Rated T for language, fantasy violence, and sensuality.
1
A Second Chance
I couldn't keep my eyes on the stars for very long.
It wasn't that they weren't fascinating, those diamonds encrusted in ebony felt. I'd gained a new appreciation for their beauty after watching them fall, one by one, from the night sky, only to be restored when Xehanort's Heartless was defeated. It was just that they were so discouraging in their infinite numbers. From the marble balcony on which I stood, I could see their multitudes stretching from hemisphere to hemisphere. They were impossible to count, of course.
And impossible to predict.
For years I'd been telling myself that Sora would find me. But really, what were the chances of that? Finding me would be like finding a needle in a haystack, which is pretty near impossible even if you are looking for it. Which I wasn't even sure that he was.
So several years ago, I had decided to lock the idea away where it couldn't torment me anymore. And every time I looked up into the starry night, I was reminded of my resolve to keep it there.
I sighed and rested my head on my arms.
I don't know how long I stood there, trying not to think or feel. I came to my senses as an icy wind swept all the heat from my body. I was grateful for a release into the mundane; thinking about being cold was such a painless venue. I was wearing a thin silk nightgown, not at all practical for a chilly evening in Radiant Garden. Maybe it would be wise to go inside.
But I found that I couldn't move. Greif held me where I was. So I shivered and traced patterns over the smooth marble beneath my fingertips. My long, dark red hair fell in curtains about my face and neck, providing me with what little warmth it would.
It was cold here, though not entirely unpleasant. This world spun on its axis in a way that kept the sun in the southern hemisphere. During the day, the sky was generally a rosy coral or orange in color, and only azure for about an hour in the afternoon. High blue cliffs of crystal rose all around us and the earth was slightly acidic and almost purple in color. There were fountains playing in every square and gardens filled the air with the many fragrances of exotic flowers. Crystal fissures in the mountains were constantly releasing a steady stream of pure, icy water, stimulating the crops in the fields that surrounded us like thick green blankets.
It was beautiful. And my people loved it here, in spite of all the political confusion that kept me from doing my job, which was, in my mind, keeping them safe from the corruptive royal council.
I had learned to love it here too, though gradually. Upon being told that I had spent the first few years of my life in Radiant Garden, I had tried to remember something—anything—about my parents or my past. But the memories of my childhood here were dim if not completely faded.
My lady-in-waiting, Yuffie, had done her best to fill me in. She'd told me that it had been beautiful then, too, under the rule of Ansem The Wise. Before his apprentices had run amok and the heart of the world was lost in darkness, that is.
I sighed. Ansem The Wise. Why had he chosen me? I had wondered it so many times.
But all that mattered now was that he had chosen me. I had been appointed to rule in his stead, In spite of the fact that I wasn't royal by blood. So I couldn't go looking for Sora, even if there was a chance that I would find him. This was where I needed to be.
The thought of leaving hit me like a slap in the face. I gritted my teeth together and did my best to push it to the back of my mind. With a deep breath, I somehow found the strength to look up at the stars. And it was like a dose of heavy medication, grounding me to reality and sealing off the part of my heart that would always be Sora's.
Somewhere in the night, a dog bayed. A clock tower voiced its heavy bong, bong, bong that meant that it was three o'clock in the morning. And with a sigh, I turned and opened the heavy glass doors behind me.
It was a short walk to my bedchamber. As I opened the door and slipped inside, I was suddenly aware of how tired I really was.
The room was huge. Its ceiling sloped high over my head, giving off a feeling of airiness that was sometimes pleasant, but sometimes lonely. I'd done what I could to ensure that it was tastefully decorated, with its ice-blue walls and milky-white canopy over my sumptuous feather bed. The color template wasn't much different from my bedroom back home. Still, it wasn't the same.
I slumped onto the thick white comforter, then eased my way beneath it and into my satin sheets.
It was luxurious of course, but on nights like these I did not find it comfortable. The bed was too large for one person and the emptiness that my lone body could not fill made my heart ache.
