So, I've written a handful of Star Trek fics, mostly TOS. I figure I'll put a couple of them here. Might as well!

Title: Ruby and the Sapphires
Rated: G
Warnings: Nothing really, I don't think? Keep a look out for a curse word or two, knowing me and all...
Summary: Star Trek XI. The Enterprise gets a surprise visit from some very surprising aliens. McCoy is left to handle them, much to his dismay.
A/N: One story of two for hsavinien, who won my bid at help_pakistan via LJ. She wanted McCoy being his usual grumpy, Southern self while having to handle space penguins. So, I hope I've satisfied!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The point of the five year mission was to discover, study, categorize and possibly befriend and ally with new species, lifeforms and planets. To spread peace through the galaxies, to unite mankind and otherkind as one.

McCoy knew this, of course. He knew they'd run into some rather interesting lifeforms, stumble upon creatures and aliens and planets that would make anyone's head spin. The idea both frightened and fascinated him; perhaps just as much as space did. Then again, space seemed to be the final frontier his ex-wife had not yet sunk her greedy clutches into. Besides, the possibilities were endless, giving him the lifestyle to forget about the bitter end of his once simple life.

McCoy expected very strange things, indeed. Pink tentacled bigendered humanoid ant eaters, or something like that, living on a planet where the skies were turquoise and the plants were all purple and the water was too hot for human consumption, but just right for these awkward aliens.

He did not expect that many of these races actually differed very little from his own.

This included today's accidental guests.

Scotty had insisted it wasn't the transporter's work, though McCoy had a hard time believing that thing wasn't somehow always malfunctioning. But when he, Kirk and Spock had been called into the transporter room, they were too lost in confusion to wonder, currently, where the fault lied.

"Is this some sort of joke?" McCoy spat in Scotty's direction.

Two very nervous ensigns were helping shuffle three "invaders" from the platform. These aliens looked just like, and for all intents and purposes were, penguins - only the usual coat of black and white was replaced with black and green, eyes beady and red with strange gem-like crests on their foreheads. Other than that, ordinary penguins. Or, well, maybe not.

"I'll agree space penguins are funny, doctor," Scotty tittered, "but this is no joke." He checked the scanners, went through the logs, trying to pinpoint the problem.

"How did... this..." Kirk swept a hand over the three penguins waddling off the platform.

"I'm tryin' ta figure that out now, captain."

Spock looked to his commander. "In any case, we should treat them with the same respect and welcome as we would do all others," he stated. Kirk nodded and they both stared down at the penguins, though Kirk was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"I'm afraid we're a little at a loss of words, as we weren't expecting any company," he said, then offered his hand, "forgive our initial shock. I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Starfleet Federation starship, the USS Enterprise. We hail from planet Earth and are currently on a peaceful, scientific mission searching for new lifeforms."

Everyone was half-expecting the penguins to extend their flippers, introduce themselves very politely, and maybe in a British accent. But instead they did nothing, simply stared at the hand, then started gazing around the room. One of them gave a small quack-like noise and flapped its fins against its sides, but nothing more. Kirk slowly withdrew his hand and looked to Spock. "Perhaps they do not understand Standard?" he murmured.

"I will speak to Lieutenant Uhura," Spock suggested, "we may be able to use the universal translator."

"I don't think the universal translator covers bird, Spock," McCoy grumbled. He had been called out of medbay for this? He gestured to the green penguins now starting to waddle about the room. "I mean, really."

"It's quite possible they intercepted our transporters themselves, captain," Scotty offered.

"If they can do that, they show some form of intelligence," Kirk replied.

"Penguins, Jim."

"Green with chakras."

"Penguins."

Kirk shrugged. "In any case, we should - "

"Captain, I apologize for interrupting," Spock interjected and stepped towards the penguin flocked in the back of the elder two. "It appears this one is injured." He pointed to its green flipper; sure enough, there was a cut there, the feathers around the area a darker hue of green. It had to be blood, blending in with the chartreuse, making it almost unnoticeable at first. "The wound looks like it has stopped bleeding at the moment as the drying crust would suggest."

Kirk smiled back at McCoy. "Well, doctor," he smirked, "it looks like you didn't waste your time after all."

"Dammit, Jim!" McCoy scowled. "I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian!"

"I think for right now, you can manage to clean up a cut," Kirk retorted. He nodded to the ensigns, who carefully huddled the penguins back together. The wounded one cuddled up to the others, who seemed to be protecting him. "I'll send a couple xenobiologists and Uhura to your office as soon as possible."

McCoy scowled. This was ridiculous. The penguins clambered up to his side, looking up at him with their beady red eyes. McCoy glared back.

The good doctor expected pink tentacled bigendered humanoid ant eaters, but instead got green, red eyed, bejeweled space penguins.

