Disclaimer:Not mine :( All Marvel and DC's. Steve/Tony for the most part.

CC2: Cabinet Conundrums

by Tro

Steve stifled a yawn as he trailed after Tony. While he was glad for the recent lull in super villain activity, it unfortunately left the Avenger's schedule wide open to attend one of the endless charity balls they were invited to. Of course Steve was all for charity, but mingling with the high and mighty had never been his thing. He had been secretly holding out hope for some sort of dire emergency that would require their immediate attention, but it seemed that he was out of luck.

Why they had to come down to Gotham, Steve didn't know. It was a strange city. Surely there were events to attend in New York? Anyway, didn't this city have its own superhero? One who didn't particularly care to share his city with other heroes? Surely the Prince of Gotham could score a visit from that Batman character.

But when Tony had received the invitation, Jan had pounced on the opportunity. The two of them had quickly won over the rest of the Avengers and here they were, mingling with Gotham's wealthiest. It had so far been impressively boring, just like most of the other parties they attended. They could have just as easily gone to a dull charity ball at home...

"Bruce!"

Tony's cheerful voice broke through his thoughts. Steve looked up to see that they'd wandered over to a secluded corner of the ballroom solely occupied by the host of this party, Bruce Wayne.

The man looked every inch the billionaire playboy he was purported to be; dressed to the nines in a black suit as nice as Tony's, a half-full champagne flute dangling from his left hand. His face was set an artful mask of polite indifference.

Wayne's carefully bland look cracked into a genuine smile. "Tony. It's been a while."

Instead of offering the friendly handshake Steve expected, the man pulled Tony into a quick hug. Tony returned the embrace with a broad grin. It went on for a while.

Steve cleared his throat.

Eventually Tony pulled back and laid a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Bruce, Steve. Steve, this is Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises. Bruce and I go way back."

"Ah, the famous Captain America. I've heard so much about you from Tony." Wayne thrust out his free hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Wayne," Steve dutifully shook the proffered hand. "Strange. Tony's never mentioned you to me."

The corners of Tony's mouth curved upward in that way that Steve knew meant he was trying not to laugh and failing. "Must have slipped my mind."

Steve snorted softly to himself. With a mind like Tony's, he very much doubted that. He eyed Wayne, biting back a scowl. The so-called Prince of Gotham was staring right back at Tony, a wistfully nostalgic look on his face. It was as if they had forgotten he was still there. Steve shuffled back and forth from foot to foot awkwardly as silence stretched between the three of them.

A woman's high pitched voice sing-songing, "Brucie!" forestalled any conversation that might have ensued.

Wayne sighed and clapped a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Looks like I've been spotted. Better go mingle. If you're still in town tomorrow, you should stop by and we can talk. Alfred would love to have another mouth to feed and Dick would be crushed if you didn't at least see him." He paused to press his champagne flute into Tony's hand. "Here, the caterers and other guests won't bother you if you carry this around."

Tony frowned at the glass like it was full of poison. "Bruce, I-"

Before Tony could finish his sentence, and before Steve could decide whether or not he needed to punch the man, Wayne smiled gently and met Tony's eyes. "It's sparkling cider." He gave Tony's hand a quick squeeze, then his features shifted from sharply knowing to half-drunken idiocy and he sauntered off.

Steve stared after the man for a moment before turning back to Tony, a thousand questions on his mind. For his part, Tony was staring down at the glass in his hand with an unexpectedly pleased smile curving his lips.

"So, who's Dick?" Steve winced as soon as the words came out. He was trying for nonchalant, but they came out almost like an accusation.

Fortunately, Tony just grinned up at him, eyes suspiciously bright as he blinked a few times to clear them. "Dick? Oh, Bruce's ward – practically his son. Good kid." Steve waited for him to continue, but Tony was apparently content to leave him wondering.