"Stupid," I murmured to myself. "Don't think about that. You've got to be strong."
And so I would be. Tomorrow I would lock all of it away and put on my brave face. I had to, for the sake of my loved ones. Yuffie, Aerith, Cid, Leon... and all the others who'd found work in the castle that I'd grown to love and appreciate. Plus there were my people. They needed the guidance of a courageous ruler; someone they could trust. Someone they could count on.
That was important. If there was one thing I had learned from Sora's continued absence, it was the vitality of trust.
So I snuggled into bed and closed my eyes tight. When I awoke, I would be a leader—someone who could point her feet forward and forget about the past.
"See you tomorrow, Princess," I told myself sleepily. And with a sigh, I sank into unconsciousness.
~o~
Thanks to Yuffie, the next morning was mercifully easy.
"Hiya, Kairi. Time to get up!" She chirped in that cheerful, manic voice that morning people are famous for.
I groaned. "Go 'way."
A plushy pillow came down on my head with a startling fwump. As she dragged it off my face, I was conscious of bright sunlight streaming through my eyelids.
"Yuffie," I growled, scowling as my eyes came to rest on her grinning face. She was standing on my bed, pillow in hand, triumphant.
"Yay! You're alive!"
"You sure as heck won't be for long," I grouched, snatching the pillow from beneath my head and slipping and sliding to my feet. I was actually grateful for the intrusion; it would take my mind off last night's lapse in emotional control. Thank you, Yuffie, I thought to myself.
She giggled as I took a swing at her, but she bounced easily out of the way. "There's no way you can take the great ninja Yuffie down!" She crowed, grinning and jerking a thumb at herself.
I took advantage of her momentary distraction and nailed her in the face. Feathers flew in every direction.
"Hey!" She squealed. "You'll pay for that, Your Majesty!"
Soon the air was full of feathers, screams, and shouts. We bounced higher and higher on the bed, till the blankets were a mess and we were giggling so hard we couldn't breathe.
By the time I couldn't bounce anymore, my heart felt ten times lighter. I gave Yuffie a wide smile, which she returned without any hesitation. It's amazing what friendship can do for a person.
"Your Highness," a politely disinterested voice interrupted. I saw my butler, Rufin, standing like a statue in the doorway across the room. He'd probably knocked, but it would have been impossible for us to hear him over all our giggling. Without seeming surprised by our apparent lack of dignity, he said, "You're late for your morning press conference and Chancellor Tsukada is getting a little… irritated."
I laughed aloud. Of course, if there was anyone who would be having a hissy fit over my lack of punctuality, it would be the High Lord Chancellor. "Irritated" was probably a serious understatement.
"Don't you mean downright pissed off?" I asked. Yuffie stifled a giggle.
Rufin seemed unperturbed. "Yes, that's the one, M'lady."
Hmm. Well now I was in hot water. "Shoot," I said, "I forgot about the press conference. Well, tell him I'll be right down." I walked across the expanse of my bed and climbed onto the floor. "C'mon, Yuffie."
Suddenly, the pillow came down on my neck like a whip. There weren't many feathers left in it at this point, so it left a big red mark across my skin.
"Ow!" I yelled, as she danced away from me, laughing. "Some lady-in-waiting you are!"
"Yeah, and I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for you all morning. You deserved it!"
~o~
Breakfast was a rushed affair and Yuffie hurried to dress me up as best she could in the limited amount of time we had. And then I was whisked away to the town square, where a huge mob of reporters was waiting for me.
Light bulbs flashed, blinding and disorienting, as I stepped up to the pulpit. The steady hum coming from the crowd grew into a serrated roar and even though this wasn't new to me, my heart fluttered just the same. There were so many people!
And they were mine. My people.
I smiled at them and said, "Hey everyone," in a clear, carrying voice. A hush fell over the crowd and more flashes exploded up at me.
I could see many faces smiling back. Smiling trustfully, smiling expectantly. And a few were eyeballing the note cards in my hands.
