning around and hiking up his pants, he saw Kurt's lips twitch, like he was trying not to smile. Good.

Puck took that hint of amusement and ran with it, turning so Kurt could see him in profile and pretending to have sex with someone, making dirty faces and everything. Kurt smiled again before covering his mouth and turning away sharply. Puck figured that was the best he was gonna get while the doctors were still around, so he touched his fingers to the glass once before leaving.

If Kurt had smiled, that meant the doctors weren't bearing bad news, which hopefully meant Mr. Hummel was getting out of the hospital soon. Maybe when that happened, Kurt would have more time to hang out.

However, when he went back to the hospital the next day, Kurt was still there, his hand resting on his dad's, the old guy passed out like that first time he visited.

Puck couldn't think of what to say that could possibly cheer Kurt up, so he just snuck into the room like a ninja and sat down beside Kurt. Apparently he wasn't completely stealthy, because the boy looked over at Puck right away. Tears in his eyes, he whispered, "Tell me a joke."

Puck wasn't quite ready for the request, so it took him a minute to remember one. Eventually, he spoke softly so he wouldn't wake the patient, and said, "This guy's driving down the road and he sees a sign that says, 'Talking Dog for Sale.' The guy's a curious guy and he can't just pass up a sign like that without lookin' into it, so he pulls over and goes up to the house. He knocks on the door and asks the guy who answers, 'You've really got a talking dog?'

"The owner replies, 'Yeah, he's out back.' So the first guy, he goes out there and sees this old, mangy mutt tied to a tree back there. The mutt looks up at him and says, 'Hey.'"

Kurt smiled, and Puck figured the joke was going over well, so he continued, "The guy's really surprised. It's not every day you meet a talking dog. And it takes him a minute to ask the dog, 'You can really talk?' and the dog says, 'Sure can.'

"Now, the man's really confused, so he asks the dog, 'If you're a talking dog, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be on TV or somethin'?"

"The dog looks up at the guy and says, 'Well, at first, when I was young, I worked for the CIA as a spy. No one really watches their mouths around a dog. And that was fine for awhile, but there was a lot of travel, so after a few years I moved on and worked in an airport. While I was there, I sniffed out illegal shit and stood near suspicious people, waiting for them to slip up. That was also fine for awhile. But I was on my feet all day and I wanted to settle down, have a bunch of puppies, and retire. And that's how I ended up here.'

"'That's awesome!' said the man, knowing he had to buy the dog. So, he went up to the owner and asked, 'How much for the talking dog?'

"The owner thought about it for a minute and finally said, 'Ten bucks.'

"'Ten bucks?' asked the dude. 'For a talking dog that incredible, who has done so much good in the world, you only want ten measly bucks?'

"The owner shrugged and said, 'That dog's a fucking liar. He's never done any of that shit.'"

Puck smiled to show he was done with the joke and Kurt laughed, maybe a little too loud. He covered his mouth, eyes flying over to his father to make sure the noise hadn't woken the man. After a few silent minutes, Kurt, still watching his father and not Puck, whispered, "Thank you," in his high voice.

"Anytime," Puck replied, confused about why he meant it for once.

"Why are you following me, Puck?" Kurt asked as he left his dad's hospital room for the night.

"My car's this way, too, dumbass."

"No, see," Kurt argued, but he couldn't keep himself from smiling just a little bit, "I'm the smartass. You're the dumbass, even if you were uncharacteristically nice this evening."

Puck shrugged, cracking his neck before he asked, completely seriously, "Hey, Hummel?"

"What now?"

"Are you a parking ticket?"

Kurt stared for a moment before asking, "Is that another joke or were you supposed to be a patient in the psych ward today? You're not mak-"

Puck interrupted him, grabbing Kurt's wrist as he said, "Because you've got fine written all over you."

Flashing back to hundreds of bullying incidents, Kurt twisted his arm away from Puck's grasp before he actually realized what the boy had said. "It is another one of your 'jokes'!"

Puck didn't answer right away, just averting his gaze angrily, so Kurt left, heading for his car and planning after that to retreat to his nice warm bathtub. At some point, he realized that it was Puck's sneakers thudding on the pavement behind him as he walked, but Kurt didn't really care. Puck hadn't been violent with him since the year before, so Kurt wasn't fearful. Okay, maybe he was slightly afraid.

The fear surged back when Kurt reached his car and had just pulled on the door handle when Puck pushed Kurt against the car, slamming the door shut, and turned him around.

"What the-?"

Kurt's fear made his heart race and his voice breathy, but then Puck's lips were swallowing Kurt's words and Holy Mary, Mother of God, that was the best thing Kurt had ever felt!

