Author's Note:
Chapter Eighteen : Life Is Good
"Life is good when you're around, nothing can bring me down. I can't believe what I have found, nothing can hold me down."
Early the next afternoon, Henry drove Shawn over to the Psych office where Shawn was sure Gus would be hiding out, trying to avoid his real job. Father and son enjoyed a comfortable silence on the short drive from the house to the office. Henry had woke up in a very happy mood that morning, and despite having a slightly sore back, he felt rested for the first time in months. The previous night, after finally making it back into the house, Henry had grilled his son for several minutes on what had happened to finally bring his memories back. Then, once Shawn had recounted the tale to satisfaction, Henry had spent what seemed like hours asking Shawn about obscure moments of his past to ensure that son actually did remember who he was. Only then, satisfied that he had his son back, had Henry finally allowed himself to drift off into a deep and untroubled sleep, right there on the couch. Shawn knew that his father was going to be sore in the morning from sleeping there all night, but he hadn't had the heart to wake the old man and tell him to go to bed. It was obvious that it had been a long time since Henry had truly had a good night's sleep. So Shawn had silently gone and got his father some blankets, making sure he was as comfortable as possible before heading up to his own bed.
As Shawn entered the bedroom, one thing became perfectly clear to him. As soon as Shawn was certain that Henry would allow it, he was definitely moving back to his own place. It was just weird sleeping in his childhood bedroom again, and he could not believe that he had stayed here for the past few months. It was just unnatural. Shawn definitely appreciated the fact that Henry had been there for him, and taken care of him while he was lost, but he was fine now, and he wanted to get back to his old life.
Henry pulled up in front of the Psych office and Shawn quickly jumped out of the truck, waving goodbye as he turned and headed into the office. For the first time in months, he felt happy, and alive, and he could barely contain the grin that was spread across his face and he confidently strode towards the front door. The sun was up, the skies were clear, and he finally had his life back.
Well, he almost had his life back anyways. It was definitely missing a few key characters, the first of which being his trusty companion, Magic Head. Shawn needed to let Gus, and everyone else, know that he was back. The question of course, was how? Shawn had always been good with words, and he could talk himself out of, or into, almost any situation. But he had never been able to just come out and say what was needed when it came to the important things. He couldn't just waltz into the office and announce that he remembered, that was just plain boring and unimaginative. Besides, he really didn't know how to waltz all that well. He had to find a better way than that. He knew that everything he had done in the last few months had been muted, and serious, far from his usual brand of ridiculous behaviour, and Shawn wanted to get back to the fun and easy going times he had had before. Shawn knew that Gus had resorted back to his responsible, workaholic ways while he hadn't been there to insist his friend enjoy life once in a while, and it was well past time that Gus got a reminder. So he decided he would do what he always did, what he did best, he would go in with a half formed plan, and improvise.
Gus glanced up from his computer at the sound of the front door opening and was surprised to see Shawn entering the office, he hadn't been expecting to see Shawn today.
"Hey Shawn, I thought you were supposed to spend the afternoon with your dad?" Gus asked as Shawn made his way over to his desk and dropped into the chair.
"Yeah, we had a change of plans," Shawn replied casually.
Gus eyes him suspiciously. There was something off about Shawn this afternoon. He wasn't quite sure what it was. Perhaps it was the fact that Shawn seemed to be in a very good mood. Gus was certain he could see his friend fighting to suppress a smile, and he wondered what could have possibly happened to make Shawn so happy. Gus hadn't seen him look so... alive, in months now.
While Gus was busy trying to decide exactly what was up with Shawn, Shawn himself was busy looking around the Psych office, taking in all of the changes that Gus had made in his absence. Of course he had seen everything here before, but at the time he hadn't realized what things were new. He hadn't been able to realize what things weren't supposed to be here, and what was worse, what things were missing. With absolute horror, Shawn noticed how neat and orderly the space now appeared. Everything had its place, even his desk was free of its usual clutter and general disorganization. This was definitely something that needed to stop right now, before Gus got any crazy ideas. Definitely before he decided labels were a good idea. Shawn couldn't live in a world that was labelled, he cringed just thinking about it.
"Alright," Gus's voice cut into his thoughts, "If you're going to be with me this afternoon, I'll just need to finish up with this, then we can go do something fun."