The note cards! I suddenly remembered them.
They were covered in loopy, pompous handwriting. Lord Chancellor Tsukada had written them for me and thrust them into my hands just before we left the castle. "This is your speech," he had said. "And please, Princess Kairi, no more improvising."
I ruffled through them and was a little irritated to find that they contained the exact material he had presented to the council just the day before. I had not agreed with any of the movements he had proposed. Did he really think I would just read the cards like a robot, without even realizing what was coming out of my mouth and into the microphone?
I turned to raise an eyebrow at him. He was sitting on his throne behind me, twisting the tip of his mustache between two fingers. He nodded stiffly toward the cards.
I shook my head and turned around again. The silence had deepened; everyone was waiting for me to speak.
"You know," I said, setting the cards down, "I don't really need these."
I could almost hear the air catch in Chancellor Tsukada's throat.
"Instead, I'd like to tell you about a proposition I made in the Royal Council yesterday." More light bulbs flashed. "It's not the proposition they wanted me to present, but…" I shrugged. "I'm supposed to be the one who calls the shots, right?"
An appreciative chuckle rumbled through the crowd. The people were all too aware of the council's power over me; Chancellor Tsukada's in particular.
"I know there's one thing on everyone's mind today," I began, my voice strong and resolute. "Unemployment."
Thoughtful nods. Indistinctive murmurings. Unemployment was one of the biggest problems that our world suffered, because since it had recently been remodeled, those who had relied on construction jobs were left with nothing after Chancellor Tsukada had declared the work to be finished.
"Chancellor Tsukada wants to fix this problem by laying down more taxes. Then everybody could get a nice unemployment check in the mail once a month. But I was thinking, is this really going to fix the problem?"
I could see Aerith and Yuffie in the crowd, nodding encouragingly. They were probably my biggest fans.
"Wouldn't it be better to provide more jobs?" I went on, "So that the checks wouldn't be just circulating money, from taxes to checks and checks to taxes?"
I heard Chancellor Tsukada clear his throat nervously.
But I wasn't going to let that stop me. "So I was thinking, why not use the money in the royal treasury to fund some new building plans? Like bridges and roads to increase commerce between cities and make travel easier. That'd make jobs, right?" I paused, a little nervously, because I was definitely not an expert on economics or anything like that.
But it seemed simple enough. And maybe simplicity was just what we needed.
"I have several new building plans in mind—tunnels, roads, and bridges—which, upon being built, will increase commerce between villages. See, these building projects will provide temporary jobs, funded by the royal family, and once they're up and running, they'll hopefully provide permanent jobs and boost our economy." From the way everyone was nodding, I could tell that they approved. "With a bigger buyer's market, we'll be able to expand our businesses and take on new workers."
The noise increased as my plan unfolded.
"But it's just an idea," I said. "If you like it, well… maybe you can talk the council members into letting it pass for once. They usually shoot me down, for reasons that are money-related. Money within the royal circle, that is."
The noise was morphing into a steady roar. People craned their necks and stood on their tip-toes to get better camera shots.
"I'd like to expand that circle to include everyone," I said above all the noise. "Maybe I'm naïve. But I'm pretty sure that if there's one thing everyone deserves, it's a second chance."
Now the cheers were so loud that I could hardly hear myself talk. I caught sight of a reporter toward the front of the crowd. Her camera was resting easily at her side and her pencil and notepad were forgotten in one hand. She only looked up at me with wonder on her face. Her mouth hung open, revealing long white teeth and a silver expander.
After that day, I would often wonder if it was she who was responsible for the next morning's newspaper headline: Is Teenage Ruler Just What We Needed?
~o~
I didn't see Chancellor Tsukada for the rest of the day. I assumed he was out doing what he called "damage control". It involved apologizing to all the royal advisors and taking precautionary measures against my proposal – something he did after nearly all of my public speaking events.
