A/N: I'll attempt this. It may be removed.

On a side-note: I've had to damn near kill my Spell Checker out of mercy, and currently wish that someone would do the same to me. I also am curious as to how the hell I came to be so damn masochistic. Regardless, I trudge onward. By the way: I'll do this 4 chapters at a time.

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Oh, God! The actual story hasn't even begun yet and already I'm considering bashing my own brains in! Yes, MCR (My Chemical Romance, for those not familiar with the abbreviation) does rock but was there any real point to add this? And if she loves this 'Justin' (who I really don't believe exists) so much, why is her life so depressing?

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

This has too many punctuation errors to even begin to correct. She obviously doesn't know what a comma (that's the , button Tara!) or a period (the . button) looks like.

Moving on, I've had quite a few OC's with two middle names, but three is just outrageous. Especially when one of the middle names can be considered a synonym for the first name (to paraphrase, 'raven' and 'ebony' are both terms for black)

I, of all people, can see describing the hair, but not in this much detail.

What the fuck are "limpid tears"? And why couldn't she leave it at "ice blue eyes"? PICK ONE!

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

I think Amy Lee should sue.

Who, by the way, doesn't know of Amy Lee? I knew who she was even when I didn't (to me the previous sentence half makes complete and utter sense) because of the song "Bring Me to Life".

And why should the people who don't know who Amy Lee is "get da hell out of here!"? Granted every sane person has possibly left anyway and the only sane people left should take the following advice: *clears throat* EVEN IF YOU KNOW WHO AMY LEE IS, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL YOU FIND HOLY RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

Why do I have a strange feeling that many did not just heed afore mentioned advice and have stuck around just to watch me suffer?

(For some reason unknown to me, I feel the urge to sing the hallelujah chorus because she's used a period properly)

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

STOP. JUST STOP. I find Gerard just as hot as the next person, but wishing for an incestual (I just completely made that word up) relationship with him?

Really?

Is that the way things are done in her family?

Because I'm beginning to believe that her parents were brother and sister and her uncle and aunt are also her grandparents. How that's possible, I don't know, but I'd rather not dwell on it for possibility of not only mental scarring, but also actually figuring it out.

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

As opposed to the entire Cullen family's teeth being all yellow, crooked, and all around disgusting.

I have pale white skin.

Now not only is she reiterating her adjectives, she feels the need to inform us that all vampires but her are all tan and light brown.

I'm also a witch,

Horrible wording for such a short portion of a sentence.

and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

I have no words.

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)

Not really, because all you've done so far is go on about how your hair looks, how you're a vampire (I bet you sparkle!), how you look like Amy Lee, and how you wish to have an incestual relationship with Gerard Way. If that isn't the definition of a poser, I don't know what is!

and I wear mostly black.

And the point? I wear mostly black too, but I'm not a goth. I'm just a Liza!

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

I hope she know that one of the prep stores [I can't remember if it's American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, or Aeropostle (no clue how to spell the last one)] has bought out Hot Topic.

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

What the-does the corset even exist?

And I thought Hogwarts had a uniform thingie!

And if she's so damned pale then WHY for the love of every god of every religion does she need white foundation?

Does white foundation exist?

Has someone told Heath Ledger's Joker of this?

Maybe his grease paint won't crack so easily.

*cringe* Strike the last two comments. I'm most defiantly going to have nightmares tonight because just as I was typing that I got the mental image of the bank heist in 'The Dark Knight' where he randomly pulls out a compact to re-apply his make-up.

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.

She was happy there wasn't any sun during, what I'm supposing is daylight.

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

Relevance?

Anyone?

She has yet to explain her definition of a prep. I know that there are several, seeing as every stereotype is based on opinions.

And everyone knows that opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

How is that in anyway suspenseful?

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

Since when is Malfoy shy?

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

Full of information, that one.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

On to the second chapter. *wimpers*

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!
So preps are people who flame her story?

The world must be full of preps.

That's almost as horrifying as her grammar. Almost.

Then again, Satan himself would probably be terrified by her grammar.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.

As opposed to, where exactly?

It was snowing and raining again.

At least she has one thing consistent.

I opened the door of my coffin

*facepalms*

and drank some blood from a bottle I had.

Which I'm supposing is refilled extremely frequently, seeing as otherwise, it would begin to dry.

My coffin was black ebony

So, wait a second. Her coffin (still a facepalm moment) was black very dense black wood?

Is she serious?

and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.

Don't coffins usually have satin lining?

And who the hell buys a coffin with hot pink lining trimmed with black lace?

I got out of my coffin

Didn't she do this already?

and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.

Again, lacking the comma.

I also suppose that she automatically assumes that everyone knows what the acrostic of MCR is?

Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on.

No, just no.

I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears,

Because preps wear clip-on earrings?

So, nearly every five year old girl I know of is a prep?

Is that possible?

and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)

I'll say this much, if Raven is the one who corrects the grammar in this, shouldn't she already know that Willow is her character?

woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

Let's run through this one more time, shall we?

Willow wakes up.

She flips her ridiculously over detailed hair.

The she OPENS HER EYES! (Which are, actually detailed fairly well.)

How does a person wake up, complete an action such as flipping said person's hair, then OPEN afore mentioned person's eyes?

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots.

*twitch* I don't describe clothes this much in my fics.

We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

They share make-up?

What if one of them had pink-eye?

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"OMFG" leads me to question whether or not she said it "Oh my fucking God" or "Oh em eff gee"

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

How is it possible to blush when one is a vampire?

They have no blood flow! Hence a nickname for them being "the undead"! So WHY exactly is she SLEEPING in a coffin if she's UNDEAD?

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

Was it necessary to shout?

