Author's opening message: Hey all! Another meaningless fic, but this one's fun! There will be more parts, worry you not!
Author's note: Some system or another does not want to support html, so stage directions or whichever are in //'s, word emphasises are in **'s.
Author's feeble request: Please R/R!!!
Disclaimer: Loki, Bartleby, Metatron, and all others were created by Kevin Smith. God was created by various religions, though the use of Alanis Morrisette as God, which is how I'm using Her, was also created by Kevin Smith. Alanis Morrisette was created by God. Thank you.
~NV22~
***
At the end of Dogma, it was uncertain where fallen angels Loki and Bartleby went after death. Would they return to Heaven? Would they go to Hell? Or would they simply wait outside the Gates for all eternity, as decreed? At last, their punishment was discovered...
~~~ LOKI AND BARTLEBY ~~~ THE COMMERCIAL YEARS ~~~
"What do you think He's going to do to us?" Loki muttered worriedly as he and Bartleby made way to God's throne. The doors were closed, and they took a seat.
"I don't know," Bartleby answered. "I don't *want* to know. You know..." he coughed, waited until Loki was looking at him. "I was never sorry for taking you away from your job all those years ago. But I'm sorry for what happened today. Truly sorry. I can only beg your forgiveness, Loki. I'll take whatever God has to offer --I'll take both our punishments-- if only you'll forgive me for what I've done to you."
There was a long pause, Loki only staring at his compatriot. Finally, a smile crossed his features. "Of course I can," he said. "I can't stay mad at you for long, Bartleby. I forgave you for getting us cast out of Heaven, didn't I?"
"This isn't gonna start again, is it?" Bartleby said. "Because it wasn't *my* fault, you know..."
Loki held up a hand, halting Bartleby's tirade in its tracks. The doors were opening.
It was time.
"Well, boys," the Voice said, wearing his usual face of annoyance. "Welcome. It's time for your Judgment."
God was sitting serenely, unblinkingly, on her enormous throne. Loki and Bartleby bowed their heads, more out of fear than respect.
"Loki, the former Angel of Death," Metatron boomed in a voice so powerful they had to look up again, "Bartleby, a former Grigori. You were disbanded from Heaven once, for refusing the duties of your roles. Again you come before your Lord and Creator to face Judgment. This time you are charged with a far more grievous crime, being responsible for the deaths of," he looked to a sheet in his hand, and upon seeing the number, swallowed hard. "Two hundred and fifty-eight people," he read.
God winced and looked away. Loki and Bartleby looked down again. Bartleby's cheeks flushed. He'd always been the calm, rational one. He waited, hands clasped behind his back tightly, eyes focused on the floor as he awaited his sentence. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, on the verge of tears. He'd never meant for this to happen, he really hadn't...
Loki's fingers grazed his arm. Without looking up, Bartleby's hand sought out that of his dearest friend, and the clutched one another as life preservers, ready to take their sentence together.
"Now, your deeds regarding the incident in Red Bank, New Jersey, have been rectified," the Voice continued. Loki dared to look up, seeing the impassive face of Metatron reading their sentence, God only looking at her two angels. Her eyes alighted on Loki's own, and he ventured a smile, his way of saying thank you for repairing their mistake. It would never be enough, never, but he was surprised to see his beloved God returning his smile with a tentative one of her own, and nodding slightly. Loki swelled with a rush of hope, and squeezed Bartleby's hand encouragingly. Still the Grigori stared at the floor.
"Your actions at the Mooby Corporation headquarters were quite a bit more damaging. However, you were justified in your accusations of idolaters, and to make this even more ridiculous, we here in Heaven really hated the second Mooby movie."
"I can't believe it was so critically acclaimed," Loki burst, despite himself, and there was a moment in which Bartleby went rigid beside him. Metatron stared at Loki, looking more than a little aggravated. God smirked.
"May I continue uninterrupted?" the Voice continued irritably, and Loki nodded, swallowing a laugh. Bartleby relaxed slightly but still never dared to look up. "God has decided on a punishment suitable enough for her fallen angels."
"Hell?" Bartleby said softly, gazing at his Hush Puppies.
Metatron shook his head. "No."
Loki gulped. "New Jersey..?" he squeaked.
"You will be given your own place, and reside in the state of your choice," Metatron declared.
At last, Bartleby looked up, hopefully.
"Your sentence, to be carried out immediately, is to do commercials."
"WHAT!" the angels chorused.
"You're kidding!" Loki said, looking on with thrilled disbelief.
"Please tell me you're kidding," Bartleby said, with decidedly less enthusiasm.
God shook her head, and Bartleby groaned. "I can't believe this."
Loki was practically jumping up and down like a little kid. "I can't believe this!" he cried out. "I always wanted to be on TV!"
