Dave's Revenge

I own no rights to Kick-Ass. Also, I decided to give a name to the unnamed, quiet friend from the comics.

After my revelation of my feelings for Katie Deauxma backfired on me, I came to realize that I deserved getting my ass kicked by Carl.

Motherfucker didn't realize that I was not hurt that badly, thanks to the metal plates in my head. I guess I oversold the injuries to some degree, but little did he and Katie know, I took that beating like a champ. Besides, nobody, not even my dad or my friends, knew that the beating I took was nothing compared to the punishment I went through before. Carl kicking my ass had nothing on getting my balls shocked with jumper cables attached to them, being beat on by mafia dudes, or even the time I got wailed on while saving that dude's life, being stabbed and hit by a car.

The only thing that hurt worse than getting my ass kicked was the photo I got of Katie sucking Carl's dick on my phone, as well as those text messages from Katie's friends about how I got my ass kicked and lied about being gay just to get close to Katie.

The biggest asshole in the world may not have gotten the girl, but I still had my pride from being the internet phenomenon of being real superhero. However, my pride about women was still low as for over a week now, I still have been getting these photos and texts from Katie, her friends, and Carl.

I was lying in my bed when suddenly my dad knocked on my door.

"Hey, Dave," Said my dad, as he opened my door. "Me and Lucille are off to dinner. There's some food in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Thanks, dad" I said.

"Something wrong, Dave?" said Dave's dad, with a worried look on his face. "You look like you're down."

"No, I'm fine," I said, but I had to come up with a cover fast. "I've just been thinking about mom lately. She died too soon."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, Dave," said my dad. "I miss your mom a lot. I'll never forget her. Took me a while to get over it, but I knew your mom, she never would have wanted me to be alone. I will always love her, but she would have wanted me to move on and stop grieving her. Anyway, I should get going. I'll be back late, Lucille's waiting for me at her place."

Maybe it was just me, but covering up my real emotions with a lie like that made me even more sad just thinking about my own mother's death, rather than the fact that the hottest girl in school just wants to make my life miserable.

What do you know? Another photo message, this time of Katie on top of Carl. Another message, a video of the two going at it. Something has to be done about this.

School, the next day:

I was sitting at the cafeteria with my homies, Marty, Todd, and Shane, discussing about the new comics that are coming out in a week that we are excited to check out. Suddenly, I look up and see Katie, Carl, and her friends and rather than feel sad, I suddenly have an anger burning inside of me.

Marty looked in the direction of them and noticed that I glanced at her.

"Dude, when are you going to give up?" said Marty. "She fucking hates you, after all that shit you pulled."

"Yeah," said Todd. "I told you, Dave. Pretending to be a fag was not going to end well and I was right."

"Fuck you guys." I said, trying to shrug it off, but knowing that they are right. "We could have had something."

"And look where it got you thinking that." Said my friend Shane. "We even heard that Katie sent you pics of her sucking on Carl's tunk."

"Whatever," I said.

I looked up while reading a copy of She-Hulk and made eye contact with Katie and Carl. Suddenly they gave me the evil eye and they were taunting me with sexual gestures. I tried my best to ignore it, but they wouldn't let me since they went deeper into my life a living hell. So I did what I could, I raised my right hand and flipped them off.

They laughed, but at the same time, Carl had a look on his face like he wanted to try to kick my ass again.

At that point, lunch was almost over and then me and my friends just decided to walk away.

"Hey asshole." Said Carl, standing behind me. "When did you become so feisty, you cocksucker?"

I faced him with my friends right beside me. I don't know why I did what I did next, but in some ways, it kind of made me feel more alive than I had been lately.

"You're calling me a "cocksucker"?" I said, with so much confidence, yet so much fear running inside of me. "I think your bitch right there is the real cocksucker right there."

Katie's eyes suddenly widened and was very embarrassed to hear that.

"You take that back, you little-!" Katie screamed as she was storming towards me.