Puck's lips were wet with spit and they tasted a little salty, but they picked up the flavor of Puck himself as Kurt breathed harshly through his nose as the kiss continued, drawing in the scent of Puck's skin. It had to be the best scent Kurt had ever smelled, and he was a connoisseur of perfumed beauty products.

The kiss had started out rough, but as it continued, Puck pulled back before pressing Kurt's lips again, softly.

And then it was over, Puck was just gone, and Kurt didn't know whether to feel romanced or used.

Emma Pillsbury was the first to discover that something was off about the school's self-proclaimed "badass" and she wished she would have intervened sooner. Noah Puckerman was acting more sullen than usual. He mouthed off in class more than once and he'd punched Mr. Kinney, the janitor, when the man tried to get him to move away from where he was sitting, slumped almost, in front of the janitor's closet. If Mr. Kinney had pressed charges, or if Emma had actually spoken to Noah at one of the five meetings she called with him, she might have been able to prevent him lashing out at the Seven-Eleven that ran out of blue raspberry slushie just before it was his turn at the machine.

Throughout Mr. Puckerman's downward spiral, Emma had looked for the cause of the boy's tumult, and decided, from pure observation, that he was having romantic problems. Could it be that the mother of his child wanted nothing to do with him? Was it his on-and-off relationship with Santana Lopez, who seemed more than interested in her friend Brittany?

Or was it the angry way he stared at Kurt Hummel when he thought no one was looking?

At least Kurt's father had pulled through. The latest reports from Will led Emma to believe that the man was still ill, but he was out of the woods, so to speak. Why would Noah be angry at a boy whose sole concern lately had been the health of his father?

But now, Noah was in Juvenile Detention – thank God that the store owner hadn't wanted to press for adult charges against the boy – where hopefully, he could get some help.

As Kurt sat at the metal table, waiting and watching as boy after boy joined his family for a brief visit, he wondered why the hell he was here. What they had didn't mean much. It was a kiss. One kiss. Three weeks ago. It didn't mean anything, it might as well not have happened, and yet Kurt was here, in Juvie, waiting to see the prison's latest inmate.

Finally Puckerman showed up at the door to the visiting room, standing there and looking around until he saw Kurt. Puck tried to turn around again and leave, but the guard shut the door in his face, trapping him.

So, looking around suspiciously, Puck sighed and sat down at Kurt's table, growling, "What are you doing here?"

Kurt tried to answer with the truth, but what came out of his mouth was, "I just had to see this for myself. I'm here to gloat."

Puck rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Whatever, dude. Thanks for dressing down, I guess..."

Kurt had forgone the more fashionable of his clothes and was just wearing a blue sweater and jeans. Of course, they were still designer, but they didn't have pieces that might get confiscated and didn't bend any gender rules that might get him in trouble while visiting a place like this.

"You know," Kurt said, "you're kind of an idiot."

Puck went to hit the table with his fist before he thought better of it and pulled the punch, sighing, "Don't you think I know that?"

"Then why did you do it?" Kurt asked him, the question that had been bugging him since Mr. Schue first mentioned the reason for Puck's absence. "Why would you need an entire ATM full of cash?"

Tone still angry, Puck ignored the question and instead asked, "How's your dad, man?"

Confused, Kurt screwed up is eyebrows and just looked at Puck. Sure, the jerk had shown up at the hospital a few times and tried to cheer Kurt up, before kissing him, but that didn't mean he'd actually cared about the patient. "Why do you want to know?"

"Fine," Puck replied tersely, turning his back to Kurt like he was going to wait the entire half-hour of visiting time ignoring Kurt.

Since Kurt hadn't come here just to be ignored, he asked Puck, "Are you going to be out in time for Sectionals?"

Back still to Kurt, Puck shrugged. "What about that Sam kid?"

"Sam joined," he replied, scooting further on the bench so he could see Puck's profile a little better. "But we're still down one member without you. We'll have to bring in Jacob Ben Israel again, and having that kid around never ends well."

"Yeah," Puck agreed, turning towards him just a few inches. So much for ignoring Kurt. "That dweeb totally sucks ass."

The two boys again sat in silence, the rest of the prisoners speaking with their families – mostly mothers, it looked like. Eventually, Kurt got bored and said, "My dad's doing better. The doctor has high hopes for him and he's been out of the hospital for a week and a half."

"Hmm," Puck nodded in acknowledgment, eyes flicking over to look at Kurt very briefly. "That's cool."

"Yeah."

