Author's Note: This fic is probably going to be quite crack-y and semi-serious. Proceed with caution.

Disclaimer: Why would you want to sue me anyway?

Lightning Farron wearily opened her front door and dropped her duffel bag to the floor with a soft thump. The house was dark, but she hadn't expected anybody to be awake this late. Closing the door quietly behind herself, she flipped a light switch on. The foyer lit, she clumsily slid her shoes off, eyelids already drooping with the effort to stay awake. She had just come back from a two week exploration mission on Pulse helping to navigate the terrain and its unfamiliar inhabitants for potential human settlement. The trip had been grueling; she'd become used to the convenience magic provided when she was still a l'cie, as well as fighting with the other l'cie nearly a year ago. While the squad she'd been with were all veteran troops, none had any experience with the harsh land and even more dangerous wildlife.

For several days, Lightning's entire body had ached with a fierceness she'd never felt before, but they had managed to complete the mission with no deaths or serious injury. And for the next three weeks, she was blissfully relieved of duty. Three weeks of actual sleep on an actual bed. The fantasy was only sweetened by the thought of Fang being there, but as far as she knew, Fang was on the other side of Pulse, gleefully slaughtering oretoises for a second exploration party and wouldn't be home until several days later. Still, the time off meant privacy for much needed... sexual relief.

She managed to stumble to the bed, shedding her clothes during the journey and fell face first with a contented sigh. The sheets still smelled of her absent lover and she snuggled happily.

And barely prevented a scream when she felt strong arms wrap around her possessively.

"Why, honey, you're home," Fang purred in her ear.

"Fang," Lightning managed, spine still stiff. She would have hit her girlfriend if her arms weren't trapped by her sides. "You fucking scared me."

The brunette nuzzled Light's neck. "Maybe your hearing's going, sweetheart, but I got here first and wasn't making a secret of it. And you could have turned the lights on."

"Damn it, let go, I can't move my arms. Did you get back early, too?"

Fang smiled in the dark as Light rolled on her side to face her, her arms still around her. "Not two hours ago. I wasn't expecting company, though." She leaned forward and somehow managed to kiss her lover right on the lips in the dark.

"But I won't complain that you're here..." Her hand lazily stroked up Lightning's thigh. "Nope, not a single protest from me."

Her legs parted willingly before Light could stop herself. Annoyed with herself, but aroused, she grabbed the wandering hand. "You have such a one track mind, Fang. And tell me about the expedition. Did it go well?"

"Spoilsport." Fang tried to tug her hand away, but Light's grip held steadfast. With a sigh, the warrior rolled on her back and flipped the bedside lamp on, softly illuminating the room. Light blinked slightly, eyes quickly adjusting to focus on Fang. She was, as usual, naked in bed, the covers reaching only to the tops of her hips, hinting at delights below. Her breasts were also bare and toned muscle under tanned skin flexed and stretched as she propped herself up on her side and elbow, blinking balefully down at Lightning for choosing talk over more physical, and enjoyable, activities. Lightning resolutely kept her eyes on Fang's face.

"It went well. Bad things died, everybody else lived, we found some good settlement grounds near running water. Mission accomplished, as you soldier types like to say." Deciding that that was plenty enough talk, Fang leaned down to kiss Light. Light stopped her with a hand to her shoulder, exasperated.

"What about delivering supplies there? Did you check for any nearby nesting grounds that might be potential danger zones later? And what about setting out a colony with-" Fang scowled darkly, displeased. "Bloody hell, Light, it went fine. Your lieutenant, Amodar, already organized a convoy with at least a platoon of soldiers for escorts while I was on the way back. And yes, I did check the surrounding areas and the deadliest thing I found were a few families of chocobos and some other small critters that won't put up a fuss. Happy?"

"And you weren't hurt?"

Fang heaved an exaggerated sigh. "Do you see a scratch on any part of me?"

Lightning swept an appreciative look over her-all she saw was an expanse of smooth skin and a frustrated expression. She scooted closer and kissed the brunette with bruising force, her hand going down to cup her ass.

Fang was breathless and on her back when Light broke the kiss, her blue eyes overlooking her lover. "I'm just glad there isn't a new scar." To imprint her meaning, she leaned down and pressed her lips to the scar that ran over the curve where Fang's arm and shoulder met, where her brand once was.

"Nothing can touch me, remember?" Fang murmured. "Only you."

Light smiled and kissed her again.

Three days later...

"I don't think we'll be there long. Maybe a few hours, then we'll go home," Light said absently, maneuvering the car through an intersection.

"I don't want to go. We could still be in bed right now, having fun," Fang muttered.

Light smirked. "Weren't you the one who was saying I should be more social? Or, what was it, I'd forever be like a porcupine, with no friends or something like that?"

Fang flicked her hand as though dismissing the thought. "You already are one with your hair like that. Besides, I'm all you need, yeah?"

Light had to bite back a laugh. "Everybody's there already. Just a few hours and then I'll do whatever you want."