After a long pause, Steve cleared his throat again and stretched, dropping his arms at his side. "It's awfully crowded here tonight, isn't it? Your... friend certainly knows how to throw a party." He looked around and spotted the other Avengers, garishly bright spots of color amidst the tastefully clad men and women of Gotham's elite. "The others look like they're enjoying themselves."

Tony nodded idly and followed his gaze out over the crowd, but otherwise seemed disinclined to comment. This was going nowhere.

Feigning a cough, Steve rubbed at his throat and tugged lightly at the cowl. "I don't suppose they have anything as mundane as a glass of water around here?"

"There's always the kitchen." Tony's eyes were still far away.

Clearing his throat one last time, Steve longingly eyed the great double doors leading out of the room. "Well, I guess I could go ask someone for directions."

Finally, Tony turned back to Steve and raised an eyebrow. "Don't bother, I know the way." Tony turned on his heel and strode out of the ballroom. Steve followed close behind, trying very hard not to notice how easily Tony navigated the halls.

As the kitchen door closed behind them, Steve gave the spacious room a quick scan. He breathed a sigh of relief to find it empty.

It wasn't that he was trying to get Tony alone. He just wanted to take a break from mingling with all those strangers.

"Trying to get me alone, Steve?" Tony asked, as if he could hear Steve's thoughts.

"No!" Steve's protest drew a knowing smirk from the other man. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I just... wanted a glass of water," Steve finished lamely.

Cocking an eyebrow at him, Tony grinned. "Oh, is that all you wanted?" Tony set down his champagne flute and sauntered over to the side wall, picking a cupboard seemingly at random. Much to Steve's dismay, Tony pulled the door open and there were indeed surprisingly mundane clear glasses inside. Well, it could have been a lucky guess...

"Just where they've always been," Tony smiled fondly, "Nice to see some things never change. Alfred's kitchen is one of those things."

Steve decided he really didn't want to know why Tony was so familiar with the kitchen at Wayne Manor. He intercepted Tony's hand before it could grab a glass. Steve twined their fingers together and crowded Tony up against the cupboard. Tony's back hit the open cabinet door and it slammed shut with a noisy clatter.

Tony chuckled even as Steve's mouth descended on his, muffling the rest of his laughter and the pleased groan that followed. Steve smiled into the kiss as he felt Tony's free hand slide up to tug back the Captain America cowl. He was well on his way to making Tony forget all about... whatever it was he had with Gotham's resident billionaire playboy when Steve heard the telltale sound of footsteps approaching.

Not again! Steve tried to hastily extricate himself from Tony's grip, but all attempts proved futile. Instead, Tony clung to him tighter, hooking a leg around his thighs to crush their bodies together.

Maybe today would be Steve's lucky day. Doubtful. Maybe whoever it was out there would just turn around. Yeah, right. Maybe it was Thor coming to check on them. Awkward as that would be, it wouldn't be the end of the world; it wasn't like it hadn't happened before.

Unfortunately, much to Steve's utter mortification, the kitchen door swung open and none other than Bruce Wayne strode in. "Alfred, I-" The man paused in mid-step, eyes fixing on the two of them pressed up against the cabinets. Something suspiciously close to a knowing smirk quirked Wayne's lips as he let the door shut behind him. "Let me guess, you were just looking for the cups, right?"

Face flaming bright red with embarrassment, Steve could feel Tony's body shaking with suppressed laughter and scowled. Steve didn't think it was that funny.

"Hey, Bruce! How did you know?" Tony voice was warm and casual, as if he hadn't just been caught making out with Captain America in Wayne's own kitchen.

Wayne grinned, a quick flash of white teeth, as he strode over to the two of them. "Oh, just a lucky guess."

Steve fought back a glare as the man came closer, practically looming over them. If Steve clutched Tony closer as Wayne leaned over them, it was purely reflexive.

"Don't mind me. I just came to get a glass of water." Wayne had to be laughing at him from behind that innocuous smirk. Steve was sure of it. Tony was being no help at all other than to tilt to the left, graciously allowing Wayne access to his cupboard.