Finally turning around in his seat and facing Kurt, the inmate said, "Why are you really here? That gloating stuff was all bullshit and you know it, Hummel."

"It's just…" Kurt tried to explain. "I heard Finn talking about how not even he wanted to visit you and I guess … I wanted to let you know that even if no one else is brave enough to come tell you to your face, you have to get your shit together and get out of here. We miss you."

"We?" Puck asked with one eyebrow raised.

Brushing off the obvious implication that Kurt was missing Puck – which he wasn't, despite that impossible-to-ignore kiss neither had mentioned since – he said, "We need your voice. We practically look and sound like the damn Mickey Mouse Club without you. And Quinn actually went on a date with Sam, Santana did something to piss Brittany off, and Artie claims to have lost his virginity, but he won't tell me to whom. It's a disaster."

"Damn," Puck whistled, a dark look in his eyes. "Sam and Quinn?"

Kurt nodded, wide-eyed and thinking Puck must still have feelings for Quinn and the kiss hadn't meant more than Puck's way of cheering up a somewhat feminine teammate. The Sam and Quinn development had been upsetting for him, too. Kurt had thought for sure that no straight guy would color his hair that way, but he was wrong. He supposed that's what he got for buying into stereotypes and wishful thinking.

"And with Artie," Puck chuckled, "it's gotta be Brit."

"Oh, my god!" Kurt replied, almost dumbstruck. "Why would you say something like that?"

The inmate smirked and said, "Dude's on the football team now. That's kinda what she does. She almost got Finn's before he started dating Quinn, but he was too scared to go through with it, the wuss."

"Oh, god!" Kurt cried, suddenly seeing more to the sweet, dumb Brittany than he ever wanted to. When she asked Kurt out, she'd been trying to get his v-card, too. It was a good thing Kurt knew who he really was and hadn't actually been having an identity crisis. He would have never forgiven himself for losing his virginity to a girl. "They were hanging out a lot for a few days there. But, why would Artie agree?"

"Dude doesn't have many options for play, does he?" Puck shrugged, looking around the room again as if to make sure no one was watching them. "Brit and Santana have been fighting?"

"Kurt nodded, and wondered why the hell Puck would care about the two of them. It's not like he was seeing either of them.

"Probably because 'Tana's a right bitch if I'm not around to keep her lady balls drained."

"You're still…?" Kurt asked, suddenly realizing that Puck's odd behavior at the hospital had to have been a one-time thing. He had a girlfriend, and wasn't interested in Kurt in that way. He never would be.

But then, Kurt noticed the tired look on Puck's face as he replied, "Whatever."

"You don't even like her," Kurt guessed and the flash in the other boy's eyes told him he was right. "Then why do you…?"

Puck shrugged again. "I'm not exactly the school stud this year. And you…"

"Wait," Kurt said, confused by what Puck might be thinking, "what?"

Looking away, Puck sighed. "You didn't want…"

"I thought you didn't want, Mr. Macho," Kurt insisted with a little bit of a smile. This was actually happening, wasn't it?

"You fucking ignored me at school the next day," he pointed out angrily, like he was mad both at some perceived slight and that Kurt could be smiling about it.

"I didn't know it was real. You just…" Kurt realized where they were sitting and decided to change his words mid-stream, for Puck's safety, "…did that and walked away. How was I supposed to know?"

Puck stared at Kurt for a long moment before he smiled and cried, "Dude, I gotta get out of here!"

"How long are you in for?" Kurt asked, smirking when he realized he sounded like the heroine of un film noir.

Quirking an eyebrow at Kurt's expression, probably because Puck was terminally ignorant of anything that had been made before nineteen seventy-four, the guy shrugged, "A couple of weeks, maybe less. And I guess I gotta pay for the shit I wrecked, including my mom's car."

Kurt laughed before leaning forward and whispering, "Despite the way I despise criminals, this place is really enhancing your sexy bad boy persona."

Puck closed the gap even further and whispered back, "When I get out of here, Hummel, your ass is mine."

"Who are you kidding, Puck?" Kurt sassed. "Between you and me, I'm the top."

Puck spluttered and tried to argue, but the guard called out for everyone to finish up their conversations because time was almost up. Kurt gave the boy a smiling, one-shouldered shrug and said, "Be good, Puckerman. And don't drop the soap. I don't share."

Puck laughed and nodded, holding out his fist for Kurt to bump, which he did. As Noah got up and left, Kurt wondered if that brief contact was the safe version of a kiss. God, he hoped it was.

The morning after Puck got out of Juvie, Kurt found the boy waiting next to Kurt's car in the driveway.