IIII

McCoy and the ensigns cajoled the penguins to the medbay. It had been a rather amusing sight for everyone else save McCoy. People stopped to stare and giggle as their highly esteemed doctor was now walking with a slight squat, swatting at the penguins trying to disperse and explore the technology around them. It was almost like herding stubborn, frightened sheep. He just wished one would tell him to stop, take them to their leader, just so he didn't have to deal with mindless animals. This was utterly embarrassing.

Chapel was no help.

"An emergency, I'll say," she giggled. Chapel squatted in front of the cluster of birds, smiling tenderly. "You're all very cute. Do you have names?"

"They don't speak our language," McCoy snapped. The last thing he needed was his nurse to start talking in baby gibberish and pinch their cheeks. McCoy wasn't sure how the Hell to recalibrate his scanners since intergalactic space penguins had never been recorded in the Starfleet database. He sighed, turned to Chapel and ordered, "The little one in the back has a cut on his flipper. Get him... her... it on the biobed, would you?"

Chapel nodded and reached carefully for the smaller penguin. However, this only set the others off; suddenly, they had bristled their feathers, appearing larger, fluffier, squawking and snapping their beaks at the stunned nurse. Chapel stepped back, hands raised, watching the little penguin tuck between his snarling guardians. "Doctor, I think that might be a problem," she chuckled nervously.

McCoy stepped out from his office, hypospray in one hand, dermal regenerator in the other. "What is - ?" He paused, glanced at the feisty penguins. He made an irritated growl. "Oh, good. This makes everything much more easier." He approached his nurse, handed her his instruments. "Now, you may not understand me," he said, speaking slow, and damn if it wasn't embarrassing, "but we aren't going to hurt you." He pointed to the objects in Chapel's hands. "These are good. Gooood. They'll make you feel better. Betteeeeer."

For a moment, McCoy was reminded of his daughter, how he had to reassure her that shots would only cause a small pinch, but they were for the best and would help her from getting sick. Talking to a human or humanoid kid like this was fine, but to an animal...

The penguins looked amongst one another. Obviously they were considering his reassurance, or maybe understood very basic Standard. Their feathers began to soften and relax, and McCoy cautiously reached to take the little penguin. The two others stepped aside, seemingly persuaded, and McCoy lifted the smaller bird onto the biobed.

The little penguin was shaking, and McCoy could swear he could hear a rattling noise. He reached back, took the hypospray from Chapel, who the elder penguins were glaring at. They seemed to trust McCoy, but this human female was different. McCoy placed the hypospray against the penguin's fin, and it flinched, its head tucking deep into the feathers around its collar.

McCoy was suddenly filled with nostalgia. Some years ago, it was, he remembered very clearly. Joanna had been getting her standard shots, just a tiny little thing back then. She had pulled her legs to her chest, hugged them, looked over her knees with pitiful, fearful blue eyes. But then her father sat on a stool in front of her, gently took her hands, caressed her knuckles with his thumbs, and smiled. His smile was enough, his reassurances just bonuses.

"Nurse, stool please," he grumbled. Couldn't believe... Chapel obliged and pushed a stool his way; he sat, scooted to the edge of the biobed. His looming height, so alien and so tall, might have only made the penguin more nervous; now he was at its eye level, and this seemed to calm it down a notch. Still the alien shivered and McCoy gave his head a soft pat, its long, purple tinted eyelashes fluttering against his palm.

"S'gonna be all right, darlin'," he said, and the word slipped without his knowing. Habitual, he supposed. Chapel smiled behind him. "It won't hurt none." Somehow his accent seemed to draw the penguin closer, raising its head and tilting it slightly. "You like that, huh?" McCoy smirked. "Ain't no surprise. Lots of people find it soothin'." He winked as he injected the hypospray into the bird's arm and dear God why did he wink.

The doctor cleared his throat. "This won't hurt, either," he said, and the accent had faded back to the usual gravel. The penguin made a little noise, maybe of disapproval. Chapel exchanged empty hypo with dermal regenerator. Upon closer inspection, McCoy noticed the wound was deeper than he imagined. "Nasty little cut. I'd ask how you got it, but that'd be like asking the walls why they're this color," he chuckled and heard his nurse giggle as well.

Before he could run the regenerator over the penguin's flipper, its guardians started flapping theirs, bouncing like ridiculous blobs of fat against the biobed in an attempt to mount it. "I'm not doin' no harm, calm down," McCoy scowled. But the damn birds were relentless, demanding to see the doctor's handiwork. Finally, McCoy sighed and nodded to Chapel.

At this point, the birds seemed too desperate to get up on the biobed to care who put them there. Chapel lifted them each, one by one, and they stood, now firm and still and quietly watching, behind their smaller companion. McCoy showed them the regenerator. "See this? It's gonna fix up that wound, make it all good as new."

