Ashes And Wine

Chapter Three

Change of plans. Yesterday I wrote a poem that fits Delena and I thought I'd put it in here. But today something else came to my mind. I'm quite nervous about your reaction (explanation at the bottom), so please let me know what you think.

This is the final part of 'Ashes And Wine' and it's not quite the happily-ever-after we could all use right now but at this point a small silver lining is the only thing I can give you and that's realistic, right? Once again, it's in no way related to the title song but… I hope you'll like it anyway. Enjoy reading.

I Miss You; It's Been Far Too Long

Elena tried to tame her confused feelings when she left the bathroom. Stefan would be here soon and then they would…

She came to a stumbling halt when her eyes fell on to someone sitting on the edge of her bed. It wasn't the vampire she'd expected to see. Not now, not when her feelings were already on shaky grounds.

She didn't need to add more confusion now, did she?

What's fake and what's real?

I don't know what to feel,

All I know is that you cannot be here.

I can't let you see

This confused side of me

Cause it gives you the chance to jump in here.

"Damon," Elena sighed and irritation swung in her voice. "What are you doing here? What do you want?"

Damon didn't reply, which was strange considering he usually couldn't keep his mouth shut no matter how much Elena wanted him to. He didn't look at her either but had his eyes fixed on the stuffed bear in his hands.

Seeing that now, the disturbingly familiar picture of Damon playing with her teddy bear, brought back memories of better days, and Elena was suddenly determined to not let them surface. She marched up to Damon, determination obvious in every stride.

"Give me that!"

She pulled her teddy out of Damon's hands and secured it in the crook of her arm. Damon's gaze followed and he watched her pet and cuddle the bear as if it needed to be calmed down after the ordeal that being touched by Damon Salvatore apparently was. Elena even whispered soothing words of nonsense into one of its plush ears.

"Oh, come on, Elena! I didn't do anything to it!" Damon raised an eyebrow in offence. "I just…"

"You just what, Damon?" Elena fired back immediately. "You just came by for a cuddle session with my teddy bear? I don't think so. And I don't want you to touch him. I don't want you here at all. I can't deal with you right now. I can't… Just get out, Damon!"

Elena gave her teddy one last loving caress and then threw it onto the bed behind Damon. As much as she'd have loved to hold on to the stuffed animal for comfort, she had to appear strong now, strong and hard, or otherwise Damon would never leave.

And she needed him to leave, now.

And I'm afraid I will let you

Right back into my life

Right back to where you've been before

Cause now I am weak

And confused and I need

You my friend, you my I-don't-know-what-anymore.

Damon raised his head and looked at Elena. He took in her defensive stance, the hands on her hips, her one foot tapping impatiently on the carpet, and knew instantly that she was trying to put on a brave front while she was about to crumble.

Elena didn't meet his eyes but stared on to a spot somewhere next to him on the bed. Her irritation grew with every second that Damon didn't move, didn't answer, didn't do anything but look at her.

She felt naked, exposed, and knew she wouldn't be able to bear his scrutinizing gaze for much longer. He'd always had the power to see right through her and now was no exception.

And Elena could feel her resolve starting to crumble under the onslaught of his intense eyes.

As much as I hate to admit it,

As much as I know it is wrong

Right now I just need you committed

To me cause I miss you; it's been far too long.

"No." Damon made no move to stand. He placed his hands on the bed and slightly leaned back on them. Cocking his head to the side he eyed Elena silently for a while.

"Get. Out." Elena's voice was low.

She looked as if she was about to just grab him by the lapels of his leather jacket and manually throw him out of her window. Not that she could do that, mind you, but… Damon realized that something other than the sheer impossibility of manhandling him was stopping her from it.

I know that I've failed,

That I've let you down

Things will never be right and they'll never be fine

The hate that you feel

Oh, I wish it wasn't real

And I'd know of a way to just turn back the time

"Elena, I know that you don't want me here," he finally began in that serious gentle voice that he only ever seemed to use with her alone. "But you shouldn't be alone right now. Not after…"

'Not after the way things went between you and Stefan earlier.' Damon couldn't bring himself to say the words. He thought he'd come here tonight to cease his opportunity, to take their apparent fight as an opening for him to squeeze right back in…

But now that he was here, he couldn't do it. He could see that Elena was far too shaken to deal with his renewed advances right now. She'd just block his moves and accuse him of being an unfeeling psychopath that didn't care about her feelings because… how could he think of making a move on her when all she really needed was a friend right now?