"Yes?" Kurt asked, shivering at the intense look Puck gave him when the boy looked up. The beginnings of a mohawk were starting to grow on his scalp in the two weeks since he'd seen Puck last and Kurt wondered if the haircut made any difference "in the joint."

Puck stood up straighter and shrugged. "I'm out."

Squinting one eye, Kurt asked, "Out of the slammer, which I can see is true, or out of the closet?"

"Out of jail," Puck insisted angrily, lightly pushing Kurt's shoulder back.

As far as Puckerman went, Kurt recognized the touch as a sort of love-tap, rather than a threat of further violence, so he smiled and stepped as close as he dared to the taller boy. "About time. Now, is there something I can do for you?"

"Yeah," Puck nodded, reaching forward with one hand at Kurt's waist, kissing him on the lips. How in holy hell could Puck be so good at this? It defied all sense of karma and cosmic justice, but that didn't mean Kurt was going to complain.

When Puck ended the kiss, Kurt eyed up the boy more carefully, pulling on Puck's plaid shirt under his letterman's jacket. "If you're going to be my boyfriend, a make-over is the first order of business. But don't worry, I'll bring in Mercedes and maybe Mike to make sure I don't go overboard. You'll still be you, just better dr-"

Cutting Kurt off, Puck insisted, "Dude, we can't tell anyone. If they hear about us, the idiots at school will think you recruited me or something and freak the fuck out. Just … let's play it cool."

Disappointed and knowing he shouldn't have let his hopes get so high, Kurt stepped back, but was stopped by Puck's arms around his back. "If you're too worried about your reputation to-,"

"No," Puck insisted, kissing Kurt again in a way that had to be illegal somewhere. "It's about keeping you safe in this shithole town. We gotta … I don't know, lay some groundwork."

This confession made Kurt smile and ask, "So it's not forever?"

"Definitely not," Puck insisted, kissing Kurt a third and final time before letting him go. "Oh, and can I ask a favor?"

"What?" Kurt replied, still a little breathless from the electric feeling of lips on his. No wonder there were so many songs written about this.

"Gimme a ride to school? I kinda, sorta got my license taken away and I may or may not get it back until after winter break."

"Learning there are consequences to our actions, are we?" Kurt laughed, brushing past Noah to get into the driver's seat and flicking the button that would unlock the passenger doors.

Puck hopped into the seat beside Kurt and grinned, which told Kurt the boy had definitely not learned his lesson. He figured he could work with that.

Puck couldn't really believe what he was hearing when Brian Wheeler, who was usually a pretty good dude, told a homophobic joke at the jocks' lunch table. Most of the guys laughed, but Puck decided enough was enough and scoffed, "That joke was lame, dude. Gay jokes are so last year."

"Whatever, Puckerman," Wheeler shot back. "I thought it was funny. What about you guys?"

Several of the guys nodded and a few others shrugged, but Puck had had it. It was bad enough that he'd said the same jokes last year, before he realized why he hated gay dudes so much. Maybe jealousy was Wheeler's problem too. Very much in the mood to push some buttons, Puck asked, "Dude, you're like super-involved at your church right?"

"Yeah," Wheeler responded carefully. "What of it?"

"No wonder you're stuck in the past. And really, man? You should know that J-dog would shit a brick if he heard you tell that joke."

Someone else at the table asked, "Did you just call Jesus, 'J-dog'?" but Wheeler ignored that guy and cried, "What the hell, Puckerman?"

"Dude, Jesus was a total homo," Puck insisted, knowing by the angry looks around the table that he didn't have much time to make this good. "Guy was a total mama's boy, awesomely non-violent, his best friend was a hooker, he was sleeping with that John guy, and his followers were all dudes and J-money wanted them to eat him."

Angry looks flashed everywhere around the table, so Puck grabbed one of Wheeler's fries as he got up, eating it as he retreated to the gleek table. No one there really noticed his appearance, except that Puck felt a light brush coming from what only could be Kurt's designer boot. The boy caught Puck's eye for half a moment and smiled, which made Puck think maybe his boyfriend was proud of him. No one had ever been proud of Puck. Not since he could remember. Mostly they were just disappointed with him. Puck thought he could definitely get used to being the object of someone's pride.

Kurt begged off during lunch and sneaked out toward the bleachers, glad he'd grabbed his wool pea coat out of his locker on the way. When he got close, Puck stepped out from behind the concession stand and grabbed Kurt's wrist, pulling him under the bleachers with a quiet, "Hey, babe."

