Author's Note: How do you emotionally react to finding the guy you loved who killed your sister and forced you to kill him reincarnated as a small sociopathic child. It CAN'T be as simple as "Yay! Seishirou, you're back!"

I've actually been thinking about writing this for a long time and started it months ago. And then I foolishly forgot about it. ^^; So when I found it among my documents I thought I'd try to finish the first chapter and actually bother putting it up... I've actually seen this premise in a fanfic before, but as I recall, Subaru met Seishirou as more of an adult and I kinda felt like more could have been done with a younger Seishirou (because sociopathic children are so interesting to write...).

The title, in case you didn't recognize it, is a quote from Tokyo Babylon. After placing the bet, Seishirou says to Subaru "So today I'll let you go."

As a final note before I shut up and let you read the story, Seishirou means something along the lines of "son of the stars" and Seito means something like "little star" (I don't remember the exact meanings anymore- I looked it up a while back. ^^;) The reason I decided to have the name change is because I wanted a simple way to distinguish between the two and because while they are the same soul, they are different people.

That in mind, I present to you: So Today I'll Let You Go: Chapter 1

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The spirit that had plagued the area was yet another victim of the disaster that had taken place eight years before. Caught beneath the rubble when the bridge collapsed, it taken her two days to die. The rescue crews never heard her cries for help and she had slowly suffocated to death.

Job security was the last thing Subaru had to worry about these days.

He stayed on his knees for a few more moments, trying to push away the memories and the nagging voice reminding him that it was his own fault that girl had died. He tried to imagine what it would be like, breathing in stale and dusty air for hour after hour, knowing no one could hear you scream. And that was while you could still scream. Eventually you wouldn't have enough oxygen to be able to do so and you would be silenced by your own physical limitations, your own body would quit on you and betray you, shutting down in an agonizingly slow fashion until the only screams left were the ones in your mind and even that eventually would get too tired to bother. Then you would become silent, and that, Subaru found he had no trouble whatsoever imagining.

At last the woman who had hired him gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Would you like to come back to the office for some tea?" she asked warmly.

Subaru knew she couldn't have seen the spirit and wondered at the sympathy in her eyes. "No, thank you, Suzume-san. I don't want to trouble you."

"It's no trouble and you look exhausted. It's the least I can do to thank you."

Subaru was sure he did look tired. He couldn't remember the last time he had gotten more than about two hours of sleep at a time. It was even harder to recall the last time he had wanted more sleep than that. He followed her back indoors, barely noticing the shift from the chill autumn air to the heated lobby.

Suzume had her own private office with comfortably plush chairs and a wide variety of verdant plants. Subaru wondered at them, surprised that they were all real and appeared to be well-taken care of. He could sense that these plants were well loved and suspected from the woman's demeanor toward them that it wasn't by a hired caretaker. While she prepared the tea, Subaru found his eyes drawn to a photograph on her desk of the woman herself sitting under tree, hugging a little boy close and laughing gaily as the wind blew her hair across her face.

"Your son?" he asked, nodding to the photograph as she handed him the tea.

"Oh my nephew, Sei-chan." She smiled fondly at the picture. "I always wanted children but could not have them. My sister died not long after he was born and so I took him in… Are you alright?" she paused, her eyebrows drawn together in concern and Subaru realized he had jerked at the name.

"Yes, sorry, you were saying?"

She studied him sadly. "Forgive me for prying but your job, it must be taking quite a toll on you."

Subaru shrugged. The disasters that had led up to the promised day in 1999 had left quite a few souls in distress as so many died before their time. Parts of Tokyo were still in shambles and who knew how many more years it would take to rebuild large sections of the city that had crumbled in a day thanks to the Dragons of Earth. Then again, the only reason any of Tokyo, and in fact the rest of the world, was still standing was thanks to Kamui and almost no one else alive knew that. The greatest burden, he reflected, was not in having to deal with the souls left behind; it was in having to carry the memories of why they were still there.

"It keeps me busy." He answered simply.

"You're the kind of person who gives too much of yourself to help others aren't you?"

He wanted to protest, to explain that there wasn't really anything left to give but instead he just shrugged again.

"It seems like those born with powers are always given an unfair burden." Subaru noticed her gaze fall on the photograph again. "My sister was able to use some magic. Not much, nothing like yours mind you." Suzume hastily added. "But I still wonder sometimes if that's why…" She trailed off, sadness clouding her eyes. "I've begun to wonder if Sei-chan has inherited it too."

