Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Nor do I particularly want to. Now if Nymphadora Tonks ever goes on the market, all bets are off...

Harry sighed quietly as Snape's lecture on the five uses of cockatrice spleens faded from his awareness. His gaze was fixed on a head of blond hair two tables over. A refined, aristocratic face. Smart formal robes that fit perfectly even now at the end of the year. Those lips, so kissable, and eyes he could get lost in…

A wandless stinging hex brought his attention back to the classroom. "That will be three feet of parchment on the topic of today's lecture, Mr. Potter," the greasy-haired potions professor drawled. "Due the day after tomorrow. Now, class is over. All of you turn in your potions and get out."

Harry blinked in confusion. Then he realized what he'd just been thinking and paled. Fortunately Draco hadn't noticed.

Oh, my god. No, it isn't possible. I'm not…I can't be…and even if I was, he's a git…but a sexy git…oh, god, this can't be happening….

His panic was cut short by Snape's curt "Was there something you needed, Mr. Potter?"

He licked his lips nervously. "Sir," he asked hesitantly, "how do you tell if you've been dosed with a love potion?"

Because after all, what else could it be?

"You don't," Snape replied snidely. "That is why they're illegal. If you've been so foolish as to fall prey to such a ploy, you'll just have to wait for it to wear off. Of course," he went on with a hint of malicious glee, "Amortentia is permanent. Now, off with you. I have papers to grade, from students who might actually benefit from my instruction."

-oOoOo-

Three days later Harry was at his wit's end. If anything the feelings were getting worse, and he'd been forced to confide in Hermione in his search for a cure. To his relief she'd actually taken it seriously, once he'd convinced her he wasn't a poofter.

"So, you're sure you've always fancied girls, Harry?" She'd asked, as if there was any question.

"Yes!" He'd insisted.

"Just in general, or anyone specific? Because I've read that sometimes boys just assume they must be attracted to girls until they learn otherwise. I know you haven't dated, although you certainly could, so unless there's some particular girl…"

"Just because I'm not in love with anyone doesn't mean I fancy blokes." He'd protested. "I've… ah… checked girls out. Even had, you know, um… fantasies."

"Anyone I know?" She'd pressed, obviously not sure whether to believe him.

"You," he'd admitted with a blush. "Sorry, I know you don't see me that way, but, well, you are pretty."

"That's alright, Harry," she'd reassured him with a smile. "Anyone else?"

"Ginny," he admitted. "Susan, after she started filling out. And, um, Luna, after that time she came to a DA meeting in those shorts…"

Hermione chuckled. "That's perfectly understandable, Harry. Alright, maybe you have been potioned. I'll see what I can turn up."

Unfortunately her initial research had only confirmed what Snape had told him. Worse, the sorts of potions a student might use for pranking all wore off after a few days. As the week wore on and this new obsession lingered it was looking more and more like he'd been dosed with Amortentia.

Finally Sunday rolled around, and he found himself being dragged to a meeting in an empty classroom by a determined but uncommunicative Hermione. That was bad enough, but when they entered the room and he found Luna, Susan and Ginny all waiting for them his heart nearly stopped. What on earth was she thinking?

"Oh, come on, Harry!" She exclaimed as she pulled him into the room. "Just trust me, will you? This is the only way we can help you, and there isn't much time."

"What's going on, Hermione?" Ginny asked.

"It appears that someone managed to slip Harry a dose of Amortentia," Hermione explained grimly. Ginny and Susan both gasped, and Luna's expression became distinctly more focused.

"Merlin!" Susan exclaimed. "Wait, you don't think it was one of us, do you?"

"No, that's not it," Hermione replied. "I think we can be confident it was either a Slytherin trying to get at Harry, or an enemy of…the person the potion was keyed to. We'll have to find out who, and how, but that can wait. The important thing is that the only way to break an Amortentia imprint is to replace it with another one within the first two weeks."

"But Hermione, Amortentia is illegal," Ginny objected.

"Actually, that's not quite true," Susan corrected. "Using it on another without their permission is illegal. But pureblood couples sometime take doses keyed to each other as part of their wedding ceremony, so knowing use is allowed so long as it's mutual. But it seems a little drastic. Who was the other potion keyed to, anyway? Pansy?"