"What am I doing out here, Noah?" Kurt asked. "It's disgusting under here." Kurt briefly thanked his good luck that the stiff breeze was making it impossible for the smell of old popcorn and ass to reach his nostrils.

"Wanna show you something," Puck replied. "Been havin' a difficult time with football practice and not killing some of the dudes on the team for what they say about you, so I started hanging out under here until most of them left. One thing led to another and …"

"Please don't tell me you've built a shrine of popsicle sticks and dead rats. I don't think I could take it."

Puck stopped them when one of the bleachers was just above his head, chuckling as he said, "You've got a disturbed mind, Hummel. And that's coming from me."

Shrugging, Kurt asked, "So? What did you want to show me?"

"Look up," Puck breathed, following his own direction so Kurt just had to look as well. Above Noah's head, on the underside of one of the bleachers, was written in red Sharpie, "NP + KH" dozens of times. A few even had badly scrawled hearts around them. "I wanted to write all of these on Brian fucking Wheeler's face, but I didn't think getting expelled would lead to me getting laid anytime soon."

Smiling and reaching up to touch one of the hearts, Kurt chuckled, "You are learning." Kurt never imagined Noah would do something this sweet and romantic. Or this private. Noah lived big, putting it all out there all the time, and yet, he'd kept this declaration of his feelings for Kurt simple and to himself. He must have been trying, so hard, every day to make life easier for Kurt, to keep him safe.

"Give me your jacket," Kurt insisted, needing to show his appreciation right then and there.

Puck struggled to keep Kurt from unzipping his letterman's jacket, but eventually he gave up, simply complaining, "It's fifty fucking degrees out, babe."

"I doubt this will take long," Kurt replied, setting the jacket down on the ground, outside-down, and kneeling on the lining, pulling Noah close by his belt loops.

The boy breathed, "Oh," excitedly and cooperated, though he kept his arms wrapped around his chest against the cold.

Then, Kurt had his lips pressed to Puck's dick and then around it, shielding it from the cold as best he could. Kurt always loved the taste and smell of his boyfriend's crotch. It was just so male and screamed sex so loudly in Kurt's brain that he had to stop himself from humping the air mindlessly as he sucked.

"Damn, Kurt," Puck whimpered, one hand resting in Kurt's hair, which he would have to pay for later, and one going to steady himself by latching onto the bleacher above his head. "Oh, god, baby!"

When Puck came, he rose up on his tip-toes and unconsciously thrust into Kurt's mouth harder, a certainty Kurt hat been ready for. He knew better than to let Puck choke him, just like he knew to keep sucking until Puck pulled away, oversensitive. That extra little touch always led to something better for Kurt, but he would have done it anyway, just to see the almost pained look of pleasure on his boyfriend's face.

"Can't be at my place, babe," Puck sighed. "My mom's got her friends over for some Tupperware or jewelry or whatever party. Since I'm not cruising the cougar circuit anymore..."

"You'd better not be," Kurt growled in his boyfriend's ear, playfully.

Puck smirked, but felt himself shiver at Kurt's tone just the same. So what if he liked handing over the control in this relationship? It didn't mean he was any less of a badass. Drawing closer to his boyfriend, Puck whispered, "So, your place, then?"

"Wednesday's my Dad's day off," Kurt sighed, "ever since the doctor put him on reduced work hours."

"Shit," Puck complained, setting his head on Kurt's shoulder even though they were sitting in Puck's Jeep and it wasn't quite dark out yet. "But it's hump-day and we haven't humped yet."

"Don't pout, sweetie," Kurt insisted, his arm snaking around behind Puck's shoulders so he could pet the taller boy's very short hair. "We'll-"

"What about here?" Puck asked as a sudden stroke of genius hit him and he drew one hand up Kurt's thigh.

Kurt's eyes turned darker with sex, but he still caught Puck's hand and sighed, "Anyone could see us, Noh. Let's just sext later."

"Fuck no," Puck said, hating that thought. "No one's going to see us, I promise. I'll even keep watch."

"It's cold out."

Puck started the engine and turned on the heater before smiling and running his hand up towards Kurt's crotch. He knew that if he got things started, his boyfriend wouldn't be able to stop.

"Do you even have a...?"

Puck laughed and unlatched the glove box, letting it fall open to reveal about a dozen condoms. Since he'd only gotten his license back the day before, they'd never hung out in his car and Kurt wasn't privy to the secret stashes Puck liked to have on hand.

"Oh," Kurt replied, his next few words cut off as Puck kissed him, trying to prod the shorter guy into taking control of things. "What about lube?"