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Flirtily" is not an actual word and hopefully it will never be.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

Draco listens to Muggle music?

Wouldn't Lucius and Bellatrix-I don't know-kill him slowly? (Which, if you ask me is better than being around Tara's writing)

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

While I would scream as well, I don't see the need in saying that she loves Good Charlotte, seeing as she's just screamed it.

Needless to say, her love for My Chemical Romance is apparently (in her vast wasteland of a mind) relevant to this sentence.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Was that really gasp worthy?

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms.

Does this dress even exist?

I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.

Apparently she can totally defy logic that way.

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

Going by stereotypes, isn't that emo?

I'm wondering if she bled.

If so, she can't be a vampire, because, by logic (then again, it's Tara) they wouldn't be able to hunt for their food. They can feed off of themselves.

I read a depressing book

Maybe it was an anthology of her writings in book form.

while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.

Ignoring the bleeding comment, Who reads after they've slit their wrists?

And I personally would not accomplish the feat of reading and listening to music simultaneously because I'm incredibly easily distracted.

I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.

Why does she paint her nails every time she get's dressed? It must be crappy nail polish.

Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

Then WHY for the love of everything I hold dear did she put it on the last two times she got dressed?

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

Because that's completely what you do before you go to any concert, and it's a complete turn-on to watch a girl drink someone's blood that's possibly contaminated with AIDS.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

How did he come to acquire said flying car is, apparently, irrelevant.

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too),

This is funny, because both Simple Plan and Good Charlotte are both punk bands.

baggy black skater pants, black nail polish

I could kind of picture Malfoy wearing this up until this point.

and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

By this point, trying to picture Draco Malfoy in this attire is completely hysterical and I've barred it from even coming near my brain.

And while "kewl boiz" (Is it me or is she not even trying at this point?) may wear eyeliner, I don't know why she felt the need to defend her point.

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

Since when do you end a depressed-sounding sentence with an exclamation point?

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz

How does he know what a car is to begin with? Let alone the TYPE?

(the license plate said 666)

*sweatdrop* Very original.

and flew to the place with the concert.

Because that's the "kewl" way you get to the venue of said concert in a flying car as opposed to the other way, which is totally for posers and preps.

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson.

Which must be a very strange mix-CD, not to mention that Draco is a Pureblood and wouldn't logically (considering this story, I don't know why I try to use logic anymore) know of things such as cars, CDs, or the bands/music artists Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Marilyn Manson, or My Chemical Romance.

We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

Yes, because your soooo kewl and sooo goff and sooo not full of complete and utter stupidity.

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.

I'm assuming there was a convertible top/sun roof and pogo sticks involved.

We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage

THAT'S NORMALLY WHERE THE MOSH PIT IS!

and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

Because jumping side to side as you tuned them out would be for posers and preps.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood
They're all so happy you've arrived
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

Because you're obviously aren't that competent.

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Because, normally on a date, I talk about how hot some other guy is.

Also: They're in a club now?

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

Smart one, ain't she?

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

Riiiiiiiight. Sure you don't. You point out how the lead singer is hot and don't openly tell the guy you're on the damn date with in the first place he looks nice/how/sexy/whatever good complement you can come up with (Which in my mind is: "Wow, Draco. You're looking especially suicidal today.).

I just gave her too much credit by including correct punctuation and grammar in my example.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

How do you sensitively put your arm around someone and be protective at the same time.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

So blondes are,apparently, ugly and bitches in her book.

If she doesn't know Joel, how does she know Hilary Duff? And how does she know she is a bitch?

The night went on really well, and I had a great time.

As opposed to the preps and posers who had a horrible time.

So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.

Because true goffs stalk their punk-rock idols in rabid fan-girl style, only all gofficker and kewler.

We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

Her attempt at suspense weakens my faith in the future of Hollywood.

Last chapter for the night, then I'll try tomorrow.
Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
BAH -ack- *coughing fit* She spelled her character's name wrong!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it.

What happened to the pogo sticks I guessed was used earlier? Did Enoby suddenly decide that they're for posers and preps?

I walked out of it too, curiously.

How do you walk curiously?

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

Ah, cursing. The ultimate form of expressing anger.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

What a bitch, this girl.

Draco leaned in extra-close

As opposed to-gee, I don't know-just regular old close?

and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)

Because everyone-Muggle-born to Pureblood-knows what contacts are.

which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness

Apparently, Hogwarts' contacts are incredibly informative of the wearer's many emotions.

and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

Because evilness and depressing sorrow (again another reiteration) can make any person forget anger immediately.

Apparently the author has no clue that when you see evil in a person's eyes you run for the hills screaming.

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.

Yet another failed attempt at suspense in an unnecessary time.

Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.

How does one make out against a tree with someone apparently glomping them in the process,

He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.

How is the bra, in any possibly way, important?

Does she not normally discard her bra before sex?

He doesn't get to see the only possible thing she has that can make her attractive to the male gender?

That's a rip.

Ebony/Enoby is a teasing whore.

Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

*laughs hysterically for around 5 minutes* That is officially the WORST euphemism for sex ever!

That's an even worse euphemism than the lyrics to "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo"!

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed.

Obviously faking.

Ebony, you big fat faker!

I was beginning to get an orgasm.

Really?

She was beginning to get an orgasm.

Not only does it sound like she's buying it in Wal-Mart, it also sounds oh so enthusiastic. (note the sarcasm)

We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm.

So she regained her color like those tan and light brown poser vampires we heard of earlier?

And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore!

*crying from laughing hysterically* Alright! Who wants to hear Dumbledore say that? *raises hand*

A/N: Don't make Dumbledore clack a bitch! Review you motherfuckers!

But seriously, give me some feedback please.