Shawn nodded, and then before he could say anything more, his attention focused on another of Gus's additions to the office. A chair. There wasn't really anything overly special about it, other than the fact that it was a new chair, sitting smugly in the place where the old plush and comfortable chair he had loved used to sit. Shawn got up and walked over to it, starring down at it in disbelief.
"You replaced the chair?" Shawn asked, continuing to stare at it.
"Yes Shawn I did, there were stains all over it," Gus replied, glancing up to where Shawn was standing beside the new chair.
Gus didn't have to say it, because Shawn knew, those weren't just coffee and food stains he was talking about. Gus was talking about the fact that Shawn had bled all over that chair the night he had walked to the Psych office, alone and in the pouring rain. Shawn remembered the feeling of relief and utter exhaustion that had swept over him as he had finally melted into that chair. It seemed like a lifetime ago now.
"I really liked that chair," Shawn said, a hint of sadness and disappointment echoing in his words.
"I couldn't keep it in here Shawn, it was disgusting," Gus stopped suddenly, his gaze fixing on Shawn as a funny look came across his face, "Wait a minute, Shawn, how did you know I replaced the chair?"
Shawn shrugged, but had to turn his face away to hide the grin he could feel slowly growing. Gus was onto him.
"Cause it's not the one that was here before," Shawn answered casually, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
But Gus was on the trail now, and he stood up, quickly forgetting whatever he had been working and walking around his desk to stand directly in front of Shawn.
"But how do you know that?" Gus demanded.
"Because the old one was here before, now it's gone, and this one is here now. Really Gus, it's not that hard to figure out."
Shawn had to fight hard to suppress his smile as he watched Gus's face flash through ten shades of irritation. He was sure that Gus had figured out what was going on by now, but he knew that his friend would want to hear it from him. Gus wouldn't be happy until he had heard Shawn say that he was alright, and he wouldn't settle for the fact simply being alluded to. While Gus struggled to hold onto his composure, Shawn could practically hear his friend telling himself to take deep, even breaths before he continued.
"Shawn, stop messing around, you know that's not what I mean."
Unable to help himself, Shawn let out a sigh, letting his shoulders sag at the same time. There was no reason he couldn't mess with Gus just a little. He answered Gus in a voice that he hoped sounded far away and distant, like he had for the last two months.
"I never know what you mean anymore, Gus," he said sadly.
Gus's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but he seemed to buy the act, and Shawn he felt slightly guilty as Gus deflated right in front of him as Shawn saw the hope disappear from his eyes almost instantly.
"Shawn, who told you I replaced the chair?" Gus asked.
"No one, it's obvious. Seriously Gus, I thought we just went over this."
"Shawn, stop it!" Gus demanded, his face contorted in lines of agitation, "Stop trying to be clever, stop trying to mess with me, stop doing whatever it is you think you're doing. I really need you to just tell me how you know about the chair."
Unable to hold back any longer, Shawn let his smile split across his face.
"I know, Gus, because I distinctly remember the old one being a lot more comfortable looking than this one. I cannot believe that you went for stylish and trendy over something comfortable and practical. Is this what happens when I'm not here?"
Gus held back, hesitant to believe what his ears were telling him. Shawn was back, could it really be true? But looking at his friend, standing there in front of him with a huge grin spread across his face and lighting up the room for the first time in months, Gus knew it was true. His rational self just needed to hear the words his intuition had already determined.
"Shawn, are you telling me that you remember?"
"I thought that's what was implied, Gus. Yes, I remember... everything in general, and more specifically, I distinctly remember telling you that we would never have a practical piece of office furniture in this building. And seriously man, is there a reason you felt the need to clean my desk off? How was a neat and orderly desk supposed to help me remember anything..."
The next thing Shawn knew, Gus had launched himself at his friend and gripped him in a hug, that while not quite as crushing as Henry's had been, was still suffocating nonetheless.
"Whoa easy there buddy." Shawn exclaimed as he awkwardly returned Gus's embrace.
"Dude seriously, what's with the hugging? First my dad, then you... I wonder if I could get one from Lassie too?"
Gus pulled away, regaining his composure and straightening his jacket before he looked back at Shawn again.