Damon knew that's what she'd say and… she wouldn't be wrong.

She needed a friend right now, nothing else. She needed someone to take her mind off of what had happened.

If only she'd let him be that friend again.

He knew he was an idiot for wanting to be there for her when she clearly didn't want him. He knew that he shouldn't care. He should go back to being the unfeeling monster she thought he was.

But, and that was the true point here, not too long ago Elena had managed to see past that. She'd seen more in him than anybody else ever had. She'd understood him.

She'd brought out the man inside.

And no matter that all it had done had been bringing pain and heartbreak, now that Damon knew he was still capable of being more than just a monster… he couldn't go back. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn't. He didn't know how.

The monster in me,

I've let everyone see.

Only you ever managed to see past, see more.

You dig deeper, you see

The man inside of me

I don't know if to thank you or hate you therefore.

As much as I hate to admit it,

As much as I know it is wrong

Shouldn't want you to have me committed

To you but I miss you; it's been far too long.

"Damon," Elena's quiet voice suddenly pulled him out of his thoughts. "I know that you overheard Stefan and me at the Grill earlier, but…"

"He's an idiot, Elena."

"No, he's not. You don't understand…" she took two steps closer to him and Damon had to raise his head to look into her face. "It wasn't…"

"It wasn't what, Elena?" Damon stood up in one swift movement and started pacing the room. He reached her dresser and turned around, his back against the edge, arms folded across his chest. "It wasn't real? Is that what you're trying to convince yourself of here?"

Elena's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You… you know?"

"That you think the fight was faked? Yeah, I did pick up on that when you decided to have a heart-to-heart in a crowded public place and you just happened to raise your voice enough to let Caroline hear it all." Damon threw her a quick smirk. "I'm not that stupid, you know?"

Elena plopped down onto her bed. "I don't understand. If you knew we faked it, then why did you come here tonight? I thought you…"

"I didn't say I believed it, did I?"

"Huh?" Elena was totally confused now. She'd thought that Damon had come here tonight because he'd overheard them and had sensed an opportunity...

But that apparently wasn't it. She raised her head and locked her eyes with his. "Damon," she sighed. "What are you really here for?"

Damon pushed himself off the dresser and slowly made his way back to the bed. "I'm here to let you know," he stopped in front of her and sought Elena's eyes. She avoided his gaze but looked to her hands in her lap instead.

Damon crouched down in front of her. He itched to pick up her hands and squeeze them but knew he shouldn't. So he repressed the urge and lowered his face till he caught her eyes.

"I want you to know that although you hate me right now, and you have every right to, I'm still gonna be there for you should you ever need me. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't need you, Damon," Elena's voice wasn't as strong as before. She looked at her hands again.

"Maybe not now," Damon cocked his head to the side. "Maybe not for a while."

"Maybe for a damn long while," Elena's voice was soft but Damon could detect the slightest hint of a smile in it. He stood up and, his own lips twisting into a small smile as well, started walking towards the window. "But not forever."

He swung both legs over the windowsill and sent one last look back at Elena. She was still staring at her hands but then she turned her head and looked at him.

"No, not forever."

"I think I can live with that," Damon smiled. "Maybe instead of one step forward and two steps back we can try and do it the other way round, huh? Two steps forward and one step back? Because that way, we'd be…"

"We'd be moving forward eventually," Elena finished for him. "I get that."

"Can we?"

"I don't know, Damon," was all Elena was willing to give him right now. "I don't know."

It was all she could give at the moment, but… Damon suddenly felt as if the first steps had just been made.

Forward.

As much as we both can't admit yet,

As much as we both know it's wrong,

Eventually we'll be committed

To each other; let's just hope it won't take too long.

The End

So, do you like it? Like the 'song'? Think it fits? Think it sucks?

Please let me know because… it's not really a song (yet). I wrote the lyrics myself *hides face behind palms*.