Carl put his arm in front of her to try to stop her from coming towards me.

"Easy there, baby." Said Carl, trying to calm her down. "Obviously, nerd-boy is a little gassed up from all this tension."

He looks directly at me.

"Look, Dave." Said Carl, as he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. "I don't want to kick your ass again. So why don't we just forget that this ever happened and just move on, okay?"

I don't know what came over me right there. Maybe I've read "Wanted" so many times, but in a moment like this, I suddenly feel like I'm having a Wesley Gibson moment and I was manning up to all the abuse I had endured from them these past couple of weeks.

"Fuck you, faggot." I said, even though I knew that I was going to suffer another beat down.

"The fuck you just say?" said Carl, coming towards me with more anger in his eyes.

"Fuck." I said, while putting up my right hand with my middle finger sticking up in his face. "You."

The bell rang and it was time to go to class. I know he's going to come after me again, but you can't help but feel good just standing up to an asshole and a bitch like those two.

"I'm going to kill that fucker." Said Carl, with a lot of anger on his face.

"Relax, Carl," Said Katie. "He's not a threat. You kicked his ass once, I doubt he'll try to do this again."

I turned around and saw those two hugging and kissing and while I am not surprised to see that, I am still hurting inside just seeing the girl that I have been in love with for so long do that right before my very eyes

Comic Book Store, after School:

My friends couldn't help but look at me with amazement, as well as worry on their faces after what I had done.

"Dude, what happened back there?" asked Todd.

"Yeah, I've never seen you act like that before." Said Marty.

"I don't know, maybe the beast was in me." I tried to act like it was no big deal, but it would seem like it would be the talk of the school soon.

"Dave, are you on drugs or something?" asked Shane.

"No, I just felt like I needed to stand up for myself." I said.

"I just want you to know this, Dave and I am saying this as a friend," Todd said, with a lot of worry on his face. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you sort of brought the drama on yourself."

"What do you mean?" I asked him, even though I knew what he was going at.

"What he means, Dave," said Marty. "Is that you pretended to be gay for months so that you can get close to Katie Deauxma. You probably didn't think it through before telling her your true feelings and it's no surprise how pissed off she was when she found out."

"Well, it was a mistake." I said, knowing that it was true, as well as know that is what they wanted to hear. "But I am trying to let it go and come on, we all have to man up sometime."

"He's going to fuck you up, again." Said Shane.

"Like I give a shit." I said.

As soon as I got home, I got a text message from Todd saying that he was online to play "World of Warcraft". When I got in, I saw my dad and Lucille getting ready for another date.

"Hey, Dave." Said my dad, as he was putting on his jacket. "There's food in the fridge in case you get hungry."

"Thanks, Dad." I said, and my dad coming towards me like he wanted to talk.

"Hey, Dave," my dad said. "I just want you to know that after our talk last night, I'm always there if you need to talk about anything that's bothering you. You know that I care, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Dave said.

Lucille looked at me with like something strange was happening.

"Excuse me, Dave?" said Lucille. "This might sound awkward, but your voice sounds familiar. Did you-?"

"Did I what?" I asked, even though I started to kind of sense something as well.

"Oh, nothing, never mind." Said Lucille. "It's just that I remember talking to this guy on the phone a while back and he sounded like you, but it's nothing. I've heard many people sound alike many times."

When I got up to my room, I received another photo of Katie sucking Carl's dick, as well as riding on him. She even sent a couple of videos to me just to make me even more miserable.

"How long is this going to happen?" I said to myself under my breath.

I got to my laptop and Todd was online on World of Warcraft. I wasn't really in the mood to play, but with the misery that has been happening lately, I couldn't play any video games or read any comics. Plus, this sexting bullshit is getting out of hand. I have to stop Katie somehow. And then it hit me.

I looked at the texts that I received from them and then came across a porn site. This was too good to pass up.

"You want me to be more miserable, Katie?" I said, with a smile on my face. "Now the tables will turn on you."