"I'm just really glad you're back Shawn," Gus said, and Shawn could see the storm of emotions rolling in his friends eyes.
"I know buddy," Shawn answered with a half smile.
Gus stared at him for a few more moments, then seeming to have quickly recovered from his outburst, turned back to his desk and picked up a file that was overflowing with papers.
"Of course," Gus started, "Now that you're back, you can help me get through all this stupid paperwork you left behind, and then you can start doing cases again so I don't have to pay the rent on my own."
Gus thrust the file at Shawn, "Here, you can start with this. You've had enough slacking off over the last few months."
Shawn smiled and grabbed the file from Gus. This was why he loved Gus so much, and why they were such good friends. Even though they had just shared a huge moment, Gus didn't dwell on it, he just smiled, then continued on with life. Shawn walked back over to his desk and sat down, letting the file land on the desk with a satisfying smack.
"Gus, I agree. What we really need is to get things back to normal around here, " Shawn stated as he opened a drawer and pulled out all of the pens and pencils stored there, spreading them out across the desk before searching for more items that could provide potential clutter, "So, you have two choices, I can either sit here and flip through this file of useless papers, maybe doddle on a few of them, and make you think that I'm actually doing something worthwhile with my time... or we can forget work and go for a pineapple smoothie, what say you?"
Gus smiled, he didn't even have to think about it. He just picked up his keys.
"I'll drive."
Shawn practically bounded up the stairs and into the Santa Barbara police station, pausing just long enough to deposit his empty smoothie cup in the trash can before continuing his sweep through the station. He was more than happy to note how little things had changed in his favourite police department over the past several months, and of course he was elated that he could finally appreciate exactly how little it had changed. Phones were still ringing, people came and went, and officers still bustled around with papers, files or slightly cooling cups of coffee. Several of those officers nodded hello to him as he passed, and Shawn enjoyed the surprised looks that crossed their faces at his enthusiasm when returned their greetings. Shawn smiled, it was good to be back.
This morning, he had asked his father not to inform the Chief or anyone at the station for that matter, that he had regained his memory. It was something he really wanted to do himself. There was one person specifically that he was looking forward to sharing his return with, one person that he couldn't stand to be without for a moment longer. That someone, of course, was Juliet. Shawn found it more than strange that it had taken him losing all of his memories to finally realize just exactly how much she meant to him. Oh he had liked her before, there was no doubt about that. But he had had time to slowly get used to his feelings for her, and he hadn't realized exactly how strong those feelings had gotten. But without his memories, there had been no denying his attraction to her. There was just something about her that called to him, on the deepest level. Her every move had attracted his attention, her every smile had lit up his world, and now he knew, he needed her. Juliet was the other half of who he was... well maybe the other third, he couldn't discount Gus entirely. But Shawn knew that without her, he could never be complete. He needed both of them, Juliet and Gus to be happy.
Which was why he couldn't wait any longer to let Juliet know that he was back. After all, she had told him that she would be waiting for him to get his memories back and remember her, and now he remembered. Shawn wasn't entirely surprised to find that both Lassiter and Juliet's desks were empty. He remembered Lassiter saying something about having a suspect to question this afternoon. So he turned and headed down the stairs to the interrogation rooms, he needed to make sure that the two detectives would be occupied... at least for a while.
Besides wanting to tell Juliet that he was back, Shawn also had to catch up on months of un-played pranks, and dozens of missed opportunities to harass his favourite detective. And he knew just what to do, he just needed the time to put his idea into play.
Shawn reached the bottom of the stairs and turned towards the interrogation rooms, noticing right away that the first one did indeed contain both Lassiter and Juliet, as well as a suspect. He stopped, and leaned up against the frame of the one way mirror to take a moment to watch as Juliet questioned the man sitting across the table from her. Lassiter stood behind her, listening intently, but not interfering. He didn't need to anymore, it was clear that Juliet had everything under control.
