This fanfiction is being completely revised, as my shitty writing from five years is completely terrible and I figured out a far better way to do it, so I hope you do enjoy the new version. It won't be as bad or terribly written.

As you know, many of my old stories are being abandoned. This is not one of them. I am wiping most of the chapters clean and starting anew, because most of them make no sense. Now I know that it is a goal for comedy to make sense, so since it doesn't, it sucks.

There are some new characters I'm putting in, and others I'm taking out. Fushigi Yuugi is out, and One Piece is out. DBZ might be expected to pop in, too.

The shows I'm using are DBZ, Detective Conan, FMA, Code Geass, Ouran (of course,) Pandora Hearts, Magi, Durarara, Fruits Basket, and Gundam Wing.

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN 2010, REWRITTEN 7/24/2015.

Chapter 1: Does sanity even exist in this place? Or, in other words, the OURAN HOST CLUB IS CRAZY, AND GET ME OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

Ouran Host Club seemed to be an ordinary place. At least, on the outside, a certain student thought, as she looked up at the windows of the school, shaking in fear.

Her father was rather eccentric-don't get her wrong, Haruhi knew that her father loved her, but still...leaving her in the care of rich people like this?

Yes, Haruhi was a tragic case of what happens when no one does proper parenting-which, ironically enough, she will find that happens to be the case for most of the men she will be meeting.

She was unaware that she was being watched, through a pair of binoculars, by a huge group of boys and men, who were handing it back and forth.

The first boy who was watching, twirled his jacket before a smirk came on his face. "Would you look at this, boys?" He purred. "It looks to me like we have a very interesting new student. She'll be fun to mess around with."

"Who are you talking about?" A pair of red-headed boys said, snatching the binoculars away from the dark-haired man, who pouted. "That definitely looks like a boy to me." The first said.

"Once again, we don't really understand what you're talking about, Izaya." The second one said.

Izaya Orihara shrugged. "I don't know, it could be fun to play a few games with her. That's why we have the whole family here, right?"

Everyone shuddered.

The whole idea of everyone, cloistered together...the whole Ouran Host club...

"It's bad enough with you..." Tamaki Suoh whimpered. "You're such an egotist...you make my ego shrivel in fear..."

"Oh, come now, Tamaki-kun. I'm sure you can do this, right?"

At that moment, a pair of playing cards hit them.

"Oh, I take it our resident phantom thief has arrived," Izaya purred.

"I have an idea," An elegant voice purred.

'These hallways...it's impossible to navigate anything!'

Haruhi kept on bumping into everyone.

It was impossible to not bump into someone.

As she did so, suddenly there were two boys, bouncing down the hallway, energetically...together, both saying cutesy things to each other-until they promptly careened into Haruhi.

Haruhi fell over, her glasses slipping off her face.

"Ehhh? Sorry about that!" Two high-pitched voices screamed.

Why did they sound like they were faking being sorry?

In annoyance, she picked up her glasses and glared at the two boys before her.

The first looked like a mere child, with golden blond hair and big golden eyes that were swimming with tears. He held a stuffed bunny in his arms and looked at her with an expression equal to that of a kicked puppy.

The second boy was already up on his feet, extending a hand forward.

He had spiky blond hair that stuck up in a point on his head, and his emerald orbs were filled with curiosity.

"Ehhh...you okay, miss?"

"Miss?" Haruhi said, "I'm a boy."

"No, you're not! You're a girl!" The blond boy said, pumping her hand energetically. "I like girls, how're you doing? My name's Oz Vessalius! And this is...Hunny! We're both part of the-"

"Ouran High School Host Club!" Hunny joined in.

Haruhi stared at the two blonds.

"The what?" She repeated. 'Is this school full of nutcases?'

"The Ouran High School Host Club." They repeated, as though it were something ordinary.

She just blinked again.

"I think I'm leaving!"

"Wait!" Both blonds cried, trapping her.

She looked at both of them in fear.

"Come to the main place, the boss wants to see you!" Oz said.

"You can say hi to my bun-bun. And to the two other bunnies!" He said, pointing at Oz, who gave Haruhi a funny stare before they promptly dragged her along with them.

"Who's the other bunny?" She mumbled.

"Oh, Momiji-he's not here, though..." Oz remarked.

'Father, I'm getting you back for this! This school's full of psychos, I just know it.'

"What's this place-it's just a library-"

She paused upon seeing it was an elegant room, filled with ladies and handsome men in elegant outfits, of sorts.