Puck nodded to the glove box again and decided to up the ante by stroking Kurt's dick with one heavy hand as he growled, "Fuck me, baby."

"Why am I so easy?" Kurt muttered, pulling Puck onto his lap. Because they were in the car, Puck had to face forward, mostly because he was intending on keeping watch, but also because he was pretty sure he was too tall to straddle Kurt without hitting his head on the fabric ceiling.

"Because," Puck replied, reaching over one shoulder to kiss Kurt's neck harshly, one eye still on the rest of the parking lot, "you know what an awesome lay I am. Now get going, babe. We haven't got all day. It's fucking freezing out."

"Fine," Kurt nodded, lips finding Puck's and hands wrestling with Puck's belt buckle until he got it open, stroking Puck with one hand and tugging at the jeans with the other. Puck loved the days he went full commando. Then, Kurt's other hand was rubbing and spreading his ass cheeks before leaving and returning wet, teasing and opening and God damn it, why did Puck have to be the one keeping his eyes open? It wasn't fair.

"Almost there," Kurt sang, breathless against the back of Puck's shoulders. Knowing he wanted nothing to get in the way of the fevered fucking that was about to take place, Puck found one of the condoms and held it between his stabilizing hand and the dashboard, warming it up before handing it back to his boyfriend.

A little more struggling and then Kurt pulled Puck down onto him, both of them groaning a little at the sensations. Puck knew it wasn't very butch of him to be Kurt's bitch all the time, but Puck was awesome enough that he could do whatever he wanted and it would still be cool. That, and Kurt could be really manipulative about getting what he wanted – like a whole level of manipulative above what Puck was capable of. After the first few tries, Puck gave up and told himself he was getting the better end of the deal since he'd never gotten off so hard in his entire life, and that was more important than proving himself to people who didn't even know he and Kurt were together.

"Noah," Kurt whispered as they fit together completely, running his hands from Puck's hips, down his thighs and then back up to his cock. When Kurt touched him, Puck's discomfort became something else – dirty and exciting and so very pleasurable as they grinded together. "God, sweetie! Oh, shit!"

"Babe," Puck muttered as he lifted up and then lowered back down. "Fuck, yeah!" Kurt always knew just the right angle to hold his hips so that Puck would get the most out of this. "Kurt…"

"Faster!" Kurt insisted in that breathy voice, his free hand on Puck's lower back, soothing and urgent at the same time. Puck bounced faster, sure that this was going to hurt in a few hours, but not really caring because Kurt's voice dropped lower as he moaned, "Fuuuuck."

The swear word coming out of his boyfriend's mouth in that tone of voice dug at Puck's whole body and who the fuck cared if anyone saw them, because this was the best thing ever invented anywhere. As he came, again, so different and better having Kurt's cock inside him and Kurt's hand wrapped around his junk, Puck growled, unable to help himself. "Gahhhh!"

In response, Kurt bit the back of Puck's shoulder and screamed into his skin, a lower, throat-raw sound than Puck had figured it would have been the first time he thought about having sex with the boy. Kurt's hand clenching around Puck's still-twitching cock and arm slapped across Puck's chest, holding him close, the two rode out the last few seconds of orgasm together and Puck only regretted not being in a better position to kiss Kurt.

He finally opened his eyes again, taking a look around to make sure no one had seen. Puck was going to come out about being gay for Hummel, but he was going to do it on his terms, and no one else's. Too bad his hormones kept making him want Kurt at inappropriate times and in inappropriate places, like his car in the school parking lot. At least now it was almost completely dark.

Puck did wonder if letting Kurt fuck him on one of the cafeteria tables just as lunch was starting would be inappropriate enough to get them both expelled. Probably. As a fantasy, it was awesome, but as a coming out plan? Not so much.

"Kurt?" Puck asked, deciding he was too much of a badass to feel nervous about this or anything else.

"Yes, dear?" Kurt replied, not even looking up from his homework. Puck sort of loved and hated at the same time how Kurt called him 'dear' and 'sweetie'. All Puck ever called Kurt was 'babe' or 'baby'.

"You wanna go to prom?"

That made Kurt look up suddenly and ask, "Prom? With you? I'd love to!" Then, he pushed his books aside and flung himself at Puck, practically pinning him down to Kurt's bed. They'd had these study dates lately where depending on whether or not there was a test the next day, Puck usually got laid, or at least got some action. Now, though, Kurt was kissing Puck soundly and squeezing him as tight as he possibly could.

"Can't breathe," Puck croaked. See the good thing about dating a dude was that he was almost always just as desperate as Puck for sex. The downside was that even if he seemed girly, Kurt had dude-arms that were stronger than they looked, especially since Kurt had been using them more often lately, in the bedroom.

