Okay, guys, so there's a perfect explanation of why I just suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth :/
I no longer own my own computer. My parents sold it to buy a Mac. I already know what you're thinking. "Oh, that's great!"
No, it's not -.-
They put the Mac out in the living room so if I ever want to use the computer I have to use it THERE. I hate it because they monitor every single freaking thing that I do.
No, they do not know that I write stories. They would flip if they found out that I use SWEAR WORDS. So, there's no possible way that I could write anything while they're looking over my shoulder or checking what I'm doing. It's such a PAIN. I wanna get back to writing SO MUCH. The only times I ever get to write anything is when they go to places and even then, I don't get enough time.
I'm really trying to write as much as I can, though. I PROMISE.
I'll try to update from now on, even if it's just once every two weeks.
I really hope you guys can forgive me. I hope you guys are still there. Thanks to all those who haven't given up on me!
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
NOTE: I know Bella doesn't have a windowsill, but I thought it'd be cool for her to have one for this chapter. So… yup! Go on! READ and ENJOY :D
Chapter 16: Where Are You?
Bella POV
Dammit. My legs hurt like hell.
By the time I made it to their place, I collapsed onto the driveway and began to massage the soles of my feet. I decided that running would get me there faster. What a stupid idea that was.
"Fucking Jacob," I muttered to myself, wincing not only at the pain in my foot but at the pain in my broken hand. I had subconsciously used it to massage my feet.
"Whoa there, are you alright?" I heard the unmistakable voice of Leah asked as she jogged over to me. I looked at her, relieved that she didn't have the same hostile attitude towards me.
"And you're not hating on me because…?" She gave me a confused expression.
"Why would I be hating on you?" she asked. I explained to her about everything's that happened to me today. "Wow, those assholes," she muttered.
"I know right!" I exclaimed. "Now, not only do I have an angry wolf man and a broken hand, I also have sore legs and feet. I'm about ready to rip Jake a new one," I hissed.
"Which would be kind of hard, considering Jake isn't here right now," she said slowly, trying not to test my patience.
"He's what now? So you're telling me that I just put myself through that torture for nothing! Fuck it!" I shouted into the sky before falling back onto the ground.
"You're being a little dramatic, don't you think?" she asked, chuckling.
"No, I think Jake was being too dramatic. I mean, come on, this isn't some cheesy scripted movie where the girl goes back to her vampire ex-boyfriend. He just couldn't trust me, could he?" I spat at myself more than anything.
"Okay, I'll admit, his reaction was a bit harsh but can you blame the guy? He's been fighting for your affections way before Cullen ever had but the leech still got you first. Besides, do you not remember how Jake was the one who patched you up from the devastation of Cullen's departure?" she asked. I sniffed, nodding at her question. Okay, I guess she has a point.
"Where is he anyways?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Running to let out some steam," she answered. "I doubt he'll be home for a while, do you want me to run you back home?" she offered. I gave her a relieved sigh.
"You're a life saver Leah. I'm so glad that we're friends and not enemies," I smiled at her. She held out a hand to me which I quickly grabbed.
"Me too," she replied before settling me on her back. We arrived at my place in a few minutes and she placed me down on my doorstep carefully.
"Thanks Leah," I said appreciatively.
"Anytime Bells," she grinned at me.
I walked into the house and saw my dad on the couch. "I'm home dad," I announced.
He turned away from the TV to look at me. "Where's Jacob?" he asked. I shifted on my feet nervously and tried to hide my injured hand.
"He… umm left already," I replied uneasily.
"Weird," he commented. I laughed awkwardly.
"Yeah, well I'm going to sleep now," I told him.
"Alright, goodnight Bells," he said before kissing me on the forehead.
I tried to inconspicuously limp up the stairs. I finally made it to my bedroom and I collapsed onto the bed. I groaned when I realized I still had to get up to change. After I was finished with everything, I crawled back on my bed and stared at the ceiling.
Where is he?
I turned to my side and hugged a pillow to me. This is the first time in weeks where I have to sleep by myself. Jake would usually be here with me. But not today.
I could feel the tears threatening to spill but I reined them in. I continued to roll on my bed, not being able to catch some sleep. I was spread lazily on the bed thinking about where Jake could possibly be. I got up from my laying position and started to grab my comforter, blanket and some pillows. I laid the comforter on my windowsill and then set up the pillows.
I tried to get myself comfortable and then turned my body so that I was facing the window. I looked into the forest selfishly hoping that Jake was somewhere out there looking at me. Where are you?
I couldn't help but flash back to some memories that we both had.
"Really Bells, nothing's ever gonna change between you and me. Ever," he promised me with twinkling eyes.
"Fine, I believe you," I finally agreed but I couldn't help myself when I added, "So even if you're being an arrogant and not trusting boyfriend, you're saying that you would still love me then?"
"Yep," he grinned and then he gave me a scrutinizing look, "Wait, what? You're confusing."
I chuckled and kissed him instead.
Maybe what he said was right. He couldn't have really left me. Could he?
No. He said he'd never leave me unless I told him specifically to and I hadn't. He just assumed. God, I hate that word. Assumed.
I held my blanket up to my face and continued to stare outside, waiting patiently. It was so quiet in the room that I could hear my own heart beating. I jumped slightly when I heard footsteps on the stairs. I was silently hoping that it was Jake but then I realized that it was probably just Charlie.
Where are you?
"Jake, please," I whispered into the stillness of my room, feeling a cold tear slide down my cheek. I lifted my hand up and quickly wiped it away. It began to rain, which is typical for Forks, but for the first time, I actually enjoyed it. It helped me erase the moment of loneliness.