Eyes trained firmly on... something in the corner – was that a security camera? – Steve studiously ignored Wayne as the man nonchalantly reached over his and Tony's entwined bodies to snag two glasses from the shelf. Tony, for his part, just leaned forward to rest his chin on Steve's shoulder.

When Wayne did nothing more than walk over to the sink and turn on the faucet, Steve let out the breath he had been holding. Only to suck it back in hastily when Tony tossed out, "You could always join us over here, you know. The doorknob pressing into my back right now feels divine." Again, Steve tried to pull away, but Tony wasn't budging.

A brief upward twitch of Wayne's mouth was as far as the man's reaction got before his face smoothed again and he calmly raised an eyebrow, "Offering to share? That's not the Tony I remember." Wayne let his gaze rake up and down Steve appreciatively and Steve felt himself blushing all over again. "Of course, your taste in blonds has improved significantly, so there's something to be said for change."

"Oh, well. Your loss!" Tony's grin was completely unrepentant, despite Steve's disapproving frown.

Gritting his teeth, Steve bore it all in stoic silence. He was Captain America. Captain America was stoic. Stoic. After all, it couldn't get much worse than this.

Suddenly, all three men froze as a deep rumbling voice carried through the kitchen door; not loud enough to make out the words, but clearly Thor's voice. They'd been so caught up that they hadn't even heard the man approaching. To make it worse, a higher pitched boy's voice kept interrupting whatever Thor was saying.

Thor was outside the kitchen having a conversation – probably about them – with a boy who was probably none other than Wayne's young ward. It really didn't get much worse than that. At least the boy probably wouldn't understand a word Thor was saying, but still...

Steve closed his eyes and valiantly resisted the urge to bang his head against the cupboard door. Repeatedly. Why did these things always happen to him? They should have just left him in the ice.

Giving in to a quiet laugh, Wayne shook his head and filled up both of his glasses. "I'll take that as my cue to leave. Best to save Dick from your impromptu bodyguard while they're both still in one piece. Hm, funny thing that. Your usual iron clad bodyguard never seems to be around when you attend these events. Wonder why that is."

The man's sly tone caused Steve to whip his head around, eyes narrowing suspiciously. What exactly was the man implying? What did he know? If Wayne was trying to blackmail Tony in any way...

Tony gave his fingers a reassuring squeeze. "You know how it goes. These parties aren't really his thing and I can always count on the other Avengers and Captain America here to have things well in hand."

Steve nearly choked at the blatant innuendo, but Wayne just said dryly, "I can see that." Wayne speared him with a piercing look, then, unexpectedly smiled with what Steve could have sworn was approval.

Well, the man couldn't be all bad, since Tony obviously trusted him with his secret.

Grabbing the pair of full water glasses, casually strolled toward the exit, tossing over his shoulder, "Should I let Alfred know to expect you both for brunch tomorrow?"

"Of course. Oh, and Bruce?" Tony's voice gave the man pause, and he half turned at the door. "While you're at it, you might want to have Alfred check the grounds. It sounds like you might have bats in the belfry."

What? Steve blinked. Bats? What was Tony talking about?

Wayne just smirked, raising one of the water glasses in mock salute before pushing through the kitchen door, leaving the two of them alone once more.

Wait. Bats? Bats?

Steve stared hard after the departed man. Then his gaze flicked up to what he was now certain was a security camera in the corner, then to the other cameras he could see scattered around the kitchen now that he knew what he was looking for. Steve craned his neck back around to meet Tony's laughing eyes with dawning horror. No. They were necking in the goddamn Batman's kitchen? On camera?

That was it. He and Tony were going to talk. Soon. Just then, Tony's fingers did something very interesting under his shirt. Okay, later. They would talk later. Right now they were going to find somewhere without security cameras or uninvited visitors for a change.