not love

As if I could ever not love him. As if I could always look away. As if I can let this go.

He is impossibly beautiful. I can't look away from him. Why does love work like this, that it makes the most improbable couples? Sadism, I bet. It has to be.

I want nothing more than to tell him how I feel, even if it's impossible. He'll hate me forever. Tell me how improper it is. He's not even on my team, for god's sake, why the hell did this happen?

-o-o-o-

I do not know how, or when, or why I fell in love with him. But it appears I did.

It is not proper, not right for me to love him. Yet I do. I cannot help it.

The way he looks at me, does he return my feelings? Surely it is not love I see in his eyes.

Surely I am alone in my feelings.

-o-o-o-

"Captain, here you go," Renji said.

"Thank you, Abarai," Byakuya said.

Stiff-voiced and all too polite, both of them.

-o-o-o-

"He likes you, you know," Rukia mentioned.

"Who likes me?" Byakuya said, pretending he wasn't interested.

"Renji."

Byakuya's breath caught in his throat, though he had known she would say his name. "What makes you say that?"

"He's told me," Rukia said matter-of-factly. "Do you like him?"

"Not in that way," Byakuya said. Then, more firmly, trying to convince himself, "No. I do not."

Rukia studied his face. She considered teasing him, but that subtle pain in his eyes stopped her.

"If you say so, nii-sama." She bowed, respectful, and left.

-o-o-o-

"He doesn't look at me," Renji said, voice heavy.

"He does," Rukia disagreed.

"No! I look at him and he's always looking elsewhere!"

"I watch the both of you. It's like a game or something. You look up, he sees you watching him watching you and looks away. He looks up, you see him watching you watching him and look away. Get it? Neither of you want to admit that you're looking at each other all the time!" Rukia sighed. "What fools are men. I think that's a famous quote. And I mean men, not women, got it?"

At this point Renji was thoroughly confused.

Rukia sighed again. "Just tell him, moron."

-o-o-o-

Renji couldn't bring himself to do it.

-o-o-o-

Byakuya couldn't say it.

-o-o-o-

Rukia forced a meeting in the hallways. Hanataro was very eager to help her, dragging the two unconscious bodies and setting them up with their arms wrapped around each other. "Idiot one, meet idiot two," she announced. Then she dropped Byakuya's arm around Renji and left. Hanataro followed her with the air of a puppy dog.

-o-o-o-

Renji woke up to find Byakuya's arm around his waist.

Byakuya was staring at him with heavy-lidded eyes.

"Captain," Renji muttered.

"Renji," Byakuya said. Renji realized that he hadn't called him by his surname, or used honorifics, and he resisted the urge to smile.

Neither of them knew what was happening. If it was not love there, it was an unseen force that drew them together.

Renji and Byakuya kissed for the first time in that hallway.

Byakuya kissed back, Renji kissed harder and they tumbled on top of each other, kissing and laughing and smiling because even though this was not expected, though this was not Byakuya's plan, though this was not Renji's plan, there was no way this was not love.

A/N: not so angsty, but cute, I guess. Fluffy. If anyone has any requests please let me know. I'm working on jessenia-chan's IchiTats but I always appreciate other oneshot ideas. Thanks, and reviews please.