The aliens looked at one another, then back. He supposed they approved. And the smaller penguin actually extended its flipper this time, surprising McCoy slightly. McCoy watched him for a moment before turning the regenerator on, smoothing it over the wound; he watched as the flesh knitted itself back together, without blemish or imperfections. The missing feathers, however, did not regenerate, leaving behind a bald spot.

"'Fraid nature'll have to take its course there," McCoy said, handing the regenerator to his nurse. "Everything ought to be as good as new in a day or two. That hypo I gave you - you know, the thing that went hiss - is a cocktail of antibiotics and pain..." He paused. The penguins were staring at him blankly; one tilted its head. McCoy just had to laugh, shoulders slightly bouncing, as he rubbed his eyes. "Oh, angels and ministers of grace, what a day."

Chapel tapped him gently on the shoulder. "Doctor, Lieutenant Uhura just called," she informed, "she and a couple xenobiologists will be arriving in another ten minutes to speak with the... uh, our guests."

"Ten minutes, huh?" Figures. McCoy turned back to the fowl aliens, folding his hands in his lap as he sat forward, elbows to his legs. "So, we got time to kill." He looked between the three, noticing their gemstones. The two taller, older penguins had triangular sapphires, but the little one had a star shaped ruby. "You must be the important one... Ruby."

"Maybe he's their son?" Chapel suggested, paused. "Or daughter."

"Nah. I'm thinkin'... bodyguards." He laughed. "Bodyguards for penguins, what a universe."

The smaller penguin, Ruby, reached for his wound, meaning to peck at it. "Don't do that!" McCoy snapped and forced his head aside. The larger penguins fluffed their feathers but did nothing more. Ruby was giving him sad puppy dog eyes, somehow, and McCoy felt like he was yelling at a little kid. "Uh, Chapel," he grunted and turned to his nurse, "you got any of those lollipops?"

Chapel beamed. "Sure do," she said and left the room.

Occasionally there would be a kid on board, sometimes human, sometimes not, but if McCoy knew anything about children during this mission, regardless of species, they loved candy. So a small supply was always carried in the medbay should such a situation arise. McCoy had once left it out on his desk, but Kirk had devoured near half the canister every time he swung by, resulting in him hiding it just below his "secret" stash of Romulan ale.

Chapel returned, handing over a single, simply wrapped pink lollipop. McCoy yanked off the wrapper, held it to the small penguin who seemed to recoil with confusion. "It's not good for you, no, but it'll keep you from pecking at your bald spot, kid," he insisted. The bird did not respond, and obviously it was wary about its freshly healed wound.

McCoy sighed for the umpteenth time. "Cha - "

"All ready on it," Chapel smirked and handed him a second lollipop. Sometimes you had to show kids instead of telling them. McCoy smiled weakly at her, took the lollipop, opened it and shoved it in his mouth. Very sugary, not much his taste, but he went about sucking and nipping at it, putting on a display for his feathered friends.

Ruby seemed to understand there was no harm. He waddled an inch forward, ducked his beak and sniffed the lollipop offered. McCoy nearly choked on his when the bird suddenly snatched it up with lightning speed, took one loud CRUNCH of a bite before swallowing it whole, stick and all. "Yer suppose to suck on it," McCoy scowled, removing the candy from his mouth.

Ruby snatched that one up too and McCoy swore he had almost gone for his fingers as well. "Easy now!" he grunted, lowering his hands. A long, frightening blue tongue lapped at the corners of the penguin's beak, a content purr-esque noise deep within his throat. He chuckled. "Well, at least you seem content for now."

Ruby squawked, flapped his flippers and leaned forward. Before McCoy could draw back, the bird had lashed his tongue along his t-zone, causing him both to flinch and turn to stone in shock. Chapel placed a hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. The tongue was not exactly soft, and left behind a disgusting trail of thick saliva. Ruby stepped back, chattered and McCoy sat there for a minute or so, wordless, thick slobber dripping down his nose and across his eyelashes.

"A handshake would have sufficed," the doctor mumbled and grabbed the rag Chapel offered.

He heard the doors whistle open, looked up from his cloth as Uhura and two others stepped inside. "Sorry for the delay, doctor," Uhura apologized. She nodded to the penguins. "I take it these are our surprise visitors."

"Maybe," McCoy teased. He pushed himself back and stood from the stool, tossing his rag on the biobed behind him. "Scanners indicate nothing about them is hazardous or harmful. At least to humans."

Uhura and the xenobiologists approached the trio. Ruby slipped back between his bodyguards, who ruffled at the woman. "I don't mean to frighten you," she assured, voice soothing and sincere.