"How old is he? He looks about three or so…"

"Oh this picture is a few years old. He'll be eight in January." She rummaged through her drawer top drawer. "This is a recent picture." She produced a small framed photograph of the same boy with slightly more developed features and longer limbs but what stood out most to Subaru was the boy's smile. For a moment he couldn't tear his eyes away from that cold, sarcastic smile that looked so out of place on such a young child but when he did look away it was to look at the boy's eyes. They were the same deep amber color as the woman's but where hers were warm and inviting, the boy's were cold and calculating. It was like watching a small hawk; despite his obvious youth, there was something distinctly predatory about the child.

"When you say 'Sei-chan'…" Subaru fought to keep his voice even.

"Oh it's short for Seito, sorry. My sister loved stars. I think it began with our grandmother telling us the story of Tanabata every year when we were little." She smiled, lost in fond memories.

"Why not put this picture up?" Subaru asked, mentally struggling to convince himself to return it.

She fidgeted and stared down at her tea. "I suppose I've always just felt that there was something a little… unsettling about that one."

Subaru agreed whole-heartedly but before he could say anything else, his cell phone went off. "Ah, I'm sorry, I should get going…" He reluctantly laid the photograph on the desk and stood up. "Thank you very much for the tea."

"My pleasure." She held the door for him, resting a hand on his shoulder again before he left. "You really should get some rest."

Subaru nodded and hurried away, trying to banish the thought of another cold and predatory smile as he rushed off to another job.

(weeks later)

Another killer, another victim. Subaru always found it unsettling how suicide made one person both. The owner of the apartment complex thanked him profusely but he ignored it, noticing that he had another message. Sighing, he pocketed the phone and started to make his way down the hallway, but paused when he got to the staircase, feeling the chill that usually meant someone was watching him. He turned around slowly, a spell on the tip of his tongue and was surprised to find not a malevolent spirit but a little boy in a crisp elementary school uniform watching him from the other end of the hallway.

"You banished the spirit." The boy stated bluntly.

"Yes…" Subaru wracking his memory, trying to recall where he had seen the boy before.

The boy hesitantly approached him, his footsteps felinely silent. "How did you do that?"

"I'm an onmyouji, I've been trained to deal with spirits and-" Subaru felt his breath catch when the sunlight through the window of the stairwell fell on the boy's face, lighting up a pair of brilliant amber eyes.

"Sei-chan!"

He tore his gaze away to look up the hallway and was unsurprised to see Suzume hurrying down the hallway, juggling papers and her purse and keys from hand to hand as she struggled into a coat.

"Ah! Sumeragi-san!" She flushed in embarrassment at her harried state. "I'm sorry, Sei-chan hasn't been bothering you has he?"

"Not at all." Subaru's eyes wandered back to Seito who was still studying him intently.

"How are you? You still look exhausted…"

Subaru rooted his feet to the ground, determined not to run away.

"I'm fine." He replied, hoping she would not notice how tightly gritted his teeth were.

"How come you're wearing gloves inside?" Seito suddenly asked.

Subaru looked down at his hands as if he had just noticed the black leather enveloping them. He had worn gloves for so long that removing them was like taking off his skin, deeply disturbing and uncomfortable. That, and he couldn't bear the sight of the clear, smooth skin on the back of them.

"I just like them." He replied evasively.

Seito's gaze didn't leave Subaru's face and for the first time in his life he felt he couldn't meet a child's eyes.

"We were going to go to dinner just now." Suzume approached Seito and put an arm around his thin shoulders, oblivious to the way the child's eyes suddenly frosted over with disgust. "Would you like to join us?"

He was going to make up an excuse, anything to get away as quickly as he could and find some way to avoid this whole area, never see her or the boy again. Then Seito looked him in the eye and simply said "please". It wasn't a beg. It wasn't even a request. It was a command, albeit a polite one.

Subaru wondered how the boy knew he wouldn't be able to say no.

Dinner was a quiet affair. The place Suzume had chosen was rather classy and Subaru fully expected Seito to complain about the food, accustomed to children being finicky eaters. But Seito proved to be incredibly polite as a dinner guest. The word "elegant" had never come to mind before while watching a child eat but the way Seito carefully organized his entrée and consumed it could only be described as such. Subaru tried not to let the inordinately graceful mannerisms distract him from Suzume's cordial conversation.

She really was a kind woman, Subaru thought, feeling guilty even as his eyes drifted from her back to Seito as he scanned the restaurant, intently studying the other guests. Suzume really was the first person he had met in a very long time who would speak to someone she hardly knew like this. Tokyo had never been a friendly or open city but the disasters of 1999 had rendered its inhabitants even more mistrustful and enclosed. It was rather like living in a city of mutes sometimes, where no one could speak to one another. No one could bear to look another human in the eye even, unless they already knew what they would find there. Familiarity was safety to most.