The next morning, he was waiting for me at the breakfast table, same as usual. His hollowed face with the high cheekbones was speculative as he watched Yuffie and I enter the grand dining hall. He twirled the tip of his mustache between two fingers.
"Good morning, Chancellor Tsukada," I said politely, after sitting down in my usual seat. Yuffie put a neatly folded napkin in my lap, then left the room. I was starving and today's eggs and bacon looked delicious.
"Good morning, Your Highness," he answered, rather stiffly. "Or... is it still morning? Perhaps 'good afternoon' would be more appropriate."
I shrugged.
"Come now, Princess Kairi," he said, losing his attempt at civility with a huff. "You do know that you have an entire kingdom to look after, don't you? You can't lie abed all day and do as you please."
A basket of fresh baked biscuits sat in front of me and their aroma was so tantalizing that I couldn't ignore them long. I reached out and snatched one, then put it on my plate. "I was under the impression that you look after the kingdom much more than I do," I said, after breaking into the biscuit with my bare hands and leaving crumbs all over the tablecloth. He gave me a scandalized look before answering.
"I rather think that you've taken the matter into your own hands. You made quite a fiasco out of yesterday's press conference."
I shrugged.
"You may think I'm being controlling, but believe it or not, I only want what's best for you."
I knew there was some truth to that. And I knew that he had known me since I was born, but that didn't change the fact that he was practically trying to take over. It wasn't that all his ideas were bad… It was just that sometimes he didn't seem to care for the welfare of the people as much as I did. So we tended to butt heads a lot.
I had to give him some respect, though, because he was the brother of the deceased Ansem The Wise, and therefore the highest ranking citizen of the Radiant Garden, aside from myself.
So I chose to ignore him and grabbed a spoonful of eggs and a bit of toast.
"Anyway, today is an important day, Princess," Chancellor Tsukada said, filling the silence.
I chased my eggs around my plate with a fork, as though completely immersed in the task. I was pretty sure that nothing he could say would phase me after all I'd been through in the last couple days.
"Don't you want to know what day it is?" He prompted after a moment.
I sighed. Obviously he was looking for some sort of response, so I broke down and asked, "What day is it?"
Chancellor Tsukada folded his napkin and leaned forward in his chair, as though he were about to give me the treat of my life. "Today, my dear, is the day that you are to meet your betrothed, Prince Setzer Gabbiani of Albrook."
A shocked silence hung in the air for a long moment; the fork in my hand fell to the ground with a clatter. I was suddenly aware that my mouth was hanging wide open, but I couldn't remember how to close it.
"My what?" I managed to gasp.
"Your betrothed. The future king of Radiant Garden that King Ansem The Wise himself decided, when you were first born."
"Wait," I nearly squeaked. "I didn't... I didn't even know about this. How do you know about it? Did Ansem put it in his will or something?"
Chancellor Tsukada chuckled. The sound of it angered me. How could he be so callused? Didn't he realize how traumatizing it would be to wake up one morning and find out that you were betrothed?
"My dear Princess," he said, "I was there the day that the arrangements were made. My brother and I both agreed that it would be a smart match. The girl that he envisioned as the perfect future queen of Radiant Garden and the youngest son of his good friend, the king of Albrook."
"I wanna see a paper," I squeaked. "I need to see a signature." My head was spinning and all my past illusions of stability were suddenly gone.
He laughed again, louder this time. "Well, there were a few forms to fill out. I'm sure I could find one for you to look at if that's what you require."
Yes. There had to be some way around this, there just had to be. "Okay," I said, a little more sharply than I'd intended. "Find one. I want to see it myself."
He ran a hand over his bald, shiny head. "Why are you so opposed to this, Princess? You haven't even met the man, after all. He's had quite a rough life, let me assure you—" was that supposed to impress me? "—Fighting off an evil empire so that he could return to his city in peace."
I was shaking my head. "How can I marry someone I don't even know?"
Chancellor Tsukada puzzled over this. "Don't know? Why is it so important that you know him?"