"Oh, sorry!" Kurt replied, loosening his hold and pressing kisses all over Puck's face, which tickled.

"Geez, babe!" Puck complained with a smile. "Calm down a second."

"Okay," Kurt nodded, sitting back on his heels. "I'm calm. I'm thinking up a new formalwear outfit twice a second, but I'm calm."

"I kinda…" Puck sighed, but he knew he had to say this part, too."I kinda thought I'd come out as your boyfriend during. What d'you think?"

"I think it's an idea rife with drama and I love it!" Kurt was doing that breathy thing with his voice that always reminded Puck of sex. It had him half hard already, damn his well-trained dick. "But if it's going to be a surprise," Kurt thought out loud, "we'll have to buy our tickets separately. They keep track of who's going with whom for the promenade. Don't worry, though. I'll slip you some money for the ticket."

"Dude!" Puck complained. "I'm not broke. I just have to give most of the money I make to that Seven-Eleven, and my mom. I'm the guy and I asked you, so I'll give you the money for yours, Kurt."

"Except I'm also the guy," Kurt argued, "and I have the money. Let me do this for you?"

Shit, he was right. Puck kept forgetting that Kurt hated being treated like a helpless girl. "Alright, how's this?" Puck agreed. "You can pay for my ticket, but I'm paying for yours. Got it?"

"Got it," Kurt agreed, giving Puck a kiss that rapidly turned into dry, over-the-clothes humping. Puck only minded the over-the-clothes part of it, reaching and sliding his hands down Kurt's pants to squeeze his cute little ass.

Just before History was about to end and kids were milling about, ready to go, Quinn took the desk in front of Puck's and turned around to face him. Things had been weird and kind of awkward between them, since Quinn had just wanted to forget that the whole baby incident happened in the first place. She hadn't even said more than two words to him since the beginning of the year, especially when she and Sam started dating. "You look happy," she pointed out with a small, brilliant smile.

"Yeah," Puck shrugged, trying to play it cool, because hey, this was still the girl that had stomped on his heart. But the thought of being happy led to thoughts of Kurt and he couldn't help but smile.

One eyebrow raised with a chuckle, Quinn asked, "Who is she?"

"No she," Puck insisted, smiling again at the fact that he was technically telling the truth. "Can't a dude just be okay with his life for once?"

"Of course," Quinn nodded, a confusing mixture of emotions on her face. "I'm happy for you. And I'm glad to see you moving on, like I have." She nodded towards Sam, obviously searching Puck's face for any signs of lingering jealousy.

"Harsh," Puck laughed, amazed at just how over Quinn he was. He'd probably always feel something for her, since she was the mother of his kid, but he wasn't in love with her anymore. He was in love with Kurt, and had yet to say it out loud. That was something that would definitely have to change.

When the bell rang, Quinn waved goodbye before taking Sam's hand as they walked down the hallway. Prom wasn't for another two months, and Puck wasn't sure that he could wait that long before walking down the hallway hand-in-hand with his boyfriend. He was lost in thinking about how awesome they would look together that he didn't see Dave Karofsky coming at him with a fucking blue raspberry slushie until it was almost too late.

Puck just barely managed to dodge the splash of the iced drink, which hit a kid behind him instead, as Karofsky called over his shoulder, "Glee homo!"

Oh, that puke did not know who he was dealing with! Ignoring the nerd that had taken the slushie in his place, Puck dropped his bag and chased down the hockey dickhead. Pushing the larger, but not necessarily stronger, kid against a bank of lockers, Puck growled, "What the hell, man? You picked the wrong ex-con to fuck with!"

But before he could let loose one of his patented skull-crusher punches, someone cleared his throat in a high voice, drawing his attention. Puck pushed Karofsky once in a warning before looking over to see Kurt, Finn and Mike all standing there, pleading with him with intense looks to let the bastard go. Well, Finn and Mike were pleading, Kurt was demanding. Scowling, Puck pushed Karofsky a final time, telling him, "You're lucky there's witnesses here, douche. If there weren't, I'd take you down."

Karofsky scoffed, but held his hands up as he backed away from Puck, responding to Kurt's contemptuous, "Run along," with a laugh and an upraised middle finger. Kurt patted his shoulder and Puck nodded, receiving the message of caution and comfort, even if the touch was hesitant at best.

Artie wheeled up to them, then, handing Puck his backpack and smiling, "That was totally fierce dude! You couldn't see it, but when Karofsky faced away from you guys, he looked like he was about to pee his pants in fear!"

