AN - Wow. Angstiest story I've ever written. Hopefully I didn't do too badly XD
Please let me know if you like it? I'm nervous about this one ^^;

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN

Gellert Grindelwald sat in the corner of his cell, furiously wiping away the few tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. He abhorred the mess he was, the powerless and pitiful shell. But he had control enough over his own body to stop himself from restoring to tears. So he would sit in this dank, dark and all around vile chamber and think; think of when things were better, when he was so much more than he was now. What seemed so long ago, those two months that he had spent in Godric's Hollow...those months that he had spent with Albus.

When they had met, both looking down upon the other, though so much more on Gellert's part; they soon found they had so much more in common than they had ever dreamed possible, all contempt disappearing as they realized the few differences had only made them react so much better to one another, working together so perfectly that they soon forgot any opinion they had originally formed of the other. Their routine developed quickly, forever in contact, spending every possible moment together, planning the perfect world that they would build with each other...build for each other. Falling into the pattern like steps to an intricate dance they had been learning all their lives.

All of those memories had become so hazy, everything they had thought to be the most important thing in the world now seeming so pathetic. All the time they had spent planning, laid to waste in a single moment.

Ariana's death was a moment that was just as sharp in his mind as it had been when it occurred. There was so little recollection of the duel before it, but when he heard the girl scream, then the sound of something heavy dropping to the floor, the fog disappeared, slipping from existence in the blink of an eye. So clearly he remembered seeing her body slumped on the wooden floor, Albus' face a mixture of horror and heartbreak eternally burned into his mind. So he fled, ran from what he was sure was his fault, the pain he was loathe to have caused Albus. He ran, because if he stayed behind he knew Albus would eventually push him away, and he wanted to leave on his own terms, rather than have Albus realize the monster hidden behind his pretty features and joyful laughter. He refused to make Albus push away the man that he loved, even if tearing himself away hurt just as much.

Another thing that had stayed sharp in his mind – would always be a clear memory – was the day that Albus admitted his feelings. It was probably the only thing he had ever called 'cute' in his life. But seeing his best friend wringing his hands and trying to look anywhere but the subject of his confession had been truly adorable, and he would have been insane to not think so. But when he had finally blurted out the words "I have fallen in love with you" he had looked terrified, not of rejection, but of disgust. He had expected rejection – he had admitted so much later in the day, when things were closer to normal – but knew that it would not have been too harsh, unless Gellert had been disgusted. He did not fear the noose, for they were both aware that he would have no challenge in outwitting the police, but instead feared losing the friendship they had formed and the closeness, so easily formed in such a small time. The second shock Gellert's mind had provided him with that day was describing Albus' expression as beautiful when the reply he received was their lips joining.

The tree they had been hidden behind that day, laying between the roots that reached out longingly to the stream, had become their favourite hiding place in almost no time. They did almost everything there, hidden from the public eye by the colossal trunk, hidden from the estival sun by the branches stretching far over their heads. They would talk, or plan, or spend time together as the couple that they had become. In the afternoon of the hottest days Gellert would sit with his feet dangling in the water and shirt discarded to the side, Albus' head in his lap as he lay in a similar state of undress. So when Albus disappeared after his sister had a particularly violent attack, Gellert knew exactly where he would be found.

And so it was, there between the roots was the auburn haired boy, his breath hitching with the effort of holding back his sobs. A weak smile slipped onto his face as Gellert sat beside him, "I was waiting for you to find me" the only explanation given before collapsing against him in tears, the no longer suppressed sobs racking his lithe frame. They sat there for some unknown time, one holding the other as the tears relentlessly fell.

Albus didn't explain until much later, why it was he had refused to cry until Gellert arrived. He said it was because only the wicked cry alone, and when he asked why he had gone and hidden down there rather than stay home with his family, the answer causing Gellert to grin and pounce on his lover, inexplicably happy from words so simple as "you are the only one I would want to hold me as I cried." So they spent the rest of the day under that tree, as was usual, though very little talking happened. Their time was spent on assuring each other of their love in every way possible. That day was the first time Gellert had ever said "I love you," the sentiment causing Albus to pull him down into another kiss, kicking away the trousers he had been trying to pull back on.

So many memories had stayed sharp in Gellert's mind, all playing through his head as he sat in that corner, holding back the tears that wanted nothing more than to fall. He would refuse to cry while he remained here alone; refuse to let himself become truly wicked, for Albus if not for him. And if Albus ever came, ever visited this shell, a storehouse for the memories of the man who he had loved – still loved, Gellert was sure, but knew it would never be said again – then he would allow the tears to fall. But Albus would never come, and he would be left alone for the rest of his pathetic life, but the tears would never fall. He would never allow Albus to love a man who was truly wicked.