DISCLAIMER: Tite Kubo owns all things Bleach.

Title's taken from a Buzzcocks song. =) Plz, enjoy.

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They had been assigned to a top-secret mission outside of Seireitei – Kenpachi trusted nobody else with his and Yachiru's monthly candy supply. Ikkaku was walking ahead, pace rushed in impatience. Sure, he knew he should feel honoured to be one of the very few men on Captain Zaraki's not-to-kill list, but staying on the frightening taichou's good side often meant putting your own dignity on the line. Luckily for him, Yumichika didn't seem to have a problem with carrying the offending bubble-pink bags on their way back from the sweets store, so the roles had been set: Ikkaku would bring his zanpakutō along to keep any nuisance at bay, while the 5th grade officer left Ruri'iro Kujaku at the division headquarters.

That, however, as Ikkaku had come to learn after uncountable decades spent with the man, didn't mean Yumichika was unarmed at all.

"Pssst. Hey, ye babe!"

Here went something that happened all the time. Madarame just rolled his eyes, not willing to intervene yet. He did cast a quick glance back to his mate, though.

"Babe… truss' meh, if good looks could kill ye'd be a weapon of mass dessstruction!" The drunkard who had approached Yumichika was slurring his words, a dazzled smile playing on his lips. "Bet ya get that often." He added in a somewhat broken giggle.

Ikkaku knew the type, and so did his companion. Since common filth was no match to a honourable Shinigami, the pair generally walked past any molester without wasting so much as a single glare in their direction – unless, of course, a guy had the shitty luck to get insistent or unknowingly push some of Yumichika's buttons (making rude comments about the fashionable man's eye ornaments had warranted many a broken limb). Thus the 3rd grade officer set about taking his leave, but stopped dead in motion at the sound of uncharacteristic replying.

"Bet ya get that often."

"Quite often, yes. So, why did you decide to go with the crowd? Were you afraid I would dislike whatever tiny glimpse of your personality I'd catch if you at least tried to be original? Or were you ashamed to show how little character you truly possess, and exactly how much you lack in inventive? Did you deem it better to mask your poor brain process with an even worst-endowed façade, so that what little personality you actually have could stay hidden in a safe while your amazingly swollen surface ego went for a ride – better yet, went to ride me? I have to say it, I'm thoroughly charmed. You worked your magic and I'm dazed with awe. But I must ask, were you just in for a one-night stand or my I raise my hopes as regards to the possibility of Civil Partnership in the upcoming future? For I'll have you know I am kind of the commitment person. I'd rather make out beforehand how serious you are about us, lest my killer looks accidentally blow out of this world my one and only Mr. Right."

Being short to completely intoxicated, the man couldn't come up with a proper retort. "I… huh…"

Violet eyes rolled in their orbits with exasperation. "That meant, if you're not out of my sight in three seconds you won't know what hit you."

Simpler words registered, and the boozer scrambled to run for it before Yumichika had the chance to start counting.

Ikkaku had witnessed the whole scene with an arched eyebrow. Honestly, more often than not he tended to forget what the quiet fellow could be like when pissed off. A smirk came to his lips as he stepped closer to the other Shinigami. "Woah. That was harsh." He scratched the back of his head, a habitual sign of discomfort. "I almost feel bad for the poor bastard. You went pretty hard on him, Yumi. That wasn't the worst you usually get, y'know."

The pretty head turned slowly. "I suppose you're right." Yumichika let out in a soft, lazy tone, then simply resumed walking.

Albeit hesitatingly, Madarame set to follow. But his eyes didn't miss the tiny smile curving the other's lips, nor did a few mumbled words escape him.

"The worst I get I usually keep."

Ikkaku did realize his mate had half insulted him, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to care. Not while a flirtatiously smiling Yumichika was giving him his special sidelong glances treatment, anyway. "It's pretty cute when you're all flustered. Now, wouldn't you make just a brilliant Christmas decoration? I'll have to discuss this with Yachiru-san. Wanna bet she'll be dying to hang you on a pine tree?"

Wonder whether masochism runs in the division, the 3rd grade officer mused, then cursed under his breath and sped up to keep in step.

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Tiny, sorta fluffy, funny, cute (hope so): that is IkkaYumi for you! =)

Leave me a comment if you liked it even a wee bit. *w*