"Yeah," Puck smirked, throwing the bag over his shoulder, "I still got it."

"You could use a little less of it, if you ask me," Kurt insisted, bouncing away with a spring in his step, ass swaying in a way Puck was sure he was supposed to ignore.

Shaking away that thought, Puck pushed his way through the crowd to his locker. Kurt had actually helped him finish an English paper the night before, and Puck wanted to make sure he turned it in. The last time he hadn't turned in something they worked on together, Kurt had been evil in the bedroom, giving him a case of blue balls to end all cases of blue balls. Puck wasn't going through that again.

It was only after opening his locker and smiling at the damp, sequined vest Kurt had obviously left there after being slushied first thing that morning, that Puck realized Finn had followed him. He'd told Kurt to get rid of it, because as Glee club's protector, Puck couldn't be seen with frilly shit in his locker. Even if it did make him smile.

Puck tried not to let Finn see the inside of his locker, but the guy was rambling about a movie star or something and insisted Puck had a picture of her on the wall of his locker, pushing Puck away before he knew what was going on. Finding the vest, Finn fingered it before rounding on Puck and asking, "What the hell is this, dude? Is this Kurt's?"

Damn. Puck wasn't ready for this. He knew he was being a wuss, letting Kurt fuck him as much as was humanly possible, but unable to tell his friends or anyone else what had been going on. So, he did what he was good at, and lied. "Yeah. I stole it from him 'cause it's so funny when he's all upset."

"Not cool, man!" Finn cried, sticking a finger in Puck's face. "You give it back to him right now, or I swear I will find a way to kick your ass, even if I have to ask Rachel to help me."

Now, Puck knew Rachel was tiny, but she was also ambitious and devious and actually had a mean right hook. He knew this because at one glee club meeting, when he had suggested she 'shove it', she went all psycho bitch on him and pulled some crazy ninja moves that had him not on the ground as she'd intended, but definitely winded and sore. "Fine," he nodded. "I'll give it back at lunch. Don't blow a gasket, Hudson. I was gonna do it after school, anyway."

"Oh," Finn nodded, confused. "Good. You'd better."

"I will," Puck promised, grabbing his essay and slamming his locker shut, hurrying off to the English classroom and leaving Finn dumbstruck in his wake. The giant was stupid, to be sure, but he was going to figure it out soon, especially if Finn really was moving into the Hummel house with his mom. Puck only hoped he wouldn't figure it out before prom, because Puck wanted everything to be perfect for Kurt, including the drama he craved. Kurt might complain and say that they should just tell everyone already, but sometimes Puck thought maybe he understood more about how Kurt thought than the dude did himself.

Yeah, Puck knew he was completely hosed, but that was alright. He was in love.

Throwing his essay at the teacher and begging off with a stomachache, Puck left English and went to the library, where Kurt had study hall.

Kurt was supposed to be reading about the Industrial Revolution, but his mind kept wandering off to thoughts of what he should wear to prom. Something fashionable, of course, but also something classic. Prom was an important affair and the pictures taken there would be looked at forever. How could Kurt justify wearing something that would only be in fashion for a year or two? No, classic would have to do. Debonair, perhaps. Something that Puck would think he looked hot in, but nothing too gender-bending. Kilts and corsets were great for everyday sort of outfits, but there was no way Kurt was going to Prom in a formal gown. He was still a guy and he liked reminding people of that fact often.

Especially Noah and Noah's bite-able ass. Mmm.

Just as Kurt was schooling himself and putting that fantasy away for later, when he wasn't in a roomful of people, most of whom were already afraid of his sexuality, he heard someone sit down behind him and back the chair closer to Kurt's. He was about to feel impinged upon, but a single breath told him it was Noah, skipping class and sitting close enough that if they both turned around, serious making out would be possible.

Without preamble or warning, Puck muttered softly, so only Kurt could hear, "We have a problem."

Spoilers! In the Author Notes!

Things I know:

1. Chris Colfer said Episode Six is "…so good, but oh, it's gonna be controversial … critics [will be] saying the show has gone too gay"

2. Episode Six is Blaine's first appearance, and he's billed as Kurt's platonic gay friend

3. According to an unnamed source, Puck is, "coming back for episode six … He's featured a ton in that episode – it's basically all about him."

4. The episode is called "Never Been Kissed"

Am I the only insane person who sees the Pukurt possibilities here?

Spoilers END!

I either found or heard those jokes and did not write them on my own, sadly.

If you want to see what happens next, this 'verse is continued in "We Have a Problem," which you can find on my profile page.

Please review!