Author's note: Random plotbunny. OCC.
Disclaimer: I do not own Petshop of Horrors.

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Kissing

By letmeupme

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A vision in pink and white, clutching at her new friend,

'What kind of pet do youhave, Mr. Count?'

Chuckle.

The asker had been so adorable, so innocent; Count D could hardly rebuke her for her audacity. To suggest that 'the growly little kitten with a gold mane that T-kun told me about' was his pet; that 'the kitty will be so sad to hear that Mr. Count doesn't think of him like that.'

Sigh.

Bray.

Of course Mr. Count didn't think of Detective Orcot as a pet. He was human. A human that currently did not warrant his particular brand of medicine. He was disqualified for this pet shop. He was also disqualified for the Count. This human stank, this human smoked, and this human had a general lack of manners such as putting its dirty feet up on ancient upholstery and smacking much-revered god-like creatures of lore. So what, if the Count sometime felt a strange urge to run his hands through that golden- no, urgh, insanitary- mane of hair? So what if the Count sometimes wondered what it would be like to couple with another when watching the healthy body stretched out on his chaise? Not that anything productive could come of the act. If he truly wanted to reproduce, all he needed was a Petri dish and some gelatin.

It was not as if the human had anything to do with it.

It was just that- an eternity was such a very long period of time to kill. A little random curiosity couldn't hurt, could it?

Snigger.

Denial ain't only a river in Egypt, you know.

'…'

Whisper.

Snigger.

The Count couldn't quite contain his blush.

Outright laughter.

'Stop it! You- you ungrateful ignorants!'

Silence.

And then…

Ignorants? Us?

Nah, he's just self-projecting.

Isn't that a little immature?

Uh, well, it must be turribly 'tressful to be a'lusting after a 'uman. Let 'im 'ave 'is comfor's, eh?

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Curled up in a corner, Count D wasn't sure if he felt like crying or screaming.

Perhaps a combination of the two would do.

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It was all because of the damned totestu.

And the racoon. And the Persian cats. And the Labrador retrievers, and the iguanas, the tsuchi-no-ko and the alligators and the sphinx and the fits-in-your-hand elephant. All of them, rolling around on the floor laughing, merrymaking at his expense.

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Author's Note: Um, the pouncing part comes in Chapter Three.