"What is this place?" She stammered.

Oz smiled. "Like I said, it's the Ouran High School Host Club. Come say hi to all of our friends."

"How many are there?" She said.

Oz shrugged. "A lot. Some of us get along easier than others."

"What does that mean...?" She mumbled.

"Over there, you'll see our resident Shinji, Kaneki Ken. He has multiple personalities." Oz remarked, upon pointing to a shy black-haired teen whose eye was covered with an eye patch.

"Oh, Kaneki...what's your favorite drink here?" A girl purred.

"My favorite drink here...would be...uh, human flesh...right?" He said.

Suddenly, some weird tentacles came out of his body.

"Tamaki-senpai, Kaneki's released his Kakuja again!"

Instantly, the black-haired youth was dragged off by an orange-haired boy, who was shaking his head while Kaneki was muttering, "Humans, meat...eat..."

"You guys hire non-humans?" Haruhi remarked, shaking.

Oz looked at her in offense. "I'm not human and you still see me working here. That's why someone like you, Haruhi, will be accepted here regardless of who you are."

"Am I going to see more freaks of nature?" She said.

She swore she saw Oz's eyes flash red for a moment.

"I don't like the word freak, especially when it describes my friends." Hunny said.

"But that boy wanted to eat humans!" Haruhi argued.

"Kaneki can't control himself," Oz said, "Some of us tend to be a bit...bloodthirsty at times. Like Nishio-san...who's not here...or him." Oz pointed at a table where there was a blond-haired man, wearing blue shades, and smoking a cigarette. He wore a black-and-white outfit and was wiping down the table.

"So, Heiwajima-san, tell us about your super strength. What do you think of the school?" A girl said, admiring his muscles, which were visible through his shirt.

"Hell, I don't know!" The man cried. "...You...you look cute when you buy them...goddammit."

"So sexy...to be complimented by Shizuo Heiwajima-sama..." She moaned, collapsing to the ground, a stream of blood pouring from her nose.

"Isn't anyone going to help her?" Haruhi pointed out.

"Nah, she's acting like she would in a typical anime." Oz said.

"What?" Haruhi said.

"Oh, weren't you aware?" Hunny said, "We're in anime."

"That explains the weirdness." Haruhi remarked.

"Anything goes here..."

"Dammit, I hate this..." Shizuo remarked, wiping up the mess that Kaneki had left after he had thrown one of his temper tantrums.

"How many are there...?"

"Like I said, quite a few..." Oz said, distantly.

Shizuo seemed to be glaring at someone in the distance.

"DAMMIT, FLEA, STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

"Shizu-chan, you're just giving me the opportunity to piss you off."

She turned to see two boys, seated at a table, playing chess.

One was a man with spiky black hair, and red eyes, wearing a fur jacket, who looked quite pleased with himself. The first word that popped into her mind upon seeing this man was: troll.

The second was a boy, with black hair and purple eyes, who looked very focused as he moved his piece across the board.

The only thing that she knew about these two was that they were both very cunning, and terrifying.

Another man with glasses was playing, though he looked irritated.

"Lelouch-kun, Izaya-kun, are you ready to lose?" The man said, pushing up his glasses.

"Oh, Kyoya-kun, you'll lose, no matter what," The red-eyed man said confidently, smirking and playing with a chess piece in his hands.

The dark-haired boy beside him shot him a glare.

"Don't mess this move up, Orihara, or else I'll-"

"You'll what? Use your magical eye power on me? I'm afraid not, Lelouch-kun." The red-eyed man said.

"Dammit, flea, come over here and help me clean this up! Bring the...the glasses dude and the...the cactus kid here, too!"

"Cactus...?" The black-haired boy remarked.

"He thinks your hair looks like a cactus, Lelouch-kun," Izaya said. "Shizu-chan, this is called chess. Intelligent humans like playing it, and besides, my humans enjoy watching me play."

He pointed to a bunch of girls who were going gaga over the three boys, engaged in a game of chess.

"Kyaaaa, Lelouch-sama, Kyoya-sama, and Izaya-sama...they're all so cute. Who will win?"

"Kyoya-sama's the most intelligent."

"No way, Izaya-sama is. He's driven Lelouch-sama into check before. They're dating, I heard."

"Lelouch-sama is gay? No way."

"They think we're dating," Lelouch remarked, "I know who you're dating."

Izaya sighed. "...When will they figure out that I prefer...monsters?" He muttered, before looking at Shizuo.

