Gillian felt the mattress shift and it disturbed her out of her sleep enough to register it. Then she ignored it, not wanting to wake up just yet. She re-positioned a little, finding just an inch more of comfort and let her mind drift again. Morning. Sunny. Sleepy. Warm. Comfortable. Not at home. Not alone. Gillian pried an eye open with a frown. Non-familiar walls looked back at her; a black and white photograph of a stretch of clouds over a rugged beach, lit up by a stream of sunshine fighting its way through plain Navy blue curtains. She was suddenly acutely aware that this wasn't her bed either; the covers were a deep chocolate brown, a circular patter over the top, almost like bubbles. They were crisp from being new, and she knew that because she still hadn't worn in her new bed sheets either. Gillian turned her head slightly to the left. Cal. Watching her silently, sitting back by her hip, watching her intently. Gillian gave him a slight frown, closed her eyes again as she turned her head and pulled the lighter creamy brown sheet over her face so she could hide. She groaned and mumbled: "What are you doing?"

"Nothin'."

"Were you watching me sleep?"

"Nope."

"Why were you watching me sleep?" She couldn't think of anything worse, of any more intimate thing for him to have done than if they had actually slept together. What if she had snored? Drooled? Or had let something slip out of her sub-conscious? Something he would take great delight in teasing her about later. Or in a minute.

"I've neva done it before."

Gillian felt her face turn into a smile before she could really help it. She turned her head towards him again, pulling back the sheet to expose her eyes so she could see him. He gave her a tentative smile, as if he were trying to convince her he was innocent, but there was just a little hint of his charm.

Cal sat back on his heels. The covers were still completely over Gillian's body but she could see his, the flatness of his stomach, the slight definition of pectoral muscles, the short dark hairs on his chest, which got thicker and longer around his belly button before snaking down beneath the black briefs and were also over firm thighs. His biceps were defined but not overly developed, but Gillian had known that before. Despite a few sketchy instances in which Cal had stripped off in front of her, or that one time they had gone to the beach and he had braved the water, Gillian hadn't really seen him in this state of undress before. She remembered thinking last night that she wanted him to put a t-shirt on too. But maybe now she didn't mind so much.

"How long have you been awake?" Gillian asked, wondering what his morning habits were like. Did he wake early? Bound out of bed, ready to face the day? Or was he a slow starter, needing caffeine and a pep talk to get going?

"A little while," Cal answered simply. He shifted so he was lying down again. Gillian turned over on to her stomach, resting her head flat on the mattress so it was facing him, having somehow lost her pillow somewhere above her, and closed her eyes again. And then a thought occurred to her. She surreptitiously shifted her hand over her waist and down over her hip. Thank god, she still had underwear on and a t-shirt Cal had leant her. So no, she hadn't changed her mind halfway through the night and forgotten about it.

Last night. Dinner, wine and such an intimate conversation, on the couch, not in bed, that Gillian had ended up staying the night. How had he convinced her to stay again? Something about it being entirely too late for her to drive home. Something about it being such a long way away. Something about it being cold outside. Somehow, Gillian figured she really hadn't needed that much convincing.

"What time is it?" She mumbled at him suddenly feeling as if she could go back to sleep and wondering if she could get away with it.

"Early."

Gillian cracked an eye at him. He was lying on his side now, facing her, still watching her intently. She closed the eye with a frown and turned her head around the other way, shifting her hair out of her face with her hand. It lasted two seconds before she was facing him again, keeping her eyes open this time, even though they felt gritty with too little sleep. Their conversation had run very late last night. "What time do you think we went to sleep?"

"Sometime this mornin'."

Gillian groaned. "Don't you sleep in?"

"Hard to sleep with a beautiful bird in my bed," Cal answered gently, his accent sounding surprisingly thick.

"Not that hard," Gillian countered.

"Wanna bet?" Cal retorted. He suddenly flashed her a grin, his pale blue eyes lighting up with a cheekiness Gillian had often seen him throw at women; other women. Until now, his flirting with her had always been light. Innuendo had been very subtle. Gillian felt a fierce blush crawl over her cheeks. But she didn't look away as Cal's grin turned into a delighted chuckle.

