What's the Difference

"Ellis, put the bottle down." I murmured, taking a seat next to him on the ragged couch.

"Why, wha'sit to ya?" he slurred, lowering the bottle from his lips so I could just hear his drunken voice better. It just made me cringe to see him like this.

"Because I care about you, dipshit." I replied, more harshly than I probably should've said that... "You're gonna kill yourself by drinking all of this."

Well, that was a lie. I'm pretty sure you couldn't die from drinking a whole bottle of bourbon. He'd just have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. Poor kid...

"No 'm not," he argued, tipping the bill of his hat up so I could see his blue eyes.

Only, they weren't blue. At least, not the crystal clear blue eyes I was so used to looking into every day, every night. No, these were polluted eyes, with red veins and splotches. The kid really had drunken over half of the bottle.

"Ellis, please," I tried asking nicely one more time, trying to stress the niceness. I was hoping to still get through to him that I was trying to step out of my "ice rink" and be a little more kind to him, even if he was dead drunk.

"Wha's the diff'rence, Nick?" Ellis asked, staring me down. In that moment, I saw him for more than the kid he was. It broke my heart to see him so much more older and mature, fueling what rage he had within him towards me in a way that I actually wasn't expecting. "Ya don' care 'bout me."

"Bullshit," I argued. "Bull-fucking-shit."

Grabbing the bottle from him, I stood up and backed up a few steps. His eyes widened as he followed the bottle as if it were a cat with a laser. Only, he looked less energetic, which was something else that bothered me.

"Ellis, I love you, okay? I. Love. You." I inhaled slowly and continued, pretty much risking everything I had on the lines just to let him know how I felt. He probably wouldn't even remember it in the morning... "You're fucking all I think about, and you're the only reason I haven't gone off and gotten myself killed yet. You got that? Did that get through your thick, drunk-ass skull?"

For the slightest moment, I thought I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Instead of giving in, I pushed the feeling aside and continued to yell at the hick.

"I've risked my life for you because I like having you around. I need you around. You and your dumbass stories and smiles and shit. It's all important to me," My voice softened up for just a second as I looked over Ellis. A look between confusion and happiness was plastered on the kid's face, but there was also... Doubt there too. Did he doubt everything I was saying?

"How can ya wanna live aroun' someone who's killed someone else?" Ellis asked, trying to sit up straight. I could see the effects the alcohol was dealing as he began swaying ever so gently.

"You didn't kill Coach or Rochelle," I said quietly, keeping myself from yelling at him for feeling guilty. "It was their own stupid fault that they got separated and got killed. Okay? Not you."

"I coulda stopped 'em..." Ellis trailed off, looking down at the ground.

I collapsed on the couch, dropping the bottle of whiskey behind me. I grabbed his cheeks between my hands and lifted his face up so I could stare directly into his eyes. I stared into those baby blues... And kissed him.

"No Ellis, neither one of us could've stopped them." I muttered after breaking the kiss. He sobered up just a little bit. "You need to accept that."

"I can't, Nick, I jus' can't." Ellis whimpered, lowering his head. "They didn't deserve to die, bu' they did, so wha' does that say about us?"

Ellis looked up into my eyes again and I saw a completely different person again. This one was scared, lonely, frightened...

This was the child Ellis.

"It doesn't mean anything," I murmured softly, stroking his cheek with my thumb.

"I don' wanna turn into one'a them," Ellis whispered.

"You won't, dumbass. You wanna know why?"

He just nodded, his eyes wide.

"Because I'll watch your back, and we'll get out of this," I explained, trying to crack a smile. "We'll get out of this, and I swear to God, we'll survive. We'll live. Together. You and me. How's that sound?"

"Can ya promise it'll happen?" Ellis asked quietly. I was surprised I could even hear his voice.

"I swear to you, by whatever you still believe in, we will make it."

Ellis seemed extremely relieved to hear this, and a small smile crawled onto his lips. Letting go of his cheeks, I wrapped my arms around his chest and embraced him, easing us both into a better position to fall asleep in.

Yes, we were going to survive.

I wasn't about to lose my newfound love to some goddamn zombies.

They can't keep me from Ellis.

AN:

I feel like Nick is too OOC. And Ellis is questionably emo. DAMNIT.

Lol, just kidding, I'm actually okay with this... After all, it's a product of a 2am writing spree. Depression...

Disclaimer:

I don't own L4D2/Nick/Ellis.