I stared at him in disbelief. "Oh, just because most people value being in a relationship with their spouses," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
He frowned, as though the idea had never occurred to him.
I suppressed a sigh. "How old is he, anyway?"
"Well, I would guess somewhere in his late twenties. Why does it matter?"
His late twenties? So he was like, ten years older than me? Not that it mattered all that much in itself; it just made him different from me and different Sora. I tried to calm down, but my hands were shaking.
This all had to be a nightmare, it just had to be. "Why?" I gasped. "Why do I have to marry somebody just because Ansem The Wise thought it would be a good idea? Don't I get a choice?"
"No," Chancellor Tsukada answered, bemused.
"Why not?" I demanded.
"Because you're a princess," he said simply.
~o~
I hadn't chosen to be a princess, either.
It had been a while now since I'd discovered that I was one of the seven "Princesses of Heart". But it hadn't meant much to me until the day that they had come for me.
Chancellor Tsukada had been with them, of course, but he hadn't been the only one. The mayor of Radiant Garden, who was about to give up his position, had explained the whole thing to me and my parents. The city was growing, rapidly, and it was time to return it to its rightful state: a kingdom and a monarchy. The way Ansem The Wise had intended it.
I had been startled to find out that Ansem The Wise had been a king. I could still remember the night of his demise and his noble attempt to destroy the Kingdom Hearts that Xemnas had created.
And now I was carrying on in his footsteps, ruling this beautiful kingdom in peace. But it was because of him that I had been taken from my foster parents and my island. It was because of him that my world was changing, flipping upside down and turning inside out...
And now, because of him, I would soon be losing the love of my life... forever.
Inwardly, I kicked myself. I'd only been able to go two days without thinking of Sora… How pathetic. I slammed the door and wandered over to my window seat, where I curled up in a ball and waited for the agony to end. My heart was shattering.
"Kairi?" A tentative voice asked. I heard the door open and Yuffie walked in. "Are you okay?"
I looked up at her, tears running down my face. My mouth fell open, but no words would come out. What could I possibly say to her, when I'd vowed to keep this part of myself from her? I hadn't wanted her to know how much I missed Sora. I hadn't wanted anyone to know how much I missed him, or vulnerable I really was.
Apparently my face said it all, because she sighed and her shoulders slumped. "That bad, huh?" she said. I knew she must have overheard the whole thing from the kitchens.
I looked out the window. It was an overcast, dull afternoon. I could see the clouds beginning to darken where they gathered in the east and I could see people on Main Street rushing indoors at the threat of impending rain. Yuffie stood beside me, silent.
Eventually she spoke. "Maybe you're giving up too soon, Kairi," she said quietly.
The idea of it angered me. I turned around to glare at her, my hair clinging to my damp face in long red ribbons. "Too soon? Are you kidding me?"
"Look, I'm not saying that you should have to wait any longer," she said, raising her hands defensively. "But... you wouldn't want to do anything you'd regret, would you?"
I returned my gaze to the gloom. "It doesn't sound like I have a choice, anyway," I mumbled.
"Sure you do. There's always a choice," she said in that maddening buoyancy she always managed to uphold.
"Chancellor Tsukada said I had to do it, to honor Ansem The Wise," I said, as the hopelessness of the situation gripped me.
Yuffie shook her head. Her short black hair came un-tucked from behind her ears. "You don't owe him anything. This is your life. And even Ansem the Wise knew how you felt about Sora."
I scowled at her for using the name in my presence. The single-syllable word that stabbed with one sharp thrust each time I heard it.
"Oh, stop making frowny-faces. You're not even good at it." She wagged a finger at me.
I smiled a tiny bit, but it quickly faded.
"You still love Sora."
I stared at her for a moment, surprised at her intuitive assumption, then sighed. "I shouldn't though. It doesn't make any sense."
She shrugged. "Haven't you heard? Love doesn't have to."