A salacious grin lit Fang's face. "Anything?"

"Anything."Light promised as she parked the car and the pair walked from the dusk-lit parking lot inside to the bar.

"The lovebirds are back!" Lebreau exclaimed, running from behind her bar to grab Light and Fang into choke holds. Light didn't know how the bartender did it, especially when she was shorter than both of them.

"Serah said you guys've been back for three daysand you're just now showing your faces to the world. How much sex did you two have? Don't even think about leaving a single dirty detail out for Auntie Lebreau!" Lebreau laughed too loud, dragging the pair, still in choke holds, with her.

"Lebreau-" Fang wheezed, half smothered by the shorter girl's bountiful breast pressed into the side of her face and her surprisingly strong grip around her neck.

"Can't breathe-" Lightning gasped, Lebreau's other breast mashed against her nose and cutting off valuable oxygen. And what she could breathe in was Lebreau's alcohol-scented breath. She had to have at least a few shots with breath like that, Light thought desperately.

"You rabbits! You've had so much sex, you aren't even strong enough to escape. That's it, every salacious detail, NOW." Lebreau dumped them into a lounge couch and shoved herself between them as they coughed. "Gotta keep you two separated; no hanky panky in mybar."

Light gave her a dark look while Fang fought back a laugh. Lebreau returned the look with equal gusto. "Gotta spare the kiddies, sergeant." She waved in the general direction of Hope and Vanille, who were sitting by Sazh and Dajh. "'Sides, Serah's married and probably knows all about fu-"

"How's business been?" Fang hastily interrupted, drawing Lebreau's attention away from Lightning's thunderous expression.

As the pair talked, Lightning shot a glare at Serah, who was with the rest of the former l'cie and Team NORA seated throughout the bar. Her sister shrugged helplessly.

"What did you tell her?" Lightning hissed to her sister.

"She doesn't need to tell, the entire town hears it," Lebreau laughed. "Gawd, Light, you're such a screamer. What does this gorgeous piece of meat doto you?" Lebreau wiggled her eyebrows at Fang suggestively.

Light growled. Serah could actually see her canines flash in the dim light. Because she valued her life, as well as everybody else's, she quickly cut in, "I didn't tell her that, I swear! But... she does kind of have a point. You and Fang are so... so..." She flapped her hands, searching for the word.

"Horny?" Lebreau helpfully supplied.

"Yes, that," Serah said without thinking. She caught Lightning's look and blushed deeply. "It's true!"

Snow, sitting by Serah, wisely decided to keep his mouth shut when Light shifted her eyes to him; he only gave a sheepish shrug. Light's cheeks began to flush slightly and she looked to the other people in the room for aid: namely, Vanille and Hope. "Well?" She demanded. "We're not like that at all, right?"

Hope took a sudden interest on a spot just beyond Lightning's head and Vanille, for once, was struck silent. "To be honest..." she started nervously. "Serah's kind of right."

The rest of Team NORA began to nod, saw the expression on Lightning's face and immediately developed a passion for their respective beverages.

Light's breath hissed through her teeth. She looked at Fang. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

Fang's shoulders lifted carelessly. "It's not really untrue, you know."

"We're not like that!" Light snapped, cheeks flaming. "We're not rabbits."

Lebreau leered at the soldier. "Your girlfriend isn't denying it."

"That's because she's the one who wants it all the time!"

That got Fang's attention. "Hey, you like it just as much as I do, blondie."

"You're the one who always initiates it," Light shot back defensively, folding her arms.

"Yeah? Who was the one screaming the bloody rafters down last night and was bloody beggin' me to-"

Lebreau clapped a hand on Fang's mouth. "Hey now, children, think of the other children. You know, the ones whose ears are going to burn off with words like that." Lebreau cocked her head towards Dajh, who was obliviously playing with a trinket by his father and entirely unaware of the rising feud not ten feet away.

Light obligingly lowered her voice and hissed, "You can't keep your hands off me."

"Neither can you, you brat," Fang hissed back. "You're all over me the moment we're on the same planet."

"Bet you can't go without for a week," Lightning whispered furiously.

"We've been without for longer," Fang sneered, rising up to the challenge. "You'll be eating your words soon enough, sergeant."

"We've been without longer because youwere too busy killing giant turtles on the other side of Pulse!" Light snapped. "You're the one with the animal urges, especially when it comes to fu-"

"Calm down, my dears," Lebreau chuckled, throwing an arm on their shoulders companionably. "No need to kill each other. Now, did I hear a wager in that little hissy fit?"

"A week," Light repeatedly, eyes slitted at Fang.

"Two," Fang said arrogantly, rising up from the couch to her full height.

The entire room was silent as they watched Light stand toe to toe with the warrior. "Bet's on."

After the pair left, Lebreau rummaged under her bar counter and pulled out a battered metal pot. Holding it upside and giving it a few good thwacks to empty it of dust, she strode to the center of the room and gave an announcement.

"Wagers, anyone?"

After a brief silence, a show of hands with wallets began.