Gillian groaned again and stretched her arm up towards the top of the bed until she could feel the wall. It obscured her view of Cal. "I feel like I'm hung over."

"All you had to drink were two glasses of wine."

"Guess I'm not sixteen anymore. I can't take staying up all night talking."

"What, wait, you're not sixteen?" Cal teased.

Gillian lifted her head to peer at him over her arm. Cal gave her another grin, like he was highly amused. Gillian lowered her head again. She loved the flirty side of Cal. She loved having moments like this with him; just them alone and uninterrupted and being open with each other. But it was still taking some getting used to. She felt shy about it. Cal clearly didn't.

"Do me a fave-a luv?"

"What's that?" Gillian asked.

"Move your arm, I can't see you anymore."

Gillian shot her arm back quickly under the covers. Cal gave her a warm smile once she was visible again and it made Gillian's stomach flutter a little. She used to shut that feeling down, pretend that she hadn't noticed it. Now she was able to embrace it.

"How did you sleep?" Cal asked politely.

"Very well," Gillian admitted. "Your bed is really comfy." And the sheets were soft and the pillow the right amount of thickness and she had drifted off to sleep so quickly, so peacefully because she felt so comfortable being in Cal's bed. Just being. Nothing naughty.

Cal looked pleased. "It's got great back support."

Gillian gave him a smirk. "I bet it does," she responded dryly.

Cal grinned. "I'd have to say it was delightful to wake up with Gillian Fosta in my bed."

Gillian lifted herself up off the mattress, Cal's blue eyes following her. She picked the sleep out of her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair. She gave him a warm smile this time. "It was nice waking up here." Because she had stayed over before, and he had stayed over at her place, and once or twice they had gone away and stayed in hotels together; but never ever in the same bed. And definitely never ever under these possibilities before.

Cal looked pleased again. "Glad you stayed ova then?" He pointed a finger with a delighted grin. "Yeah you are."

"Stop that," Gillian reached out and batted his hand away. She shifted toward Cal, wanting them to be closer together. He turned as he watched her, cautious anticipation on his face as she leaned over him. Gillian moved the thick covers out of her way as she got closer to him until their bodies were touching at the hip. She reached over Cal, so she was pressing against his chest, and he looked as though he wasn't sure if he should move out of her way or stay put. In fact, Gillian was aware of his breath catching and then him holding it. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she dug around under his pillow for the small gap between the mattress and the wall.

"Tell me about this," she produced a little orange teddy bear she had found last night as they were getting ready for bed. It was two hands tall, faded in patches, one glass eye loose in its socket, a tattered brown bow tie around its neck. Gillian lay back as she hugged the bear against her chest.

"What about it?"

Gillian shifted the bear so it was in front of both of them. "What is this?"

"A teddy bear."

"Is it yours?"

"Yeah," Cal admitted.

"That's so cute! What's its name?"

"Giggle bear."

Gillian turned her head towards him. "Sorry? Did you say Giggle Bear?"

"Yeah, my girlfriend named him."

Gillian watched his face, "Cal Lightman has a teddy bear named by a girlfriend? How old were you?"

"Three."

Gillian hugged the bear again, turning on her side to face him. "That is so sweet." And she loved that she was discovering all these new things about him.

Cal looked neutrally unimpressed. Gillian suddenly reached up behind him to put the teddy bear back. Cal went still again while she was leaning over him. Gillian gave him a smile and then dropped her head slowly to kiss him, staring into his eyes until their lips met. Gillian tucked the teddy bear under his pillow and placed her hand along his jaw, feeling the scruff of his beard. Gillian simply pressed her lips against Cal's and pulled away again. She settled on her side, close to him, so her head was resting on his shoulder.

They lay in silence for a moment. Gillian was glad she had stayed over. Immensely glad so that she got to experience a morning like this. There was no embarrassed afterglow of seeing someone for the first time just after they had woken up, with no makeup, teeth and hair unbrushed and the added awkwardness of a night before and seeing them naked. Gillian was aware of the fact that she had no makeup on and her teeth weren't brushed, but the way Cal looked at her made her feel supremely confident he hadn't been put off by that fact. There was a look in his eye she couldn't quite place, because she hadn't seen it before. She was sure of two things only; she had only seen it on his face this morning and she had only seen it directed at her.

