Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything affiliated with it.
Dedication: AAG, this is for you. I hope everyone has a great day. ;)
Notes: Crack/OOC. Dominant!Sakura.

He found himself in a jail cell at five o'clock on a Friday morning.

That wasn't even the best part.

Honestly.

For Itachi, there really was no best part. There were jail bars and he was the one behind them.

Him.

Itachi freakin' Uchiha.

Gritting his teeth, he tried to not completely explode with annoyance. This particular prisoner… well, they'd met a few times before in this particular location.

If a few times constituted six in the past month, that is.

(And more in the time before then.)

By the eighth of October.

Things never ended well with them, but this was the first time the roles were reversed. He was in handcuffs and- it was pretty humiliating, actually.

Couldn't get worse.

... Or could it?

"Last time I checked, I was the detective."

"Last time I checked, I was the one with the keys."

It could.

Sure enough, they dangled between green-blue nails as they were shaken slightly just to enhance the sound of incredibly dull imprisonment.

Itachi reckoned it could be heard on the mountaintops, wherever they were.

"Sakura, let's be reasonable."

She cocked one of her ridiculously pink eyebrows at him before taking a closer look at the ends of the keys and using one of them to get some imaginary dirt out of her fingernails. "'Reasonable', you say."

He didn't even both nodding- she got a such a kick out of watching his ponytail bounce and wave all over the place whenever he moved his head- and just let his heart sink.

Not into a pile of goo, in case you were wondering.

Just… his heart sunk. To the deepest-hole-in-the-ocean sunk.

He really didn't like Sakura Haruno. Maybe he should- because she was one of his younger brother's closest friends.

(Perhaps there was more to it than that.

Actually… Itachi was pretty sure there was more.)

Or was that a reason to dislike her more?

"Well," she continued as she let the key drop onto the iron key ring with all of the other keys, "that sounds like a good plan to me. Because reasonable seems simple, you know? We wouldn't like to complicate things even more, right? Because then your life will be harder. We wouldn't want that, now do we?"

He wasn't scared- really, he wasn't.

So maybe she repeating some of the words that he had used on her- what, a week ago? It wasn't that big a deal.

Really, all he'd done to her was, you know, ask for a break in their relationship as he spent his first month being a detective in their city's police force. It was reasonable.

(After all, if he wanted to buy that stupid ring that she wanted so much, he needed money.

And you need a stable job when you want to plan for some big white veil affair.

Especially if your parents- your father- are tightwads when it comes to the more important things in life.)

But was this her revenge or something twisted like that?

His eyes became contemplative slits.

If he didn't know better, he would swear that Sasuke had something to do with this.

But the fact was that, in the year and a half that Sakura & Itachi had been… well, there was no really appropriate word with which to fill the blank. There had been tongue and lips (and killer stealthy courting) and hand holding, but… that was dating, wasn't it?

So there was a word for their twisted relationship.

"Sakura, I'm sorry, but I swear there was a very good reason for…" He searched his mind for a phrase that wouldn't make her swallow the keys- literally- but none came to mind.

This… this was bad.

"I think you, dear Itachi, are looking for words like… breaking my heart. Ruining my dream of a beautiful seven tier wedding cake. Trampling over my hopes for us after dating for almost-three-years."

Oh.

So it was longer than a year and a half...

"I'm sorry, Sakura, but-"

"But you can explain? Oh, I think you'd better." There was this gleam in her eyes that was highly reminiscent of a certain Psychology teacher at the local high school. True, Anko was… she was new the year Itachi took the class, but three years later, when Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto came along, she had not ceased to use that look.

This… was disastrous.

"Sakura… I don't think you want me to explain here." He didn't want to blow that the pretty emerald ring with its little box in his pocket that he'd actually managed to buy three weeks early after taking an insane amount of shifts at the police station. He didn't want her to get upset at him for... okay, he could say it- propose in this kind of place.

Because really- she'd be more upset here, he suspected.

Her eyes narrowed and for the first time that night, Itachi felt pure, unadulterated fear. That look on her face was almost exactly the same as the look his mother gave his father when she thought that Fugaku thought she was two steps behind him.

Someone was, to use the common phrase, too big for his britches.

"I think this is just as good a place as any." The voice issued from his (ex-ish) girlfriend's mouth was sweet as cyanide and something inside him died in response.

(He wanted to die.

Metaphorically speaking.)

"If… you really think so…" he mumbled.

Really, he had no idea what about Sakura immediately made him cow beneath her. No one could make him want to both lick their shoes at the exact same time that they stepped on him. It was almost dogged devotion at its very worst.

And he couldn't help it.

Lo- Caring never really made sense to him.

Reaching slowly into his right pocket (don't make quick movements near dangerous… organisms, right?), he closed his fingers around the precious box.

Except, you know, he had forgotten that this was the pair of pants with the hole in the right pocket.

"Shit," Itachi breathed as he felt the little ring box fall through and land around his… knee with the slightest provocation by his hand.

"What is it?" Sakura's voice was impatient- she was always deadly curious and…

Deadly wasn't too far from the truth, he had always thought privately. Never aloud though- she was in college studying to be a doctor. She would get really upset if she knew what he was thinking, since she was supposed to save lives, not take them…

"Um, I was going to give you something, but…" His voice wasn't weak. It was just- he was out of breath.

(With fear.)

"But…?"

"It… there's a hole in my pocket and…" His hands gestured vaguely in the direction of his right knee. Her gaze zeroed in on it.

Sakura was smart.

He knew that.

She knew that.

And he totally knew that she knew that he knew that.

So Itachi knew (with his sinking heart) that Sakura knew what was on his knee- the box was obvious against his pants leg. He braced himself for the onslaught of yells- "You put us on a break! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Well…"

Her voice trailed off and Itachi immediately stiffened.

That… that was worse than her yelling.

"There's a solution for that."

He stilled and just tensed even further, ready to bolt away.

The key slid into the lock and it creaked open, as ominous as the black flip flops that walked through the door. With a clang, the door snapped shut, but her eyes were drilling into his face.

With two people in the one-person cell, there was very little room to move. Itachi felt Sakura fall onto him- metaphorically- and went deathly still as her small hands with their delicate, artistic fingers molded themselves around his hips and moved.

"First… take off your pants."

Prompt: "first, take off his/your pants."

-pandastacia