Subaru shuddered, realizing that the same could not be said for him.

"Are you alright?" Suzume asked, her eyebrows drawn together in concern as she leaned forward.

"I'm fine." Subaru insisted. "Sorry, I think there was just a chill for a moment."

He blinked in surprise as she reached forward and pressed her hand to his forehead.

"You don't seem like you have a fever but maybe you should see a doctor any-" She caught sight of the look on Subaru's face and drew back quickly, a blush rising to her cheeks. "I'm sorry! That was incredibly rude of me wasn't it!"

Subaru quickly shook his head. "No, it's fine, I was just a little startled." He noticed over Suzume's shoulder that Seito's eyes were locked on the two of them. "Maybe we should go…" he weakly suggested.

He wanted to leave them after the restaurant but he just couldn't bring himself to abandon Suzume and Seito so rather than parting ways, Subaru found himself walking down the streets of Tokyo with the aunt and nephew, learning only now that Suzume's sister and brother-in-law had died, leaving behind their only son years ago. Suzume had only been twenty at the time but took Seito in because she had always wanted children of her own. Even if it had been sooner than perhaps she was ready for, it was clear that she loved Seito dearly.

The boy walked along beside them silently, not adding any details or interpretations of his own to the story, just listening. That is until he noticed an ice cream vendor at an upcoming corner.

Seito bounded up to the vendor and flashed a warm, adorable smile. "Hi!" he chirped, hands behind his back, rocking back and forth between his toes and heels.

"Well hello there young sir." The vendor grinned back, infected by the irresistible smile Seito was still directing at him. "Would you like an ice cream cone?"

Seito hesitated and glanced back at his aunt with a wide-eyed innocently pleading look. Suzume nodded and he whipped his head back around. "Yes please!"

The vendor chuckled. "What flavor would you like?"

"Chocolate chip please! It's my favorite!" Seito positively beamed as the vendor pressed a generous scoop into a large cone and carefully handed it to him.

Suzume began rooting through her purse.

"Oh no worries ma'am, it's on the house."

"Oh!" Suzume blushed. "Are you sure?"

The vendor laughed and patted Seito on the head as he happily nibbled at the ice cream. "Sure, it's not often that I see such cute and well-mannered kids like him."

Suzume blushed more profusely and thanked the vendor repeatedly and walked back over to where Subaru stood a few feet away, Seito trailing just behind her. Subaru stared at the boy, noticing that that warm, friendly smile had vanished behind the ice cream cone and in its place was a much colder, self-satisfied smirk.

"Sorry, shall we?" Suzume asked him cheerfully.

Subaru glanced at Seito again before looking back at Suzume, suddenly wondering how many other such moments she had missed.

But you wouldn't have noticed before either, would you? A little voice whispered in his head. There were probably a lot of signs that you missed the first time around…

He quickly shoved the thought away and made a point of looking straight ahead as he walked, determined not to watch Seito's movements.

They parted ways at the front of Suzume and Seito's apartment complex, but not before she had convinced Subaru to meet her again for lunch in a few days.

Subaru watched her enter the building and tried to ignore the way Seito watched him over his shoulder until they turned a corner, disappearing from sight.

Subaru turned away and silently, deliberately walked to the subway. His face was an impeccable mask of absolute serenity as people crowded around him both boarding and debarking. He walked home alone calmly, his expression blank, his breathing normal. He nodded to his neighbor on the stairs and unlocked the door to his apartment without a sound. He stepped inside, carefully closed the door behind him and locked it again as usual.

Then he promptly slumped forward against it, collapsing into a heap on the foyer floor, his forehead against the cool metal of the door.

Seishirou…

His hand felt warm and sticky and there was blood, so much blood…

Seishirou…

Sakura petals filled the air, blinding him, suffocating him.

Seishirou…

Trembling, Subaru withdrew further into his memories, letting the tears he had told himself to stop crying long ago run in silvery rivers down his cheeks unchecked. He didn't even bother trying to catch his breath, too used to the feeling of drowning.

He remembered warm days at the park, being held while he cried, the sound of puppies at the clinic, a hand clutching at his arm for support, hours spent at the zoo, being caught before he tripped, the smell of freshly baked cookies, collapsing to his knees under the weight in his arms, cool evenings spent walking by the river, falling asleep in a sakura-scented room, a kind smile that dissolved into a cruel, mocking smirk that never faded, even as blood dyed his clothes and the concrete red.

The image of Seito's self-satisfied smirk flashed amid the other memories, overlaying the images of Seishirou's smile and Subaru could almost feel the bridge collapsing beneath his knees again.

Oh God… Subaru found himself thinking. Don't let something like that happen to him in this life.

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