Cal's hand brushed over her hip and settled on her waist. It was warm and heavy and the perfect blend between respecting the boundary that she wasn't ready to be physically intimate with him, while pushing to touch her. Last night he had held her hand and rested his fingers on her knee, brushed them over her arm. His lips were possessive of her mouth but they didn't stray from their limits. It was like he was savouring discovering her; taking a few extra steps every day, reading one chapter at a time, taking one jellybean from the bowl in a very strong discipline to make them last.

"You smell heavenly," Cal murmured against her hair, pressing his lips against the top of her head. He was very good at creating sweet moments like this Gillian had come to realise. She gave a little contented sigh and snuggled in closer, turning her head to nuzzle her nose against his skin. He smelt pretty damn great too, especially in this raw, unpreened, after-shave free state.

Gillian had a hand over his torso, just below his rib cage. She splayed her fingers out, feeling the firm muscles under his skin. She had never thought about his body before. She had noticed how his clothes fit of course, but she had never thought about what that meant. She hadn't thought about what it would feel like to wake up in his bed, clothed or not. She hadn't given thought to what it would be like to lie with him and share a gentle peace, just like right now. Cal's hand somehow found skin simply by shifting down and then it was shifting up again so it was under her shirt, on the bare skin of her waist. Gillian squirmed.

"Is my hand cold?" Cal queried softly.

"No," Gillian breathed.

"Are you ticklish?" Cal asked next, sounding highly amused.

"No," Gillian scoffed. Cal's fingers curled up over her skin, feathery light in their touch, his head pulled back to see her reaction. She gave a slight smile only.

"No?" Cal repeated. "I'm disappointed."

"What about you?" Gillian attempted to make him laugh in the same way. He just held a light smile on his lips. "Now I'm disappointed."

Cal gave a light chuckle. "Is this all right, then, holdin' you like this?"

"Yes. I like it a lot," Gillian spoke softly. She hugged him a little tighter. "This right now. Just being here with you."

"I like being with you a lot too."

And then it struck Gillian. That look in his eye. That one that had appeared this morning. The way he was being now. And even how she was being with him. A reaction. A peace. A feeling. She loved him. More importantly, he loved her. His blue eyes gazed with adoration and amazement and longing and love. And they hadn't even slept together.

"Are you all right?" Cal asked gently.

Gillian realised her hand had tightened against his torso. "Yes," she breathed, feeling warm and cold at the same time, feeling her heart race and be sluggish with slowed down time. She loved Cal. She knew that for sure. In the back of her mind, she had loved him for a long time but this was a pinnacle moment and she would remember it for a long time to come.

She moaned against Cal, feeling his hand tighten on her a little. "I suppose we should get up."

"Suppose," Cal echoed.

"But I don't want to leave," Gillian supplied.

"Then don't," Cal suggested.

PJ

Gillian turned over; the room was pitch black and very quiet. She figured it was some early hour of the morning. She felt for Cal along the mattress, subconsciously checking he was still there with her, and pressed herself up against him. She settled to go back to sleep and then she realised he was awake. "Mm," she forced a noise out of her throat. Cal's hand gently came over her arm. "Why are you awake?" Gillian murmured.

"Thinkin'."

"What about?"

"Go to sleep."

Gillian shifted, convinced herself she was more awake than she was. "Something wrong?" She listened on instinct for Lewis.

"Nope," Cal whispered. "Just thinkin' about today."

"It was a good day," Gillian commented. Even with Zoe there, forcing her way into the connection she had with Cal, reminding Gillian, as if she had had a chance to forget, that Zoe had been there first, that Emily was not her daughter, but Zoe and Cal's. That everything Gillian had with Cal, Zoe had had once before too. That Gillian was the second fiddle to Zoe's lead. It was annoying, and very Zoe-like and so very unfortunate that Gillian couldn't tell her to bugger off. In some ways, Gillian had inadvertently wormed her way into Cal and Zoe's life.

"It was," Cal agreed, his hand rubbing up and down her arm.

"So what's on your mind?"