I watched the drops of rain sliding down the window with intent. I would sometimes even trace them. I enjoyed seeing how the drop would become even bigger when it joined another.
I pulled the blanket closing to my body as the temperature dropped. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but still had no luck. Instead, I was pulled into another memory.
"I don't love him anymore Jacob! He's my past and you're my future!" I shouted at a retreating Jacob. He turned around and clenched his fists.
"Oh sure! You say that now but what happens when he's actually here. How do I know that you're just saying that to get me off your case? You still love him Bella. I know you do!" he snarled back at me.
I stepped back in fear and whimpered at his glare.
"Stop telling me what I feel, because you know nothing! The way things look, it's like you're pushing me to believe that I still love Edward so that you could get rid of me. Is that what you want? Because if it is, then I'm gone!" I yelled and was the one to walk away this time.
Almost immediately, he had me pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and his face on the crook of my neck.
"Don't. Please," he pleaded.
I unwrapped his arms from my waist and turned to look at him. He looked so… defeated. I took a step forwards and his eyes flashed to mine. I grabbed his hands and looked up at him.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I love you and only you now? Don't you trust me?"
"I trust you"
It's sad to see how he could easily go back on that statement. He doesn't trust me. He didn't trust me then and he definitely did not trust me now.
Where are you?
I got up and leaned against the wall of the windowsill. For the first time since I got over Edward, I wrapped my arms around my knees, pulled it up to my chin, and sobbed. The thundering sound of the rain drowned out my pathetic sobs.
After calming down some, I scrambled to get the piece of paper that Alice had handed to me. I grabbed the phone and sat back at the windowsill.
I dialed the number and it only ringed once before someone answered it. "Bella?" Alice shrieked excitedly.
"Hey Alice," I tried to greet with the same enthusiasm but my voice was tired from sobbing.
"Bella?" she asked again, her tone now more concerned than anything. "Are you alright?"
"No, I'm not," I whispered, not able to find my voice as I was about to start crying again.
"You both still haven't talked?" she asked sadly. I was going to ask her how she knew but then realized that Edward probably told her about what happened.
"He ran away. I don't know where he is but I'm so scared Alice. I don't want to lose him. Not now. Not ever," I sobbed into the phone.
"Bella," she cooed, trying to comfort me.
"Is that Bella?" I heard Edward ask on the other line. "Give it to me!"
"Hello Edward," I sniffed.
"Are you alright, love?" he asked.
"Of course she's not alright you douchebag! The dog ran away because of you," she yelled at him.
"Can you guys stop fighting? Please," I pleaded.
"We're sorry," they both apologized.
"I don't even know if Jake will ever talk to me again but – " I immediately stopped talking as I saw Jake's figure outside of my home, his eyes trained on me.
"Bella?" Edward and Alice both asked.
"I… I'll call you guys again," I quickly said, hanging up before they could even reply. I looked again to see if it was really him. He's really here.
I quickly wrapped a jacket around me and peaked out of my door. I heard Charlie's snores and realized it was safe enough to go. I ran as fast as I could down the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I turned the doorknob and opened my front door.
Jacob was still standing in the same spot he was in. I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms, just looking at him. Time stood still for a moment. His ever loving gaze didn't leave my face for a second. The rain was pouring down on him but he just stood there like he didn't care.
I took a step forward and he did the same. I took another and so did he. I looked up and saw that I was about to leave the shade that was blocking me from the rain. Realizing that I didn't care, I ran and flushed my body against him.
"Don't ever do that to me again!" I shouted at him as I pounded on his chest. I looked up to lock our eyes together. "Do you have any idea how scared I was? I didn't know where you were or how you were doing. You just left! I couldn't sleep without you. Don't you get that I love you? Is that so impossible to belie – "
He grabbed the back of my neck and crashed our lips together. This kiss wasn't like other kisses. It wasn't sweet and slow; it was rough and full of urgency. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled on his hair angrily. He backed me up on the wall of my house and traced the curves of my body. His fingers slipped under my soaked shirt and I shivered at his touch.
After a few seconds his urgency disappeared and he just leaned his body against mine. "I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered against my shoulder.
With my arms still wrapped out his neck, I began to play with his hair. "You always say you're sorry but the issue is still there. You don't trust me," I stated.
He pulled back and gazed at me. He opened his mouth to speak but I gave him a pointed look. He sighed in defeat.
"Okay, I hadn't trusted you. I'm so sorry. But I do trust you. At least, I do now," he said pleadingly, desperate to get me to believe him.
"Are you sure you mean it this time?" I murmured, burying my face in his chest.
He pulled me against him again and I felt him nod. "I promise."
"He wasn't here for the reasons that you thought, you know," I told him.
"Huh?" he asked in confusion.
"Edward wasn't here to try to get back. He just wanted to see me and ask for forgiveness. Alice had well warned him that I was happy with you. He knew what to expect when he decided to come look for me. He respected my love for you. All he wanted was forgiveness. That was it and then he left," I explained.
"Wow, I am such a bastard," he muttered to himself.
I lifted my good hand and tilted his chin down so that he could look me in the eye.
"But your bastard-ishness is just another reason why I love you so much," I smiled softly at him. He leaned in and kissed me again.
"I love you Bella," he murmured.
"Love you too," I replied.
I hope you guys liked this chapter, no matter how late it came.
Again, I'm sorry! I'll update as soon as I can!