"Draco," Harry admitted miserably. The three girls stared at him.

"I'll do it!" Ginny and Luna announced simultaneously, with Susan only a moment behind.

Luna giggled. "Oh, my. Are we all going to share, then? Or shall we duel for him?"

Susan blushed, and backed away. "Oh no, you kicked my arse enough times in the DA meetings last year. Besides, shouldn't Harry get a say?"

"Harry is still telling himself this can't be happening," Harry said. "What do you mean, you'll do it? You can't be serious."

"I've fancied you off and on most of my life, Harry," Ginny explained with a blush. "I was trying to give you time to notice me, but now we don't have that luxury. Besides, you saved my life. It's only fair I pay you back by saving you from Draco's basilisk," she joked.

"You never called me Loony," Luna said simply.

"You're a hero, Harry," Susan interjected. "Any girl would be lucky to have you. But I'll admit I'm not in love with you yet, so I won't stand in Ginny's way. Even if I do have much bigger baps."

Luna giggled. "I like your baps, Susan. But you're right, four would be much more complicated."

Ginny eyed the blonde Ravenclaw nervously. "Er, Luna, I'm not a witch's witch."

"Of course not, Ginny. If you were you wouldn't have played 'Marry Harry' so often when we were little. But we can key each potion to two people as easily as one. Or did you want to duel me instead?"

"No dueling!" Harry put in. "This is weird enough as it is. I don't want anyone getting hurt over me."

"There, you see? We'll just have share," Luna said serenely.

Ginny gaped at her childhood friend. "But Luna, what will people think?"

Luna cocked her head. "Before or after Harry defeats You-Know-Who, topples the Ministry, and becomes the most powerful wizard in the world?"

Ginny's mouth worked silently.

"Ah…" Harry began, but couldn't quite see how to set Luna straight in a way she'd believe.

"You know I'll back you, Harry," Hermione confirmed, with that slight quirk of the lips that said she was kidding, but the answer would be the same if he asked her for real.

"I'm in," Susan said quietly. As far as Harry could tell she was serious.

"Fine! I'll do it," Ginny snapped. "But you owe me, Luna!"

Luna wrapped her arms around the fiery redhead's waist, and whispered something in her ear. Ginny blushed brightly. Harry opened his mouth to protest, but found that his imagination was working overtime trying to guess what Luna was saying. Something pervy, obviously. Something that probably involved Ginny and Luna naked, in the same bed, in love with each other as well as him…

"Right, then," Hermione said briskly. "I'll need each of you to sign one of these statements saying you intend to use the potion consensually, just in case I'm caught brewing it. We're short on time, so I'd best get started right away."

-oOoOo-

Three months later, in the Daily Prophet:

Dark Lord Missing!

After a blood-chilling reign of terror following the tragic death of Albus Dumbledore, the Dark Lord has suddenly gone missing. Eye witnesses report that the most powerful dark wizard of our age was moving to seize control of the Ministry itself when he was suddenly engulfed in a blinding column of golden light. Moments later he was heard to scream "Damn you, Harry Potter! Too…much…happiness…" Then the light flared even brighter, and faded away to leave nothing but a pile of ash and a charred wand.

Needless to say, the entire country is waiting with baited breath to discover the true meaning of this startling development…

Boy-who-Lives Married

The Daily Prophet has discovered that Harry Potter, the famous boy-Who-Lived, was married three days ago in an unconventional ceremony involving two brides! The identities of the new ladies Potter were kept secret to protect their families, but sources say that with the disappearance of You-Know-Who the happy trio may make a public appearance when they return from their honeymoon…

Secret Malfoy Shame Revealed!

Draco Malfoy, the only son of convicted Death Eater Lucius Malfoy, was admitted to St. Mungo's three days ago with what was eventually diagnosed as an advanced case of Veela Mate-Refusal Disorder. Yes, that's right readers, the heir to the 'pureblood' Malfoy family was actually part veela. Sadly, it appears that whoever his magic had settled on as a mate has failed to respond to his attraction aura. Perhaps the poor girl died in the recent fighting, or was forcibly taken overseas by her family. The world may never know, for Draco has been comatose since his arrival and is not expected to recover.