"Probably never. Fangirls do not have much logic." Kyoya said.

"Point taken. Check." Lelouch said, moving his pawn in front of Kyoya's.

"...Lelouch-kun, wrong again. Checkmate."

Lelouch gasped as Kyoya took his king.

"Your move is slightly off, again. And now, to our game-"

"Checkmate." Izaya muttered, knocking Kyoya's piece off. "You get too distracted, Kyo-kun, and then you lose. Or should I say, Kyoya-kun. Wouldn't want to mix up a certain hairball and you."

"You win this time..." Kyoya sighed.

"Izaya-sama won!" A girl chirped.

"My Luluzaya fanfiction isn't coming true!"

"Izaya-sama, do you and Shizuo-sama...have feelings...?" A girl said to Izaya.

"Indeed," Izaya said, turning around and waving sarcastically at the blond bartender.

"GODDAMN YOU, FLEA!"

Instantly, Shizuo ripped the towel he was holding in half and lifted up the table, without any effort, at which Haruhi promptly gasped.

"Not again," The man with glasses remarked. "Let's go, Lelouch-kun."

"Good luck, Izaya." Lelouch said, picking up a book and reading it as the black-haired man chased the other.

"Go get him, Shizuo! Go get him, Izaya! Shizayaaaaaa! Shizaaaayaaaa!"

"Those two are rampaging. Why isn't anyone stopping them?" Haruhi asked.

"I keep on asking them to. But no one will." Oz remarked, "They're always doing that. Really, they can't control themselves. There's really only one person who can control them...and that's..." He muttered.

"Who?" Haruhi asked, wondering who this person was who could control these two rowdy people.

"Gentleman, what do you say we cease this infernal fighting?"

A magician appeared out of nowhere. However, Shizuo swung the table right into the boy's face.

"And...totally ignore me..." He muttered.

He disappeared and then reappeared before Haruhi, bowing.

"Hello, here's a flower for you, Madam. I am Kuroba Kaito, a magician here. I am one who has dealt with many, many odd fellows."

"Like you?" Izaya called out.

Kaito flipped him off, at which Izaya laughed.

"Don't pay him any mind. That's Izaya Orihara, the resident troll. His job is an informant, but he comes here for kicks. Shizuo is both his lover and his mortal enemy. Every time they see each other, they try to kill each other, much like another duo we have in the working. Still...we have no choice but to hire them. Tamaki thinks it's hilarious." Kaito remarked.

"And who are they?" She said, before pointing to the chess table.

"Those two are our prodigies, Lelouch Lamperouge and Kyoya. They are quite brilliant, but lazy. I wouldn't mess with them, either." Kaito said, "People like coming here solely to see those two fight."

Oz smirked. "Hey, Kaneki's a ghoul."

"A what?"

"Kaneki's a ghoul. Granted, he has his meltdowns, but we don't discriminate." Kaito said cheerily.

Haruhi's mouth was wide open.

"Only Izaya can match Kyoya in thinking. And that was Oz you met there. He's not human, but he's nice. Hm, come to think of it...there should be..." He frowned, making a few gestures.

"What?" Haruhi said.

"I'm not sure where exactly they're at. Oh, Hikaru and Kaoru are over there. And Mori is there, too, with Hunny. They're the original members of the club." Kaito said.

Suddenly, some more voices could be heard.

"And like I'm saying, Elric, you really are short!"

"Dammit, Kyo, I've told you to stop saying that!"

"I do it just to get a reaction out of you."

Haruhi's eyes widened upon seeing yet another set of boys come in, one with silver hair, another with orange hair, and another with blond hair, who was rather short.

"Is this a rainbow?"

"A very gay rainbow," The silver-haired man said, from beside her.

"How did you get here so fast?" Haruhi sputtered, "It's like you scurried over here."

"I'm Yuki Sohma, and this is Kyo, my stupid cousin. That's Edward Elric. He's always losing his temper. Just like Heiwajima-san."

"He could be a sideshow freak." Kyo sneered.

"I'm not a freak!" Edward cried. "Ah, pleasure to meet you." He said, shaking Haruhi's hand...fervently.

Suddenly, a white-haired man crashed in from the ceiling.

"Ah, it's Break!" Someone cried.

"I came out to entertain you all."

"Get lost, old man." Izaya remarked.

"Ah, Izaya-kun. You want me to kill you?" Break said menacingly.

The girls on either side watched in fascination.

"...That's my job, clown." Shizuo growled.