***FIN***
Author's note: Some system or another does not want to support html, so stage directions or whichever are in //'s, word emphasises are in **'s.
Author's feeble request: Please R/R!!!
Disclaimer: Loki, Bartleby, Metatron, and all others were created by Kevin Smith. God was created by various religions, though the use of Alanis Morrisette as God, which is how I'm using Her, was also created by Kevin Smith. Alanis Morrisette was created by God. Thank you.
~NV22~
***
At the end of Dogma, it was uncertain where fallen angels Loki and Bartleby went after death. Would they return to Heaven? Would they go to Hell? Or would they simply wait outside the Gates for all eternity, as decreed? At last, their punishment was discovered...
~~~ LOKI AND BARTLEBY ~~~ THE COMMERCIAL YEARS ~~~
"What do you think He's going to do to us?" Loki muttered worriedly as he and Bartleby made way to God's throne. The doors were closed, and they took a seat.
"I don't know," Bartleby answered. "I don't *want* to know. You know..." he coughed, waited until Loki was looking at him. "I was never sorry for taking you away from your job all those years ago. But I'm sorry for what happened today. Truly sorry. I can only beg your forgiveness, Loki. I'll take whatever God has to offer --I'll take both our punishments-- if only you'll forgive me for what I've done to you."
There was a long pause, Loki only staring at his compatriot. Finally, a smile crossed his features. "Of course I can," he said. "I can't stay mad at you for long, Bartleby. I forgave you for getting us cast out of Heaven, didn't I?"
"This isn't gonna start again, is it?" Bartleby said. "Because it wasn't *my* fault, you know..."
Loki held up a hand, halting Bartleby's tirade in its tracks. The doors were opening.
It was time.
"Well, boys," the Voice said, wearing his usual face of annoyance. "Welcome. It's time for your Judgment."
God was sitting serenely, unblinkingly, on her enormous throne. Loki and Bartleby bowed their heads, more out of fear than respect.
"Loki, the former Angel of Death," Metatron boomed in a voice so powerful they had to look up again, "Bartleby, a former Grigori. You were disbanded from Heaven once, for refusing the duties of your roles. Again you come before your Lord and Creator to face Judgment. This time you are charged with a far more grievous crime, being responsible for the deaths of," he looked to a sheet in his hand, and upon seeing the number, swallowed hard. "Two hundred and fifty-eight people," he read.
God winced and looked away. Loki and Bartleby looked down again. Bartleby's cheeks flushed. He'd always been the calm, rational one. He waited, hands clasped behind his back tightly, eyes focused on the floor as he awaited his sentence. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, on the verge of tears. He'd never meant for this to happen, he really hadn't...
Loki's fingers grazed his arm. Without looking up, Bartleby's hand sought out that of his dearest friend, and the clutched one another as life preservers, ready to take their sentence together.
"Now, your deeds regarding the incident in Red Bank, New Jersey, have been rectified," the Voice continued. Loki dared to look up, seeing the impassive face of Metatron reading their sentence, God only looking at her two angels. Her eyes alighted on Loki's own, and he ventured a smile, his way of saying thank you for repairing their mistake. It would never be enough, never, but he was surprised to see his beloved God returning his smile with a tentative one of her own, and nodding slightly. Loki swelled with a rush of hope, and squeezed Bartleby's hand encouragingly. Still the Grigori stared at the floor.
"Your actions at the Mooby Corporation headquarters were quite a bit more damaging. However, you were justified in your accusations of idolaters, and to make this even more ridiculous, we here in Heaven really hated the second Mooby movie."
"I can't believe it was so critically acclaimed," Loki burst, despite himself, and there was a moment in which Bartleby went rigid beside him. Metatron stared at Loki, looking more than a little aggravated. God smirked.
"May I continue uninterrupted?" the Voice continued irritably, and Loki nodded, swallowing a laugh. Bartleby relaxed slightly but still never dared to look up. "God has decided on a punishment suitable enough for her fallen angels."
"Hell?" Bartleby said softly, gazing at his Hush Puppies.
Metatron shook his head. "No."
Loki gulped. "New Jersey..?" he squeaked.
"You will be given your own place, and reside in the state of your choice," Metatron declared.
At last, Bartleby looked up, hopefully.
"Your sentence, to be carried out immediately, is to do commercials."
"WHAT!" the angels chorused.
"You're kidding!" Loki said, looking on with thrilled disbelief.
"Please tell me you're kidding," Bartleby said, with decidedly less enthusiasm.
God shook her head, and Bartleby groaned. "I can't believe this."
Loki was practically jumping up and down like a little kid. "I can't believe this!" he cried out. "I always wanted to be on TV!"
***FIN***