My First Date

Anime: Gintama

Characters/Pairings: OkiKagu

Summary: Gintama 3Z-verse. Sougo writes his English essay, "My First Date". Ginpachi isn't convinced.

Notes: (Stuff like this in brackets) are actually strike text. That is, they're meant to have a line going through them, but FF net won't allow it. Great.

Name: Okita Sougo

Essay question: construct an English essay based on your first date. Give as much detail as possible and be specific about the event. Make sure you include language techniques and please correct any grammar mistakes.

Essay

My First Date

When I was little, I thought all girls were like (bogeymen) my sister: as cute as a bunny and as pretty as a peacock. I believed that as long there was a girl, there would be peace, and things would get exciting because (Kondo-san told me that a girl means a hole) we would spend our days happily ever after, eating moon cakes while watching the bunny on the moon (do everything Kondo-san told me bunnies do) pound mochi. The first girl that met, however, showed me that Kondo-san was (completely wrong) absolutely right. Now I (hate) love bunnies more than ever.

My first date was ruined spent delightfully with Kagura-chan. You know, the (mean bitch that always steals my rubber and stabs my arm with her sharp mechanical pencils) really cute girl that just moved in from China? One Friday afternoon, I was as tired as a hippo after walking fifty miles to find another waterhole, she came up to me and demanded that asked if I would like to go see a movie with her? Because she (was holding a fruit knife to my throat) was asking so nicely, I agreed, despite her jackass of a brother lingering five feet away, looking like he was going to (kill me) plead with me to go with her just to save her face.

On the morning of the date, I (accidentally slept in because I don't set my alarm clock on Saturdays) woke up real early just so that I could catch the bus to Kagura's place and give her a lift to the movies. However, while I was only halfway there, it started raining. I believe that (Kami-sama as cursed this damned day to rain ages ago) this is a good sign of hope, because rain is very peaceful, very serene and very tranquil and perfect for dates. I think rain is romantic. When I got to her house, the first thing Kagura-chan did was to (clock me over the head with her umbrella and shout at me for being late) embrace me tightly and said what a great date I was, to be so considerate as to (ask a lady to provide her own umbrella) bring along an umbrella in case she should get her hair wet.

After (arguing with that little terror) exchanging our morning greetings and gossip for about ten minutes, we both (argued what to watch that day) agreed that we should go to watch (Sweeny Todd) the newest Twilight film, which she (hated) liked with great passion. So we headed down to the movie theatres. However, when (she raided my wallet to force me to pay for her ticket and her own popcorn) we were purchasing our tickets, we got into a row with the girl behind the counter) because Kagura didn't want to pay ten dollars to watch a Twilight film even though she wasn't the one paying) she accidentally gave us the wrong order. But that wasn't important, because as soon as we entered the movie theatre, (she started to hang onto my arm due to Sweeny Todd's horrendous actions) calm down because Edward Cullen appeared on screen and proceeded to give the girls heart attacks. Not my Kagura-chan, though; we spent the entire duration of the film (trying to clean up the contents of her breakfast which she very inconsiderably emptied onto my lap) hugging each other because we wanted to be just like Edward and Bella.

When the film ended, it was still raining, so I had to take Kagura home again. There was a horrible traffic jam (which I believe that Kagura brought upon us), so we spent the time telling each other how much we hated loved one another. All of a sudden, there was a lightning, and the bus broke down. So I had to carry her home.

When I finally carried her up to the 46th floor (the elevator had broken down as well because of a power cut the lightning had caused), Kagura suddenly turned around to kiss me. She said, "I love you," and kissed me again.

(And then she punched me in the stomach and said, "Gotcha, BITCH!")

I really love Kagura, because she has shown me that (love sucks) a woman is more than what Kondo-san said they were. (No wonder he cannot win Shinpachi's sister's hand in marriage) I hope he will think women through more thoroughly.

Ginpachi sensei's comments:

Nicely written, but you aren't very specific with the details at the end and there are very few language techniques and you do not meet the criteria.

I shall speak to Kondo about what he has been "preaching".

Your overall mark: FAIL

AN

OH MAI WHAT DID I JUST WRITE

Ha-ha, I don't ship Oki-Kagu, but I thought I'd just write something for the lulz of it. I abuse that strike feature too much.

Hope you enjoyed it, and please drop by a review! They always make my day~