"Do you know what time it is?"

"No idea," Gillian sighed, her eyes prickly with a fatigue that had lasted a year.

"It's two thirty."

"Hmm."

"Not the time for convasations."

"So go to sleep."

Cal was silent for a moment. "I was thinkin' about this year."

"Oh," Gillian shifted her hips against him so she was more comfortable. He clearly wanted to talk then. And she was definitely willing to listen. At all times. Cal moved his arm out of her way and they shifted, danced around each other until Gillian was fitted under his arm, her hand on his chest, her face right in the crook of his neck. Cal's arm was strong and comforting against her back, his hand heavy and warm where it rested on her waist. "Mmm," Gillian murmured in appreciation.

"You're cold," Cal pointed out.

"I know."

"How can you be cold? It's summa."

"I dunno. You're nice and warm though," Gillian gave him a squeeze. Cal reached over with his left hand and rubbed her upper arm. "So this year?" She prompted.

"Hell of a year."

"Mh hmm," Gillian agreed.

"Just thinkin about Em. She's finally flown the coop."

"She did that four years ago," Gillian responded, letting Cal direct the conversation his way, even though she suspected Emily was not exactly the topic on his mind.

"Yeah, but this time she really is on her own. She's livin' with a boy."

"A man."

"Who made the worst first impression I've seen in a long time and yet is actually a nice guy and he's good for her."

"Did you practice that in your head so it came out nice and smoothly?"

"This time, she really doesn't need her old man."

"She'll always need you Cal." Cal was silent, so Gillian kept going. "You'll always be her father. She'll always need you and you'll always be there for her."

"I know. But now it's different. Now I have to have an adult relationship with her. That's what you've been steerin' me towards for years huh?"

"Uh huh," Gillian confirmed. "And you'll do the same with Lewis."

Cal gave her a slight squeeze. "I'm thinkin' how grateful I am for you."

Gillian's heart gave a funny beat and her body temperature started to steadily soar.

"This year, more than any otha year; and we've had some real doozies, has been..."

"Yeah," Gillian agreed. Full of the biggest challenges, the biggest rewards; that they had ever experienced, not just in their lives together, but in their lives full stop. Cal didn't have to mention Mitchell or the IVF or Lewis. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She always knew what he was talking about.

Now that Gillian thought about it, she couldn't have done it without Cal either. More importantly, she wouldn't have done it without him. She realised now she didn't want to have kids with Alec like she had with Cal. She didn't even want kids with Alec, she had just wanted kids. She knew that she would never have survived a year like this with Alec. He would have destroyed them both. And she had never been grateful that her first marriage had fallen apart until now.

Cal's fingers felt smooth against her arm. They trailed slowly over her skin, caressing gently. They were both silent as they thought for a moment. Now Gillian was alert she realised the room wasn't entirely dark. Streetlight glowed through the curtains. The digital clock and timer on the DVD player gave more artificial lighting and she could see a white line under the door to the hotel corridor. It wasn't quiet either. Gillian could hear traffic on the street below, the loud cadence of her son sleeping across the room and the drip of the tap in the bathroom, which had driven her insane until she had fallen asleep.

"You know, I neva used to understand you."

"Huh?" Gillian asked startled and confused.

"Your optimism, how you were happy all the time."

'Huh,' Gillian continued to think. The curl of her fingers reflected what was in her mind.

"You know," Cal prompted as if he expected her to cotton on to the conversation quickly. "Afta Sophie and you bounced back. And Alec. Or when there was a tough case at work. You would always come back the next day, a smile on your face, your clothes impeccable, sometimes with a new hair cut, that excitement in your eyes that today was anotha day and I would always wonda how you could compartmentalise everythin' in its place."

"I didn't."

"No, I see that now," Cal continued. "It wasn't that you could switch it off. You felt everythin', all the time, I could see that, what I didn't see was your choice."

He went silent and Gillian felt like he had just doled out half the story and was now going to make her wait; like Dickens printing monthly instalments of his books, four chapters only at a time. Gillian waited a second for Cal to keep going and then gave his mind a nudge with her hand. "What choice?" What did he know about her that she didn't? And why was she being so slow? Normally, he could say just a few words and she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Someone told me recently that happiness was a choice."