McCoy stepped up beside them. "Now don't be like that," he said, "she ain't gonna hurt Ruby."

Uhura blinked at the doctor, Chapel once more choking on giggles. "Ruby? Is that its name?"

"Not exactly."

IIII

It took a good hour to attempt communication with the penguins. They learned quickly, could respond to the more simple questions, but seemed baffled or confused by anything intricate, or personal. Uhura found nothing in the database on the aliens, and they were all together one of the more mysterious lifeforms the group had encountered. And that said a lot, since they mostly resembled Earth penguins.

They had also discovered they were not willing to "cooperate" if McCoy was not in the room or within sight. McCoy had been forced to sit in the interrogation room, listening to the mundane exchange of questions and hardly any answers in return. Ruby kept staring at him, however, and though McCoy kept silently directing his attention back to Uhura, that red gaze did not leave him.

Half hour in, McCoy was growing impatient. Uhura was asking a question for the third time. In his annoyance and boredom, McCoy puffed his cheeks, exhaled loudly, rolled his eyes and Ruby gave an amused chirp and flipper flap. Everyone's attention was immediately on the doctor. McCoy couldn't help but chortle at the little penguin's reaction, but his smile and laughter faded when Uhura glared at him, that look of "excuse me, I'm trying to work here" clear on her face.

But then, out of the blue, there came a transmission. They had all been called to the bridge, shocked to find a ginormous penguin, very reminiscent of an Emperor, staring them down via the viewscreen.

Turned out, McCoy had been right. Ruby, or N'her Sh'l, was of great importance - he was the king's son. The other two were, naturally, his bodyguards. But what surprised them most was the Emperor knew Standard; it was not their first time they encountered Standard speaking creatures, and their language was so pitifully simple, they mastered it in hours. This included N'her Sh'l and the bodyguards.

"We are sorry we did not cooperate earlier," bodyguard two apologized, and by God he almost did have a British accent. "We did not know if we could fully trust you."

The error of transportation had been on their part, however. "We seemed to have intercepted your ship by accident during transportation," bodyguard one replied.

"We're just sorry we couldn't chat a little longer," Kirk assured. It had been frustrating, but he understood their apprehension.

"We are as well, but we are late for our rendezvous. We do not require the aide of your transporter technicians; we shall teleport ourselves."

McCoy was frustrated, however. He had made an ass of himself, or so he felt. He had preferred to hide in his medbay before he punch the blasted penguins in their beaks. But before he could leave, there came a soft swat to his calf and he turned, looking down to see N'her Sh'l staring up at him.

"You aren't mad, are you?" N'her Sh'l worried. His voice, so very much like a little boy's. "I'm sorry." His head bowed.

McCoy could be angry with the "adults," but the child - he supposed it was little more understandable, his silence. "I'm not mad," he half-lied.

If penguins could beam, N'her Sh'l certainly would. "Oh, good!" he cheered. "It was great meeting you, doctor. You were really nice." He then raised his opened flippers and it seemed hugs were also universal.

Everyone in the transporter room was staring, however. Ugh, whatever. McCoy bent forward, scooped the penguin into his arms and hugged him. Flippers hugged tightly back and McCoy gave his back a small pat. "You take care of yourself, Ru - N'her."

The penguin sat back in his arms. "Can I make two requests before we go?" He looked to his guardians, who nodded reluctantly.

"And what would those be, your majesty?"

"Can I take home some of those sweet stick things?"

McCoy laughed. "I guess I can arrange that," he agreed. "And the second request?"

The penguin's cheeks turned a brighter shade of chartreuse - he was blushing. "Can you call me 'darlin' again?"

It was obvious to anyone the little alien penguin seemed to really like McCoy. Really like. Everyone in the room was grinning, repressing laughter. "Yeah, okay," McCoy muttered, slightly uncomfortable, "you take care, darlin'."

N'her Sh'l chirped. "Thank you, doctor!" he swooned and gave his cheek another terrible, slobbery lick. McCoy remained frozen in place, eyes shut, feeling the liquid drip sluggishly down his face. Kirk was laughing, he could hear that, and N'her Sh'l leaped from his arms, squishing between his guardians.

An ensign stepped into the transporter room, offering N'her Sh'l a bundle of lollipops. The little alien hugged them tightly against his chest. "Thanks again!" he giggled and the three suddenly disappeared in a wink of light.

Scotty checked his scanners. "Transportation complete," he said, thumbs up.

"Sooo, Bones..." Kirk sidled up to McCoy's side, the man bitterly wiping the goo from his face. The blonde quirked his brows and leaned forward. "How does it feel? Being the object of affection of the prince of the Yu'tu peng - "

"Shut up, Jim," McCoy growled and wiped his dirtied hand across his captain's face.

END