"Shizuo-kun, and Oz-kun. Nice to see you all again." It sounded more like the white-haired man hated everyone in the room.

"Should be a few others..." Oz remarked, "They'll make their debut now..."

A dark-haired boy with a scar across his face and a blond-haired boy entered next, both looking confused.

"Tamaki, I thought you said we were conquering a dungeon." He cried.

"Yeah, Alibaba, you and Hakuryuu are transfers, now get your ass in here!" Kyo cried.

"You could be nice..." Oz remarked.

The blond-haired boy, Alibaba, and the black-haired boy, Hakuryuu, came in.

"I've got my cousin, too!" Alibaba said, towing along another blond boy, who looked frustrated.

"I didn't want to be here, Alibaba!" Masaomi Kida remarked, "Especially not with Izaya around."

"Who here hates me?" Izaya muttered.

Upon seeing the glares of Break, Oz, the Hitaiichin Twins, Masaomi, Edward, and Kyoya, he froze.

"...Alibaba-kun?" He said.

"Actually, both of us do," Alibaba said, smiling evilly while holding up a flaming sword...wait...what?

Nothing made sense to Haruhi anymore.

"You can go die." Alibaba said.

"Rude..." Izaya remarked.

"...Have you been introduced to everyone yet?" Tamaki said.

"So all of you...are in the host club?"

They all nodded.

"We have a few people who go MIA once in a while."

The Hitaiichin twins appeared, along with a blue-haired boy.

"We were out searching for treasure."

"You've met all of us...except for..."

At that moment, a black-haired boy came out from Alibaba's side.

"Is it...okay...Alibaba?" Mikado muttered.

At that point, Shizuo threw a glass cup, which bounced off of Alibaba's sword, off of Ed's gloves, off of Oz, and promptly struck Haruhi on the head, causing her to pass out.

"Are you all right?" Yuki cried.

"I think Izaya-san hurt her." Hakuryuu remarked, shooting a glare at Izaya.

"Everybody hates me." Izaya said.

"You're proud of that, damned flea." Shizuo muttered.

"Damned straight he is." Masaomi said, "What do you think of this, Saluja-san...?"

"I've told you before, call me Alibaba." The blond remarked.

"How do you guys...know each other?" Lelouch asked, putting down his book.

"We've all crossed dimensions at some point." They said.

"Right," Lelouch remarked sarcastically as he went back to his game. "Are we gonna resume our game, Orihara?"

"Sure," Izaya said, dodging the fireball thrown his way by Alibaba.

"Alibaba, stop using your flaming sword!" Tamaki cried. "Once she wakes up, we need to go over a decree of how much you guys have been failing recently!"

All of them blanched, except for Break.

"Break," He said.

"Yes?" The old man said.

"Pay attention!" Tamaki cried.

"I'm hundreds of years old, I don't think I need to," Was his response.

"Oz is hundreds of years old, and he's paying attention." The Hitaiichin twins said.

Oz was busy playing leap frog with Hunny.

"Oz?" Tamaki said.

"Yes?"

"Come over here!"

"Sure!" Oz said cheerily.

"He's so cheerful it's frightening," Edward remarked.

"Hey, some of us like being cheerful," Masaomi said.

"And some of us are so cheerful it's creepy," Shizuo said, glaring at Izaya, as did Alibaba. It was hard to tell whose glare was more prominent.

"Say something, Shizu-chan?" Izaya said.

"Shut up, Orihara." Lelouch said.

"Yeah, shut up, Izaya," Alibaba echoed.

Whenever Haruhi woke up, she saw all the men staring at her.

"This is a bad dream, right? Or a bad fanfiction?"

They shook their heads.

"Nope, it's very real," Hakuryuu remarked.

Characters:

Tamaki, Haruhi, Kyoya, Hikaru and Kaoru, Hunny, and Takeshi (Ouran)

Edward Elric (Full Metal Alchemist)

Lelouch Lamperouge (Code Geass)

Yuki and Kyo Sohma (Fruits Basket)

Izaya Orihara, Masaomi Kida, Mikado Ryuugamine, and Shizuo Heiwajima (Durarara!)

Oz Vessalius, Gilbert Nightray, and Xerxes Break (Pandora Hearts)

Aladdin, Alibaba Saluja, Hakuryuu Ren, (Magi)

Shinichi Kudo and Kaito Kuroba (Detective Conan)

Trunks and Gohan (DBZ)

Kaneki, Hide (from Tokyo Ghoul)