"But—why? Why should I love someone who left me and never came back?" I wondered aloud—a question more for myself than for her.
"Give him a second chance," Yuffie advised, a little slyly. "Take your own advice."
I shook my head; second chances were for people who deserved them. "It's been three years," I said. "He could have come at any time."
"Maybe not. Maybe he's been so wrapped up in the whole keyblade wars thing that he couldn't." She smiled. "You gotta hand it to the boy, he does have a knack for saving the worlds. Again and again and again..."
"Well apparently he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him, because he would have fought his way to me, otherwise." I knew I was being petulant, but suddenly I didn't care.
She gave me a speculative look. "Well, you're still here," she pointed out after a moment. "You could have gone looking for him, too."
Ha. "Don't think the idea never occurred to me," I said wryly, thinking about all the nights I'd spent on the balcony, with only the stars overhead to discourage me.
"If you have a dream, don't wait. Act. One of life's little rules. Got it memorized?"
I shivered as Axel's voice echoed through my mind.
So what was I supposed to do?
"I'm gonna go now," Yuffie said in response to my prolonged silence. She turned and walked across the room. "I'll be back tonight for your little rendezvous with 'Setzer', but I need to talk to Leon first."
"Okay," I murmured, still immersed in thought. She left without a sound.
I sat there for a long time. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I got up and headed for the castle library. There was something there that I had to see—a confirmation that I had to make.
Rain was pounding and slashing against the windows as I made my way there. I could see a massive wall of gray clouds through the glass.
The heavy wooden doors gave a familiar squeak as I pushed them open. Almost instantly, the smell of musty books greeted my nose. The library, for the most part, was completely untouched by anyone but me. No one really had any use for these old books.
I pulled one of them out of its place on the shelf and leafed through it. It was one of Ansem's old chemistry reports. Something had been spilled on the pages, leaving them warped and smelly. I put it back.
Not all of the books were from his collection. Maleficent had added her own books to the high wooden shelves during her time in the castle. I'd looked through some of them before and found out that they were magic books, often dark and mysterious and filled with gruesome illustrations. Either that, or legends of seven maidens of the purest heart.
I made my way over to the corner of the room and found what I was looking for—a dusty old shelf, propped up against the wall. There were no books on it; I'd carefully removed them, years ago, and laid them in stacks on the ground.
I grabbed the shelf, gritted my teeth together, and pulled with all my might. The shelf came sliding along, leaving a space about a foot wide for me to squeeze through on the other side. I slipped into the dark, tiny space, then clicked on my flashlight.
It was a passageway that I'd discovered several years ago. I'd noticed scrape-marks across the tile where the shelf had been dragged across the ground, so I'd moved it. Turns out, it was blocking entry to the passageway, which led to a balcony on the back side of the castle.
Inside, it was lined with paintings. The first was a massive watercolor of Ansem the wise. His sleek blonde hair fell to his shoulders and his mouth curved at the edges of his well-trimmed goatee. His eyes were a startling shade of orange.
I moved down the line of portraits. They were mostly nobles, looking haughtily down at me. Chancellor Tsukada was up there, looking a little younger and a little hairier.
And then I saw it—a portrait of Ansem The Wise with another king and a little boy. I'd looked at it before, carefully read the subtitle, and wondered why this king and his son were standing in a portrait with Ansem. Now I knew.
The king looked arrogant. He wore a crown and was sitting, almost smugly, upon his throne. Ansem The Wise stood beside him, the corners of his lips turning up just enough to illustrate that this was painted before the dark days. He looked as grand as ever.
And the little boy stood by the king's arm. He had a chubby face, smooth silver hair, and a little gold crown on his head. By the look of his profile, with his chin pointed upward and his jaw set, I could already tell that that he was spoiled.
A lump rose in my throat as I touched the subtitle, which was etched on a silver plaque beneath the painting. It read: King Ansem The Wise of Radiant Garden, King Adanam Gabbiani of Albrook, and his son, Prince Setzer Gabbiani of Albrook.