Gillian listened to the way his accent curled around the words. They struck home like bullets into a Kevlar vest. Gillian's breath caught in her throat. "I haven't been very good at that this year," she admitted, wondering where the rest of Cal's point was going. Straight to her heart? She wasn't getting it, because she was half asleep, and because she had a sudden strange feeling Cal was telling her off about something she hadn't realised she had even done.

"It's been a very tough year," Cal's hand and tone soothed. "I've neva done it before." Another pause, like he was waiting for his words to sink in and once they had he fed out a few more. "I've neva made conscious decisions to be happy."

If Cal could see her, Gillian would have blinked dumbly for a second.

"I'm tryin' to make conscious decisions to be happy."

"Oh, you're talking about yourself."

"Who did you think I was talkin' about?"

"Me."

"You?"

"You just used me as an example."

"Yeah," Cal exclaimed quietly. "Because... you thought," he broke off in a laugh. Gillian shoved her hand against him and rolled away. Cal followed her. His lips found their way to her throat, up behind her ear. "I love you, you know that?"

Gillian wasn't sure she wanted to hear that right now. "Don't laugh at me, it's really late at night."

"Or early in the mornin'," Cal countered.

"Keep going and I'll make you sleep with Lewis," she was annoyed that he was exercising his quick mind over her. He did it so easily; Gillian had to work hard to keep up.

Cal chuckled again, nuzzled the tip of his nose against her neck, pulled her in tightly against his chest, refusing to let her get too far away from him. "I'm talkin' about myself you silly billy."

'What the hell is a silly billy?'

"I'm sayin' I used to admire your level of optimism, your happiness. I would watch you from a distance and just wonda how you did it. Someone reminded me recently happiness was a choice and I neva undastood that until I met you. I choose to be happy. I choose you. I love you and I admire you and I thank you for bein' in my life and lovin' me. Thank you for bein' you and for givin' me Lewis and bein' my wife; my partna in this life, my partna in crime. I choose you Gill. I want to be with you foreva."

Gillian's eyes sprung into tears. She turned her head towards Cal, wished the lights were on so she could see his face. Not so she could check to see if he was lying, she had no doubts, but so she could see the full impact of his words. His tone was sincere, touching, loving, soothing, caring, caressing; she knew his eyes would be full of that love and adoration she had come to crave. She sucked in a shaky breath that sounded more like a sob.

"Are you cryin'?" Cal asked gently, his breath whispering over her nose, his hand coming up to smooth over her cheek, wiping away the tear trailing an abstract path, guided by illogical gravity over her nose and into the crook of her nostril.

"You say those words to me, of course I'm going to cry," Gillian whispered, her throat tight with the emotion.

"You think they're not true?" Cal asked, not accused, just asked.

"You wouldn't lie to me," Gillian returned and held him tighter, her heart beating in that funny way that was Cal's signature.

"No," Cal agreed. "You wouldn't lie to me."

PJ

I'm like you guys. I hate reading WIP because there's such a long and agonising wait between updates! Which is why I made sure I was fifty pages ahead of you (sometimes a hundred) and updated every night before I went to sleep.

It was so nice to have consistent reviewers. I had to laugh at your frustrations though, sorry, but it was amusing my end, knowing how it would all turn out and that everything would be ok, but seeing that you were all worried sick. The fact that you thought there might be a chance there wasn't going to be a happy ending helped me see that my writing had hit its targets; you were supposed to worry that Cal might not survive. It was all about the drama and suspense, but I am a Callian advocate, there was always going to be a happy ending! (Although I did fantasise about writing the agony Gillian would have experienced if Cal really had gone. I think it might have had me in tears and hating myself.)

This story was written very quickly (40 days), not just because I wanted it out there for you all to read immediately! But because when I touched on the dramatic scenes with Cal being abducted the words just poured out of me. As soon as I had created the mess I had to keep on writing until I had fixed it again and I knew everything would be all right for them.

So thank you everyone, again, for sharing the journey with me, thank you for reviewing and thank you more for those who consistently reviewed every chapter. Thanks for letting me know you were reading it. Much love and appreciation always! Read you later.