Ok, so...I just found this charming story, Calendar Witches, with this challenge attached to it, issued by Sphinxey.

Although I am supposed to be writing my dissertation, this idea now refuses to leave me be (hey, what's 2000 words between a student and her degree?). I've posted the terms of the challenge below, as they appear in Sphinxey's story.

Hope you like, please review.

And although it's my first ever Harry Potter fic, I couldn't help a natural bias towards HG/MM. Hope you don't mind!

Naturally, though unfairly, I own not a single character etc etc.

(I have also never seen The Calendar Girls, though I find the story heartwarming, so even I don't know if the quotes are correct!)

Calendar Challenge

I wrote this challenge after seeing 'Calendar Girls' for the second time, and having written down some interesting lines that I thought could be related to Harry Potter. It was nearly midnight at the time, so please excuse any mistakes.

The Calendar Challenge:

I challenge anyone interested to write a Hogwarts version of Calendar Girls. It must include a nude calendar and the following characters and plot devices:

McGonagall, Hermione, Ginny, Trelawny, Sprout and Pomfrey must all feature in the calendar.

McGonagall must either be with, or have been with Dumbledore.

An international tea tray competition must be held.

These lines must feature:

"I had no idea broccoli could be so intriguing."

"Now, can anyone see my nipples?"

"That's easy to say when you've got your knickers on!"

"I'm (however many) years old. If I'm not gona get 'em out now, when am I?"

"We're going to need considerably bigger buns."

"Don't tell me, someone's grown a u shaped marrow!"

Feel free to adjust any words to make them more appropriate, but please keep the gist the same.

Extra points if you include:

"No matter what you think of the idea, you're looking at January!"

"Bra's off to avoid strap marks."

"Dumbledore didn't see me naked until the spring of '56." Said McGonagall. "What happened in the spring of '56?" asked (insert name). "There was a newt in the shower bucket at (insert place here)." replied McGonagall

"And the carrot?"

"And here is (insert name) to lead us through the world of rugs." She pauses to listen to the person next to her. "No, I stand corrected; it's on all forms of carpeting."

"Thank god," said Hermione, "I thought it might be boring."

"You're nude in the (insert paper) dear."

"One minute the dressing gown was on, the next it was just me and the hat!"

"10 grams of oregano. The only thing that'd be dangerous in is a quiche!"

"It's no big deal. We've all got the same bits, just in different sizes."

"I know for a fact that (insert name)'s coming from (insert place) with their collection of tea towels."

They must raise somewhere in the region of six hundred thousand galleons.

What follows is my attempt...