Standing there, watching her, Shawn smiled to himself, surprised again at just how much he had missed over the last few months. There were many things, many concepts that he had completely failed to grasp without his memories, and Juliet was one of them. She was absolutely stunning, and he admired her in a way that he hadn't been able to before. He could see now, all of the changes that had occurred, not just in the past few months, but since she had come to Santa Barbara. He remembered with fondness her first cases here as the new junior detective, she had been uncertain, but more than willing to prove she knew what she was doing. Now, there wasn't so much as a hint of uncertainty, or hesitation. Juliet was an accomplished and confident detective, and she was in her element right now. Shawn admired the way her eyes sparkled with a deep fire and passion for her work as she continued to question the man that sat across the table from her. Shawn had really missed seeing that fire and knowing that it meant Juliet was at the top of her game. Without his memories, he had realized just how much he needed her, but now that he had regained those memories, he could appreciate her in a way that simply wasn't possible before. A chill ran through his body as he recalled the jolts that had raced through him when she had touched him. He wanted to feel that again.
Watching her now, Shawn picked up on other small details as well. It was hard to pick up on, but he could see the tense set to her shoulders, and the slight weariness in her eyes. He suspected, that much like Gus, she had been working way too hard and not taking enough time to enjoy the finer things in life. Once again, Shawn was amazed at exactly how much he had missed over the last few months, how much of his life had changed right before his eyes while he had been unable to realize what was happening. Summer had faded into fall, his father had turned into an old man, and everyone had stopped having fun. Apparently without him, everything just got way to serious. Well, he was here to remedy the situation now. With one last look, he turned and headed back up the stairs towards Lassiter's desk.
It was a little over half an hour later that Juliet and Lassiter finally finished up with their suspect. He had had a lot of information to give them, and it had taken longer than she expected to finish with him, Lassiter was still finishing up with some last minute questions. But Juliet was sure they had what they needed, and now she just needed to get back up to her desk and add the new information she had received to her notes and decide where they were going to go from here. She made it up the stairs and was half way back to her desk when she looked up to see Shawn sitting there, absentmindedly tossing her rubber band ball back and forth between his hands as he reclined back in her chair. She stopped in her tracks, surprised to find him here in the station, let alone sitting behind her desk.
Perhaps sensing her presence, Shawn looked up, locked gazes with her and smiled at her, and the whole world stopped. It was that characteristic lopsided half grin that always got to her, and it took Juliet a moment to recover, and realize that she was standing in the middle of the station. Clearing her throat, she tucked a stray piece of hair back behind her ear and then continued on to her desk.
"Shawn, what are you doing here?" Juliet asked, tossing her notebook down on her desk, "I thought you were spending the day with your dad?"
"Yeah, that got boring fast, just thought I'd come in and say hi, hang out a bit."
"Really? Where is your dad? He doesn't usually just leave you here like this, "Juliet said, looking around the station for the elder Spencer.
"I didn't come with him, Gus brought me."
Juliet frowned.
"And where is Gus?" she asked, "I thought someone was supposed to be watching you at all times?"
Shawn leaned forward in her chair, rolling it closer to her desk, where he leaned his elbows on its surface and continued to bounce the rubber band ball back and forth between his hands.
"Gus left, went back to work I think, I told him I would be fine here on my own. Besides, despite what my dad may think, I am in my thirties now, I can take care of myself. And I do have very important business here that couldn't wait."
"Oh really?" Juliet asked, looking curious and pleasantly surprised to find Shawn in such a happy and playful mood. She always enjoyed it when he acted more like his old self, and those days had been few and far between lately.
"And what exactly would this very important business be?" she questioned, " Did you get a vision about a case?"
His face turned serious as he set the rubber band ball back down on her desk.
"No, something much, much more important than that. I have something for you"
"What?" she asked, immediately puzzled.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked to be a thin crumpled and folded piece of paper. At first Juliet thought that it must just be a random piece of garbage in his pocket, but the way he was handling it said otherwise, and her confusion grew as he slowly set it down on her desk and pulled it apart slightly. It was a straw wrapper, she realized, and she looked at Shawn in complete confusion , waiting for his explanation.
"You remember that diner you took me to a few weeks ago?" Shawn asked, his tone completely serious, "Well we didn't get to make our straw wrapper crawly snake. So I made one for us, and I thought you might like to have it. It's for you, Jules"
It was sweet, in a typical Shawn Spencer kind of way, so Juliet smiled at him.
"Thanks Shawn..." Juliet started, and then she realized something, "Wait, what did you just call me?"
"Juliet... that is your name isn't it... or did you change it?"
