Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters depicted in this oneshot – the writers may invent them, but clearly the actors create them. Two and a Half Men is written genius.

Out of the Loony Bin...

Charlie didn't have to look up from his Playboy to know who caused the thud on his deck. "Rose, I told you about a million times; you can use the stairs."

"I know, Charlie." Rose's voice went up at his name – which, by the way, he was sure she only said because she liked the idea of saying it as part of a wedding vow. "I like climbing up this way. It's like we're in a fairytale!"

He put his beer down when she settled casually into his lap as to not spill it. "Yeah, regular Romeo and Juliet," he said, rolling his eyes and smiling.

"No, silly – Juliet didn't climb up to Romeo! I was thinking about the feminist version of Rapunzel I read back in college. You've got the same thick, lustrous hair as the prince did, too." She was running her fingers through his hair to a point where she was pushing his head back with every stroke.

Charlie cocked his eyebrow and let his arm rest over her shoulder once she'd stopped. "Okay, Rose."

"Charlie," Rose began, sounding like a sweet young child. "What are you and Alan doing tonight?"

"Well, I've got a date with a very sexy..."

"Oh, Charlie..."

Her disappointed tone went straight to his manhood. "Hey! At least she's not a bimbo – this one went to college!"

"Oh really, what's her degree in – cosmetology?" Winking after her comment reassured him she was only kidding, but he still felt the need to get defensive.

"Actually, she majored in behavioural psychology!"

Rose's ears perked up at the sound of her own specialty and she turned to face him. "Well, Charlie, I'm very proud of you."

"You should be!" He was raising his voice, but it was followed by laughter. "I've gone on a few dates with this one and I think she's really got something going for her!"

Rose backed up a bit so she could see him better and placed both hands daintily on her hips. "Look at you, Charlie Harper, devoted to staying in a committed relationship."

He paused for a moment and shook his head suggestively. "Isn't this usually the part where you go on a jealous rage and threaten to, oh, I don't know... superglue my testicles to my thigh?"

"No!" she giggled. "Behavioural psychology... I think you're right – this one has something going for her."

Just then, they heard the backdoor slide open and they both spun their heads around to better see Alan. "Hi you two," he beamed. "Just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving now, Charlie."

"Thanks, Alan," he said, half-heartedly.

"I've got a date with a rather tasty dish..."

"Thanks, Alan," Charlie repeated, pushing for him to just shut up and leave.

Alan narrowed his eyes at his brother. "Why thank you, Charlie, yes, I will have fun." And with his final comment, he slid the door shut and headed back inside.

"If Alan's leaving, doesn't that mean you should get things ready for your date?" Rose inquired, sounding forcibly upset.

Charlie grinned. "She came a little early. Does she want to come in?"

"Yes, I think she would very much like that." Rose smirked and got off of Charlie, allowing him to lead her by the hand into the house.