"No, no you didn't say Juliet. Shawn, did you just call me Jules?"
He paused for a minute before answering, as though he had to think about it.
"Yes, I do believe I did, that's ok though isn't it? I swear I remember you telling me to call you that...repeatedly if I'm correct."
"Yes Shawn, I have, but you never did." She pause for a moment as she thought of something else. The crawly snake. It was something he liked to do whenever he ate out somewhere, and if she happened to be with him, he would always give it to her, in honor of their first meeting. But she hadn't told him about that, she was sure of it.
"Shawn, how did you know about the crawly snake." Juliet asked.
This was not the time for jokes, or half truths, so Shawn stood up and looked directly into Juliet's eyes, "Because I remembered Jules."
"You remembered? Everything?"
But she knew before he confirmed what his answer would be. Standing there, looking into his eyes she could see the change now just as clearly as she could see it when he had first told her he didn't remember. That sparkle that was always in his eyes was back, and there was a recognition and understanding in those eyes that had been missing before.
He nodded, "Yes, everything," he answered her. Then he looked away briefly before continuing, "Including a certain incident that I may, or may not have been responsible for."
Juliet was trying hard to contain herself, and to keep her smile from turning into a giddy grin that she knew she wouldn't be able to wipe off her face again for the rest of the day if she let it take over now.
"You were responsible, Shawn." She stated, as calmly as she could.
"Well, that's really open for interpretation," he paused at her scowl, "Alright, fine, I was definitely responsible. That's not really important right now, what I'm trying to say here Jules, is that I'm sorry... for what happened, and I didn't mean to embarrass you."
Her heart melted. It meant a lot to her that he cared about how she felt, and that his first words to her after he had returned were to apologize for that day. Especially since Juliet herself felt guilty enough for driving him away and contributing to the events that had lead to his accident.
"I know Shawn." She said, smiling at him, "In your strange way, you were trying to tell me you cared, and I'm sorry too, for the things I said to you."
That smile she had been waiting to see for so many months spread across his face.
"Great," he exclaimed, "You're sorry, I'm sorry, so everything is all good again. Now, I seem to recall you telling me that once I got my memories back, you'd be willing to give us a chance."
Juliet crossed her arms, fixing Shawn with a stare as she tilted her head to the side, as though contemplating the legitimacy of their earlier conversation.
"I did say that didn't I?" she finally said, a small smile continuing to play at the corners of her mouth.
"Yes you did, I remember it clearly."
"Well then, how about we go have a celebratory dinner tonight?" she suggested, "We'll see how it goes from there."
"I would like that very much, Jules. Although you might have to come pick me up. I don't know that I really want to test my dad by taking my bike anywhere for a while."
She laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, "Alright Shawn, I'll pick you up when I get off work." She reached out to squeeze his arm, "And welcome back."
"It's great to be back, you have no idea. Hey do you think we could convince the Chief to hold a welcome back party? With cake, and balloons, and singing. I've always wanted one. Ooo, and do you think we could convince Lassie to participate in the singing? Maybe give a solo performance?"
"Don't push your luck Shawn."
All of a sudden an angry bellow rang out from across the station.
"Alright, who put my things in jell-o?"
Both Shawn and Juliet turned to see Lassiter standing in front of his desk, his face contorted in anger. The detective looked up and swept his gaze around the station, which had stopped at his outburst, an angry glare plastered across his face. His gaze met and locked onto Shawn's, who was still grinning like an idiot and standing next to Juliet. Shawn smiled back at Lassiter, bringing up a hand to wave tauntingly at the head detective from across the station. The sudden look of surprise on Lassiter's face was priceless, even though it only lasted for a fraction of a second before the scowl returned. But Shawn couldn't help but notice the slight smile that played at the corners of Lassiter's lips as he bellowed across the station.
"Spencer! Get over here and clean this up now!"
Shawn looked down at Juliet.
"I'm not kidding Spencer!" Lassiter bellowed.
"I think it might be time for me to go," Shawn said, already heading towards the exit, "I'll see you later Jules."
She nodded, and with that, he turned and darted out of the station while Juliet stood there smiling after him as Carlton's angry shouts followed Shawn and echoed behind her. Then, with a happy sigh, she settled herself into her chair. Finally, things were back to normal.